


Ashes Of Forgotten Love

by Marika_Haliwell



Series: Azzura Amell's Life [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Cullen Fluff, Dragon Age Lore, Dragon Age: Inquisition Spoilers, F/M, Fluff, Morally Ambiguous Character, Post-Dragon Age: Origins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-01 04:51:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 132,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4006471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marika_Haliwell/pseuds/Marika_Haliwell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Azzura Amell lost Alistair when he became King of Ferelden but after six years she returns to her country once more. She is sent in a quest to support the Inquisition and arriving to Skyhold she finds the one she abandoned long time ago, for the greater good. Will Cullen forgive her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The end of everything

A being breathing thoughtful breath,

A traveler between life and death;

The reason firm, the temperate will,

Endurance, foresight, strength and skill;

A perfect woman, nobly planned,

To warn, to comfort, and command.

-William Wordsworth,"She was a Phantom of delight"

 

"Warden, can you settle this? Who shall be our new King?

Azzura Amell looked around the great hall where the Landsmeet was taking place. She thought for the first time about her fate and what was bestowed upon her. The great windows filtering the sun were bathing the crowd in their colors, and a warm breeze entered from the doors left open. It was difficult to understand, even now, how a mage who had just passed her Harrowing could be changed into a politician and army commander because she succeeded in forging an alliance between different nations and races.

 

She was no hero! Yet, the people started to look upon her like she was one. A silver bowl caught her reflection, showing her a face that wasn't hers. The blue eyes once so full of wonder at all the marvelous things she was learning as a mage were now veiled with uncertainty. The black hair she loved to keep combed behind her ears now flowed in a wild cascade over her shoulders. At twenty-one years old, she grew older than she could think possible. It wasn't her body getting older; it was her soul.

 

She saw so much death and massacre than most of the acolytes of her age. Azzura had to strengthen her will because she couldn't let people see her as a weak leader. Showing weakness could have condemned her to perish even before getting foot into the world.

 

And yet, Azzura thought that it was a welcoming change until today, when people were asking her to name a king for the throne! It was useless to repeat that she could not be a kingmaker and she never was in the middle of court conspiracies.

She knew that once she let fate takes its course, there was no turning back. She looked over at Alistair, hoping that he would give her the strength necessary to say those words, but the man looked sad and didn't wanted to meet her eyes.

 

It was difficult for him to understand that she wanted only what was the best for him and for the tormented nation that was now facing one of the greatest threats that had plagued the land for centuries. Not even the Tevinter Imperium inspired so much dread like the new Blight looming at their front doors ,and she would have to drop all the responsibility on his shoulders . He wanted to hate her for that but he couldn't, he never could have hated her not in this life or another...

 

"Alistair will be the new King …. And maybe I will help him rule this country," said Azzura with a joking laugh. Of course, she knew that won't be possible, but she wanted to test how much the Lords in that room could take in. After all the headaches they gave her, a little naughty revenge was a worthy compensation.

 

The words came out before he could think of what he was saying," You? They barely would accept me as their King! You aren't even a noble!"

 

A deep silence fell in the enormous hall and all eyes were on the Grey Warden who dared to think of taking the throne. Even those who knew about her relationship with Alistair Theirin, being something more than a deep friendship, looked appalled at what they had just witnessed. They knew how much Azzura loved him and they still couldn't believe their ears, hearing him say that she wasn't fit to rule.

 

Azzura felt a deep void opening in her heart, and she tried to cover the deep, red flushing of her cheeks with a light speech empty of any emotion." Of course not. I was just joking. You'll be a good king on your own. And you have Arl Eamon to help you."

 

Saying that she nodded to Leliana and Morrigan to follow her and left without looking back. There was nothing left for her to do. Alistair - or the new King as he was now – gave her the command of his army and she had to set things in order before the march to Redcliffe.

 

She wanted to cry but everyone be damned if she broke down in front of them. She already could imagine the whispers between the nobles at her insolence.

 

" I will beat…" Morrigan clasped Leliana's hand, stopping the burst of voiced anger from the young girl's lips.

 

"'Tis is not the time. Let's keep her calm. You can do that later "

 

Leliana, the faithful bard with red hair and fierce eyes, didn't attempt resisting Morrigan's advice. The Witch of the Wilds with her dark hair and cold eyes, which she had met in Lothering, had changed over her time spent with them. Leliana was once a spy and she could tell that she could not trust Morrigan at all, but now? Something must have happened between her and Azzura for the witch to protect her leader like she was doing now.

 

Alistair wanted to scream and destroy everything he could find in his way. What in the Maker's name just happened to him? Why he had to say those words? She would never forgive him and he knew that he didn't deserve it.

 

Yes, she was a Grey Warden and an important one, but she also was a woman, the woman who loved him. She was the one who supported him since Ostagar. She was the one who leaned over him in the middle of the night, soothing his nightmares and giving him hope in the future. She was the one who shared with him his first night of love. And what he did to her? He just shamed her in everybody's eyes, stating that she was less than him because of the bloodline .

 

He wanted only a dark corner where he could hide, think and cry.

 

Trying to make himself unseen to the gathering of nobles, Alistair walked through the deserted halls and finding a small door he opened it and climbed the stairs slowly one by one. The air was cool coming from above, which meant it was the exit on the rooftop.

 

Taking a deep breath, he let the tears flow. The wind dried them but more will come. Leaning over the balcony, he watched the town's roofs. A breeze brought a scent of perfume and he turned to look in that direction. He heard footsteps and he saw a shadow obscuring the little door's entrance. The shadow moved closer and he could see that it was the last person he wanted to have in front of him in that moment.

 

" I thought I gave the orders to put you in the tower, didn't I?" He said dryly, his humor was failing him due to his sullen mood.

 

" Given the case, this is the tower where they took me." Anora replied with a small smile.

 

She was trying to look friendly but her cold glaze and the twist of her lips gave away the real feelings.

" I should go back to the hall " Alistair said, retreating by the door to continue. " And then maybe go and ask for forgiveness if I deserve it." The last words were said almost in a whisper .

 

" Oh, she would forgive you, don't doubt that. But… do you think she will be your queen? That she will fit the rank? "

 

He covered the two steps to reach her, grabbing Anora's hand in a hold of steel. "What do you know about her? She is better than you a thousand times! She doesn't have your wickedness and hunger for power. She is better than you!" He growled out, anger coursing through his veins.

 

Anora raised an eyebrow smiling again.

"Really? It seems that even you had your doubts in the Landsmeet. Being put in your place by the man you love, that's something she didn't expect , am I mistaken ? And what about you? You will need an heir to the throne and you are both Grey Wardens. Could she give you a child? You might want to do how you like it but now you have a duty to your country also. You were made king with her approval. Now, it's time for you to grow up and do your duty as a King."

 

Alistair let go of Anora's hand, pushing her into the wall.

 

"The truth hurts doesn't it? And you owe that to her. Remember, you are not free anymore. You will have to listen to your Lords and they know how to make you listen. Trust me." She answered with a smirk.

 

The king ran down the stairs trying to think of nothing. Anora's words were like fire shards in his mind.

Looking after the defeated man, Anora let her breath steady itself." I will make you suffer, Warden, like you did with me and my father. Maker, help me to do so . The revenge won't come from my hand but you will see how it feel to have all your hopes crumbling to your feet in a second."

 

The night was warm but he couldn't stop shivering and the tears wouldn't let him see the way he was going. Anora with her lousy conversation made him sick. But she was right when she said those words. He was a king and he had to act like one if he wanted his men's respect. The future was uncertain and even if they survived the Blight and the fight with the Archdemon, he wasn't sure how he will keep his love from slipping away.

 

The chasm that opened between them was too large and it will haunt them forever. The decision he had to make was painful ;it was horrible and if he could cut his heart and give it away just to spare her the next offense, he would do that in a heart beat. He will have to say it and run away because he couldn't endure the strain of looking in her blue eyes without losing his mind. She would crush any resistance he could oppose and then he would be lost.

The barrack's door opened suddenly and Azzura knew it was him even before she could see the man standing in the opening.

"We need to talk."

" Sure. Let us find a place alone then." She said without any emotion in her voice.

 

Only now he realized that all the party was there, throwing icy glares towards him. Amell looked pale but something was different. He looked for the blue aura that surrounded her. She often joked that it was a perk of being mage, but it was gone. He once could tell her mood by the aura's glowing intensity, and he always knew if something was wrong just by looking at the little changes in that blue mist surrounding her. Now it was gone, like every hope she had. He was the cause of it and knowing that drove him crazy.

 

"No need. What I have to say won't take long. I am sorry for all the pain I have inflicted upon you and for what I will have to say. You knew that I never wanted to be a king..."

 

"I know that, Alistair! But you always cared for those next to you. You always thought about other people's sufferings. You are a brave man, a man that can do even more from the position you have now. You can change the world if you want."

 

Alistair lowered his eyes. He was the one to hurt her, yet she still supported him and talked about his qualities. She should, no she could be a queen. There was no doubt of that. But the country was on the brink of a civil war and Loghain still had many followers between the nobles. He needed unity in front of the Blight not fighting the last vestiges of Loghain's crazy campaign against Orlesians.

 

"I will have to accept it, don't I ? But this will tear us apart. I am a King now and as the new king I will need heirs. It will be my duty towards Ferelden. That's if I survive the war, of course."

 

Azzura braced herself for what was about to happen. The sacrifices she had made before now were nothing compared with the one she was about to make.

 

"Say it Alistair. I am prepared."

"I loved you since the day we have met. I thought that we will grow old together and that we will love each other until we will die. But everything is changed now. My life doesn't belong to me anymore. I represent a country that it will require everything I can give. I will need to find a queen, a woman able to give me the heir I need, that Ferelden needs and to do that, we will have to stop here."

Zevran grabbed a dagger ready to jump at the King's throat. The blond elf was easy to pick up fights and he never backed up from them. The time spent under Azzura's command was not what he expected. He always thought that once he would be released of his promise of loyalty, he had two choices: return to the Crows or offer his services to Isabella. Yet here he stood with his newfound leader, and he cared for her like a sister he never had. It pained him to see her suffer from the hand of the man she loved. It pained him even more to see that the man he learned how to respect and admire was doing this to his beloved.

 

Wynne placed a calming hand on his. It was not his fight, he had to stay away. The wise older woman was the one who always tried to find a compromise between them, calming the spirits when heated up, joking with them and making them feel like a large family. Zevran loved the old crone. So he stood there watching, unable to do anything else.

Alistair noted the stir going between the two of them and got out from the room.

Looking to Azzura he said,"You should rest. Tomorrow, we have to go to Redcliffe"

 

"If that's what you want then so be it. Good bye, Your Majesty."

The coldness in her voice made him die inside. He doomed himself to a life without her and he knew that everything was over. A friendship was not possible between them . He won't ask that from her .

 

Redcliffe

" Alistair,Azzura! Before retreating for the night, we have Warden business to talk. " Riordan was always blunt, but something in his voice made them believe that what he had to say was important.  
The Archdemon dies at the hand of a Grey Warden and the warden will follow it in the process . Azzura smiled at the thought. That was a release if she could be that Warden. Saving the world and saving herself from a miserable life was the best solution she could think of .

 

" I will take the final blow." The resolve in her voice was obvious to Riordan and he understood why she said that.

" I am the senior here and I might not have that much time to live. It's up to me to be the one to kill the Archdemon. We will see what tomorrow will bring us."

 

Careful not to touch Alistair in going out the door, Azzura headed to her room but she knew that the sleep won't come.

"Wait! Please don't go!" His touch always made her feel unable to control her powers and the fire surge building in her hands was menacing. He always had that effect on her.

 

"What do you want, Alistair? I very much wish to be alone right now. We don't have anything to say to each other, not anymore." She stated while tiredly rubbing her eyes.

 

" I won't let you sacrifice yourself! I am the King and I should be the one. I warn you that I will stop you." He warned, looking at her with a fierce gaze.

 

" Who said that I want you with me? You have to stay and lead your army. I have my duty. Now, if you excuse me I wish you a good night." She dismissed him and started to walk away.

 

His cold voice melted into a low whisper. "Please, don't do that. I can't live without you."

 

The rage she felt in that moment made her tremble and she slapped him with all the force she could master.

" Liar!" she yelled, then ran away sobbing and leaving behind a trail of icy steps; because she started to lose control of her powers again.

She almost ran in the bedroom and stumbled into Morrigan in process.

"Ah! Morrigan, what are you doing here? Don't you have a room of your own?" She held a hand on her chest to try and quell her rapidly beating heartbeat.

 

Her friend was looking at the fire with a sad look.

"So, you decided to kill yourself. And don't tell me because it's for the good of all!"

Azzura tried to not confirm her friend's supposition, but Morrigan was shouting now.

'Yes! I know what killing an Archdemon implies! My Mother told me. You are a fool. He never deserved you !"

 

Azzura felt the guilt washing over her. She still had friends who cared for her, even the slippery Morrigan was different now.

The woman took her hand and sat down on a stool by the fire.

 

"I know a way out. So you don't have to die."

All her blood went cold at Morrigan's proposal.

" Alistair won't ever agree to that. Not now. She looked down at her clenched hands on her lap as she whispered. "I can't ask him nothing now. "

 

"But you still love him and Gods! How much I wish to let him perish but I can't do that. Please, convince him, it's the only way. If we have the baby you will be safe, and he will have the blasted throne and all Ferelden!"

 

With heavy steps Azzura went back to Alistair's room and knocked on the door. She was aware that if she wanted to stand a chance in the incoming battle, she had to regain control over her powers and mind. Easy to say than doing it. She took a deep breath and went to face him once again.

 

He was surprised to see her and his eyes lightened up only just for a moment.

 

She told him about Morrigan's plan, talking fast and not giving him a way to reply. Alistair was horrified but she could see that he started to understand why she would ask that of him.

"Are you sure that it's what you want? We don't even know if it will work."

" Well, if it doesn't work, you will live anyway . Be a good king to your people and in time you may find the peace."

"You… you don't have to…" closing in the distance between them, Alistair touched her face, losing himself in those blue eyes one more time. Tears flowed down on her cheeks and she retreated from his touch.

 

"I forgive you. Andraste may give you the tranquility you need." And she was gone.

 

Later in Morrigan's room

Alistair was dressing up quietly and keeping his eyes away from Morrigan. The beautiful woman rose from the bed, and her whisper in his ear made his skin get goosebumps and not in the good way.

 

" If I didn't killed you, it was because she loves you more than her own life and let's say …I need you to do this. Now go away and never follow me because I swear that if we meet again, I will kill you slowly and painful. "

 

What thought, the field be lost?

All is not lost; th'unconquerable will

And study of revenge, immortal hate,

And courage never submit or yield.

-John Milton,"Paradise Lost"

 

Denerim

They marched for two days towards the capital, praying to find something to defend. The landscape showed the marred forests and scarred hills, signs of the Horde's passing. The singing birds were replaced with crows feeding from the corpses on the ground. Wild wolves were feasting upon endless remains of dead livestock. Desolation and despair were sneaking their unseen fingers in people's hearts.

 

Everywhere they could look, the death was reigning unleashed .In distance, the towers of Denerim's Royal Castle were covered with clouds of heavy smoke and the wind kept bringing the cries of despair from the people trapped inside.

 

Azzura had to admit that Alistair's speech infused their army with new courage and even she was moved by it. A sweet, sad thought to King Cailan's beautiful face and his innocent enthusiasm at the idea of beating the darkspawn at Ostagar brought tears in her eyes.

"I will avenge you, Cailan. I promise."

 

The battle was brutal. Hundreds upon hundreds of darkspawn minions were pouring from the city, and she had to take care of people being ready. It was hard to keep everything under control and she left her officers to take on the job. The most important task was to keep apart the Templars from the Mages. Even if not in direct combat with each other, the Templars still could influence the mages' powers unintentionally.

The valiant mabari was fighting with claws and teeth beside Zevran and Wynne. Leliana was alternating daggers and her shortbow in combat and she really was fighting like it was the end of the world. Morrigan in that moment seemed like a rage demon from the Fade bringing the fire upon the heavy armored ogre who was in close combat with Sten.

"Alistair!" Where was he? She couldn't see him anywhere nor Riordan for that matter. Then she saw him. He was surrounded by three ogres and he had difficulty to parry their blows. One of the tall horned beasts drew back his head and opened its mouth beating its chest with fists big like a mill's stone. Letting out a loud roar it charged towards Alistair. Azzura knew what was coming. If the beast got its hands on the King, he will be crush like an eggshell.

 

"No!" She dropped onto her knees and pressed her hands together, splitting the air in a desperate cry as she released a wave of cold ice in the attacker's direction.

 

"Alistair, move left!" As in a dream she saw him bash the ogre on his left side with his shield, moving away in time for the freezing wave to reach the other growling abomination.

 

"Need help, my friend?" Morrigan was at her side in seconds , looking worried ahead.

"The ogre on his left. Trap it! He can't take all three at once!"

Morrigan raised her hands and dropped a curse on the ogre, trapping it in a purple glowing field.

"Crushing prison first? That's new to me." Azzura said with a light smile.

 

" I still have some curses for the dumb man fighting them, too."

Alistair finished the first ogre and several minutes later all three of them were dead. For a moment he thought that his death was close. He couldn't see the last one because of a wall blocking his way.

" Thank you! That was close. Maker, what are they eating anyway?"

Azzura smiled again . It was like in old times, but everything was changed now.

Wynne let out a cry and pointed to the sky. The Archdemon was flying, spitting hot flames of magic on the ground . It was an impressive and terrifying view. It was huge with a long neck and tail and its wings were cutting the air like fans made of skin and flesh. Its enormous mouth could swallow several people at the same time. The blue fireballs it was spitting were scarring the walls and killing the soldiers found in their way. Everyone ran for the best cover they could find.

 

"Maker 's Breath! He won't make it!" Alistair became pale as he saw something attached on the dragon's wing.

"Riordan" Wynne whispered.

 

The older Warden sliced his sword into the flying dragon, cutting into a wing. He tried to hold still but he lost his grip and fell .

 

Alistair looked to his lost love and said, "Now it's up to us ."

 

"No, It's up to me, you will defend the gates. The army needs its king. I didn't make you king and lose you, only to let the Archdemon kill you. This is the best choice we can have."

 

And she was gone. Morrigan , Wynne ,and Sten ran after her .

 

Fort Drakon's Rooftop

The Archdemon was wounded from Riordan's attacks but still it was an impressive sight.

 

"Archers, get behind the catapults !" Azzura –shouted at the dalish elves.

 

Sten assaulted the beast with a Qunari war cry. The former Chantry prisoner had redeemed himself hundreds of times since he joined her by taking up fights that a normal person could just hold only for minutes. His Qunari strength was worth any prize in gold.

 

"Wynne, keep an eye on him, please. Morrigan and I can take care of each other. "

 

Sten was keeping the dragon focused on himself but Azzura told him to retreat.

"Why? There's no honor retreating in front of danger." Then he understood and bowed his head.

 

She closed her eyes and raised her hands to the sky with the staff glowing in her right hand.

Focusing all her feelings and senses, she called upon the lightning, ice and fire all at once. With all her strength, she kept her thoughts on the elements and on what was at stake . Morrigan held up her staff and joined her friend in that destruction. She was glad that Azzura taught her how to call that immense power from the skies. If Azzura could do that when she was focusing her sadness , Morrigan let her rage towards Alistair engulf her .

 

At the bottom of the Fort, the courtyard was slowly paving with dead darkspawn bodies. The soldiers fought with every bit of their will, and the more they seen their King cutting into the fray, the more they gave to protect him and make a clear path to the Fort's entrance.

 

Then they saw the sky tearing apart like the storm of all storms was going down upon them.

Bann Teagan's jaw dropped open and he lost his focus just for a second. The sound of wet slashing came from behind him and he saw Alistair putting down an abomination .

"Andraste's blood! Are you all right?" Alistair felt a sick horror at the idea of witnessing Teagan's possible end.

"Uhm, yes I am. Thank you, Alistair! What is going on? They killed the Archdemon already?"

 

Smiling, Alistair let out a heavy sigh. "Not yet. But I wouldn't be near those two women right now . That is their doing. And believe me, it is scary to see them when they are doing that."

The Archdemon was slowly succumbing under the fire of his enemies . The Dalish elves were brave and it seemed that their arrows were endless . The dwarves were keeping at bay the groups of minions trying to reach their master and protecting the healing mages from being overrun by the creatures.

"Be ready, my sister! We are almost done! "

Encouraged by her friend's words, Azzura found the last vestiges of her powers and channeled it through her fingers releasing a chain of powerful lightning. The Beast felt to the ground howling in pain.

 

Without thinking twice, she grabbed a sword she found on the ground and she rushed towards it.

"If Morrigan's idea doesn't work , then I will be released . In peace vigilance, in war victory, in death sacrifice! Cailan, Duncan, this is for you both."

 

With this thought she impaled the dragon's throat. The remaining death magic was flowing wave after wave from it, hitting Azzura with the force of a deadly blizzard. She steadied herself on her feet and let the striking force wash over her. When she almost believed that she lost the battle, the air ripped apart with the noise of a gigantic explosion.

 

Azzura was thrown back and lost her consciousness . Like as an invisible hand caressing her, her black hair became snowy white. In matter of seconds, her raven dark curls disappeared.

.

The soldiers looked up and froze all at once , their gaze stuck on the spectacle above.

Alistair felt a crushing weight in his chest and the fear grabbing his heart in a fiery grip. He started to run towards the fort without looking around him. He ran like he never did before with gasping breath, and the more he ran, the more he felt like he would never reach the top of the tower.

 

Finally, he could see people moving around the great battlements, and he could also see her body on the ground.

 

Moving! He let out a sigh of relief as he watched Wynne helping Amell rise to her feet.

 

He closed the distance between them and embraced her without knowing nothing else .

 

"You are alive! Thank the Maker! You are alive!" he tried to kiss her but she shrank in his arms and with a veil of sorrow she let him go .

"No, Alistair. Let's not make it even more difficult. It's over."

Lowering his head, he nodded and then departed. The victory cries were heard all over the hills and in the city but he didn't acknowledged them. His life, the way he knew it, was over in the Hall. He was the King of Ferelden now.

 

"Are you coming ? " Wynne rested a warm hand on Azzura's shoulder. "Poor girl, look at your hair!"

Azzura noticed for the first time the silver curls.

"Andraste's Sword! Don't you know something to bring the color back?"

" If I knew, I would have done that long time ago with my hair, my dear." Wynne answered, lips upturned with an amused smile

 

" I would like to remain here for a bit, Wynne .Go ahead, without me. "

The older woman decided that it was time to help Azzura come to an agreement with her destiny. And she owed her an apology too.

" I'm sorry. For everything I have said before about you and Alistair. I warned you about this and I never wanted to see you suffering, or him. You both took a path that separated you. I am very sorry. I was afraid that one of you would die and that will destroy the other one, but you survived somehow and now he is the King. I know it's hard to believe it, but the day will come when you both will look behind you and remember what you had . You will remember not with sorrow or sadness but with warmth and content that you lived together for a while and it was beautiful . "

 

Wynne left and Azzura finally could let out all her despair and cried endlessly, without no one to embrace her, to care for her.

 

The festivities were going on all over Ferelden, because the Blight was stopped. Everyone wanted to see the Hero who slain the Archdemon and praise her . She had to endure all the attention they gave to her and nod, talk, and try to laugh and look strong.

 

The king asked her what she wanted. She told the King that she wanted to be free for a while and if it was possible, the Circle of Magi to be given independence.

 

Lately, she was finding the battlements' quietness calming and welcoming. And she could avoid him too because she could hide, but not today it seemed.

 

" Azzura? Please, don't go! "

She looked at him. How many times did he say "don't go" these days? And how many times did she had to steel herself to refuse him?

 

"I have hurt you badly. I am sorry! "

 

Alistair fell on his knees holding her hands, hiding his face in her robes . She touched his hair gently and let her fingers drown into it. The tears in their eyes were glistening like wet diamonds. She wanted to beg him to let her stay with him , even as his mistress. She could accept in time the presence of another woman, but she knew that he had to begin his rule as a honest king, not one who would walk two paths at the same time.

 

And she told him that.

"It's time for me to go. We'll never meet again, Alistair . Good bye, my love."

 

He was stunned for a moment before he ran after her, but she disappeared like she never was there. And for months, no one knew where the Hero of Ferelden was hiding. No one had news about her or had seen her .

Alistair buried his head into studying and learning how to guide the nation that took from him the woman he loved.

 

Only at night, he would pace around his room never being able to sleep more than a few hours. He would learn to live without her one day, but for now, her leaving was still an open wound that wouldn't heal anytime soon.

 

TEN YEARS LATER

The world shook once again under a deadly threat. In the past years, different events challenged anew the little respite the South of Thedas had. After the Blight and the news that the darkspawn didn't retreat back underground, the unavoidable war between mages and Templars, and the unsettling unrests in Kirkwall, the world, as they knew it, was shattered. The worst fears came to rise again when the mages revolted and asked for their freedom and the sky ripped apart, letting the unseen world known as the Fade to break into the mortal realm.

 

New heroes were raised and old friends followed their own path. And then, there were those who wanted to find peace and be forgotten, but no one ever forgot entirely and sometimes, the shadows of the past came back to haunt them or find completion. Old debts must be paid and deep scars needed to be closed.

 

The sunset threw its last remnants of light, making the shadows grow deeper and the sound of daylight birds grew quiet. The road between the green fields was flanked by bushes of elfroot and wild berries, each one of them trying to compete in spreading their perfume. Lone trees dotted the landscape ,inviting the travelers to stop and rest under their branches.

 

The raider with his horse crossing the fields had no intention to stop unfortunately. Getting a closer look, one could see that it wasn't a man but a woman silhouette with long dark robes and a hood covering most of her hair and face. The lady also wasn't in a pleasure ride, but she was forcing her horse to give every last bit of his stamina in a desperate run. Behind the struggling couple, an observer could also see three other men on horses intensively giving chase.

 

Ahead of the unlucky prey, a dark shape rose from the ground and threw a cloud of dark energy towards them as they approached. The hooded lady fell from her horse and stood dazzled on the ground. The three men were suddenly on top of her. The dark shape became a human form and advanced.

 

"End of the road, Grey Warden! Submit or my companions will help to see that accomplished."

The woman spoke, but her voice never betrayed fear or faltered." I don't want to fight my brothers." Then turning towards the men keeping her in place, she asked," You are Grey Wardens, why you are doing this? Allying with a blood mage to chase one of your sisters?"

 

"We know who you are Warden –Commander or former Arlessa of Amaranthine? "

 

" I don't know what are you talking about! I am a woman travelling to the nearest town for the night." Bluffing away, why not?

 

The mage pushed down the hood and white hair flowed from under it.

"You look too young to have grey hair. The only woman we know of is the Hero of Ferelden. And we are searching for her. I don't have time to lose. We lost so much time, years trying to find you. It's not important where you have been, but it's important to know that we want information from you. We found you by pure luck and now that we have you, we will have those answers willingly or not. Depends on you how we will take them out.

 

Azzura Amell, because indeed it was her, felt a heavy hand dragging her by the hair and dropping her at the blood mage's feet. Her eyes started to feel heavy and she couldn't fight the need for sleep. Every bone hurt, and the more she fought to stay awake, more she felt the searing pain crushing her down.

 

"I don't know what is happening, please let me go. I just got here several days ago."

"We want to know how you survived the Archdemon killing. That's easy."

Horror spread on Azzura's face. That can't be possible, only the master Grey Wardens knew what it took to kill a blighted dragon. Maker help her, but she had to fight. She couldn't let them know the truth. She was powerless, she was helpless, and she was all alone in this world. Why did she come back? She was safe there, she wanted to forget everything, to be away from everyone.

 

Wary, she asked the closest Grey warden looking at her , "How do you know that? This is a secret, preserved only for the older Grey Wardens in the council! You betray everything the Wardens stand for!"

The blood mage warden replied laughing, "You really were out of this world, weren't you? Things have changed since you disappeared. Don't tell me you don't hear the Calling either!"

 

Azzura's jaw dropped open.

"The Calling? Are you insane? I don't hear anything! And I also don't know why I survived the Blight! I am not Andraste or the Maker."

" Our master is calling us to end the Blights once and for all. You must have dreams about it."

She was so stunned by the revelation that she started to laugh.

" You mean nightmares with big flying dragons and such? Oh Maker! Those dreams would be far less frightening than the dreams I had in the past years."

The blood mage was uncertain. Something was wrong. Why didn't the Hero fight back? They knew that she was one of the most powerful mages around and still she seemed like she really couldn't. Or this girl wasn't the real Hero, or something else was going on.

 

Slicing his palm, the mage pressed his hand on Azzura's forehead and cast a spell.

 

_The green mist surrounding her bore no mistake. She was dragged in the Fade against her will. With blood magic. She knew that almost for sure. This time, she won't be able to get out. Not when she was what she was these days. Fear started to climb in her thoughts._

_It wasn't a good idea to stay in the same place; she had to find a way to wake up, to get out, and to find help, something._

_She never was afraid of entering the Fade, but this time it was different. So much time has passed since she was here, to save her companions, her Alistair._

_"Don't think! Thinking only attracts demons!" She could hear First enchanter Irving telling her always the same thing about the fade, many times before her Harrowing._

_Snapping in a full awareness before some demon could read her emotions … it was too late._

_"Hello, Hero! You came back to me after all this time. Maybe now you would be willing to listen to me?"_

_The hypnotizing voice, the slender body, and the purple aura surrounding it was well known to those who fought them, a desire demon, one of the most dangerous ones too._

_"Don't sing victory yet, demon. I will get out of here soon."_

_"How? You are alone; you have no friends left and... " Azzura knew what was coming, a chill embraced her "… Oh, you know, right? Alistair. It's still an open wound, isn't it? "_

_The scenery changed into her old camp, at night and… A memory. She and Alistair making love near the camp fire. His strong body covering hers, his hands moving slowly on her legs, his lips placing kisses made of fire on her neck. She could see herself playing with his hair and gasping for air when he was loving her._

_Azzura froze in place. She tried to bury deep all those memories, seeing them in front of her, assisting to them, made her sick. She never forgot, she never could. For years she had nightmares about it, for years she had to repel the need to go to Denerim and see him, only if from hiding._

_The demon spoke again, soft in her ear._

_"You remember that? Remember how he promised you to be yours forever? '_

_Now Azzura sat in the Landsmeeting room, once again. The election scene played vividly. And then came the worst part of it. Azzura felt tears filling again her eyes. It was like she had to live it all over again._

_" See? Promises that he made, now are broken. How sad, isn't it? But also it's your own fault, you put him on that throne, remember?"_

_The scene changed once again, this time showed a sleep chamber adorned with expensive furniture and tapestries. A huge bed was filling the center of the room and on it…._

_"No! Please don't do this to me! I don't want to see it!" Azzura was losing the last strands of her self-control. She was about to give in, she knew it._

_"Why shouldn't I? You don't want to see the truth? Look at them. They seem happy. The man you loved is bedding your worst enemy. But why do you care? You never reclaimed him for you."_

_Azzura closed her eyes to not see the image of Alistair and Anora in the same bed- laughing and making love- was stuck in her mind._

_"You could be her. I can help you to have him back. If that's what you want."_

_A new demon rose from the ground walking towards Azzura._

_"Why would she need him? I can help you to take revenge on him. I can help you to make him suffer like he did to you. Your anger can be repaid"_

_Azzura started to scream:_

_"No! I won't ever hurt him! We had to do the right thing, for both of us!"_

_She thought; it was so easy to accept their offers, so easy to have what she wanted, to let everything she knew fade away and embrace them. It was easy to lose herself, to not feel the pain she felt all these years, to be loved again…_

_The desire and rage demons were cuddling her in their fake embraces and she had no power left to fight them back._

_And then, a blue sphere of light hurled the demons away and the bedroom dissolved, leaving only the green mist. More lightning balls repelled the demons hugging her and an invisible shield took their place._

_She felt dizzy and she still could hear a voice calling for her, then she felt a warm hand shooting away all the pain._

_"You will be all right, Hero. I am here. You are not alone, and you never were."_

_Opening her eyes, Azzura saw the face of a man, an elf smiling. For some reason, she knew that he was to be trusted. No one with those eyes could not be trusted. She felt safe in his arms._

_"Who are you?"_

_"You can call me, Solas. Come find me at Skyhold. We can help you, Lethalan. You have to be strong. Now wake up, they are here."_

 

Her senses were coming back one by one. First the smell of blood filled her nostrils, then she could hear voices and she could feel hands checking her, touching her.

She opened her eyes slowly and another man's face came into view. A face that she recognized and yet she knew it wasn't exactly the same.

Mumbling she succeeded to say," Howe. I thought I killed you. Stop haunting me." Then she lost her consciousness.

The woman accompanying the man gave him a strange look and asked:

"Do you know her? "

"Yes, but she thinks that I am someone else. We need to hurry, she doesn't look that good. Go to the village and bring a patrol. We need to take her back to the castle".


	2. Finding an old friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to cut the Cousland parents lol . If i don't want my head to fall off because of canon breaks. Thank you Loverofallfiction for pointing out!

_“My sweetheart, you came to me when I thought that my time was already to its end. You made me young again, even if my body didn't showed it. Your love gave me something to hope in my last hours."_  
_" Is it really you? Why can I hear you? You are dead! They took you from me, why? You gave me strength and a new beginning only to be swept away. I loved you and I will remember you, always. Our time together was little but you gave me so much."_  
_" Don't despair my beloved. You still have plenty to hope for: you still can help others like you always did.”_  
_"Why I should help others when every time I help I have my loved ones taken from me? I am tired of sacrifices. I am tired of crying over lost ones. Why should I go on without them…without you?"_

_"Be brave, my little star. You will find your happiness. Don't ever doubt it. Did I ever lie to you? Just promise me that you won't give up again. That isn’t the woman I fell in love with. Open your eyes to the world and let them see the person you were -the one who stood before them in all her power and love. Wake up to a new dawn, my darling. I will always watch over you, no matter what life throws in your path. I will be here for you." He whispered, leaving a tender kiss on her brow._

_Like you always were_. She closed her eyes, allowing the words to replay in her mind.

The man stood next to her bed, keeping one hand in his own and brushing the tears flowing on her cheeks. It was a long time since he saw her. She was changed. She had more scars on her body. The hair was longer than she used to have, and he could see the blue veins under her skin, like she barely saw the sun. She stood unconscious for the past three days. The Alienage Keeper told him that if she doesn't wake up in the following day, he would be forced to do a ritual to go after her in the realm of dreams.

"Where have you been? What is going on with you? Please, wake up! I am here."  
A woman approached silently and put a hand on his shoulder, watching the unmoving body.  
"How is she? Any sign?" She asked, looking at the unconscious woman with a frown.  
"No, not yet. I feel powerless to see her like this." The man answered, hands clenched at his sides in frustration.  
"Don't worry. From what you told me, she is strong. She will overcome the illness." She offered him a small smile of reassurance.  
He shook his head at her words. "It's not the illness keeping her on the other side. I'm afraid there is something more. I wish I could do something but I don't know what to do."  
The man pressed his lips on the small fingers and the woman moved her hand from his shoulders to touch his long dark hair.  
" My brother and the Guerrins are soon to be back and then we can have more ideas about what to do. Don't give up."  
Her body hurt and she could feel something warm and soft under her. Trying to open her eyes, she realized that it was too painful. There was too much light coming from around her. When she finally had the strength to open them, the first thing she saw were two blue eyes looking at her. Inclining her head a little more, she also could see herself almost staring into same shade of blue eyes akin to her own. A hoarse sound escaped from her mouth, and both herself and the blue eyes staring at her became startled, paying her attention.

" She is back, you see? I told you! How do you feel?" The man quickly approached the side of her bed.  
Trying to clear her throat, Azzura whispered," I think I am somewhere in the Fade? I just happen to see ghosts?"  
The man with blue eyes let a laugh escape from his lips.  
"You haven't lost your sense of dark humor, I see. Come on, lazy! You dwell too much in that bed."  
With a weary look on her face, Azzura squinted a bit more and finally she could put more than two thoughts together.  
"N-Nathaniel? "  
" Good, I see you recognize the man who you left with all the work to be done."  
Wide awake now, she looked from Nathaniel to her other self.  
" My eyes, something is going on with my eyes!"  
"Eh? I think you see just fine. You didn't exchange me with my departed father for the second time, at least." He joked.  
"No, no! But why am I standing next to you?"

Perplexed, Nathaniel looked at the woman standing right to him who also bore a confused look, watching Azzura with her mouth wide open.

"What you are talking about? This Lady here is my so called wife, Sarina Cousland."  
The so-called wife gave him a small tap on the head twisting her lips,  
"Really? So called beloved husband, remember we both agreed to marry, just in case you suddenly forgot."  
The headache made Azzura close her eyes again. This was a strange day, but what day?  
"How long I have been gone?"  
"Three days now. We feared for the worse. Now you need just to rest, we can talk later. I need to go to take care of some paperwork. You can stay with Sarina for now."  
Nathaniel exited from the room, leaving his place on the chair for Sarina who accepted it and quickly turned her gaze to her guest.  
Nathaniel went to the castle's rooftop where his ravens nested. He always had one ready to depart.  
Smiling, he reread the note he wrote shortly before coming for the raven.

" You won't believe it but I found a rare elfroot plant wandering around Highever. We were afraid for losing her but she is all right. I will send news once we can have a proper talk.  
N.”

He attached the note on the raven's claw then set him free.  
Sarina took the glass of water and helped Azzura drink some of it.  
" Don't worry, you are safe here. You are at the Highever Castle. Let me tell you that I never imagined that I will see the Hero of Ferelden walking to my door."  
"Not walking, being carried most likely." Azzura said, smiling uncomfortably at her other self.

"Oh! You know how to make fun of a bad happening. I like you already!" She stated in excitement.

" How did I get here anyway? I remember being surrounded by some nasty people or were they Grey wardens? I could sense them…could I not? How did you find me?"  
"Um, lots of questions. Me and my so-called husband will answer them soon, when you will feel better."  
"Nathaniel married? Why didn't I get an invite?"  
"Because by some chance, my Warden Commander decided that I need to work alone to rebuild the Keep and left me in Amaranthine to carry all the weight. Then she disappeared from the face of Thedas. Sorry, that I couldn't send you the invite, that wasn't polite I suppose." Nathaniel said, walking in the room with a tray full of good smelling food.

"Eat. When you have finished, I can give you a good scold. You deserve it."

Azzura gave him a fond look , she always was fond of him and he knew it.  
"Nathaniel, you are a good friend, like a brother to me. I am sorry for putting you in this situation."  
"Bah! Being my sister would make you my father's daughter. Are you sure you want that?"  
"I'm sorry Nate, I am sorry for what I have done ten years ago."  
" You always asked for forgiveness, Commander, I always told you that it wasn't the case. I understood very well why you did it. I couldn't kill you that night. That says something doesn't it? You know of my dream to bring back the name Howe to its former glory, without my father's sins. You saved me from myself that night."

Sarina watched their conversation in silence. She knew everything about her husband and his former Commander.

The more she looked at ,Azzura, the more she felt confused. It was like something stirring in her, dragging her to the mage.

"Nate, how did you find me?"

Sarina interrupted her suddenly, "Azzura, can I call you like that? Why do you have white hair? You were born with it?"  
The Hero took a strand of hair from the pillow and watched it thoughtfully.  
"No, this is a gift from the Archdemon, I think. He decided that I needed a change of color."

Nathaniel put a hand over his eyes, sighing, "What is wrong with you women? First you want a serious conversation and a second later you start talking about hair colors and clothes?"  
Azzura and Sarina busted out laughing, then Azzura told her other self, "Go to the mirror, please." When Sarina looked puzzled to her, she insisted.

"Go to the mirror." She watched as Sarina approached the object and stopped. "Now, look there and tell me what do you see?"

"Ehm, an idiot trying to understand what is going on?"  
Laughing Azzura continued, "No, you look like myself before defeating the Archdemon. I had black hair before defeating him."

Hand shaking, Sarina raced outside and second after she came back with a black handkerchief which she dropped unceremoniously on Azzura's head.  
Both Nathaniel and his wife let out gasps of wonder.  
"Oh Maker! This is … this is... how can this be?"  
Pulling the cloth of Azzura's head, Sarina spoke, her voice shaking.  
" I, you, ,we .. Oh, sod it! We could be twins! I knew that something was bothering me, but I couldn't understand what."  
Smiling, Azzura reassured her.  
"Don't worry. I don't think someone planted twins of you around Ferelden. I am an Amell, a noble family from the Free Marches. I was born in Kirkwall, I think. I still remember the Templar who brought me to Kinloch Hold and the trip we had over the sea to come to Ferelden."

  
Nathaniel, still under shock, found an opening to finally be able to say something over his wife's gushing.

  
"That's why those men asked you if you were the Hero." Turning to Azzura he added, "We were eating in a tavern not far away from where we found you. These two men walked over to us and the Grey Warden asked if Sarina was you. When she told them that she wished to be the Hero but she was only Bryce Cousland' s daughter, they excused themselves and left. "  
Sarina jumped in ," Nathaniel was overwhelmed because he never had news from you, but now from thin air, someone is asking about you…"

" I don't know why, but I didn't like those two and I tried to act like I was bored with their demanding voices. I sent Sarina to spy them. The Grey warden could sense me coming so I couldn't risk it."

"After I hid behind stacks of hay, which gave me a rush afterwards, I saw the other man watching a vial in the moonlight. I wondered if people go crazy in the moonlight and I think he just confirmed that."  
Azzura's heart jumped a bit in her chest.  
"A vial you said? What was this vial? What did they say? How was the man holding it?"  
"Well, I saw the vial glitter, but I think it was maybe the silver? The other man was dressed in Templar armor but it was like he didn't keep it polished for weeks. What soldier does not clean up his armor, anyway?"  
Azzura let her head rest on her knees on the bed.  
" I think… I am afraid that that Templar had my phylactery. He was on a mage hunt."  
Nathaniel jumped from the chair, worried.  
" They have your phylactery? But after you refused to help Anders to destroy his and they moved back the vials from Amaranthine to Denerim, we thought they would be safe. And why the Hero of Ferelden is still bound with a phylactery to the Chantry?"  
"When I told to my husband about it he insisted that we follow them. So for a day we kept on the road behind them until they met the other Grey warden who came to tell them that they saw a girl who looked like you. Then you know what happened."

"My Sarina is a good warrior "- Nathaniel grinned to his wife. "She just stormed in cutting the blood mage's head off like it was a pie."  
"Seems like someone is after me and from the encounter I had, I suppose they don't happen to have good intentions. I will need to get back to the Circle and ask the First Enchanter Irving and Wynne what is going on."

The couple's jaws almost fell on the floor after hearing that.  
" Azzura! You don't know? The Circles had fall. The mages and templars are at war and the Divine was killed at the Temple of the Sacred Ashes with all the Conclave!"  
It was Azzura's turn to let her jaw fall.  
"What? How? Nathaniel what is going on?" She shifted uncomfortable in bed. "In the last six years, I had no contact with the outside world, I was in a place where we had no visitors." She trailed a bit. " I was in a kind of ritual confinement, let's say."

Nathaniel then proceed to tell her about the past events. The Kirkwall Circle rebellion, the Conclave's destruction, the fall of Circles and deaths of Irving and Wynne, the forming of the Inquisition and King Alistair's banning of all Ferelden' s mages, about the war between crazed Templars and mages, and the gigantic Breach in the sky.  
By the time he finished, Azzura rose from the bed and walked towards the open window .  
"So you tell me that we have these rifts opening all over Ferelden and Orlais and there is only one man who can close them? We are in deep trouble then."  
" And on top of that, their Headquarters are in the middle of nowhere in the Frostback Mountains. Takes them weeks from Skyhold to reach the affected areas. Our armies can hope to hold the lies at least."

 _"Come to Skyhold, we can help you._ "

The thought appeared in her memory, like a spark in the dark.  
"Hold on. You said Skyhold? Is this place real?"  
Sarina smiled at her.  
"Of course it is real. They went there after Haven was compromised. The Inquisition decided that the Herald of Andraste needed a base to gather his army."  
"The Herald of Andraste? The Inquisition? I think my head exploded, as of right now."

More clarifying and talking followed, and Azzura found out that the Chantry wasn't happy at all with the title imposed on this man. She grinned devilishly.  
" That is what they get after centuries of blind faith and indoctrination. They deserve this. I think I should pay him a visit and congratulate him. He has his work cut out for him."

Nathaniel raised an eyebrow at her.  
"I don't think you will go somewhere for a while. You need rest and you won't go alone anywhere. The Hinterlands and part of Orlais are under fire right now. You are a mage in case you forgot. There are groups of rogue Templars that attack the mages. They are crazed! A lot of good mages and templars were caught in the middle. I don't want you to be one of them. Remember that some of them are looking for you."  
For the first time since she woke up, Azzura felt a sting of sorrow. Turning to her long lost friend, she spoke.  
" They won't touch me, nor mages or Templars. The can’t sense me. I- I have lost my powers.”


	3. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Loverofallfiction for taking such care of my story and saving my neck. To those asking where in the Maker's name is Cullen, don't worry. Next chapter will have a small flashback.

Stunned silence descended in the room and the couple looked bewildered,Nathaniel threw his hands in the air exasperated. "What?" He asked before laughing. Nice joke there, but maybe you need to be serious at least a bit.

The mage lowered her head ashamed.

" It's the truth, Nate. Several weeks ago I did something wrong and my mana and powers are gone." She shook her head at the thought of having to tell her tale.

Sarina looked from Azzura to Nate then back to Amell,searching for any hint of amusement. There was none.

"How can a mage lose their powers? I thought there were only spells that are taught?"

Amell replied, brushing her face with both palms. Sarina was a little dense."No, Sarina. It's not like that. Why do you think mages are caged inside the Circles? If it was for only learning spells such as how to throw a fireball or make someone a stone pillar, then everyone would do it, or mages would have more freedom I suppose. No, we are born with innate magic. We can summon fire at our fingertips with just a thought. Taught spells are for other actions, like paralyzing someone, confusing him, and even then you need to attune your mind to draw from your inner willpower. The more willpower and focus you have, the more powerful are your spells."

" I always wanted to know how it feels to have all these powers , you know? I think it's amazing with what you can do with them." Sarina commented wistfully, staring at Azzura with wonder.

Azzura gave her a pained, sad look.

"No,you don't want to be a mage, Sarina. You don't want to know what it's like to be taken from your family and not seeing them again. Growing up and their memory fading away until you can't remember their faces, their voices. Your parents becoming unfamiliar like another stranger's name. Being locked in a building for the rest of your life and having everything taken from you. Your freedom. Your dreams. Mages aren't allowed to love , Sarina! We are avoided like a plague, accursed ones who wait in the shadows to take over the world. When I was young, I didn't understand the feeling very well, but after so many years spent with different people, I finally see how others sees us. Everything is only the Chantry's fault. And now, they see how their teachings have turned against them. You should feel happy for being a normal person."

Nathaniel said nothing. Listening to her, he realized how much she changed in those years. From the fearless leader he knew, she changed into a bitter, sad shadow of what she was once. She still had a glimpse of her antics once in a while, but he could see that when she thought no one could see her, she would retire in her own corner of mind. She was full of suppressed anger at everything and everyone. This change had taken place after the battle at Vigil's Keep, he was sure of that. He could see how slowly, day by day, she retreated in herself, avoiding her friends and slowly allowing him to take care of theKeep's affairs.

He could see her spending entire nights alone on the battlements and sleeping less and less. She did that for almost two years until one night she and her faithful mabari both disappeared. He found only her resignation letter and a small note for him asking for forgiveness and telling him that he was in charge.

He asked himself why that happened and tried in every way to find the reasons for her departure. He even asked about gossip and rumors from the servants. Some of them said that she lost someone dear in the battle but they could not reveal his identity. Seeing her now, he realized that maybe those hushed rumors were true in the end. Maybe she grieved for someone at that time and that's why she left. Maybe she was just tired, who knew? And he still needed answers.

"So, if you lost your powers, how you will proceed? What you will do? If you came to me one week ago, I could have thanked the Maker that now you can have a normal life. After the attempted attack on you, I am not so sure. You can't even defend yourself if they try again. Is there a small possibility that you can regain the magic back?"

" I don't know, Nathaniel. Everything I have learned after that didn't show me anything. I am afraid I don't have a clear answer. I know this will sound strange, but when I was dragged into the Fade, someone saved me. He told me to go to Skyhold where I will find help. I don't even know if he was real. But I have to try, at least."

Sarina beamed to Amell.

"We can take you there! After my family is back from Denerim, Nate and I can accompany you to the Frostback Mountains. If you wish to wait, that is."

"Well, I don't think I can go anyway,right now. You know? I wish to visit the surroundings of your castle. The view is breathless. Before that, can I talk alone with Nate? I don't want you to be alarmed, but there are some things that involve Warden matters."

"Of course! Here, I borrow you my husband!" Turning towards Nathaniel she added with a grin. " Just remember where your bedroom is tonight." She finished her statement with a wink.

Nate gave her an exasperated look and sighed." Damn,woman! You're like a vine all over me all the time. How can I forget? Now I understand why Fergus warned me about your habit to stick on his toes when you were little." He smiled at her cheekily.

" No worries, love. I do that with my property only. I need to keep my investments close to my reach. Get used to it." Before Nate could grab her, Sarina skipped away laughing.

Azzura's eyes filled with tears and she tried to wipe them away before he could see them.

"You two look so happy together, Nate. "

"Thank you. Yes, she makes me happy and gives me headaches but Sarina is everything I was looking for in a woman. For a long time I thought I didn't deserve to be happy, but one day she came to me, put her sword at my throat, and asked me if I am done with my self-loathing."

Azzura choked a laugh.

" It seems she succeeded where I couldn't. Only if I had known, I would have done that long ago."

Nate smirked again.

"We were dancing around each other for months, I think . She was blunt then. She told me that if I have any intention to court her,I'd better start soon before she got too old to move in bed. And she said it in front of her recruits! Maker, I wish I had a hole to hide then. I just gave up, she wouldn't take a no as an answer." He took her hands in his." And how about you? Want to tell me what's going on in that little head of yours? Why did you give me the command and leave in the middle of the night?"

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't know what else I could do. I was afraid that you and Anders would try to talk me out of my decision."

"Not only me, for the Maker's blade! Velanna was heartbroken! She said you were the first shemlen to care for. You really need to tell her you're back, you know?"

A smile spread on Azzura's lips. " Is she still around? Where is she?"

" Velanna is in Amaranthine of course! She is my second in command. "

"Really? She is that good? How about her hate for shemlens? Or the fact that she is an apostate? Not that would count much these days. I hope she is safe, Nate."

" Trust me, she's safer than Denerim's vaults. Senechal Garavel locks her inside his bedroom every night."

Wiping tears from her face Amell tried to hold back the laugh but she did a poor job.

" Velanna took a human for,a lover? I do have to see it!"

"One morning, I had to clean leafs from his hair, you know? He blames her nature magic." He answered with a smirk.

She became suddenly serious.

"Nate, how do you feel? That blood mage said something about the Calling. That I should hear it. We're too young to hear it now. This doesn't make any sense." She began to pace in thought.

" I heard rumors from other Wardens that it's a false Calling. In Ferelden and Orlais everyone is feeling it. I do too. It's like a persistent wish for something. It's there in the back of my mind. It's like I need something but I don't know what. Many Wardens left Amaranthine lately. I couldn't stop them. They went amiss, and even when I told them that I have information that what we hear is wrong, they walked away. Velanna is trying to keep things in order but I know she can't do much. We are afraid that when the time comes, we will take the same path like the other Wardens. That's why Sarina and Garavel won't leave us for a second. We told them that if they see us acting strangely they need to lock us up. I just wish to know more about what is going on."

Azzura pushed back a lock of hair from his face, her heart heavy with worry.

"Nate, I hope that we will figure out what's going on. I won't let this… this thing harm you. I like Sarina, I won't let her feel the pain of losing you."

"You might have no choice. I wonder… you seem to not feel it. Are you immune?"

" I don't think so. I had some horrible nightmares lately, but I learned to not let them have a toll on me. I had worse so it's no surprise. The only need I feel right now is to get to Skyhold. Maybe I will find the answers we need there. It's worth a shot. Did you write to Weisshaupt? What did the Wardens there say?"

" The First Warden told me not to bother them with children tales! She told me that I needed to stay put in Amaranthine and wait for them to deal with all the trouble! It's insane, I tell you! It's like they don't care! Or maybe they are hiding something? I wish I could go find the answers on my own, but I can't leave the Arling and the outposts need constant attention. There's a lot of unrest in the Deep Roads. We still fear that the darkspawn will come back to surface. The few Wardens left are patrolling the roads from the Waking Sea to Amaranthine, and some of them are stationed to Korcari Wilds. I need to be here with them."

"I will head to Skyhold then. " Nate made an attempt to interrupt her " No, don't you worry. I will take the travelled routes and I will try to blend with the caravans. I don't think I will be in so much danger."

" All right, but let me send a note to someone who might be able to help us. I will be right back."

........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Nate stopped with a hand on the door's handle then turned back and approached her again.

" I always wanted to ask you, if that it's all right with you. Why did you really leave the Keep? It… was because of someone? I.. heard some rumors back then."

A lump formed in Azzura's throat and clutching one of the amulets on her neck she tried to speak.

" It's true. I couldn't handle his loss. For a while I thought I could go on, but I couldn't. Every place, every object, every face reminded me of him. I couldn't stay, Nate. The night he died I feared that I would give myself to the demons, only to bring him back. It was a temptation that I had to fight alone and to do that, I had to get out from there. "

Tears flowed down her cheeks. It was always difficult to talk about him without crying.

Nate took the hand clutching her amulet and pushed the fingers open. The amulet was a small round shield with the Grey Warden insignia on it, but on the back it had two letters intertwined with vines of Andraste's Grace. The letters were an A and a V. Seeing them he had a revelation. He let out a deep breath from his chest.

" It was Varel? I remember now. When we came back from Amaranthine,the first thing you asked about was him. Then you stood all night locked in his room until he died from the blood loss."

Finally she gave in and angry sobs escaped from her. Nathaniel took her in his arms and held her in a crushing embrace. He was crying too.

" He gave me so much Nate. He helped me see through my confusion and he was everything for me. We were supposed to get married after we defended the city. I miss him so much. I know he could have been my father because of his age, but I didn't care. For the first time in my life, I felt protected and I could let my guard down and let him take care of my problems, instead of me taking care of others. He was more than a lover to me. He was my companion, my mentor, and friend. I felt complete with him by my side."

" You don't have to justifywith me, you know that. I always thought that age doesn't matter when you love someone. Varel was a good man and I respected him a lot. Remember how he didn't bat an eye when you told him that I had to become a Warden? He just smiled and went ahead with the ritual. Or when he understood that Anders burned those Templars? And do you remember when you brought back Velanna? I think his words were something like: good, we can make a full Circle yet? We just need a few Templars around."

"And Anders told him that if he forces us to recite the Chant he will burn the Keep?" She reminded with a small smile.

"He would tease Velanna about gardening. He took her once in the Keep's garden and told her to clean the roots because he was too old and she was young and a mage with nature magic so she could easily clean the herbs. "

"Her face was priceless, but she did it anyway. He had that look that didn't leave any means for a rebellion."

They both laughed with their faces stained with tears, holding each other. Azzura felt something like a great relief.

"You know? It always hurt when I remember him, but talking to you about those days it's like he never died. I know he's somewhere in the Beyond, but I still miss him." She looked down in sadness.

" I don't think you grieved him properly, that's why you can't talk about him isn't it?"

"I think so. I suppose. Talking to you about him makes me feel better , you know? Thank you, Nate,for being such a sweet friend."

Suddenly, they heard commotion in the courtyard and they saw soldiers and servants gathering around a group of travelers and a carriage.

"Seems that Eamon and Teagan are back. I can see Fergus too. Excuse me, I have to go to greet them but I will be back soon. Get some sleep, if you can with all this noise."

Kissing her forehead,he left the room leaving Azzura with her own thoughts.

_The Arl! Just what I was missing._

She went to the bed and laid down, closing her eyes and letting the memories of Varel come back to her.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Amaranthine, nine months after the Blight,_

The Warden-Commander broke into the Keep's courtyard like she was the vengeance in flesh and bones. Her hands cracked with swirls of lightning and had the look of an assassin in her eyes. The poor soldier girl standing in waiting at the front door hurried to get out of her way, stuttering and clutching a pile of letters at her chest. Nate gave her an assuring sign and followed his leader inside. The lady was really mad today and for good reason.

Anders and Velanna followed after him telling everyone in hushed voices to keep away from the Council room for now. They made signs to the merchants and soldiers inside to hurry and then closed the doors behind them. Only Seneschal Varel stood his ground, calm and controlled.

Seeing Azzura like that, he raised his eyebrows in a question.

" Usually, you don't show up like this even after your battles with the darkspwan. Do you have a bad day? Is Amaranthine burning? Someone stole your bunnies?" He questioned dryly.

The mage out of character and ready to snap at the first person who would listen to her but Varel's speech left her speechless. She tried to speak but then she stopped blinking.

"Seneschal, I don't have bunnies! Only Anders' cat. He is in my bag... Oh, Maker! I hope he is breathing still!"

Anders sighed and scratched his head.

"I knew I had to leave him in the Keep. No one is safe with our Commander today."

Looking at Amell, Velanna grinned. Pretending she was fixing her hair bun as she spoke casually.

" It's strange how our Seneschal succeeded calming our lightning rod. He did it with a few words, we tried to calm her down all the way from Amaranthine. Tell us your secret, Seneschal Varel!" She purred.

"I have some resemblance of authority, maybe? I am the only sane person left in this room?"

Azzura slumped on the dais with a heavy sigh of her own.

"I'm truly sorry! It's just that I am really annoyed with people distrusting me and my men, even after all I have done for them. My dear Seneschal, I think I have made a mistake. I am not so much of a mediator and …"

At _"my dear Seneschal"_ , Varel flinched only a fraction of second but he kept his wits. That didn't mean anything at all he was sure.

"I'm afraid just to ask. Tell me. Maybe it's not as bad as you believe."

Azzura spoke with her hands covering her face. Varel thought that she looked like a child who did something really, really wrong, crawling in shame under his father's eye. He smiled at that mental image. She was no child, she was his Commander but still… She was so young and yet her feminine forms couldn't deny that she was not an innocent. His eyes widened and his mouth went dry.

What in Maker's name I am doing? She is my Commander, she could be my own daughter !

Clearing his throat, he regained his control, any wrong thought pushed back to his mind's back corners.

"Can you repeat? I might be a bit old but I swear I can't hear you right now. I hear very well by the way."

"I just sent the Revered Mother to the demons." Seeing his alarmed look she hurried to explain:" No! Nothing like that. We went to the Chantry to see if they need help and Anders and Velanna went inside with me. The harpy had the wits to tell me to let them outside because she won't insult Andraste by bringing apostates in her own house. I told her that those apostates were Grey Wardens and they needed respect. She insisted that didn't matter and they need to do their job only. "

"She said that shouting" Nate grinned, slapping Azzura on her shoulder. "Good girl, please continue, by all means!'

"Well, things got heated. We shouted some more about the Chantry, the Templars and mages, and other stuff. In the end, I told her that when and if the darkspawn comes to Amaranthine, my apostates and I would take a table at the tavern and we will watch how the horde invade the Chantry without us raising a finger. Because the apostates can't get inside the church, you know? I also told her that she could put her Chantry sisters to good use defending the gate so they won't have time to gossip all day long."

Varel was at loss of words. He had no idea whether to laugh or to be worried. Everything was absurd.

"So let me recapitulate. You went there and yelled, shouting with the Revered Mother like two mad women at the weekly market?"

Her companions started to laugh.

"Yes! The great Hero of Ferelden, Warden-Commander and Arlessa of Amaranthine showed today that she can be like any other women with no brain. Not you, Velanna." She corrected quickly.

Varel paced in front of the chair with his hands clasped at his back.

"I'll try to calm the things with the Revered Mother but I am afraid that you will have to go and apologize personally. With that noble conspiracy still in our hands we can't risk to make more enemies. Not the Chantry, at least.'

"She was lucky that we dragged her out, before she started to shine like a tree on a Satinalia day. The Templars are easy going when it's about smiting someone." Anders said, petting his kitten.

"I never saw a smite. How does that work?"

"Sweet, Velanna, pray that you never have to. I know Azzura liked a good smiting now and then with the Templars in the Circle but only for fun. She.."

"Anders! Shut. Up."

Azzura's ears became red and she made herself even smaller in the chair. Amused, Varel brought a hand to his lips to hide the smile.

"As for today, our commander and I will practice diplomacy skills. Seems like the Circle lacks those teachings. We start later this evening, don't be late."

Saying this, he left the Council room wondering how he got himself in this mess.

Anders, of course, had to continue with his antics. "You and Varel doing diplomacy talks, this should be i _nteresting_ …"

Azzura sent a lightning bolt to him which he blocked easily, eyes filled with mirth.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Varel kept his word and in the following weeks he and Azzura would discuss different matters and topics. He would teach her how to keep calm and reply with careful chosen words, to change subject if she couldn't or wouldn't want to talk about it, how to deal with her nobles, and how to avoid arguments like the one she had with the Revered Mother.

He gave her different books to read, and he took his role of teacher seriously. She started to feel like she was back in the Circle with First Enchanter Irving lecturing her. She was grateful to him for everything he was doing. From diplomacy topics, they found themselves drifting towards their personal stories and lives.

Azzura found herself watching him closely more than one time. His blue eyes had a steel resolve outside their office but when they were alone he would let another side of himself to show up. He knew how to be funny and make witty remarks, his smile would brighten his eyes and his voice would become soft and deep.

She found herself impatient to see him and she would wait anxiously for their daily talks. Even worse, she started to look in the mirror more and take care of her hair, which until then she kept always in a loose ponytail.

The day, when she woke up and realized that she couldn't wait to see him in the Council Chamber, was the day when she stopped in her tracks. Then it hit her: she was head over hills in love with her own Seneschal.

_It can't be. It's wrong. I am doomed._

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They had a little gathering one night. It was Varel's idea to bring together the nobles, so Azzura could exercise her newly taught diplomacy skills. They were still trying to figure out who would have a part in that conspiracy.

The atmosphere was light and it seemed that everyone enjoyed their little party. The nobles got used to her companions' presence and she had the time of her life watching Nathaniel and Velanna trying to dodge single ladies and men or very sticky daughters.

Nate mouthed a " you will pay for this" to his leader and Velanna hid behind the dais.

" Don't like the parties, Vel? Oh, by the way! You have a nice view from behind that chair." Nate yelled out.

" That's why I hate people. They think I am a circus curiosity. I hate men! Ugh!"

Azzura bit her lips hard. A lady doesn't laugh in public. And then she saw him making his entrance. He wore a white shirt with a brown vest and leather pants. His hair shone in the candlelight and his eyes were sparkling. He was handsome!

Her breath slowed at an alarming rate and she almost choked forgetting to breathe.

He looked at her and his lips lifted up in a smile then made his way towards her. She had to sit on the throne because her legs almost gave away. Soon, she would be a melting puddle at his feet.

A noblewoman stopped him and attached herself on his arm. The ever-polite Seneschal gave her his attention. Azzura felt her hands crackling with lightning and she hurried to hide them behind her back. She was jealous! Maker's pants, she was jealous.

When he finally arrived, she was a mumbling mess. She took a deep breath to calm down and collected all her will to look in his eyes.

" Everything works perfect, Commander. I see my advices found some fertile ground. I am proud of you." His smile and praise made her dizzy and she was sure that the heat she felt wasn't because her magic.

"I-I think s-so?" She clasped her mouth in horror. Stuttering was the last thing she needed. Trying again to find her traitorous voice, she added,

" You have done a great job, Var… Seneschal. You know that sometimes I wonder why I am in command. I am young, I have no experience – if you count out the war and fighting. It's you who deserves to rule, not me. Sometimes I think it's unfair for you to listen to someone like me."

" Commander, never in the time since you arrived, I thought of things like you just said. I am perfectly fine with how our leadership works. You won't let me deal with all the Arling. I just like to guide you from the shadows" He grinned at her, letting his hand to rest on hers.

_Oh, Maker! Please, please! If I have to walk right now they will have to collect me with the broom and the pot._

He could see her face redden and feel her hand trembling under his. Varel rose his usual eyebrow with a questioning look.

" Is something wrong? Do you feel all right? Maybe it's time to close the doors."

"Um… yes.. I think.. I-I am tired." _Stupid mumbling me!_

* * *

 

Azzura fought with her feelings even more since that day but she had no idea how Varel felt. For him, it was even worse because he felt guilty having such feelings for his leader. His very young leader.

After another dream about her, he woke up and washed his face with cold water. Looking in the mirror, he pressed his hands over his eyes.

_This is getting worse every day. She is half of my age. She is barely a mature woman. She is my Commander, I can't continue like this._

Her image kept coming back to his mind. Her hair, her eyes blue like his but with deep shadows in them, her voice and her laugh. The day when he touched her hand at the noble party he felt her trembling. He didn't dare to think it was because of him. It couldn't be. And she started to stutter, she never did that in his presence before. No, it was better to not delve in those what ifs.

Soon after she came back from the Deep Roads, the noble conspiracy struck them right in the Council Room. They prevailed and killed the responsible nobles but Azzura was hurt. She was stabbed in the back by a mercenary and Anders had a hard time stopping the hemorrhage. Now, she was confined in her chambers with stacks of reports and bed rest. Varel was dead worried and when he saw her bloodied and pale, he almost wanted to kill their attackers a second time.

_I could have lost her._

The thought filled him with fear and anger. Then he realized that she might not come back one day from her adventures and his blood froze in his veins. He felt a need to see her and soon he found a reason to visit her.

He knocked at her door with his heart pounding fast. He was exasperated at his attitude. It was long past the time for youthful behaviors like that.

"Come in, Varel. Please tell me you will keep me company. If not, I will die of boredom and the nobles will have their objective complete!"

"I will see what I can do." Varel replied with a chuckle. " I brought some reports…"

"No! Reports no! Oh the horror! No more reports! Wine?" She gave him a hopeful look.

"All right. You win, Commander."

"Help me raise, please?" She gulped when she thought at the really bad idea to have him touch her.

* * *

 

Varel approached the bed and put his arms around her waist to help her sit comfortably. His face came to a few inches from her and she could smell his perfume of leather and mint. All the blood rushed from her face and her heart stopped. Breathing became a problem and she felt dizzy and lightheaded.

Their eyes locked and she lost herself in them. His lips were parted and she could feel his hands trembling too. Like having a control of her own, her hand rose and cupped his cheek. He shuddered at her touch but didn't retreat. His eyes never left hers and she continued to his hair. Varel closed his eyes losing himself in that touch. He couldn't endure more and closed the distance between them, his lips feather touching hers.

She opened her lips more and invited him to taste her. His eyes grew wider when he realized that she didn't refuse him. His kiss deepened and his tongue assaulted her mouth, ravishing her. A moan escaped from her lips and she pulled him closer. She locked both hands in his hair.

He stopped suddenly.

" Azzura, I… I am so… What are we doing?"

She hated the interruption because now she was lost. It was too late, he showed her what she always hoped. That he felt the same way like she did.

"Varel, don't. It's some time now, since I wanted to do this. If… if you don't feel the same, please tell me. I will understand."

He looked once more into her eyes then kissed her again. Then slowly he started to temper her skin and neck with small kisses his hand cupping her breast. She didn't remember when she stopped thinking clearly. Everything became a blur and the sensations washing over her were so intense that she knew just one thing. She wanted him badly. She forgot even her wound, a pale memory somewhere between his hot kisses and his soft hands.

She reached for his shirt and pulled it out from his breeches wanting to feel his skin. He pulled it over his head showing his broad chest with well-defined muscles and a tin sheet of sweat covering it. Dropping his boots on the floor, he climbed in bed next to her. His eyes were filed with happiness because she wanted him too. He couldn't believe this was happening.

His hand lifted her nightgown from her legs and she arched under his touch.

"Make love to me. Stay with me tonight, please?" She barely could whisper.

" Are you sure that is this what you want? Because there will be no turning back. Because I... I love you since the day you saved me on the battlements. And you will be mine forever, after this night." His eyes pleaded with her.

" I love you too, Varel. For a long time now."

Joy rushed over him in waves of passion and lust. She was his, she loved him back.

His kiss became demanding and he pulled her dress over her head and took off his breeches. He could feel her magic flowing over her body but he wasn't scared. He felt the small lightning discharges in her fingertips but that made him even more passionate.

He took her right then and his pride tickled at the thought of her gasping for air and whispering his name, clutching the bed sheets when her release came. Her eyes opened to look at him but they were shadowed with desire, because of him.

Posing small kisses on her cheeks, he pulled her to his chest and rested his head on the bed's headboard. They stood in silence for a while just listening to their heartbeats.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Well. Well. Well. What have we here? Naughty child you are .A familiar voice drawled._

_Azzura gaped at the view of the woman in front of her. She was old but clad in a leather armor fitted on her body and her hair was raised in a strange crown on her head.Of course,the eyes and the voice were not unknown to her. She felt dead cold._

_"Flemeth?!"_

_"Now, now, are we finished with sweet memories? Since, I have a question for you. In all this time spent hiding, have you ever thought a bit about what happened to Cullen?"_

 

* * *

Azzura woke up, jerking from her bed and looked bewildered around the room.


	4. Broken Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is unedited until my lovely beta comes out from the Fade.. err real life stuck :)

" _Maker! What was that? I had to dodge demons and darkspawn , find a purpose to my life and now Flemeth. No magic, world changed around me like it is nothing and now I have to do something with myself. Yes, Valeria ! Laugh from where you are; you were right my friend."_

A deep regret clung into her heart. How could she forget about the one she first loved? It was long time ago when she finally understood that what she had with Alistair was a surrogate love. She projected all her crushed dreams on him, never thinking that what she saw in him, were only projections of Cullen.  
"Where are you, my long lost, sweet Templar? What happened to you? Damn Flemeth or what was that, in my dream for putting such thoughts in my mind."  
Azzura walked to the window and watched the outside world who was laughing at her. Flemeth asking about Cullen? Her mind going crazy, that's it. The old witch was dead and buried.  
" Morrigan? Your mother is haunting me." – she spoke loud to herself.  
A smile formed on her lips. Nate assumed that not having magic, she couldn't defend herself but he forgot a small thing from Amaranthine.  
With a new purpose, she walked out in search for her unlikely twin. That coincidence was funny. She never thought that two people could look so alike in the smallest details.  
She found Sarina where she knew it was likely to be found; training her soldiers. Nate was nowhere to be seen.  
Sarina saw her and hurried to greet her guest.  
" Are you feeling better? You will have to excuse Teagan and Eamon for now. They went to rest after the trip. We will see them later tonight at dinner. They were thrilled to know you are here." – she grinned – " Can't wait to see their faces."  
Laughing, Amell asked her something and Sarina's jaw dropped .  
"It can't be! Really? Nate never mentioned it."  
" Maybe because he always thought of me as The Mage Amell. Shall we? Don't hold back. I need practice."  
"Oh! I just remembered! Your staff is in the closet in your room and it is beautiful! Never seen such a masterpiece. Not even in Wonders of Thedas."  
" It was a friend's. She gave it to me when I left." – Azzura turned slightly so she could hide a tear.  
"Let's start then. Now you made me curious."  
________________________________________

* * *

  
The dinner came and so the Guerrins. Teagan was always the perfect gentleman and Eamon looked older than before but he had that sharp look, still piercing through her, ready to catch all the secrets hidden behind her mask.  
"I never thought I will see you again My Lady ." – Teagan broke the silence, setting down his glass. " You are more beautiful with the passing of years." – always the charming one too.  
"Even if I look so old with my new hair color, My Lord?" – Azzura liked to flirt with him, the man had his ways to make a woman loving him instantly.  
"This snow white adds even more to your beauty, if I dare say."  
" But doesn't add to her wisdom." – replied Nate with a smirk. Sarina threw her handkerchief to him.  
"My, you are a witty one today. Tell me my friend, what I have done to deserve your praising words?" – Azzura smiled at him, pouring more wine in her glass.  
"Our Warden –Commander wants to get back in business and now she wants to meddle with the Inquisition. Instead of going to visit her own possessions, that's it."  
"What possessions? I don't have anything like that. I am a poor mage in search for fortune in these dire times." – she mocked him from behind her lashes. "And stop calling me Commander, you know well that it's your turn to handle the babies out there in Amaranthine."  
Suddenly, Eamon found very interesting the food in his plate and Teagan gave Nate a knowing look and a wink.  
Azzura squinted her eyes in Nathaniel's direction. Leaning on her chair and putting her hands on the table, she waited.  
" Erm… I might have forgot to send that resignation letter to Weisshaupt. From what they know, you are in a secret mission somewhere, were I can't reach you."  
Azzura's mouth formed a perfect O.  
Laughing, Eamon dived into the fray. He was having the time of his life between these youngsters. It made him forget a little bit that he had only a short time to live and he enjoyed each moment with people he liked, like it was the last.  
"And of course, your title as Arlessa is still standing. Though it was rather dull without you at the Landsmeets over the years."  
The incredulous look on her face gave in to a smirk and she looked to Nate.  
"How you wanna die? Quickly and painless? That's not going to happen."  
Sarina bended over with laughing. Kissing her husband's hair she said." I might need him for a bit. Care to wait a couple of years with your revenge?"  
Fergus turned his eyes to Teagan." So, you are back in your own Castle, then? There must be a bit messy after all what happened."  
"Let me tell you it's not an easy task being thrown out from your own house by the guests to whom your offered shelter." – replied Teagan with a frown.  
Both Sarina and Fergus lowered their eyes, for a moment lost in their memories. They were not so fortunate to come back at home and find everything almost all right. When Rendon Howe killed their family, Fergus was already at Ostagar. Sarina escaped due to an unexpected visitor. Duncan the Grey Warden Commander, came to Highever to recruit new members and witnessed the crimes. He helped her escape saying that she will become a Grey Warden but when he realized that she might be the last of her line if they couldn't find Fergus, he told Sarina that he desisted in his intent. He sent her with a group of soldiers in search of her brother. When she found Fergus, he was badly injured and they had to wait for him to recover. By the time they came out from the Korkari Wilds, the battle of Denerim was ended.  
Sarina shifted on her chair and looking at Nate she could see his uncomfortable glance and she took his hand.  
"Stop, it. I know what you are thinking. It's all right, husband." – she gave him an reassuring look, squeezing his hand.  
He smiled to her bashfully.  
"You know me too well, I'm afraid. I was just thinking at how my father would turn in his grave seeing his enemies in the same room. His son married the daughter of his enemy, the one who ended his life is one of my friends and the two men who took the throne from his supporter are still alive. Yes, I would say certainly he must not be that happy."  
Sarina leaned her head on his shoulder.  
"And soon he might become a grandfather too. Oh joy!"  
Nate and Fergus both jumped to their feet. Everyone laughed at Nathaniel when he started to check on Sarina's belly with his hands.  
Between chokes of laughter, she slapped his hand.  
"Maker! I am only three months in. You can't see anything. But I assure you, it is there."  
Fergus hugged her trying to keep his noble face without succeeding.  
"Congratulations. It was about time that this house had another child in it. I will be the best uncle in the world, that I promise" – he said, eyeing his sister.  
________________________________________

* * *

  
Later when the excitement of the good news lowered down, the two happy parents left and Fergus and Eamon went back to their room, Teagan and Azzura decided that a walk would be nice.  
She liked him and in the short time they had crossed paths, they became friends. Now Teagan was trying to find out what she had been up to in the past years. She told him and she was happy that he never judged her about her own choices.  
"I see." – he gave her a thoughtful look when she finished her story –" I know nothing about magic, but maybe you will find that not having it maybe it would be a good thing. Like settling down?" – he grinned to her.  
"Interesting. Are you proposing something, My Lord? I might like the idea , you know?" – said Azzura half serious.  
"Alas, as far I find the idea very inviting, my dear; I'm afraid that I am spoken for."  
"Finally? Please do tell who is the lucky lady who won the heart of the most wanted man in Ferelden these times?"  
Teagan rolled his eyes. " Most wanted. You making it sound like I am the most wanted criminal."  
"Oh! You are a criminal letting all these years a lot of noblewomen dreaming over your portrait. No, seriously. Who is the lucky one?"  
"Bann Alfstanna of Waking Sea. Me and Eamon are going there to make the last preparations."  
" Is her brother I have saved from Howe's dungeons, right? How is he?"  
"He recovered well and he will take over when she will move to Redcliffe."  
" I don't understand why you waited for so many years to propose her? You were good friends before, am I wrong?"  
" Well, it took us all these years to understand that we were more." – replied Teagan with a smile."  
Azzura raised her hands to the sky, exasperated.  
" Maker! When the men will become smart? It seems never."  
Tugging her close and putting her hand under his arm, he looked at her knowingly.  
"So, you won't go to Denerim to see Alistair?"  
"And have Anora rip my head off? No thank you. Well, at least not now, I suppose."  
"Then you still have feelings for him? You two didn't parted in good terms after all."  
" I think not, to be honest. But I won't know for sure until I will see him and this is why I am afraid to go to Denerim right now. And he is married, Teagan. I wouldn't make a fool of myself. "  
He brought her hand to his lips and kissed the knuckles.  
"I admire your resolve. My offer still stands, you know?"  
She laughed heartedly.  
"Always the same flatterer, you haven't changed at all. Triangles are not my type. I want an invite to your wedding though."  
"You shall have it, My lady." – said Teagan bowing to her.

* * *

  
________________________________________  
One day, Eamon called her in Fergus' office and looking over some reports, he gave her a knowing look.  
" You are still decided to go to Skyhold then?'  
"I have to go. Since the Inquisitor decided to ask the mages for help to close the Breach, all the remaining enchanters went there. Maybe they will have some answers I am looking for, about the disappearance of my magic."  
He grinned." Interesting. From what I have seen on the training grounds you are quite able even without magic. I also don't understand why you say you wanted it back. I thought you believed it was a curse, so what makes you to want it back?"  
She laughed." You know how they say: one doesn't appreciate things until lost them. I think I need that part of me, It's what I am in the end."  
"Well, since you are the Warden- Commander I suppose you could go there with warden business, but… I would have another idea."  
"Which I might not like it?" – she smirked.  
"Well, depends how you think about being the King's envoy to the Inquisition."  
She gulped down her surprise.  
"You told Alistair that I am back to Ferelden?"  
" Lady Azzura, I think is time to speak openly, don't you think? I know everything about your past relationship with him, I was there remember? I wish things went different with Cailan. Loghain had what he deserved, even if that pains me. He was a great hero, my father fought by his side at River Dane. I wish I could do something more to convince him that Orlais wasn't a threat anymore. But what is done, it's done. So, do you still have feelings for the King?" – Azzura glared at him- " People talk, noble talk more. You caused quite a stir pretending to be Queen. I am sorry for what they made you go through. "  
"No… Eamon. I don't have feelings for Alistair anymore. Maybe a deep friendship, who knows." She liked Eamon but not so much to tell him her real feelings.  
"Good, I am glad. You need to move on, it's for the better. Now let's get back to what we were talking about. The Inquisition asked for support and permission to set outposts throughout Ferelden but many people fear that this would mean a new Orlesian occupation. People fear that they won't leave once everything is done. Alistair wants to know if he can trust them, that' s why he needs someone to evaluate the situation. Once he will be satisfied with the reports, we will call the Landsmeet and vote. So what do you say? Are you ready to do your duty towards Ferelden, one more time? I know I ask much from you, but politically, the Hero's opinion would count a lot." She had to give it to Eamon, he was a manipulative old man like ten years ago. Some things never changed.  
"Yes, I will do it. I don't have anything else to do right now" – she laughed- " Nathaniel is going back to Vigil's keep, so he can keep the fort in one piece like he did all these years. Even if I am the Warden – Commander, that doesn't mean that he won't have to work anymore."  
________________________________________

* * *

  
Several days later, Sarina and Azzura were escaping Nate's grab because he wanted her to try shooting with a bow. She didn't wanted to endanger the poor soldiers more than she had, with those pointy arrows.  
"So, the bow is not your best option to replace a staff or those other things, it seems"- said Sarina with a laugh.  
" Well, he will have to desist in his quest; I don't think I will master a bow anytime soon." – replied Azzura brushing her long hair at the vanity.  
"I love your hair, it's so white."- she touched it slowly – " and it's like silk!"  
________________________________________

* * *

  
_Kinloch Hold, two years before the Blight_

 

  
Azzura had enough of her roommates' chatter. Petra and Neria could talk all day and still never finish their gossip. For a so closed building, the life in the Circle was never boring for them. She had her hair washed earlier but instead of drying it with her magic, she decided to sneak on the rooftop to let the sun warm her. In the library, she found an old journal belonged to one of the First Enchanters that were there, before Irving. One of the entries lead her to a secret passage hidden behind one of the closets in the laundry room. It was made especially for the First Enchanter so she could get a breath of fresh air on the rooftop, without apprentices bothering her. No one seemed to know about it, its existence forgotten in the shadows of time, until now. She felt a bit guilty for not telling to the girls about a nice spot where to hide with their Templars at night, but she liked to be alone sometimes.  
So, unseen she closed the laundry room's door and went up the stairs. The small balcony had a stone bench large enough to fit three people on it, she liked to lay down and read her books in total silence, blessed the Maker.  
Settling down, she unfolded her long dark curls in the sun when she heard footsteps coming from the stairs below. A cling of armor accompanied them; she rolled her eyes, now Greagoir will really be furious about this. A couple of nights in dungeon under Ser Lucas' guard would not be bad . She grinned at the thought, only if the Knight –Commander knew. To her surprise she saw Cullen Rutherford, the shy Templar, Lucas' roommate.  
"Cullen? What are you doing there?"  
"I-I f-followed you. Y-you shouldn't b-be here."  
It was endearing hearing him stutter. His self-confidence was a bit low but he was a nice boy. Same age as her, he was one of the Templars assisting at her Harrowing. Lucas and Bryant told their group that the boy was very religious and prayed often but he was a good company when with them. Listening to him right now felt like he was scared of girls more than the Maker itself. Smiling, she patted the bench and motioned for him to join her.  
"I know Cullen, but Petra and Neria can be a real pain sometimes. I had to get out. It is also because I like to be alone sometimes, you know? Just me and my thoughts."  
"T-Then m-maybe I should go? Y-you can't j-jump from here, so I think y-you won't escape."  
This time she laughed.  
"Oh, no Cullen. I said that for other times, now I would enjoy your company. It's nice to have someone to talk about other things than the Chant and Tower gossip. "  
He sat on the bench, straight, careful not to touch her.  
"W-what is wrong w-with the Chant?"

  
"I hear it all the time, that's why." – replied Azzura taking the hairbrush and starting to brush her hair. Cullen seems transfixed with the long curls. He looked away when she caught him starring. She never paid attention to him before and now having him close she noticed the amber eyes with long lashes, his full lips with their line so perfect that made her envy him. Her lips were a bit to tin for her taste, even if Lucas and Bryant told her otherwise. His blond hair was all curls and shininess. She felt an urge to touch it and ruffle it. Cullen was handsome and shy, and she bet all her belongings that he was also sweet and tender. Her heart made a quick jump at that thought. She tried to suppress it. She had boundaries she never crossed. Don't fall for a Templar. She enjoyed Lucas's company but they never let feelings come in their way. It was about satisfying their needs, nothing more. They were friends too, despite Greagoir's wriggling nose.  
Suddenly he inhaled deeply and tried to touch a strand of her hair with his armored glove; the lock remained tangled in the scales.

  
"I-I-I'm s-sorry, I d-didn't…"  
She hushed him, slowly untangling the hair from his glove.  
"It's all right Cullen, it doesn't hurt. But if you want to touch it, you might want to take of your gloves. You can't feel it anyway, with your gloves on." His eyes lit up like a Satinalia lantern. She smiled, watching him trying to get off his gloves faster he could and working with the buckles which seemed to oppose him. She took his hands and stopped him.  
"Let me. Don't be nervous Cullen, I'm not going anywhere."  
When he finally had his hands free, he touched again his curiosity's object.  
"It's l-like s-s-silk. S-so soft."- he managed to say in the end.  
Azzura handed him the hairbrush then turned her back at him.  
"Want to brush it? I would like you to do it."

  
Cullen became red and his breath stopped. This was a dream, had to be. Here he was with the girl he liked and she let him brush her hair. For the first time he forgot about the Maker, Andraste and her followers. He will enjoy this. Thinking she could not feel it, he took a strand of hair to his lips. Azzura was no fool, she could feel it, it was her hair in the end. She closed her eyes, allowing him to worship the dark curls.  
Cullen was confused with what he felt; he couldn't give it a name, the Chantry never taught him about what he felt right then. It was like a pain eased by her nearness, a thirst assuaged every time he saw her and yet, he knew there was something more. Something that he understood other Templars, his roommates included, experienced already. Something they were not afraid off but the Chantry prohibited strongly. He could figure the details but he didn't know for sure what that implied. Maybe it had to do with the heat he felt in his body, with his heart beating faster every time she touched him, he didn't knew. And yet he knew there was more than touching a girl's hair. He was so shy and clumsy around her that he hated himself. Lucas and Bryant were always surrounded by giggling mage and Templar girls , but he always had to watch her from far away, never daring to approach her and say more than two strangled words. He was happy that she never laughed at his awkwardness and always had time to let him finish his sentence. That's why he liked her, she was special.

  
A shadow descended over his happiness, she wasn't available, she was Bryant's mistress and seemed that even Lucas knew about some of her parts that she supposed to show only to Bryant. He heard them talking about her assets and comparing them with those of Petra and Neria. He was mad at them and slammed the door getting out from the room he shared with them.  
And then he saw her, one night with Bryant behind Andraste's statue in the Chantry. What they were doing it was blasphemy and he should have reported them, but he couldn't. Because she would be sentenced to death or sent to Aeonar and he would never see her again. His hand strengthened the grip on the hairbrush and by mistake he pulled with all his might, he was mad at Lucas and Bryant.  
Startled, Azzura sighed." What's wrong Cullen? Tell me."

  
"I-m s-sorry, I never meant to hurt y-you!"  
Then abandoning every ounce of will, he pulled her in his arms and delved his face in her dark curls. Azzura's heart started to beat like a caged bird. She felt like she was floating and her lips whispered.  
"Sweet Cullen, what's wrong?" – she leaned more in his embrace.  
It was like she felt complete for the first time. Other templars' hugs where always made of lust and hurried, Cullen's however felt different, desperate and needy. She forced back a lump growing in her chest. A lonely tear escaped, then another. She was falling in love with Cullen. She felt lost in his arms, a mage and a Templar can't find love, ever. And he was just crushing every wall she build around her heart, to prevent that love never gain entry.  
His strangled voice muffled by her hair lost every trace of that stuttering, so common to him.  
" Why do you want to be mistress to Lucas and Bryant? They talk about you, not bad things but they always praise your assets and compare you to other women. Why you do that? It makes me sad and angry. I want to crush them both and beat them in the training ground until they can't breathe anymore. It makes my heart hurt every time I see you with them and I don't know why. Why you don't see me? I could be your friend and I would never talk bad things about you. I could protect you and hold your hand and you wouldn't be forced to be with them anymore. Tell me what to do to convince you? When I see you, I feel happy and sad, when you are not near I feel lost and desperate; tell me why? What this means?"- he was sobbing slowly, pouring every bit of his feelings in front of her. In his sweet way of being, he confessed his love. He had no name for his feelings and yet he expressed them. He put his soul in her hands.  
Azzura turned to him and touched his face with her fingers. One look in those amber eyes veiled with tears and she lost the battle. No one told her those words before, no one cried for her, Cullen did that and she surrendered her heart to him.

  
"It's called jealousy, Cullen. Because you love me. These are the feelings you want to find a name for. "- she kissed the tears on his face, then her lips found his mouth. Cullen never felt anything like this in his life, it was bliss and joy and he had no idea what to do. Her lips tasted so sweet and he petrified when she opened his mouth with her tongue. Azzura smiled and caressed his hair." Don't worry love, just follow my lead and do what your heart tells you, don't think."  
Tentatively he reached with his tongue to hers and pulled her closer. His head was spinning and he wanted something more, he needed something unknown. All it was new to him, and the happiness he felt at her touch was unbearable. It was his first kiss! The first time when he kept a girl in his arms, and it was her! They stopped after a while but he wanted more, he kissed her again, his confidence growing each time he heard her making those sounds in his mouth.  
Their foreheads touching, his arms still tangled around her he spoke, his breath ragged.  
" It was wonderful. Is this how you feel with…"- she put a finger on his lips.  
"No, Cullen. This is not what I feel all the time, this is special and different, because I think I fell in love with you. This is what I feel for you.'  
"Then, if what you say is true… would you stop being with them? I wouldn't be able to see you like that. I would die, I would go crazy."  
His jealousy so raw, bit his soul like a rage demon but he didn't care, he wanted her only for him, now and forever.  
"Yes, Cullen! I will be only yours, always. I promise this."  
She became serious and a tinge of fear sneaked between them.  
"Cullen, you are a Templar and I am a mage. You know that we can't love each other. If they find out, we will be tear apart."  
"Then I will die." – he said. And he mean it. He couldn't live without her. He loved the Maker and the Chantry, but if they took her from him, then he had no reason to trust them anymore. Because the Maker should be merciful and let his children love each other and love him, not a selfish being who asked blind adoration. He would never accept that.  
He kissed her again, more and more. They will live this moments and will hope for a happy ending or at least for a long, peaceful love.  
________________________________________

* * *

  
"Maker! You really are gone with the wind, my friend. What are you thinking?"  
Azzura jerked, brought back to reality. It was a long buried memory, of her first love. She promised him that she will come back and never did. Guilt and pain crawled like snakes into her inner consciousness.  
"It's just that I regret something I did long time ago. Some things that were never said between me and someone I once loved."  
"Tell me! I want to know everything!"  
Sarina didn't left her alone until she spilled out every deed she made since she was in the Circle. Azzura smiled at her new found friend. This should be like when you have someone to share your thoughts, your secrets. Just like that, like best friends do. She missed her talks with Petra and Neria now. Who knew where they were, how they escaped the rebellion and the conflict between mages and Templars.  
She was a bad friend and a bad keeper of promise


	5. A new journey, new problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited chapter :) I had to update because, reasons lol

Finally the day to leave arrived and Azzura was making the last preparations. She still had time to read some letters until the ship for Jader will sail out. Nathaniel told her that the contact he was talking about will arrange for protection, even if Nate now felt that it was not necessary, Azzura just showed him she was full of surprises.  
He handed her more letters to read and left her alone going to search for a certain pouting wife, who wished to go with her friend but couldn’t.  
Some of the letters made her smile; Velanna telling her not to come to Amaranthine under death penalty by her hands, scribbled in a different orthography it was added a small “ she misses you” , Garavel’s doing for sure. Oghren sent blasted nugs and wishes to see her if she goes to Orzammar, several other Wardens sent their greetings. Eamon brought her the documents necessary for the official mission plus a personal letter from the King.  
Azzura took the letter and watched it with uncertainty. She was afraid to open it, she was afraid of what she will read there. Making courage, she broke the sigil.

* * *

 

 

“ _Dear Azzura,_

  
_Before greeting you, let me say something else: WHERE THE BLASTED MAKER’S BALLS HAVE YOU BEEN?”_

 

She just bended over because of laughing. That was an Alistair she knew for sure.

 

_“Well I suppose that should do it. Now, where we were left? Oh, right! You came back from the dead and I am glad to know that you are all right. We have so much to talk but I will wait for you to come to Denerim, once your mission for the All Mighty King of Ferelden is finished. I would like to write more but Anora is telling me that I need to attend to another meeting. I should better go if I want to skip away in the tavern with Bryant tonight. Please tell Teagan that I want him back soon, our party is nothing without him. I hate when people get married!_

_Yours,_   
_Alistair, who tries hard to be a King!”_

* * *

 

She still tried to calm down because the letter just brought her to tears. She laughed loud, with relief and joy that Alistair was the same like usual and that he didn’t sent her a love letter. It was almost like he was writing to an old friend, that was really good. She reread the last sentence.  
Bryant? It was that Bryant? Life was complicated. She laughed once again. Alistair lurking in the tavern with Tegan like in the old days. Thanks the Maker that he knew how to be himself once in a while.  
Nathaniel came in with yet another missive.  
“This came with the raven just now. I thought you might like to read it.” – his grin was infectious.

 

_“My little elfroot!_

_This poor antivan elf sends the best kisses in all Thedas and lays hugs at your tiny feet. I hope you are all right and you take care of yourself. My associates will watch over you until you get to that Maker forsaken place. I hope you are in for a big surprise._   
_Love, Your good looking ex- Crow.”_

 

“Zevran??? You know him? How?”  
“ Let’s say we work on the same side. He told me to keep it secret for now.”- Nate gave her a lopsided grin.  
She approached him and purred, making puppy eyes to him.

“Nate? You know you can trust me? In what exactly are you involved and with who? If you and Zev are working together…” – she trailed off – “ I mean how you met him?”  
Nate laughed getting away from her grasp. Whenever she did that, and lately even his wife got the habit of batting lashes and pouting mouth, he couldn’t resist. Women can be a problem for men who try hard to keep their secrets. In a way or another they will always spill out anything.

“I met him in Kirkwall when he was fleeing from his Crows and only this you will have out from me. You will learn soon everything. Zevran said that it has to be a secret for now. “ – Azzura hang on his arm tighter – “Step back , woman! You won’t make me talk.” – laughing he ran out from the room.

 _Well, I might have lost some of my charm. Usually he would talk like a singing little bird by now. –_ she thought, looking with a smile after her friend.

 

Something told her that if Nate and Zev hid that from her, it must be a nice surprise after all. Taking her small travelling bag and strapping the staff on her back, she descended in the courtyard to say the last goodbyes. She cringed at the thought of the long trip waiting ahead but also she was filled with happiness that she had something to do. As long she stood in that place in the last six years, she had a purpose. She knew why she will come back to Ferelden once her quest was completed, then after she lost the ability to cast spells she became unsure. It wasn’t possible to complete her mission without being a mage and she felt helpless. Her return in the country that was her home was a rushed one, out of necessity. It was like someone threw her back when she wasn’t ready, and she wasn’t yet. She took a deep breath and said to herself that this was only a drawback, she will complete her revenge sooner or later. She waited all these years, she could wait a bit more. As long her target was alive, and she hoped that it was, because she wanted to watch those eyes, before she will kill.

A grimace formed on her lips, she knew that revenge was for people like Howe or Loghain and she felt ashamed for taking a place in their ranks, but she didn’t care. She was the Hero of Ferelden once, she wanted to fade away in a small corner in the history books at least, but now she had to make her appearance as the one of the two Grey Wardens who survived the Blight, once more. That meant putting the revenge aside, but not for long. One day she will enter Aeonar and kill the only person left on her list. Then she will go after the Seekers.

 

 _“Foolish child, I thought that you will give up to this madness. You don’t have heart for revenge.”_ \- the voice made a snort and Azzura imagined the ghost to whom it belonged, rolling its eyes- “ _We will see later if you will still insist.”_  
_“Flemeth, I don’t know how you got into my head, but can you stop reading my mind? Becomes tiresome.”_ – she replied back in her thoughts.  
Flemeth’s laugh became fainter like she was walking away from her target.  
_“You will know soon. I will talk to you later, Hero.”_

 

Sarina waved a hand in front of her friend’s face. She saw Azzura walking outside then stopping like she hit an invisible wall. What got her worried was the mage’s eyes staring in distance without seeing no one. One of the many amulets to her neck shone with a faint purple light, Sarina felt a little scared at the thought that maybe Azzura became possessed by some entity, known only to mages and Templars. She put a hand on her sword’s pommel and closed in.

“Azzura? Are you all right?” – she gave her a shoulder shake. Startled, Azzura looked around, not understanding why her friend was watching her with a sword in her hand.  
“I’m all right, Sarina. What’s going on?” – she asked passing a hand over her face.  
“You looked like a statue! You stopped here and you won’t hear me calling. And that amulet of yours is glowing strange.”  
Azzura took the amulet and tucked it under her tunic’s collar.  
“It’s nothing Sarina. I was just thinking. Sometimes the Fade is so strong that is pulling me inside without me wanting it. I had these moments before, is nothing to be worried.” – she headed out with her friend in tow –“ I only wish that this would happen only when I am alone. I don’t want to scare people around.”

When she finally stepped on the ship and everyone on the shore waved hands, Azzura realized that she will miss them a lot. She was happy that Sarina and Nate will become parents despite the Grey Warden assumptions that they can’t have children. Teagan was finally getting married and Alistair enjoyed his kingly ways. And still, she felt like she was living in the past. It was like everyone was rushing ahead with their lives and she just stopped in the middle of the road, watching them passing by. That saddened her. It was her decision to hide and stay away from the world for all that time, a wise choice? Valeria said it wasn’t, but she didn’t listened. She was just happy to get away from everything, plotting her revenge. Poor Valeria, she trusted Azzura and taught her everything she knew without knowing the real reason. The Hero felt ashamed for the second time this morning, she acted exactly like the people giving Valeria chase all the years she spent in that place, forgot by the world. She was no better than a Tevinter magister. Clutching the staff Valeria gave her, Azzura went to the cabin assigned for the journey.

* * *

 

 

 _Skyhold_ ,

 

 

Leliana stormed in the war room waving a small paper. Cullen twisted his lips in a little smile and Cassandra raised both eyebrows in a questioning look. Their spymaster was all about keeping her wits and neutral expressions, this Leliana however, looked like a girl who just received a love letter, all giggles and shiny eyes.  
Looking over the reports she was holding in her hands, Cassandra asked the obvious question.  
“You look pleased. Did you found out where Corypheus is hiding?”  
Leliana’s grin became wider. With a glance at Cullen she enlightened them.  
“Alistair’s envoy is in its way to Skyhold. Should be here in the next two days.”  
Cullen looked puzzled, and a little irritated maybe?

Switching some pin marks on the Orlais’ part on the map unfolded on the table he didn’t looked at Leliana but asked.  
“ I still don’t understand why King Alistair still needs confirmation of our good intents. We helped taking back Redcliffe from Alexius, we took the mages out of his hands and spend our time in relief efforts. I am a fereldan born and he knows it, a lot of fereldans joined our army too. Why then he doesn’t trust the Inquisition?”  
Leliana tried her better to explain to everyone. She knew Alistair from her days trailing with him along the roads, she knew it wasn’t actually the King who didn’t trust them. The Commander might be a fereldan born but he was not aware of how exactly the politics in Ferelden worked behind the scenes.

“It’s not the King who doesn’t trust us, it’s the nobles. You know that Ferelden is not Orlais when comes to listening to their people. The King needs to pass major decisions in the Landsmeet. The nobles ‘ opinion counts a lot in this matters and the nobles, at least the old ones, still fear a new occupation. The tyranny of the usurper is still fresh in their minds even after all these years. They are afraid and Alistair needs to assure them. But don’t worry Commander, I have the feeling that we will have it our way.”

“Do we know this envoy? How we should to receive him?”  
For a moment Leliana thought that she should tell them but she hold back. Looking at Cassandra, she thought that the Seeker will have a heart attack or she will enrage if she discovered that the one they looked for, in every place from Ferelden to Rivain, Nevarra and Anderfels , will just walk to their door. As for Cullen, it was another story; she remembered well the Circle rebellion and what he told to Azzura and she also knew of Azzura’s attempts to reach to him after they left. What she didn’t knew it was how he will react seeing her again. So she decided to let the big surprise, just like that; a surprise.

“ I can’t give you a name yet, but I assure you that it will be easy to convince the envoy. Besides, Alistair said that his emissary will join the Inquisition if he wants.” – saying that, she hurried out.

“It will be hard to hide this information from them. I think a little visit to Val Royaux will spare me the questioning.” – grinning, she started to gather her papers and gave orders for her departure.  
In the war room Cassandra squinted her eyes after the leaving spymaster.

“She is laying.’  
Cullen laughed at the Seeker. “Of course she is laying. She is a spy.”

The Seeker still baffled looked at the Spymaster fleeing with her escort, out the gates and towards the road leading down to the travelling routes. At that outrage she raised her hands, turning to Cullen.

“And she is leaving! Why I have the feeling that we are being played?”  
Cullen approached her and put a hand on her shoulder casting a look towards the Skyhold’s gates.  
“Because we are. I have a bad feeling about it. She knows who this envoy is and she is getting away from us.”

When Cassandra left, mumbling threats of what she will do to Leliana, Cullen closed the war room’s door and stumbled in a chair. His hands trembled slightly and he closed them into fists, resting them on his knees. It was one of those days again. The last few days were spent in a rush and he had the feeling that something strange would happen. Things like this made him stressed because he liked to knew what dangers he might have to face and prepare in advance. He liked to control the battlefield and adding an unknown in that equation put him on the edge. Leliana knew who this envoy was and since she decided not to tell them, by conclusion he or Cassandra might have met him.  
Pressing his hands over his tired eyes he went to his office and then up the ladder in his room. Taking his armor off he let himself fall on the bed and try to get some sleep. The envoy slipped out of his mind and a restless night waited for him.

* * *

 

 

_It was the same dream like always. Meredith trying to kill the Champion and him stepping in front of Hawke, shielding her._   
_“You won’t touch her! Knight-Commander Meredith I order you to stand down!”_   
_“What? My own Knight-Captain turns against me? You were enthralled by her with blood magic?” – saying this Meredith attacked him with her sword made of pure red lyrium. He rose his shield to block her and stepped back to avoid being touched by the sword’s tip. The humming the red lyrium made, it was evil, unnatural. Hawke told him that it was dangerous and he believed her now, watching his own Commander’s eyes filled with madness._   
_A wicked grin spread on Meredith’s face and attacked him again._   
_“Are you afraid for your life, Captain? Or are you afraid for her life? She betrayed you! I was the one to save you from her. I was the one to show you the right path! I am sad, it seems you can get over your love for mages.”_   
_Cullen felt Hawke at his back preparing her spells but he didn’t look away._   
_“Mages are people too, Meredith! Took me a while to understand this. Our methods were harsh! Hawke did everything to help you, to help them! She doesn’t deserve this!”_   
_Meredith stopped and with the laugh full of madness she pointed to Hawke._   
_“ Look at her! She betrayed you, not me!”_   
_Watching Hawke’s companions and seeing that they had Meredith under their guard, Cullen risked to look over his shoulder at her._   
_Hawke’s green eyes became blue and the Champion’s red hair grew and changed into dark curls. Cullen stepped back in horror, bumping in his Commander._   
_“No. Not her! She left but she had her reasons! She saved us all!”_   
_Meredith’s voice became almost seductive and her breath brushed his ear._   
_“ She left because she loved the freedom more. All the mages want to escape the Circles at a point in their lives. She was no better, she forgot about you, never came back. Why should you be faithful to her, or Hawke. All mages are the same. They don’t care for a Templar who would throw away his vows for them. She used you and you know it. She left you alone to face the consequences of your little dalliance.”_   
_Cullen’s voice wavered slightly._   
_“She wasn’t a dalliance, I loved her.”_   
_“At what end? You loved her but she didn’t loved you enough. Imagine how those eyes would look filled of tears, begging you to spare her life. Imagine that body torn by your blade, so no one can have her. Imagine how strong you would be if you would ally with me. You could crush her like a little bug under your heel.”_   
_Hawke became Azzura dressed in her nightgown he remembered from the Circle, her companions disappeared in a cloud of smoke and Meredith with a flip of her finger made her go back towards a column in the center of the Gallows. Chains spurred from the ground and trapped Azzura’s legs, her hands were pulled backwards, encircling the stone pillar. Azzura wasn’t talking. She was just looking at Cullen with wide eyes, pleading him silently._   
_His voice barely a whisper, tried to gain leverage over his own thoughts._   
_“What are you doing, Meredith? Leave her alone.”_   
_A vial filled with a red liquid showed up between Meredith’s fingers and she placed it in his hands._   
_“Drink. You will become stronger and everything will go away, your love for her and the pain to lose her. Make her suffer and enjoy it, you deserve it. You were my faithful follower and I like that you and I are so much alike.”_   
_Entranced, Cullen looked at the vial then at the chained woman. Then without thinking twice he drunk the poisoned lyrium. His eyes lost every trace of humanity and reddened, his mouth twisted into a snarl. Unsheathing his sword he walked towards the woman who once he loved but now, he never remembered doing so. He wanted only to feel the pleasure of her pained screams in his ears, like a love song._   
_The woman never spoke and when he cut a deep wound in one of her arms, she let a deafening cry of horror. Cullen watched the blood flowing on his hands and he wanted more. Another cut followed on the other arm and Azzura lost her consciousness. Meredith brought her back to her senses moving her hand only._   
_When Azzura’s body was tattered with wounds, Cullen plunged his sword into her heart. Her nightgown tinged with crimson and in a last effort, she rose her eyes toward him. There was no hate in them, she just smiled sadly._   
_“I love you.” – then her head fell on her chest and she gave her last breath in his arms._

* * *

 

“Noooo!” – Cullen’s desperate cry, muffled by his pillow could still be heard in the stillness enveloping Skyhold. If the soldiers doing the night patrol could hear it, they would never mention it. Their Commander fought his demons with dignity, they wouldn’t take it from him.

He dried his tears with the bedsheet then leaned back on the pillow, fixing the hole in his roof. This nightmare was different from the others he had. Usually it will be him chained watching how Meredith is torturing Hawke or the one where he is still imprisoned in the Circle. This was worst, it was the first time where he would fall into temptation. And with red lyrium none the less. He loathed the Red Templars, he loathed the lyrium leash with which the Chantry would imprison the Templars and he hated the violence for pleasure. He wasn’t a monster! And then it was Azzura Amell, the woman he loved so much when he was young. The woman who left him to join the Grey Wardens only to be free of the Circle. The woman who left him in the hands of the Seekers. He closed his eyes to stop his head from spinning and to calm the dizziness. Azzura was also the woman who saved his life and saved what was left from the Circle. He told her he hated her, he sent her away threatening her with his sword.

In the nightmare he was torturing her and he felt pleasure. But then when she looked at him, saying she loved him, he felt sick of himself. What made him cringe in horror was the fact that even after all these years, he loved her. He never loved another woman and he was sure he never will. He went to the table and gripped the ledge with both hands, remembering how she promised him that she will be only his. That they will be together no matter what. And he was ready to die for her if something happened to them both. He was a foolish boy back then, but he knew that what he was saying, was true, far from what she did to them later. She abandoned him and soon she found another man to love. Since then he swore to never let another woman fool him again. How many times he asked himself how he could get so smitten with her, how many times he wondered where she was gone, what was she doing? And how many times he had to hold on the impulse to search for her. After ten long years without her, here he is, a man who broke his chains and still feeling chained by his feelings towards her.

A wave of sickness burned his stomach and he went to throw up in the basin. His hands trembled worse than before he went to sleep. The lyrium withdrawal made him feel weak and worthless. Seemed that today he will have to let Cassandra handle the army and he will just hide in his office.  
He will endure alone, like he always did. Alone, in his illness and alone in his life, this was his destiny.

* * *

 

Azzura arrived to Jader in the morning. The city already buzzed with the noise of merchants and people heading to their own chores. The caravan of dwarves she would travel with, was already on the move. They wanted to get to Orzammar the next day and for her it was good. She will part ways with them outside the dwarven city to proceed ahead with her journey. She wasn’t afraid to travel alone but sometimes she wished her mabari could still live to give her company. Puppy died defending her of a small group of darkspawn she encountered in her way fleeing Vigil’s Keep six years ago.

In the third day of her travel, she encountered a small pack of wolves which she dispatched easily. The dwarves were so kind to give her plenty of bombs and some weapons she could put to use. The snow felt soft under her horses’ hooves and the beast made funny steps. With amusement, she understood that the horse she started to like already, was playing. The horse master in Jader told her that it was one of the horses the Inquisition used and it was sent especially for her by the Spymaster. Attached on his bridle it was a note saying that he will take her to Skyhold because he knew how to get there alone.

She patted the horse on his neck and let him play along. The day was sunny and the air warm, might as well enjoy it. When she bored of walking slowly with a tip of her heels she encouraged the mare to start running.

Looking at his black coat perfectly brushed and the small white star between his ears she smiled, the name should fit perfect.  
“I name you Star, what do you think? You know , I missed riding so much and you are just adorable. I will ask them to give you to me, would you like that?”  
The horse hoofed his nostrils then stopped dead on his tracks with his ears raised, listening intently. Azzura looked around too, trying to soothe him. “ What’s wrong, boy? More wolves? We can take care of them, you know it.”

Suddenly a scream of pain and the cracked sound of a lightning spell assaulted her ears. Without thinking twice, she rushed the horse towards the sounds. Near the river flowing parallel with the road, in a small tree clearing she saw a group of people trying to hold back another. The first group was defending something that looked like the entrance into a cavern. Approaching silently, Azzura left Star on the road and hid behind a boulder, evaluating the situation. To her dismay the two groups battling, where Templars. The ones defending the cave looked younger than her, their enemies seems more seasoned and well trained. She felt magic and scent of lyrium around her, so must have been mages around. When she didn’t saw them and from the way the young Templars defended the cave, she understood. The war got here too, the war that brought the two factions to near destruction. The young Templars couldn’t hold off longer, and then she saw the rage in their enemies eyes. Mage hunters, looking for their prey.

“ _If only I had my power.”_ But that wouldn’t stop her. Anger took over her when she saw a Templar defender girl fell on her knees because of a shield bash. Roaring she lunged forward in the middle of the fight.  
“Stop! What is going on here? You are raising swords against each other, you are Templars!” – she addressed to the one she thought being the attackers leader.  
A wide grin spread on his face. Bloodshot eyes watched her from head to toes.  
“Aye, there is another one. Put her in her place men. We can’t let mages alive and their mage lovers either. They don’t deserve to live.”

Azzura took place in front of the young Templars and rose her staff. The weapon was magnificent, started to shine a golden light; its crescent moon shaped head, innocuous when not used, changed into a crescent mooned flame, the blade hidden under the fire. The bottom, usually blunt, switched into a stylized lightning, its sharp edges coated in swirling energy. The attacking Templars looked at it and stepped back.  
“So, anyone care to try sparring?” – she taunted them. “ Eight against four. This is cheating, people. They are younger than you. Pick up with someone fresh, will you?”

The mage hunters run ahead trying to make her retreat. One of them brought the shield up and began a powerful bash, Azzura just stepped aside then rotating the staff in her hands she cut the legs out from him with the lightning spear. Howling in pain the brute began to lose blood. Another one sneaked behind her and lunged with the sword but one of the young Templars put him down with his shield. One of the Templars away from her released a Holy Smite, another tried to silence her. She felt their attempts on her skin but nothing more. Grinning at their confused faces, she stabbed with the crescent flame the unlucky man who got too near.

“What? Don’t you like my magic? Try that smite again.”

“She is and abomination! This is not possible!” – yelled the Templar who tried to silence her. Azzura just rolled her eyes and made a wide swipe with her staff setting aflame her opponent’s hair. Two of them lay dead at her feet but the others were still closing in. The young Templars barely kept their shields up, one of them already so worn from the fight that it had to be dragged inside the cave by a mage who risked coming outside. Fighting so many people simultaneously made her lose her focus for a second and a sword made a lucky hit just above her wrist causing her to almost drop the staff.  
A wide volley of arrows made pin cushions of the Templars heads. Three of them fell dead right away, the forth was squirming on the ground with blood coming out from his mouth. The rest of two began to run but like a blur, someone passed them and threw daggers on their sides. She went towards the young Templar still unconscious on the ground and put a hand on his face. Azzura’s face almost fell when she saw her hand glowing with green energy of healing. Fearing that she will lose concentration she kept her hand on the man’s head until the wound he had above his left eye, closed leaving a small scar behind. Then she rose and tried to summon a small fireball, but nothing.

“Well, I guess that was by pure luck.” – she shrugged then turned to the one Templar standing.” Are you all right?”  
“Yes, My Lady. Uhm.. Enchanter?” – he replied unsure how to address her.  
“Just call me Azzura for now. How are you holding up?”

“ Thank you for appearing when you did, we were almost losing the fight. We needed to defend our mages, but we couldn’t handle it much longer. Please come inside to the others.”  
Just right then two people clad in brown leather one of them sheeting his daggers the other one her short bow, came to a stop by the cave’s entrance. The woman kept Star by his bridles.  
“We are sorry Lady Amell. We should had kept an eye over you but then you just left the horse on the road and disappeared.”

Azzura laughed at the two elves, dalish by their markings. “ If you had to keep an eye after me, you could have joined me on the road, it was boring travelling alone, no?”  
The elven male shifted a bit uncomfortable on his feet. “ Well, we didn’t know if you wanted company. The spymaster said that we should only keep an eye on you. By the way, I am Serin and this is my sister Serana.”

“This Spymaster you talk about, is he the one who leads this Inquisition network?”  
“The spy network at least, but you won’t have a name. We are prohibited to say it.” – Serana, the girl smirked.  
“ Not that I was hoping to find out anything. Everyone wants their mouths shot around me lately.” – a bemused a Azzura winked at them, then she head inside the cavern.  
A sorry state of things greeted her. There were the three young Templars from outside, another one who was in his maybe early forties lay on a blanket on the ground, trembling. On another blanket there was a young woman with dark hair cut into a bob, unconscious. One of the mages was trying to heal her but she was almost at her last strands of mana, her sweaty forehead showing it. There was also a young man with the sunburst marking, a Tranquil who stood near two young boys in their fifteen maybe. Giving her the back another female mage tried to console a young girl. When she turned towards the new arrived, Azzura let a gasp of shock.

“Petra? It is really you?”  
The woman gave her a weary look trying to figure out if she knew the person calling her by name.  
“You seem familiar but..”  
Azzura smiled with all her teeth. “ I always find you in strange places. Always helping others.”  
Petra came closer and her violet eyes widened.” Azzura?? It is really you?”  
Azzura laughed. ”I asked first. What are you all doing here?”

Petra hugged her tightly and motioning to the others in her group, said. “ The youngsters are Ser Chantelle, Ryan and respectively Michael, Templars from Ostwick. Well Chantelle is orlesian, detached to Ostwick Circle or what was left of it. Their Knight Captain, Ser Lawrence is in lyrium withdrawal unfortunately. The young lady on the floor is Evelyn Trevelyan. The Inquisitor’s sister. The bastards hit her with two smites in the same time.” Motioning towards the Tranquil, she added. “ He is Corin and the boys are the brothers Paul and Phillip. The young lady over there is Marina.”  
One of the Templars, Ryan bowed and spoke:” Enchanter Amell..” – he stopped hit by realization. Azzura rolled her eyes. _Here it comes_.

“The Hero of Ferelden!” All of them kneeled in front of her and brought their fists to their chests.  
“Oh C’mon, people! Stop this non sense. No one bows in front of me, just call me your friend would you?”  
Chantelle spoke, her eyes still filled with awe. “We are grateful. We were heading to Skyhold to offer our help to Senior Enchanter Evelyne’s brother when that group of Templars attacked us.”  
Azzura felt a wave of sympathy towards all of them. It grew even more seeing that despite the war ragging outside, they allied together to offer their lives for the cause. There was still hope for everyone.  
“You are all tired, with no horses we won’t make it to Skyhold today, not with wounded people.”

“We finished our lyrium too. The Knight Captain resisted for one week without it, but now he got worse. We gave up to our rations for him, but it wasn’t enough I’m afraid.”  
Looking one more time around her, Azzura’s eyes fell upon the girl who Petra consoled before she got there. The girl’s eyes were unfocused and she was moving her lips, talking to no one in particular.  
Azzura yelled to everyone rushing towards the girl. “Everyone get out! Templars at the ready!” The she slapped the girl hard, several times. Finally she got her attention, then taking one of her pendants which had the same crescent moon and lightning intertwined, slipped it on the girl’s neck.

“Look at me! Now!”- she told her between gritted teeth. “ Which demon was talking to you?”  
Eyes filled with fear, the girl whimpered. “ A-a desire demon.” Azzura brushed a lock of hair from her face.” Great! And she was offering, what?”  
“P-power. To help defeating the attacking Templars.”  
“Andraste’s arse! Attacking Templars, uhm? There were attacking Templars yes, but also there were attacking Templars who were trying to defend you! All Templars! I suppose you didn’t got your Harrowing, isn’t it?”  
“No. Not yet. That’s why we took them with us, I couldn’t let them in the Trevelyan mansion for this reason.” – replied Petra.  
Forcing back a headache, Azzura tried to find a solution. Not that were any available in the middle of nowhere. One of the scouts approached wearily.  
“Lady Amell. I have a raven. I can send a message to Skyhold for reinforcements.”  
“How long it will take for the raven to get there?”

“Only almost two hours. With good horses they could be here in the next six.”  
“Very well. Send the message. We will have to wait here.”  
Petra approached her then dragged her outside the cave before telling the Templars to close guard the girl. “If..” – she started. Azzura closed a reassuring hand over hers. “Don’t worry, for now she is safe. But we will have to make her get the Harrowing right after we arrive to Skyhold. The pendant keeps the demon at bay for now.”  
“How is that possible? There is no such magic around as far I know.”

“Do you remember the Litany of Adralla?” Petra nodded sadly.” The book which saved us and Niall gave his life to protect.” “Exactly. I found a way to enchant the pendant with the words written in it. Works against mind control and keeps demons at bay.” Petra narrowed her eyes. “ There was an entire book! Do you still remember the words? None of us could. Remember how Irving got mad every time we missed to memorize it?” Azzura laughed. “Yes. I know, but I had to learn it if I didn’t want Wynne to paralyze me. Did you saved the tome after the Ferelden Circle fell?” She couldn’t tell Petra what was the other thing completing the amulet, no one was prepared to hear it yet.

Petra sighed. “The First Enchanter took it with him at the Conclave. He and Greagoir were inside when everything blew off. Blasted war!” – Petra began to sob silently in Azzura’s arms and she felt tears finding their way out too.


	6. Hero and Commander

Cassandra grabbed the scout’s jacket, before he could knock at the door leading to Cullen’s office. The Commander needed rest and she will give it to him, no matter what. She motioned to a guard standing nearby and showed him the door.  
“Stay here and don’t let anyone disturb the Commander. Send them to me.” Turning towards the scout she led him down in the courtyard.  
“What is it?” The boy handed her a note. ”This one arrived just now, with one of Sister Leliana’s ravens. It’s urgent, my lady.”  
Cassandra unfolded the paper and read:

_“Envoy all right. Found a group of mages and Templars, they have wounded. The Herald’s sister is with them. Prepare a Harrowing chamber as soon as possible. Send reinforcements quick. Templars please.”_

She felt goose bumps on her skin. “Shit.” – She never swore but this was a dire situation and the message was just that. Shit.  
The Seeker started barking orders to left and right. “Rylen, have some of your best Templars ready to ride in ten minutes. I need a healer!” She ran towards where the Mages settled their own tower and busted in like a hurricane.  
“We need a Harrowing chamber ready by tomorrow morning!”  
“What is the problem Lady Penthagast?”  
“I don’t know yet. I need one of the healers to prepare and go with the Templars Rylen gathered at the gate. Now.”  
“All right then. We will work all night and we will have it ready.”  
She massaged her temples. It was a bad timing for all of this. The Herald had yet to return from the Emerald Graves, Cullen was sick, Leliana still hadn’t arrived and she was all alone. _Ugh, sometimes I hate being_ _in command.”_ – She thought.

* * *

 

Azzura couldn’t sleep at all; too many thoughts were rushing around her mind. She told the Templars to sleep, it was pointless to keep them awake, and they all were exhausted. The raven sent to Skyhold came back with the answer that a squad of Templars and a healer were on their way towards them. The two scouts went ahead on the road to meet them. Sighing, she stood near the cot where the Knight Captain was resting, still prey of his lyrium withdrawal. She put a hand on his forehead and the healing channeled between her fingers.

  
_Interesting, that means my powers are only blocked._  
_“Of course they are blocked._ ” – Flemeth’s mocking voice sounded in her mind again. _“You will have your powers only when you will really need them, for now.” “What this supposed to mean? How do you know?”_  
_“Remember to not play with magic you don’t know, foolish child.”_ \- saying this, the Witch’s voice disappeared once again, leaving Azzura frustrated and angry.

  
The Knight Captain woke up with a groan, eyes widening at the sight of the unknown woman standing over him. She looked down and pushed him back on the improvised bed.  
“It’s all right Knight Captain. I am Azzura Amell and I helped your Templars, they have been quite busy. I told them to rest.” She handed him the water skin throwing a quick glance over the others.  
“Waking up with the Hero of Ferelden looming over me, I still must be dreaming, my lady.” – Azzura smiled at him, even blushing a bit. “Ser Lawrence, I take it that you really feel better. We sent a message to Skyhold and they are arriving with reinforcements, maybe we can get some lyrium for you.”  
He looked over to where his Templars were sleeping, his eyes warming at the view of the three of them. Azzura followed his gaze and felt emotions she thought buried deep in her soul; hope, sympathy and... faith. No, she lost her faith long time ago. Faith in people was possible but she lost her faith in the Maker when she left Kinloch Hold after the Circle fell.  
“They fought like lions. When I got here they were almost overrun by the assailants but they never backed down. The girl, Chantelle is a wild fury and the boys are really hard to hit.” – Azzura was sincerely impressed. The young Templars were really well trained and disciplined.  
“ I trained them. I was going to promote them but now I don’t know where we stand in all of this. We will have to wait and see what the Inquisition will do.”  
“Knight Captain, what happened in Ostwick? Except for Kinloch Hold, Ostwick is the last stand in the neutrality and from what I have heard, the Ferelden Circle fell too. Petra told me that the First Enchanter Irving and the Knight Commander Greagoir died at the Conclave.”  
“So did their counterparts from Ostwick, I’m afraid. They four went there as neutral parties. Our both circles however, adhered to the Equitarians faction. We wanted the Circles but with new ideas.”  
“I can see what are those ideas, in the fervor with which your Templars defended their mages. We had the same ideals back when I was in the Circle and I suppose they continued.” – She stopped short, trying to wash the bitterness of remembering Uldred’s uprising.  
“Petra arrived to Ostwick after that business with Uldred in your Circle. Irving sent her to us because she was traumatized. She told us about what happened and how you saved them. Senior Enchanter Amell, it’s an honor to meet you.”  
Azzura laughed at the title.” I actually am only a poor Enchanter. I joined the Wardens before Irving could tie me down to a desk. So, how comes that I see your group on foot, without horses?”  
Ser Lawrence rolled his eyes.” Evelyn forgot to tie them up for the night. They fled after they heard some wolves, with all our supplies.” – The Warden laughed again, looking over where Evelyn rested.  
“Don’t tell me that she is the one who keeps the Knight Commander on his toes.’  
“Yes, she is. The Herald’s sister is the death of me. Not because I don’t trust her, it’s because I need to keep her out of trouble. After we discovered our lost horses she just cheered on and said that we can make it on foot, like pilgrims. Her brother would appreciate the worship. Maker help me, the Inquisitor will have his hands full with her there.”- He smiled, now full awake and sitting with his back on the cavern’s wall. “The Trevelyans are a colorful family to say the least. I will let her tell the story how she ended up on this road, she is quite the storyteller. As for we others, we had to abandon the Circle after almost everyone scattered around. The Trevelyans offered shelter to the children, Templars and Senior Enchanters left to watch over them. I decided to come here but I got the followers. Seems I am _inspiring._ ” – He said with a chuckle.  
“Knight Captain, I don’t want to worry you, I took care of the problem for the moment, but we have a desire demon in the leash. Marina, that girl over there, lost over. We will have to get her thru the Harrowing. I asked for a place prepared once we get there and there are some Templars coming our way.”  
Ser Lawrence glanced over the sleeping Templars:” Are you sure there is no danger?”  
“Yes. Let them sleep, soon we will have to get on the road.”  
Evelyn Trevelyan stirred on her blanket and groaned: “Ow! Who closed the curtains?” Azzura muffled a laugh and helped the girl rise in a sitting position.”  
“Hello Senior Enchanter! How are you feeling?” Evelyn stomped a hand on Amell’s mouth:” Please, don’t yell!”  
Ser Lawrence smiled, handing the water skin to Evelyn:” Drink. It should help with the headache.”  
“Oh! Why, Ser? That was a nice party, last night. I got drunk and now I’m paying the deal. Stupid Templars! I suppose we were victorious since we are alive?”  
“You got hit by two smites in a row, I thought the worst. “  
“Yup, because I am a knight enchanter that doesn’t give them the right to pick up exclusively with me. I should have learned spirit healing instead.”  
The Warden liked the girl. Her temper and wit reminded her of a younger Petra and her funny puns. Without thinking she said:” I am too pretty to be a blood mage!’  
Lawrence and Eve stared at her.” Oh, sorry! It’s just that Evelyn reminds me of Petra so much and I remembered a quote we used for a long time, to refer to her. You should ask her later.” Amell specified with a wink in Petra’s direction. Eve made a face:” Really? Petra used to be like me? But she is so posed and serious!”  
“Oh, you have nooo idea.”  
“So, you know her?”  
“We grew up in the same Circle.”  
Ser Lawrence interrupted her: “Lady Amell is the Warden Commander of Ferelden.”  
Eve’s jaw dropped.” Wow! I finally meet you! You are my favorite Hero!” At the scolding look Azzura gave her, Eve cleared her throat: “No Hero worship, got it.”  
“So Eve, if I may call you that, how comes that you are a Senior Knight Enchanter so young?” “Because I am that good!” Eve stop in the mid-sentence at Ser Lawrence’s glare. “Well, maybe a little.”  
Definitely, Evelyn Trevelyan was a figure. She had the habit to say exactly what she had in her mind, most of it being so genuinely innocent and subtle that Azzura supposed that the girl got away with it easily. Except of Petra in her youth, only Alistair had the same moments. Azzura wondered how he is and decided that once she got to her destination, she will have to write him a longer letter.  
The group of Templars arrived close to sunrise and the healer went over the survivors to check on them. The group leader approached Azzura and bowed to her.  
“Knight Lieutenant Oliver Stone, My Lady! We are here to escort you back to Skyhold. Lady Pentaghast told us that the Harrowing Chamber you required it will be ready once we arrive.”  
“Nice to meet you, Knight Lieutenant. I hope everything will work out with, let’s say, our denizen.”  
Evelyn stormed outside and stopped in front of the Knight Lieutenant:” Hi! Is my brother in his castle? I am his sister.”  
Ser Oliver blinked, trying to hide a grin: “That was … quite the presentation, my lady.”  
“Oh! I’m sorry; I am Evelyn Trevelyan, Herald’s sister.”  
“The Inquisitor is not at the Skyhold but he is due to return this week. I’m sure he will be happy to see you.”  
“Like a house on fire.” Evelyn replied back, stashing her staff on her shoulder.

* * *

 

 

The sun rose over Thedas and Skyhold; the Seeker was not impressed, she had a terrible headache. She and the mages stood awake all night, preparing wards and securing a closed space for the incoming abomination. Yes, the Seeker was sure of that. She saw a lot of demons in her life and she knew for sure that the mage won’t survive the trial. Cassandra went to ask for more Templars to get ready, just in case the demon shows itself before they get in. She was also worried for Cullen, he didn’t wake up yet.  
The Seeker climbed all the damned stairs to his office and knocked on the door.  
“Cullen? Are you awake?” – She heard his footsteps and a second later the door opened, showing a pale Cullen.  
“Cassandra, what’s going on? You are up early, is everything all right?”  
She huffed and leaned on the wall near to his desk. “I haven’t slept at all. We have a problem. There is a group of people coming in; the Herald’s sister and King Alistair’s emissary are with them. And also a possible demon possessed.”  
Cullen dropped on the floor the reports Cassandra just handed to him. He grabbed the desk’s ledge with both hands, horrific images making way in his mind. Images from another time and another place, images he thought would just be buried and never come alive.  
“Maker help us! I have to... do you …?”  
Cassandra felt his distress, she knew how he will react but she had no other choice. Squeezing his arm, she tried to calm him down. His illness made him very susceptible and he had mood swings, today was the fear of demons apparently.  
“We have everything under control, Cullen. You don’t have to go there, I will.”  
He made a strained sound and turned his eyes towards the door. “But I am the Commander! How I cannot be there? What everyone will think?”  
The Seeker had to be harsh with him, Cullen didn’t take coddling really well and he seemed to respond only when someone gave him explicit orders. It pained her, but he needed to stay out of this, for his own sake and his mental health. His emotional scars were never healed. He could try and hide from anyone else, but Cassandra knew him. He was her friend, and he needed her help right now.  
“Cullen, I give you an order! Take care of all these reports, by midday. Now, get to work.”  
He gave her a sheepish look, and then realization dawned on him. Cassandra gave him a way out without making him lose his troops’ respect. Smiling, he bent his head and sat at the desk.” Of course, Seeker. I will get to them, right away.”  
After she left, Cullen left his mind drift away. Before the Circle uprising he assisted to many Harrowings, which went good or bad for both mages and Templars. When a mage would pass the Harrowing, everyone would cheer and remember to breathe. When a mage lost it, the Templars had to strike down the abomination. If they were lucky and the mage resisted longer, they could dispose of him before the demon took a full possession. Still, there were times when the mage would so quickly fall to the dark side that the demon would manifest without haste, giving the Templars a run for their money in the struggle to cut it down. Those were the times when Cullen hated being witness at Harrowings. The fight, the gore, the smell and the leftovers after the battle. Cleaning was the difficult part, unpleasant too.  
When the Tower fell under the blood mages, there were so many abominations and demons populating the halls, so much despair and struggle for survival. He had to watch how his friends died or submitted to the demons, in front of him. Mages and Templars alike. He had to watch Lucas being tortured for days, until he couldn’t keep it anymore and threw himself on his own sword. When his turn came, Cullen resisted. He was abused, taunted and tempted with everything he wished for. The desire demon took Azzura’s image and laughed at him, inviting him to kill her for revenge or to abandon himself to his love.  
And then she came back, to save him. He didn’t even think that she was real, until everything was over. She was carried out from the Harrowing chamber by Alistair, one of her companions. She was hurt but he couldn’t find the will to approach her, even when Wynne asked him to do so. Mages hurt you, hurt your feelings and your heart, she did that to him.  
The last time when he saw her it was when she came to his room, right before she left for ever.

* * *

 

_Kinloch Hold, 9.31 Dragon_

  
Cullen dragged himself towards his quarters, without looking back where Wynne was trying to bring back Azzura. She was hurt, but he had no idea where the wound would be. He wasn’t interested. For what good she worth, she was dead for him.  
Entering his room, he felt nauseous. Lucas’ bunk was empty and his friend won’t come back to sleep on it. Bryant was one of the few Templars left, Greagoir sent him to Denerim for the Right of Annulment. It was his luck that saved him.  
Of course, the Warden won’t hear about that, she refused to listen to him and tried to save the mages.  
Cullen leaned on his bed, tears falling down his cheeks. He jolted when he saw his door opening and a voice, he once loved, called his name.  
“Cullen? You are there, my love?” – Her words made him see black.  
Empowered by his anger, he pushed her on a wall and closed his hands around her neck. “Mage! I am not your love! Not anymore! Get out from my sight!”  
She was shocked and paled under his gaze. Gulping for air and struggling to get his hands off of her neck, she tried to speak, her voice hoarse.  
“Cullen! You hurt me, please stop!” He stepped back and took a defensive stance, holding his hand on his sword’s pommel.  
“All right, say what you have to say, and then leave. I don’t want to see you again.”  
She tried to approach him with her hand open, like she was approaching a wild animal. “Cullen, I am sorry for being so late. If I had known! I had to defend Redcliffe by an undead army and try to save the Arl.”  
“I see.” – He said just that, nothing more.  
She finally succeeded to put a hand on his cheek. Cullen flinched but he didn’t retreat, just closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.  
“I have missed you, my love. Are you all right? Did Greagoir talked to you?”  
Her insistence on calling him her love maddened him.  
“If I was your love, why did you leave me? What I have done to deserve your treason? Where you were when those Seekers interrogated me? You had all the time in the world to let me know that you survived at Ostagar! I had Wynne to tell me that! You said you loved me, but this is not true. You, like the other mages, hurt people, play with them and then you throw them away. Get out!”  
“This is not the truth, Cullen! Let me tell you why I left you.”  
He was yelling now and unsheathed his sword. “Go... away! If not, I will kill you!”  
Azzura stepped back, tears in her eyes. “I will go. Please talk to the Knight Commander or the First Enchanter, they know the truth. I beg you, Cullen! Talk to them!”  
Then she ran away and in the next half hour she left and he never saw her again.

* * *

 

Cullen remembered that after his discussion with Azzura, the Knight Commander wanted to tell him something. He never believed what Greagoir told him. How could that be? By the end of the day and the next morning, Cullen worsened. Nightmares and the after battle shock got their toll on him. He would yell with glassy eyes to every mage he would see, sometimes took two Templars to hold him back on hurting someone. He almost lost his mind and he couldn’t have coherent thoughts, see the difference between reality and his nightmares. The Knight Commander had no other choice than sending him to Greenfell. The recovery was slow and painful, his mind numb because of high dosage in lyrium. For three long years he tried to recover the best he could. Pieces of information would make it in that closed region from time to time. When he wasn’t too busy watching in distance, his eyes filled with void, he could hear the Chantry brothers and sisters talking about the outer world’s events.

  
_“The Hero of Ferelden, that’s how they call her.”_  
_“Yes, she is a mage. Imagine that. They say that she had success in acquiring the help of almost everyone.”_  
_“I can’t believe it. She defeated the Hero of River Dane, but when he yields, she executed him in front of his own daughter! Poor Queen Anora!”_  
_“Maybe she had a reason. I’ve heard that she did the same with Arl Howe. Not that I was a big sympathizer of his.”_  
_“A mage queen? Do you think should work? I don’t think she is a blood mage, after all she is doing everything to defeat this Blight.”_  
_“Well, the new King, Alistair I think is his name, left her in the middle of the Landsmeet. Not so much love there, I suppose.”_  
_“The Blight is over! Praise the Maker! That girl did it! She defeated the Archdemon almost single handed_.”

  
Those rumors didn’t help. He wanted to forget about her but like a nemesis haunting him, they kept growing and growing. He was grateful for what she did to end the Blight, but the only thing that actually made it through his mind; it was about her and her new lover, the King. At least she didn’t shame herself even worse in his eyes, by continuing her relationship after Alistair became King. Cullen was happy at the thought that the King left her. Now she could feel what it means being betrayed by the one you love.  
And here he is, ten years later trying to pick up the pieces of his shattered life, with her still in his thoughts. He understood what she did at the Landsmeet. She had to secure the throne for her lover. She was young and an inexperienced circle mage. Did she changed? Does she still loves the King?  
The Commander jerked at the noises outside. People running and shouting, horse hoofs clattering on the stone outside the battlements.  
Cullen opened the door just a little to take in the view, down in the courtyard. He saw some of his Templars running to meet the new arrived group. In the middle, he spotted a small figure strapped on the horse back, accompanied by a vision. The black horse, the vision was riding, made a straight line towards the mage tower with the other people in tow. Cullen had to shake his head and clear his eyes with his palms. A chuckle escaped from his lips. He took an old woman for a vision of a fiery woman riding a war horse. I must be sicker than I thought.  
The old woman had all her white hair loose and he spotted her staff in her left hand. When the horse stopped, he saw the old woman jumping down with ease and running towards the mage tower’s entrance. The Commander narrowed his eyes, bewildered, when he saw the old lady making signs towards his own soldiers and they responding to her orders like she was their own superior. When the old lady threw her staff in the air, in a wide arc, Cullen felt his mouth opening. The weapon came to life like it had its own sentience, following its owner.  
Then he saw Cassandra running from inside with a few mages. They started to place magical wards spells around the area and soon everyone disappeared inside.  
May the Maker help you all. – Like from their own volition, Cullen’s knees bent down and he started to recite the Chant, praying for the old lady. He really hoped that she was a good mage because otherwise her place shouldn’t be there.

* * *

 

Three Inquisition mages and several Templars were already inside when Azzura ran towards them holding a young girl by the hand. The Seeker knew her people and counted on them to know what they had to do, but the new mage was unknown to her. From the orders she gave to the Templars outside, Cassandra figured that the mage knew what was expected from her, and yet she had to be sure.  
Approaching the other woman, sword and shield in hand, she asked: “I need to know if you know what to do in this case. Have you ever fought an abomination?”  
Smiling and staff in hand, Amell turned to the voice talking to her. “Oh, not only abominations. I and the demons are long time acquaintances.”  
Cassandra gasped, tightening the grip on her sword. “What that supposed to mean?”  
The smile on Azzura’s face disappeared like it was never there. The Warden’s eyes fell onto Cassandra’s shield and breastplate. The eye and the sword emblem hit her in the face with their image. If looks could kill, in that instant from the Seeker could be left only a pile of smoking ashes, so Azzura’s expression changed. “A Seeker!” – She spat – “Just my lucky day. Don’t worry; I once cleared an entire tower filled with demons and abominations. Let’s just hope that today is not the case.”  
As for the Seeker, she was taken by surprise at the change of mood in the other woman’s voice. It was almost like the hate poured with every word she said.  
Marina, the girl with the demon problem, was ready to face her trial. At the horrified look she gave to the older Enchanter after he explained what was about to happen and what were the consequences, Azzura thought that one day, things really needs to change. It’s useless to explain to someone that they are undergoing an important test and if they fail, they will be cut down. Just those words were enough to make someone wary about their potential. She regained her composure and left philosophical matters for another time.  
“One moment, Enchanter.” – walking to Marina, Azzura took the amulet back, then squeezing the younger girl’s hand, she encouraged her.” You can do it. Remember that nothing is real, and demons’ promises are a danger to you. “  
When she retreated, to her dismay, the hell broke loose. The desire demon, unleashed, showed in the center of the Harrowing chamber and started to move her body towards Azzura.  
“Hero, you always run from me.” – hearing the demon saying the word hero, Cassandra left a yelp.  
Unfazed, Azzura attacked the demon with her fire staff. “You should know me better by now. Your kind is not one of my favorite playmates.” The Templars started to close in, attacking with their swords.  
A look around her told the Warden that things were not going how they should go. The Templars showed signs of confusion and their attacks became unfocused and erratic. She had to take a decision but with the Seeker there, she had no other choice that to reveal what she knew. A shrieking laugh came from the direction where Marina stands. Pulling a dagger from under her robes, the girl sliced her wrists, blood dripping at her feet. The mages flew away, taking position behind the Templars.  
Cassandra let a battle cry sound and lunged towards the blood mage.  
“Guardian! Protect me!” – At Azzura’s words, the Warden became enveloped in a shimmering shield of light and her staff burned with wider flames. Then, directing her voice towards the blood mage girl, she yelled: “Blood mage, your kind brought only destruction upon us. It’s time for you to answer for your crimes.”  
The shimmering light covering Azzura changed to black. Cassandra opened her mouth, her face becoming one of horror, she turned towards Azzura.” What in the Maker’s...?” She couldn’t finish her sentence when a fireball swooshed near her head and slammed into the blood mage.  
The room’s occupants were drifting slowly with their eyes wide open. Can’t lose them right now. The Hero of Ferelden started to chant in tevene, attacking the demon in the same time. The tevene chant was replaced with elven incantations, words flowing easily from Azzura’s lips. Mages and Templars shook their heads and ran to help the strange mage and Cassandra. The black void surrounding Amell became thick and only a dark shape left in her place. The darkness went towards the blood mage and the staff with its flaming head came to life. With a precise cut the mage cut the other woman’s head, leaving Cassandra routed in place with her sword in midair.  
The desire demon ran in circles around the Templars who gave chase, with the mages plummeting it with their spells. Azzura’s dark shape brought the hands in front of her and released a chain of lightning so powerful, that the demon was paralyzed, shacking and screaming in pain. A Templar dipped his sword in its body, slashing it from head to its belly.  
Everyone was panting and breathing from the fight, still Cassandra needed answers, like a good Seeker of the Truth would want. Sheeting her sword, she approached Azzura, now fully in human form and with her staff tamed, back on her back.  
“Who are you? What are you?” – Azzura raised an eyebrow. She wanted to mock the Seeker but she needed to remember why she was here. Facing King Alistair’s wrath was not a good way to start her new mission with the Inquisition. So she settled for a polite talk, instead.  
“I am King Alistair Theirin’s emissary. I hope we will discuss about my mission soon enough, Seeker. If you can gather everyone interested, I will be there in a few. I must rest for a bit.”  
“I… see. And if I am not intruding, what was about this entire spectacle you put on? What are you?”  
“I am a human being, a mage and a woman. Nothing to fear off. This it will be also explained later.”  
Before other people could make any question, Azzura slipped out from the slaughtering chamber, how she named it, and went towards the black horse she left in the middle of the courtyard. She smiled to herself, the mages witness of the battle, will certainly have many questions too. She was ready to teach them what she was allowed to, nothing more. Blood mages were proud to be able controlling their opponents’ minds; she will take the smile from their faces teaching the Inquisition’s mages to counter attack them.

* * *

  
Star hoofed impatiently and dug his head under Azzura’s hand.

Cullen took a deep, releasing breath. Everything was over, at least no one got hurt or worse, except for the girl they brought in, she never got out. He saw Cassandra giving orders to her men and scattering the onlookers. He decided that was the time to join the people downstairs, he felt much better now. Amused, he realized that he was searching for the wispy old lady. Then he saw her, stroking the black horse’s mane, he stared. It was his horse! Hurriedly, he headed towards her.

Amell kissed the horse’s nose.” You were great! You are fast and brave. We can be friends for life, don’t you want too?”  
The horse master, who approached in, chuckled. Cullen could hear his reply, being right behind him. “Well, My Lady, I’m sorry but the horse has already a master. It’s the Commander of the Inquisition.” The Warden pouted: “Pity. I hope that the Commander is worthy of his horse, then. “Cullen narrowed his eyes at the half insult at his persona in favor of his own horse. “ It was a pleasure to ride you, Star. Take care of yourself.”  
“His name is Tempest. And his master likes to think that he is worthy enough to not be thrown down from the saddle.” – Cullen quipped at the back of the old lady.  
_That voice. Like honey melting. That lopsided smile._  
Azzura felt her hair rising, her legs swelling and her eyes losing their sight. She steadied herself gripping the horse’s neck, clutching the reins with what force she could muster. Breath stopped, ears ringing, she turned slowly to face the voice and her eyes took in, brown honeyed irises with long lashes.  
Cullen couldn’t move. Those eyes looking at him where too much, those lips…it couldn’t be, but it was. The small scar she had above her right eye, he remembered doing it by mistake, with his armored glove, everything told him that it was _her._  
Azzura managed to say only “Cullen.” Then she fainted, leaving him to hold her unconscious body in his arms. He forgot to breathe, forgot why he was there, and forgot the entire world. “You.” – He choked with his own words, unable to do anything else than hugging her limp form in his strong arms.  
“Commander! Do you need help?” – Of course! Jim, the always helping Jim, had to shake him from his own reverie.  
Clearing his throat, Cullen motioned Jim to come closer. “Yes. The Warden needs help. Please take her to the infirmary.”  
Cullen Stanton Rutherford, ex Knight- Captain of Kirkwall’s Circle of Magi, Commander of the Inquisition Forces, left the Warden hanging in Jim’s arms and ran to hide in his office.


	7. Secrets

He never looked back, he couldn’t hear Cassandra calling him; everything he wanted was just to hide in his office and sort through his feelings and emotions. With shaking hands, Cullen closed the door and went to his desk, falling on a chair. Leaning his elbows on the hard wood, he let his head rest in his hands.  
It wasn’t possible. She should be faraway, somewhere, busy with Warden stuff, but no; he just held her in his own arms, he touched her and she was real. She called his name, she remembered him and his eyes. And her hair, Maker! Her hair was white like the snow covering the mountains. Those dark curls he loved so much, now were gone. He had so many questions, so many things left unspoken, he could think of a thousand reasons why she was all alone in her quest. His cheeks were wet and he didn’t even realize that he was crying of joy. All the feelings buried under years of hardship and doubt, resentment and hate… no, not hate, just heartbreak and disappointment, told him to go and see her again. And yet, Cullen couldn’t stand another betrayal from her. True enough that he never believed Greagoir and Irving when they told him why she left, because it was unheard from them to act like they did towards him and Azzura. And even if it was true, he told her to go and she did it. She never looked back, not even once in all those years.  
The emissary of the King now she was. So, they still must be seeing each other, she must feel something for Alistair, that’s why she took the job. He won’t beg for her affection, he won’t go down on his knees and ask if she still feels something for him.  
His heart hurt so much just seeing her, it was insane. He thought that time and distance will quell that fire she sent in his veins only looking at her, because he was so young back then. Ten years and Cullen felt like he was again that shy Templar who stood guard in the library, watching her and her friends arguing over something or laughing at their puns. He could remember like it was yesterday when she gave him his first kiss, when she took off his armor for the first time. How she made love to him on that lonely balcony on top of the Tower. Ten long years without her and his hunger for her touch never faltered.  
He took a decision; he won’t let those feelings show in front of her, he will show her that she doesn’t have any power over him. They will act like a Commander and his partner in this mission, nothing else. He couldn’t let her to break his heart again.

* * *

 

_“It was about time, dear. And what reaction you had, my-my. Isn’t he a handsome lad? Even better than before?”_   
_“Is this your doing? You could have told me, you know?”_   
_“And miss all the fun? Now, be a good girl and make him listen to you. How it was supposed to be from the begging.”_   
_“Flemeth! You old…”_   
_“You don’t have to be rude; I just give a hand here.”_   
_“What begging? Why after all these years?”_   
_“Today I am in good mood; I will give you a hint. You were never supposed to be with Alistair or Varel.”_   
_“Varel died! You killed him, don’t you? You took revenge on me for killing you!”_   
_“I did no such thing. I never meddled in your life, Varel died because of his wounds. Your fate however, took a wrong turn, which I never foreseen. The blood mage acted too early.”_   
_“Uldred? He tricked us all.”_   
_“No, not him the other one. Jowan.”_   
_“Trust me, if I could, I would bring him back from the dead so I can kill him all over again.”_   
_“And here we are. You had your revenge, let it be. His pet was just a pawn in his hands.”_   
_“I don’t care! She has to die. The Seekers too, for what they did to Cullen.”_   
_“I am tired of this conversation. Just think of it, you miss your power and I have it all at my fingertips, you put it there. Give up this stupid quest and you can be a full mage again, think about it...”_

* * *

 

“Warden-Commander? Can you hear me?” She opened her eyes and followed the sound of the voice calling her. She was resting on a bed and the smell of herbs alerted her senses.  
The man gave her a glass of water and helped her sit. “The battle must have been exhaustive, we should let you rest. Your friends are waiting outside if you want to see them.”  
Amell said a prayer to whatever gods might be out there. Better let the healers, and everyone else think that she was weakened after the battle not because she just fell like a corpse in Cullen’s arms. Cullen! Oh, Gods! She still couldn’t believe that he was there. From all the places in Thedas, he happened to be in the one she never thought of. He had changed; he was gorgeous, his eyes had a deeper shade of brown in them but they were the same eyes she once loved to kiss. Truth to be told, she couldn’t take in all his face and examine it in detail, because she just acted like a damsel in distress, fainting. Give in the emotions unleashed when she saw him, it was almost normal.

  
Petra walked in, smiling warmly to her. “Hi, there. We just arrived half hour ago.” – She cast down her eyes and took Azzura’s hands in her own. “I take it that Marina didn’t pass her trial.”  
Motioning for her friend to help her stand up, Azzura walked out from the infirmary. “I’m sorry. She was a blood mage apparently. We had to stop her.” Petra sighed, her voice trembling. “I should have known, she was my apprentice. She never gave me any sign that would make me doubt of her. It’s my fault; maybe I wasn’t good enough to teach her, to keep her away from the temptations.”

  
Azzura smiled at her friend’s words. After hearing what happened with Anders, after all the decisions she was forced to take in the last decade, she knew that trying to do the right thing was never easy.  
“It wasn’t your fault, Petra. It’s nobody’s fault for the bad decisions we or other people take. Everyone can decide to do the right or bad thing. Sometimes the things we think are good, in other people’s eyes will seem bad, or the other way around. Marina decided that she wanted more than the Circle could offer and she had her choice. She paid for that choice however. In the time I had spent reuniting Ferelden and defeating the Blight, I was forced more than once to choose between people, between matters of life and death. I even sentenced people to death thinking of the greater good.”  
“How do you live with that? How can you say that it was any worth?”

  
“It was hard in the beginning. I won’t lie to you saying that it is easier now, but after a while, my heart became less vulnerable. I don’t say it changed me into a heartless woman, it’s just that I accepted what I have done.” Azzura let out a groan “Well, until some of the consequences don’t come to bite us on the arse, at least.”  
“Oh, I don’t know. From all the stories I’ve heard over the years about you, things worked out efficiently. More so, I am really upset that you never tried to write or to keep in touch with me, with everyone.”  
The Warden crumbled over a log and let herself fall down onto it. “I’m sorry, Petra. I really do. I know I should have written but things kept happening so fast that I ended up living day by day. First the Blight, then - I am ashamed to say it – I ran off and when I got back to take charge of the Arling, more darkspawn and problems. And later? I ran off again.” – She laughed sadly, leaning her head on her knees- “What can I say? I chose to run away instead of facing my own problems. Give me hundreds of people to solve their problems and I will do it, when talking about mine, I just avoid them. Cullen is here.” – She dropped the bomb and silence followed. Petra narrowed her eyes.” Really? How is he?”

  
“I-I don’t … know for sure. I passed out in his arms.” Amell’s face painted a deep shade of red. To her surprise, her friend didn’t laugh.  
“You have to know that everyone in our group hated you a lot after you left. You broke his heart, you know that, right?” The Warden gritted her teeth and tears streamed her eyes. “You had the right to do it. Cullen, even more so. But you have to know that it wasn’t my intention to hurt him, never. I had to leave, to save the Circle.” Petra gave her a surprised look. “What do you mean?”  
“I need to convince Cullen to listen to me first, and then after I will tell him the truth, you will know too. Please, have patience.”  
Evelyn and Chantelle came running and started to talk both at once, excitedly.

  
“This place is huge! And the Magi’s Tower has an entire library with books I never seen. And they have literature that we never were allowed to read!” – Evelyn was almost jumping on the spot with joy.  
“She wants to say, smutty literature and dirty love romances.” – added Chantelle with a smirk.  
“I can’t wait to put my hands on _Sword and Shields!_ I have already asked to be assigned a place in the Tower; I want those books under my eyes, all the time.”  
Petra and Azzura laughed at their younger friend’s enthusiasm. “You are the Herald’s sister, I’m sure that if you want, you could have a room in the main Keep, no?” Amell was curious at Evelyn’s choice to stay with the mages.  
“Not a chance. Chantelle and the others will stay in the barracks and Petra and the boys will be in the Tower, why should I want a different treatment? Besides, I like to stay with the mages. My brother won’t have to worry that I will burn the throne room by accident.”  
Appreciation showed on Azzura’s face. The girl was modest and cared for the others and she told her so.  
“You are a wonderful young woman, Evelyn. Please, don’t change ever.”  
“I will try not to. Otherwise my mother would kill me. She always taught us that we don’t have to give up on our friends in good or bad things. So, if my friends get to live in the barracks, why should I choose differently?”  
“Evelyn found the books, I found the men! Maker! This inquisition knows how to choose its men! All muscles and pretty faces. I wonder how they are on the training ground.”- Chantelle had a dreamy expression stamped on her beautiful face.  
Azzura and Petra groaned in the same time, hiding their faces in their hands. Chantelle gave them a questioningly look. “What? Don’t tell me that you can’t see the men!”

  
A hooded figure ran like a fury and grabbed Azzura with both arms in a hug that left her breathless. The hood felt down and red hair popped out.  
“Azzura! Azzura! Azzura!” Each time, Amell’s face was tempered with a kiss on her cheeks.  
Hands shacking, Azzura finally succeeded to keep the attacker in place. “Leli? Leli!”  
Now it was her turn to kiss the Spymaster. Then to everyone’s surprise they started to saunter around, still embracing each other.  
“Leli! You too? What are you doing here?”  
The orlesian bard laughed. “I am the Spymaster of the Inquisition. Welcome to Skyhold! Oh! Azzura! So much time. We have a lot to talk. Come with me.”  
After introducing the other ladies to Leliana, Azzura excused herself and joined her on the road, back to the main hall.

* * *

 

The Seeker descended the stairs, walking straight towards Leliana and the strange woman accompanying her. Something was nagging her since she got out from the Harrowing Chamber.  
“Leliana, maybe now it’s the proper time to explain who is this lady, no?”  
The Spymaster cleared her throat. “Ahem, let me introduce you Azzura Amell, The Hero of Ferelden and my friend. She is King Alistair’s emissary. Azzura let me introduce you Seeker Cassandra Penthagast. “  
The named Hero thought that the Seeker looked like she just discovered that she ate a rotten steak for lunch. Cassandra narrowed her eyes in disbelief. Leliana snickered, suddenly finding interesting some clouds in the sky.  
“I can’t believe it! You have any idea how many months we have spent looking for you? No one - and it’s the truth- no one, knew or never wanted to say, where you were! When we needed you the most, you disappeared and now the Hero walks to our door like nothing happened?”  
Azzura was surprised by the outburst of awe, anger and disbelief she perceived coming from the Seeker. “Maybe I like to play hide and seek, Seeker.” – She quipped –“You should look better, next time.” The other woman scoffed. ”We will have a meeting in about one hour, be there.” Then turning on her heels, Cassandra left, mumbling something about heroes and how they always are not what one is expecting for.  
“Don’t think bad about Cassandra, my friend. She is trying hard, like everyone else here, to bring closure to the death of the Most Holy. I…” – Leliana’s voice faltered – “I know for sure that Divine Justinia’s death affected me deeply. If there is something that can keep me going, then are the Inquisition and the faith that one day we will bring Corypheus in his knees, to pay for what he did to us.”  
Leliana was changed, Azzura could see that. “You changed.” – She said, keeping a hand under her friend’s arm. “We all change, even you changed. I learned that trust is a rare quality. When trusting someone, you give them your own life, to play with it.”  
“Leliana, will you tell me what happened to you over the years?” Then Azzura smiled fondly at her friend. “At least I could see the real Leliana, if only for a moment, when you greeted me.”  
“Oh, don’t worry too much for me. I still have friends, I met other friends too, with you, them, I can be the real Leliana; but I have an appearance to keep, I am a Spymaster, no?” Leliana’s eyes filled with mischief. “So, you met someone around already?” Azzura rolled her eyes at her. “ I think you forgot to mention somewhere, who your Commander is.”  
Leliana let out a theatrical, wishful sigh. “He changed so much since when we found him in the Tower. Don’t you think?” Amell’s reply was dry like the desert. “ I don’t know. I just fell limp in his arms, next thing I remember I woke up in the infirmary.”  
The bard just couldn’t stop laughing at her friend. Said friend, waited until she finished or at least she calmed down, to continue her investigation. “You set this up, didn’t you? And lucky me! I came back right in time.”

  
They walked into Leliana’s room and closed the door. Azzura found a chair and perched on top of it, looking outside the window. “Indeed I did.” – Leliana poured two glasses of red wine and handed one to Amell. “When Cassandra and I were looking for you, I knew for sure why I want Cullen in the Inquisition. As an army leader and tactician but also because I wanted to give you both closure.” – She started to laugh again- “What I am saying? You don’t need a closure, you need him. By the way you reacted and how our Commander ran towards his office and didn’t showed up yet to greet you, I suppose things will get on fire, really soon.”  
“Leliana!!!”- The outraged voice coming from Azzura didn’t sound convincing, at all.  
“What? Don’t tell me that you don’t want too? “– Leliana became deadly serious and grabbed Azzura by the collar of her jacket. “Now, tell me where have you been? In the bloody six years since we lost your track, where have you been?”  
The warden gapped at her friend’s suddenly change of mood. “Leli.”  
“Don’t _Leli,_ me! I and everyone else were dead worried about you! I might have been a little busy with personal life and after, working for the Divine, but I couldn’t believe that Zevran and Isabella lost your tracks. It was like the earth swallowed you!’  
“Zevran, Isabella. What are you talking about Leliana?”  
The Spymaster sat on her bed, laying on the pillows and looking at the ceiling.  
“All right. I will start from the beginning. When you and Alistair parted ways and you left with Zevran and Isabella, he came to me.” Azzura winced at the news. ”Why?”  
“He felt really sorry for what happened and he knew that you were brokenhearted. He was afraid that you will drift away, lose yourself again, like you did after you joined the Wardens. He was happy at least knowing that you were safe with Zevran. So, over the next months, Zevran sent me news of how you feel. When he told us that you were recovering really well, then Alistair received a letter from Weisshaupt.”  
“Let me guess. He told the Wardens were I was.”

  
“Yes. He did. He knew that you will need action and he didn’t wanted to give Amaranthine to an orlesian Warden, either.” – Azzura nodded her understanding- “It would have been a slap in the face to the fereldans, having an orlesian Arl.”  
“Short story, we set up a network around you.”  
“For what?” – Incredulity appeared on Azzura’s face.  
“We were your friends, but you slowly pushed us away from your life. After the battle of Amaranthine, we had too. We were back to square one; you were losing your battle again.”  
Azzura whispered.” That I did. But if you knew, why didn’t you or Alistair or the others, came to talk to me?”  
“I was working for the Divine and I couldn’t come to you but I always wanted news about you. I’m sorry for not being there for you. As for Alistair, he wanted too but he was afraid that he will be too weak to not break his promise to leave you alone. And you were grieving, he won’t confuse you further. Nathaniel was there for you, but you didn’t trust him enough to tell him what was in your mind, no?”  
“No, it’s the contrary. I was so afraid that he will try to move mountains for my wellbeing that I deliberately avoided talking to him openly. He did a lot with taking the reins of Command when I needed him too. An Arlessa who goes missing and left her second in Command to take care of things. That’s me, always running when things go bad. So, you know about Varel and me, then?”  
“Yes. Alistair told me. Apparently, Varel sent him a letter to ask the King’s permission to marry you.” Azzura chocked with her wine. “What? Why he needed Alistair’s permission?” Leliana rolled her eyes.” Because you are the Arlessa of Amaranthine, a noble and Varel was only your Seneschal. Alistair said that Varel wanted the things done by the book.”

  
“I see. Varel was like that, always the diplomat. Nathaniel didn’t know about us until now, why you kept him in the dark?”  
“I told myself that it was something in your past and since he was dead, less people knew, less could ask you about him.” – Leliana stopped, looking worried at her friend- “You are over his death, are you?”  
“I think so. Almost eight years, is a long time. Yes, it doesn’t hurt anymore. And you were right. I lost myself in grieve, again. The truth is that after his death, I alternated periods of lucidity with moments of suicidal tendencies, sometimes I went further with deep paranoia and awful nightmares. Thanks the Maker that there is no Templar around to hear me; in those nightmares I was tempted by the demons. The only ones, who were with me at night, keeping me from going crazy, were Anders and Justice.”  
Leliana flinched at those names, her hands balling into fists. ”Anders. That murderer.”  
“He wasn’t like that, Leli. Anders and I were friends since the Circle, he was a nice man. Unfortunately, his joining with Justice was his undoing. I wish I could have stopped that, but I ran like a coward when the nightmares became unbearable. I took off one night, not even having idea where I was going. I couldn’t stay in the Keep; I was a walking danger to everyone.”  
Leliana took Azzura’s hands. “That hard hit you, Varel’s loss.”  
“Indeed. The thing I know is that, when I was found I was delirious and the one who found me said that I looked like I haven’t slept for days. She took me with her and cured me. It was a long process but in the end she mended my soul and mind.”  
“Do you remember where you were found? The last lead I had on you it was the captain of a ship who took pity on you and let you board for Cumberland. He told me that you were saying over and over the same word. You were asking for Wynne.”  
“I think so. I was trying to reach her in Cumberland, where the Council of the Magi took place. I met her in her way there, when she visited me in Amaranthine. My savior found me on the road to Cumberland.”  
Azzura stopped, looking at the clock. “I think we are needed for that meeting. You will hear the next part of the story there. It’s part of the explanation I have for the Seeker. But, Leli, no one needs to hear this part, except you.”  
Leliana cooed. “What about Cullen? He would want to know what happened to you.”  
“Short of him starting to look for demonic possession? I don’t think so.”  
“Oh! But he is not a Templar anymore. He left the Order.”  
Azzura blinked.” Really? This is… unexpected.”  
They arrived to the War Room’s door and Leliana stopped. ”I think you will want to hear the story from him. And now you will have your chance to give him a better look. He’s quite the catch.” Azzura rolled her eyes but deep down, she had to admit that she couldn’t wait to see Cullen, again.

* * *

 

The Commander was looking at the last reports from the Inquisitor, without really seeing what he was reading. His thoughts drifted towards the woman he kept in his arms after all these years. Her blue eyes, like the clear sky, called him. His hands trembled on the paper, this time not from the lyrium withdrawal but because of the emotion overwhelming him. A lump formed in his chest and he had to find the strength to push it down. Luckily, Cassandra and Josie were oblivious of his torment, they were arguing about the room to assign to their new guest. Typical Josie. As far he knew, Cassandra couldn’t care less.  
The door finally opened, Leliana and Azzura made their appearance.  
“Good evening, everyone! Josie, this is Warden Commander Azzura Amell, King Alistair Theirin’s emissary. I think the Commander and Cassandra already met her.” Cullen gave Leliana a silent stare and Azzura looked in wonder how her friend kept quiet in the same instant. She decided to cut straight to the point.  
“Lady Montilyiet, it’s an honor to meet you. Leliana told me that you are longtime friends. Any friend of hers is mine too. Seeker… Commander.”  
Azzura felt the chill coming from Cullen but she supposed that he wanted to keep their meeting professional, so she played along.  
“Leliana introduced me as the Warden- Commander but I would like to use my other title, Arlessa of Amaranthine. You know that the Wardens can’t meddle in the political affairs…”  
“You don’t say…”- Cullen interrupted her, muttering to himself. Josie looked appalled and Cassandra cleared her throat. “Oh… I... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound respectful...” Cassandra narrowed her eyes. “Err… resentful.”  
Leliana started to laugh and Azzura looked like the cat that ate the canary.

  
_And I was starting to believe that he lost his stuttering_.  
She decided to help him. “No need for apologies, Commander. It is true that I am not a good example for Warden policy, but dire times required extreme measures. And it’s true; from the reports my wardens sent me, before I came to Skyhold, it seems that some of the Wardens in Orlais and Anderfels forget about our neutrality. I want to use my title because I came to help Ferelden and its King; the Wardens have no meaning in this. Although, I will have to ask Alistair…” Cullen stiffened, hearing Azzura calling her King by the given name “… Why he sent me to inspect the Inquisition when he knows that Leliana and Cul…. Commander Rutherford are reliable.”  
Leliana smiled wickedly. “Alistair set you up, mostly.” Amell was without words. “He wants you to help us, in any way you can and in the same time to give him a boon to keep the nobles in good mood and make them open their purses for our army.”  
“Let me guess. He will call the Landsmeet to convince them to offer Ferelden’s support too.”  
“And with the Hero of Ferelden asking them, he will gain public favor. Your King knows how to play the Game.” – Josie’s voice showed her respect for the smart King.  
“I didn’t know that Alistair had it in him.” – Azzura laughed, taking a close step to the War table and looking over the markers spread on it. Cullen shifted uneasy to have her so close to him.

  
“So … um… Arlessa, these are the outposts we were able to build until now. If you have any idea where we should look next, we will be pleased to listen to your suggestions."  
Azzura could see that their major efforts were made in the Hinterlands and near Redcliffe, but she wanted to be sure that the Korkari Wilds were kept under surveillance too.  
“Some of my Wardens, the remaining ones at least, they are patrolling the area between Ostagar and the Brecilian Forest. I’ve heard unsettling rumors about darkspawn roaming there. Maybe we should have the Inquisition settling near Lothering, Ostagar and maybe Gwaren. With some minor camps on the road. I suppose the orlesian Wardens have their side covered by now.”  
Cassandra looked to the other advisors then back to Azzura.  
“Miss Amell, we can’t say for sure what the orlesian Wardens are doing right now. Warden Commander Clarel is very secretive with their whereabouts. See, the point is and I can’t say it less offensive than it sounds, we are almost certain that the wardens are involved in the Conclave explosion and Divine Justinia’s murder.”  
Azzura felt the air leaving her lungs and Leliana ran to support her.

  
“Are… you sure? This is a horrible accusation.”  
“It is, Warden – Commander. I think we can settle for this title, this is also a Warden matter and you came to the right time to help us understand why.”  
“I’m afraid that until I won’t know more, I am in the dark. I just returned a couple of weeks ago and I am at short of outside information. I promise you that I will start looking in to it, right away. It was brought to my attention that many of fereldan Wardens disappeared and all of them hear some kind of fake Calling. This is worrisome.”  
Cullen looked into her eyes for the first time since they started the meeting. Azzura felt their intensity deep within her body. He was a man now. A very handsome and confident man. His hair was darker and she well remembered the way it curled around his forehead. The commander styled his hair so he could hide the naughty blonde curls. She tried to not smile at the thought. What didn’t change that much were his honeyed eyes. They had a debt into them, vulnerability barely hidden under a shade of steel. His lips were adorned with a deep scar, said scar added charm to its owner. He was a lived soldier, she could see that.  
Seeing Cassandra looking with interest to the Commanders, Leliana tried to bring their attention back. “Ahem. So you don’t hear this Calling?”

  
Taking a deep breath, Azzura hoped that what she will say next won’t reward her with a prison cell or a squad of Templars with their swords of mercy ready to strike.  
“Not now, at least. I… and please, I beg you to hear the entire story before deciding what to believe of me. I want your word that everything you will hear, it will stay between us and me. You will inform the Herald too, but no one else has to know about my… talents.”  
Cullen’s head snapped to attention. “Dabbling into forbidden magic, like always?”  
He was mortified. Why he couldn’t keep his mouth shot and he had to tease her? It came so natural, like the last ten years never existed. Azzura gave him a lopsided grin. “You know me, Commander. I always try to learn. Knowledge is power, like Irving said.”  
“No wonder that from all his teachings, you choose the one which suits to your needs.”  
Cassandra assisted to their banter with interest and curiosity. Something was going on, between these two. “Commander, do you know the Hero quite well, it seems.”  
_And here we go, trying to cover the fact that I know her and doing exactly the opposite._ – Cullen couldn’t suppress a sigh.  
“Um… Warden Amell was one of my charges back in Kinloch Hold.”  
“Have you ever been there, Seeker?” – Azzura asked casually.  
“No. Never. Why do you ask?”  
“Oh, nothing important. I was just curious.” Cullen gave her an inquisitive look which Azzura chose to ignore. “As I was saying, the Seeker wanted an explanation of some abilities she witnessed in the Harrowing Chamber. I am a Shadowhunter.”

* * *

  
Leliana looked confused, Cullen snapped to attention and Cassandra just crossed her hands on her chest, not so surprised how Azzura thought she might be.  
“I suppose correctly that you heard of Shadowhunters, Seeker?”  
“Some rumors here and there, but no one knows for sure what or who they are. You told us to keep it secret, so why reveal yourself as such?”  
“Because I had no other choice. The Shadowhunters are blood mage killers and we had a blood mage there. Some of my … abilities trigger instantly and I can’t block them.”  
“You lie. I heard you invoking someone for protection.”  
Azzura closed her eyes, chastising herself for being so dumb and overlooking the Seeker’s powers. She didn’t wanted to fight them, one of them was her friend, the other one her ex-lover and the Seeker; well she couldn’t place quite yet where she stood in all this. Adding that she couldn’t get alive, it was a plus.  
“All right. Before judging me, just try to listen the entire story, please. In the last six years, I trained to become a Shadowhunter with my mentor. Funny that you say you searched for me in Nevarra, you could look a bit further up.”

  
Leliana’s mouth fell open. “No, you didn’t!”  
“Yes, I was in Minrathous.” At the news, Cullen just had to sit on a chair and press his hands over his face. “Oh, Maker! It’s a nightmare.”  
Cassandra trembled with rage. “So, you just stroll out in Tevinter? And you never heard the news about the Breach? What’s next? You will tell us that you are a Venatori? That you practice blood magic?”  
Azzura‘s face twisted in fury, cutting the Seeker’s words short. “I don’t think you understood me. I said that I kill blood mages, not that I am one of them. As for the Venatori cultists, I have a quarrel with them. They need to pay for killing my mentor. Don’t dare to accuse me of blood magic! I have lost an important thing because of it.” – Azzura’s eyes went to Cullen, but he won’t look at her; his head was still lowered and his hands gripped hard the table.

  
“All Shadowhunters lost something or someone because of the blood magic, that’s a main requirement to be recruited in their ranks.”  
“Are all of … you… mages?” – Leliana asked hesitantly. The spymaster was conflicted between staying quiet, curiosity and her duty as a spy towards the Inquisition. She had no idea what the other advisors thought. Josie, long forgotten in a corner, stopped scribbling when she heard the blood magic words. She just excused herself saying that this is not a diplomatic matter and she better get going. Leliana knew how jumpy her friend could be, around magic of any type, so she didn’t protest.  
“ Yes and no. A lot of us are mages, but we have Templars too.”  
Cullen gave her a murderous look. “I bet Tevinter Templars.” “Not only them, we have our Templars too. A lot of Andrastian Templars, in fact.”  
“I feel insulted. My spy pride is shredded, right now.” – Leliana was serious.

  
“No, Leliana. Don’t be upset. There is a reason why, they don’t let anyone live if they betray their secret. It’s like the Grey Wardens. Many secrets are hidden, to serve the greater good.”  
“What greater good? Tevinter’s?” – Cullen felt hurt and sad. To see her, the Hero of Ferelden, talking about Tevinter and the greater good in the same sentence, he just couldn’t believe it.  
“Thedas’, Commander. Not everyone in Tevinter practices blood magic or try to conquer the world. A lot of people are tired of being considered the pariah because their brethren can’t have enough. You know it’s true, you see it every day, around you; or I am mistaken?”

  
“No, not that much. But, go on with your story, it should keep me interested and maybe, leaving me less worried that I will find myself forced to kill you.”- His sarcastic words hurt; she tried to cover how much.  
“When we prove that we are ready, we take a Vigil. In the following ritual we … “- The warden took a deep breath, preparing herself for the worst – “… we ask the spirits in the fade for help.”  
Cullen lost it. He went straight for Azzura’s throat and clenched his hands on it. In the haze filling his thoughts, he saw Uldred. He saw Orsino and his blood mages trying to take over the Gallows. He saw abominations running around and killing every innocent they encountered and he pictured the struggle he went through, trying to stop them. “You bind the spirits to your will?” – And he unsheathed his sword, pointing it at her chest.

  
The scene had something surreal, other time and other place, but the reasons were not so much different. Azzura remembered well when he did the same thing, threatening her with his sword, eyes throwing daggers at her and overwhelming hate. A tear slipped down on her cheek but she willed herself not to cry.  
“The spirits are not bound to anyone. They are not even summoned; we don’t even know which spirit will decide to step in our world. We ask them for help; in change they can experiment our world out of curiosity and they are free to go back whenever they want. No one can bind them; they are protected by this amulet I’m wearing. The spirits are safe with the Shadowhunters.”  
Cassandra stepped in and gently took Cullen’s arm and lowered his sword. “Cullen, let her speak. I know you are worried, but give her a chance.”

  
“Thank you, Seeker. Cullen, you don’t have to be afraid. I would never harm someone, I would rather die than taking advantage of the spirits I have with me. “  
“You have more than one?” – Curiosity was gaining over Cassandra.  
“Two. They were rather insistent on following me. Protection and Endurance. They decide when I need it and when I don’t. The Guardian knew that the Commander has a good soul, that’s why he didn’t interfere when he tried to choke me.” – Azzura sent a smile to Cullen. He just raised a questioning eyebrow. “They have free will, Commander. They don’t obey me, they work with me.’  
“Can we see them?” – Leliana just voiced what Amell expected them to ask.  
“I – I don’t know. We have already Cole appearing from nowhere, I am quite unsure.” – Azzura could sense Cullen’s fear. She wanted to ask him about his life, but she would have to wait. She could see that, deep inside him, he never got past the events in Kinloch Hold. But there was more to it, Cullen was terrorized of something.

  
“All right, then. Don’t be afraid. I warn you anyway, they can be very creative. They will take the appearance of people I kept in great respect over the years, people who had the qualities the spirits represent. And who is Cole?”  
“A spirit of Compassion. He took human form and came to us. So, we are open minded … for now.” – Cassandra stepped back; giving room to anything would show up.  
Azzura closed her eyes and opened her mind to her friends. _“Well, this is it. I beg you; don’t scare them more they are already. Endurance, behave.”_  
“ _When I let you down?_ ”

  
Two wisps of blue light left the amulet hanging on Azzura’s neck and slowly stopped in the center of the War Room. They expanded until two human shapes became visible and when the light dimmed, Cullen gasped.  
“Greagoir? Why him?” The spirit wearing the former Knight-Commander’s face, spoke: “Because she felt protected with him. He made her feel safe and she respected him a lot. Usually I take the First Enchanter’s form too, but today I thought you might like this shape. Making you feel more comfortable?” “I don’t feel comfortable.”- Cullen muttered.  
“Hey! You forgot about me!” – The other spirit in a woman’s form, pouted from the war table where she stood. “Yeah, she is Endurance, or Witty how I call her. She likes to take Valeria Selena’s shape. Valeria was my mentor.”  
The three advisors just stared at the two spirits, unsure what to do.  
“Nice to meet you all! I hope we can work together, I need action.” Cullen narrowed his eyes at the spirit. Did she purr at me?  
“Uhm… Endurance … you don’t act like a spirit.”  
“Oh? And how would you know? In your world people think that spirits are somber and serious all the time? No, we have our own personalities, thank you very much. Well, The Guardian can be put in the first category. He is the serious one. ”

  
_Sultry is yours, it seems._ Cullen was embarrassed? This day started so well, now a spirit is flirting with him. _I must wake up._  
Endurance’s face became serious and looking at him, she said. ”You give yourself so little credit. You endure your burden alone, but please don’t leave your friends on the side. They love you.”  
“I ... um ... thank you? I guess?”

  
_I was just missing another Cole._

* * *

  
The spirits retreated back inside the amulet and Azzura shifted unsure on her feet.  
“There is one more thing I want to bring to your attention.”  
“What? Now you will tell us you can fly?” – The more he looked at her, the more he was sure that this Azzura wasn’t the one he remembered. And he couldn’t say if he liked it or not. Cullen had conflicted feelings.  
“No, Commander. I just want to tell you that the Shadowhunters are not only blood mage hunters; they are the personal guard of the Black Divine. I am the Right Hand of the Black Divine.”  
The three advisors became stone statues. Azzura thought that not even the best known spell could make them stay still, in such short time.


	8. Cracked mirrors and drops of rain

Leliana brought a hand to her forehead, scratching an invisible bump; Cassandra gave Azzura the you’re-crazy look and Cullen just sighed, too tired to say something.  
“I thought you were wise, I thought that you had a little wisdom left but I was wrong. You betrayed everything you stand for, to what end?” – Leliana’s words cut to the bone. Amell turned her back to them and started to pace in front of the window, hands clasped behind her. She disappointed them all; she could see it in their eyes.  
“I had a reason to do that. I never betrayed anyone, Leliana. I accepted the job the Black Divine gave me, with a reason. I want to find a cure for the Calling. I found out that many of the documents left after the first Blight are scattered in Tevinter. Many magisters have hidden libraries and they have those documents. A lot of books and diaries from the Wardens are in the magisters’ possession. The only option to get them back was to be free to enter their homes. Willingly or by force. The Divine sent me here, to tell the Inquisition that he will give any information he has on the Old magisters and he won’t interfere in any way.”  
“My scouts can find any information we need.”  
“Can they enter the Cathedral? I bet they can. But can they access the Divine’s private house? Get close to him?”  
“You have a point. We made no progress. Lots of mages and wards, guards and such.”  
“The Black divine approves the blood magic? Because you know? Tevinter is not that clean how you make it appear, from where I stand.” –Cassandra was in full Seeker mode now.  
“When the Divine was elected, he stated his neutrality. Divine Justinia did the same, right? But even she couldn’t stand anymore the injustices, so she tried to take a side. The Conclave supposed to mend the rift between the Chantry, Templars and mages. Unfortunately, we now fight a powerful enemy who originated in Tevinter. I hope the secrecy of what we will discuss here, is still in act. The Black Divine wants to move against the blood mages and the corrupted magisters. Like Divine Justinia, he can’t do that openly, not if he wants to have a chance. The Shadowhunters act independently, the Divine can’t be involved. He saw how more and more people fall under the blood magisters, how the mages use their powers to enslave even more. He fears that when the people will rebel, Tevinter will experience a massive bloodshed. He wants to prevent it, by eliminating the threat.”  
“What the Inquisition has to do with this?’ – Cullen finally found his voice and the tactician in him began to analyze the field.  
“The Divine will close eyes and make others to do the same, if any Inquisition agent goes to a walk around Tevinter. He also wants to say thank you for getting rid of Alexius and his time amulet. I can send word to the other Shadowhunters to come and go hunting for Venatori. The divine wants your permission first. He doesn’t want a diplomatic incident.”  
“You talk about the Divine like he is the one ruling Tevinter. Where is the Archon?”  
“The Archon wants to keep his seat. He won’t interfere. Also, we know about another dangerous magister who disappeared from his country. We can’t find him and we think he is somewhere around south. I need your help to find him. He is the one who assassinated my mentor.”  
“Valeria Selena, yes. Who was she?”  
“She was the Left Hand. Someone infiltrated our training grounds and discovered her true identity. Valeria Selena was a magister and a spy. Everyone knew her like an insignificant noble lady; the usual. They forced her to reveal her true self when she stumbled into a blood magic ritual and she had to save some children.”  
Azzura found difficult to concentrate; the memory of her mentor’s torn body still fresh in her mind. She closed her hand in a fist and hit the war table hard. Cullen winced as he saw her bleeding from where she cut herself with a tin soldier marking a camp in Ferelden. Then he saw her eyes. Filled with tears and anger. She looked at him but without seeing, lost in her memories.  
“She saved my life. She taught me everything I know and I wasn’t there for her! Because of a stupid mistake I did! She left me behind thinking that I would be in danger since I have lost my powers. But I could fight, I still could help her and yet, she chose to protect me and she went alone at that meeting. I swear that even if I won’t have your help, I will do it alone. I will find the bastard and I will kill him slowly, even if is the last thing I will do.”  
Leliana took a handkerchief from her pocket and wrapped Azzura’s bleeding hand. “We will figure this out, together … I think?” – She asked with her eyes the other two advisors, pleading them to be merciful with her friend.  
“You said you lost your powers. Strange as it is, I can’t feel your mana.”  
“You can’t, because is not there. I did the mistake to try an ancient elven ritual and it backfired. Now I can use the spells only if I or someone else is in danger. I can’t even cast a sparkle, let alone a fireball.”  
Cullen raised his eyes to the sky, invoking the Maker for strength. “Not again. You never learned from Anders? I know you had to deal with all the crap from Irving after that.”  
Amell laughed, loudly. “At least I managed to change back that statue.” – Seeing Cassandra and Leliana’s inquisitive faces, she explained. – “Anders thought that it will be fun to try a spell of sleep on a statue, we ended up with a walking stone cleaving with its blade the desk in the First Enchanter’s office. The old man was so mad that he put Anders in the dungeons and had me reading all the tomes about hexes and spirit healing. It was bad, because I hated them. The Commander had to guard me endless hours in the library and wake me up, to continue reading.” She gave Cullen a knowing look; those awakenings were made of kisses behind bookshelves.  
“I might have lost my powers temporarily, but I still can fight. I am not helpless.”  
Cassandra flipped between the pages of a book found on a chair, and then set it down with a frown. “If the Divine would ally openly with the Inquisition would mean a great deal for our position with Tevinter.”  
“I don’t think the Chantry would agree. Do you really think they would accept his help? They already see you as heretics; if the Black Divine is involved they will have the leverage to say that he wants to influence you. Either way, it’s bad for him and for you.”  
Cullen leaned on his chair and spoke, looking straight into Azzura’s eyes. “I still don’t trust you. Too many subterfuges” – he spread his hands around him, like making a point of the situation they were in – “And now, this … alliance. Where do you stand?”  
“I am a Grey Warden and I offer my help with the Wardens, I am the King’s emissary and I will help with that too, I also help with the Tevinter side. I swear that I won’t harm the Inquisition in any way, I am still a Ferelden citizen.”  
“And the Divine sent you from everyone else. How convenient to have you with him.”  
“Well, at least I managed to talk to you. Don’t tell me that if a Tevinter mage would come to your door offering their help, you would welcome him with open arms?”  
The three advisors exchanged a knowing look which to Azzura seemed uncomfortable. Made her think that her words hit the right spot. No one would be crazy to ally with a Tevinter mage.  
Leliana smiled, Cassandra smirked and Cullen fixed one of his curls at the back of his head. Azzura found herself wanting to touch that hair and bring the curls back, just to annoy him. He felt her gaze on him and fidgeted on his chair.  
“Well, since we can’t take a decision without the Herald, I would say to retreat and wait for his return. Then we will decide what to do with your requests. As for the King, would you ask him for support?”  
“Of course I will! Never doubt of that.”  
“Good. Now Leliana will show you your room. Have a nice stay, Warden – Commander.”  
Azzura chilled at his change of tone. He just dismissed her, not even trying to ask her anything other than the Inquisition affairs. She rushed outside the War Room leaving Leliana and Cassandra without a word.

* * *

 

He strode towards the battlements knowing that she was behind him.  
“Cullen! Wait!”- She ran towards him now – “Please, stop. I-I need to talk to you.”  
She searched his eyes and touched his arm. With all the armor he wore, Cullen felt the lightning in his bones. “Yes, Warden- Commander? How can I help you?”  
She took a step back, stunned to silence by his voice. “Can… we talk…alone?”  
Cullen thought that he shouldn’t be alone with her and he knew without any doubt what she had in mind for their discussion. Sighing, he showed her his office’s door and let her walk ahead. It wasn’t his intention to let all Skyhold hear about his private life.  
Azzura let her eyes settle in with the semi darkness inside Cullen’s office; how could he even work without light? She heard him lock the door and turned to face him. Cullen rested his hands on the door, when he talked; his voice was only a whisper: “What do you want?”  
She forced her feet to walk and reach where he stand and made a gesture to touch his arm but she stopped before doing it. “I expected a warmer… reunion. Cullen, I …” – She had him there but she couldn’t say anything. Looking at him and feeling the same way she felt when they were in the Circle, wanting nothing more than to hold him in her arms and kiss him like ten years never passed between them; wanting to see his eyes lighten with love at the sight of her and longing for his embrace; everything told her that the ritual she made, it didn’t worked out.  
“No. It didn’t. You made the wrong ritual, lad. “– And of course Flemeth was sassing her. She could feel the delighted cheer in witch’s voice.  
“You wanted a warmer reunion, then?” – Cullen turned to face her finally and his eyes were cold, like the snow falling outside the window. “You should have thought to that, I don’t know, maybe nine, eight years ago? But you were too busy, doing your duty towards Ferelden and your _King_? – He said the word King like it was the name of some kind of nasty bug.  
“Greagoir sent you to Greenfell. Mages are not allowed to go there, remember?”  
“But letters could get in. I haven’t seen any of yours.”

  
She bowed her head. Indeed, letters were allowed and she… just never gave a thought to write, not even a word. She was guilty; she had no right to hold him on to that. She was guilty for leaving him, alone and forgotten. She was guilty for being happy when he was in deep anguish. She even wanted to start a new life and get married, when he had nothing except strangers, to look after him in his illness. The thought of him looking outside the window, sad and lonely; walking on the empty alleys and looking in distance hoping that he will see her running to him. Then she imagined him in the pain of nightmares and sleepless nights, cursing her and all the mages for what they did to him and no one was there to wake him up and soothe his dreams.  
Cullen saw the love of his life falling down on her knees in front of him, tears breaking out of her blue eyes. “Forgive me, sweet Cullen. I made you suffer, I know it. I had to leave the Circle to give a chance to everyone else. I had to make sure the Knight Commander and the First Enchanter were to be left in their positions. We were betrayed by Jowan and Lily…”- He interrupted her- “Stand, please. I can’t see you like that. It doesn’t count anymore. Everything is in the past, like what we had. “

  
She tried to touch his scar, wondering how he got it and if he felt a lot of pain gaining it. He turned his head and pushed her hand away. “Don’t.” – Then he opened the door and without looking at her, continued “It’s over between us long time ago. From now on, I would like you to leave me alone. We will work together for the Inquisition and nothing more. Good day, Warden- Commander.”  
She said nothing. When she stepped outside, she gripped the door’s handle tight and a sheet of ice sprung up from the ground and covered the entire surface. Cullen let out a gasp feeling the surge of power sprouting from her. In the same instant it was gone, leaving only the door changed into a massive mirror formed of ice. If she wanted to look back, she could have seen him leaning his forehead on the frozen wood, with tears in his eyes.  
After she closed the door to her room, Azzura let her pain come to her, clutching her knees and falling on the floor. She cried for Cullen, Alistair and Varel, Valeria and the people who fell in the Circle. She had no idea how much she cried, she didn’t looked up when Leliana kicked the door open and ran back calling for someone.  
She left him alone in the darkness, with only a frozen door to keep him away from her, because he chooses so. He wondered if he was too harsh with her, if he should give her a chance. Cullen exhaled a breath he kept for long, then cleaning his tears he went to the ladder and began to climb when Leliana stormed inside his office, fear making her eyes shine.

  
“Cullen! I need help, it’s Azzura! Something is happening to her!”  
He didn’t lose time to ask why, just started to run after the Spymaster. Approaching her room, he could feel the Veil twisting in anger even with his lowered level of Templar power. The chilling cold he felt, intensified when he opened the door and took in the picture in front of him.  
Sprawled on the ground, curled into a ball, Azzura made no sign to show she had heard them. The ceiling and the floor were filled with icicles of ice and the furniture was encased in massive blocks of snow.  
“Maker! “ – He shouted, then he jumped towards her and prepared his smite. He didn’t used it too much lately, he wasn’t sure if that would work, but he had to do something. A Holy Cry escaped his mouth and then he cradled her in his arms. She was shacking violently, eyes wide open, sapped of her energy.  
“Azzura, please talk to us!”- Leliana was touching her all over. “What happened, Cullen? I never saw her like that since … Alistair left her. And even then, she would just freeze her own steps!”  
The Commander dug one hand in his hair and closed his eyes. “I-I don’t know. We had a talk and then, she … she walked out and froze my office’s door. I thought she made it on purpose. I … think it’s because of her unbalanced power. Remember she told us that she can’t control her mana?”  
“So, this is an after effect of your discussion with her? What did you tell her?”  
“I told her that… I am not interested to continue from where we left.”  
They moved Azzura on the bed, now empty of snow. The spell faded away after a while and they were able to pull the blankets over her body. Cullen moved her damp hair from her face and looked at the helpless woman, with compassion. He hated to reveal his feelings to the Spymaster but she was Amell’s closest friend right now.  
“Leliana, why did you bring her here? You could have told me that she was coming. I …how much do you know about…” – he cleared his throat, embarrassed.  
“Everything. There was something strange going on when I met her in Lothering. Later on I found out that Alistair had to keep her silenced for the most part of the road.”  
“What? Why did he…?”  
“From what she told me, he was forced because she was angry with the Grey Wardens. I wasn’t a Grey Warden, so they never told me why; it’s something connected to the Joining ritual as far I know.”  
He was confused. “But I always thought that being a Grey Warden was a great honor. I know she almost begged that man, Duncan, to pick her for recruitment.”  
Leliana gave him a sheepish look. “That is not what she told me. Azzura was forced to leave, apparently after some trouble in your Circle.” – The Spymaster continued to stroke her friend’s arms – “How powerful is this thing you did? She doesn’t wake up!”  
“I… might have exaggerated, I think. She should be fine in the morning, only a small headache.”  
Leliana looked attentively at him, trying to read between the lines and from his expression she figured out that was more to it than the commander let it show.  
“Cullen, I think she still loves you.” – He jerked at Leliana’s words – “No. I just think she feels guilty, that’s all. She loves the King, now.”  
“Alistair? They broke up badly, it’s true. But I don’t think she feels the same for him. She hasn’t seen him since Amaranthine, almost nine years ago.” – Leliana skipped over the story of Varel, that was Azzura’s choice to tell Cullen or not.  
“Cullen, she killed a man with cold blood, for you.” – At the news, Cullen’s eyes widened.  
“What do you mean? Who did she kill?”  
“A mage named Jowan. Do you know him?” – Cullen clasped Leliana’s arm, shock evidently making him put more force than he intended.  
“He was a blood mage Azzura helped escape, or at least helped Irving setting a trap for him, I don’t know.”  
“When we found him in Arl Eamon’s castle and she found out that he was hired to poison him, Azzura changed from the sweet woman I knew into something else. Even I was scared of her. I can recognize hate when I see it, but what I saw in her eyes was much more. She told to all of us to go ahead and scout the remaining chambers. Alistair and the others obeyed her order but Morrigan and I stayed with her. She protested but in the end she said that it was at our own risk and she won’t care if we will choose to change our opinion later. She asked this Jowan why he turned against her and you, the mage mumbled something about love and prohibited and then… she just struck him down with her lightning. And her face, Maker! She enjoyed seeing him turned to ashes. After that, every time we would fight blood mages she will just go crazy and release all her spells on them. We just stood by her side, handing her lyrium potions. Alistair even complained that he was getting rusty, waiting for her to let him hit something.”

  
Cullen turned his eyes to watch her sleeping. “She changed. I remember her like a brilliant apprentice and mage, she always had a good word for everybody and she knew how to see the good even when it was all going badly. I don’t know Leliana, she is a mystery. It’s like she has layer upon layer of different emotions, secrets within secrets. To be honest? I don’t know who this woman is, she has Azzura’s face but I don’t see anything that reminds me of her. And what happened in my office, I don’t even know if it was coming from the real her. Trying to give her what she wants it will be like fixing a broken mirror. No matter how good, one puts the pieces together; the cracks will still be there. Anyway, I have some reports left to read, I will try to talk to her tomorrow.”  
Saying this, he left Leliana to watch over her friend.

* * *

 

The next day, Azzura woke up with a headache which persisted throughout the evening. After learning about what happened, she decided that it was better to stay out of the Commander’s way for the time being. She was ashamed with herself and didn’t blame Cullen for smiting her. Truth to be told, she was glad that it was him. It could be much worse if she lost control like that and froze all the Skyhold.  
The day passed with visiting Petra and the girls in the Tower. Azzura smiled, Evelyn and Chantelle were slowly gaining foot in her heart. Petra incinerated her with a look, when she jokingly said that they were getting old and the girls reminded them of their youth.  
Smiling, she went to the rookery to find a crow – Leliana politely insisted that they were ravens – and send it to Denerim with a letter for Alistair. Funny thing, she was happy and pleased to write to him and couldn’t wait for his reply back.  
Petting the raven’s feathers, she got lost in thought of Cullen. Reacting like that it was unnerving. She tried then to think of Alistair and Varel, everything that came back it was a feeling of … peace? No bad feelings for Alistair, no sorrow for Varel, nothing. Her heart burned only for Cullen. She shook her curls and released the bird to the sky. The ritual! She thought that she understood enough ancient elven to say the correct words and she was sure of it. What Flemeth said? It was another ritual? What she had done? For the first time, it was her who tried to reach the Witch in her mind.

  
_“She likes to be called Asha’Bellanar, you know?”_  
 _“Witty! Go back to sleep, would you?”_  
The spirit laughed at her. The Guardian snorted somewhere near.  
_“I don’t think it was wise to jump on your handsome Commander, like that. You could have waited more.”_  
 _“I know, Guardian. I will fix that soon. You could have said something, before I went all bonkers on him.”_  
 _“Ahem, we are only watchers. We don’t interfere, my dear.”_  
 _“So much for help_.”  
She called for Flemeth but the harpy played dead. Of course, why would she come when asked?

* * *

  
A hand fell on her shoulder and Azzura startled, let out a cry of surprise. Cullen made a peace sign, smiling at her.  
“So jumpy. I – ah – we should talk about last night.”  
“You’re right. I’m sorry for losing control and I am glad that you were there. This won’t happen again, I assure you. “  
“Maybe I – uhm “– His hand went to the back of his head. Azzura smiled slightly remembering that gesture, so normal with him. “I shouldn’t have said those things.”  
“Cullen, I know and I am sorry. I can’t ask from you to erase ten years like nothing happened and I am sure that I behaved like that only because I have seen you after all this time. Could we, at least try and be friends? I’m asking too much maybe.”  
He took her hand in his and looked at it. “No, you don’t. We should try to see how it goes, all right? And don’t scare me like that, again. It wasn’t easy to pull that smite on you.”  
“Oh, well. I deserved it. At least Leliana had a Templar at hand when she needed him.”  
“I am not a Templar anymore. I … quit the Order more than one year ago, when Cassandra offered me the job with the Inquisition.”  
Azzura frowned, hearing about the Seeker.” She is a Seeker, Cullen. I don’t want to bring this again, but you know how…” – he interrupted her, looking in her eyes. “Please, don’t judge her because of others in her Order. You are better than that; our … past together is witness. Just give her a chance, try to know her before judging her.”  
“I … will try, promise.”  
Her stomach made a loud noise, making her face going red. Cullen laughed and Azzura gapped to see him so relaxed and self-confident.  
“We should get you something to eat. Let me accompany you to the Tavern. Your friends already have made our people’s life more interesting, for sure. By the way; I met Petra. I can’t believe that she is here too. She is a red head… not good.” – He grinned – “I think some friend of mine put his eyes on her, already.”  
“Well, let’s go! Before I find myself cut out from the gossip.” – Cullen rolled his eyes – “ _That_ didn’t change in you, I see. “

* * *

 

_Denerim, the Royal Palace_

 

Ser Bryant could barely keep pace with his King. He couldn’t understand how Alistair changed moods so quickly; one moment he was in the Throne room smiling – forcefully at least – the next moment he went on the private corridors with figuratively smoke, blowing from his ears.  
“Bryant, you can take your day off. I will be in my office until tonight. And no! I don’t want to talk about it.”  
“That bad, huh? Your Majesty ... “- Alistair shot him a killing look – “Alistair, I am your friend, you always can yell at me, to steam out.”  
“Not when is because of an up- tight arse of a noble. Go, Bryant.”  
After the King of Ferelden set on his chair at his desk, he started to rapidly scribble on a parchment of velum. Several minutes later he admired his handy work, only to see it disappearing between smooth and white fingers, with carefully cut nails.  
“Give me that!” He tried to snatch the paper back. Anora lifted one eyebrow at him and backed up a few steps, reading.

 

 _“Zev, I need you in Denerim, yesterday! Bring your daggers, poison, traps, bring Isabella and you can bring even a full detachment of Antivan Crows and Hawke’s glowing elf ,if you like; but I need you here immediately._  
 _Alistair_.”

 

Anora lifted the second eyebrow, amused.  
“All these things for one man? And sign it with your name? You must be desperate.” – The Queen laughed, well not a heartfelt laugh; a noble laugh, maybe? Alistair was not sure where to put his queen’s laugh.  
“Yes! It’s been a torn on my side since a lifetime, now. Ugh! Good thing, Azzura is not here. She would smile in that way of hers and give me the I-told-you-so look. Why I even bothered talking her into setting him free from Howe’s dungeons?”  
Anora took a seat on the opposite side of the desk and crossed her legs, still holding the letter.  
“And so you decided that an antivan assassin with an army would put things back in their place?”  
Alistair gave her a wary look. “It’s a bad idea, isn’t it?”

  
She nodded, smile still making small lines at the side of her eyes. “We are not in Orlais, Alistair. There would be easier to get clean out of it.”  
“I know, right? I just could tell Vaugh – Hey, don’t be upset, but I’m sending an assassin after you, better prepare yourself – and then admiring Zevran’s artwork, drinking wine and throwing a party. Could we do that?”  
Anora had mixed feelings about her King. Not that he made the path easier. When she accepted his proposition to marry him, almost three years ago, she thought she went mad accepting it. Truth to be told, he never gave her reason to regret her decision. Under that apparently childish behavior, Alistair hid a will of steel. In time he understood how to take advantage on it and a lot of people fell under his cunning charm. Alistair was no Cailan, although they shared some of the Theirin traits; stubbornness being one of them.  
Alistair was stubborn and when he won’t have it his way, he would get mad but that’s why she was there, to temper his attitude. In the beginning of their marriage, she told herself that it was only for convenience but slowly he was digging into her heart like a drop of rain falling on a stone in the same place for years. She was afraid to admit that he won her heart with his sunny character and his lamely jokes, which always made her lose her composure and laugh like a town girl. After learning that Cailan won’t ever be the prince in shining armor she dreamed off, she swore that she won’t let a man get close again. Until now, it seems.

  
The only shadow in her way was the Hero of Ferelden. Over the years, attending at Court, she learned that Alistair still used to think of her. They were careful not to bring this topic in their marriage, but not knowing for sure what Alistair was thinking, made her tread with small steps in their relationship. And now the woman returned again to haunt her fragile happiness.  
Looking at the man, Anora let out a sigh. How could he drag her into that dangerous affair, she wasn’t certain. Maybe because of those damned beautiful eyes and crafty hands?  
The Queen went to the door and spied outside; to make sure they were alone, then returned and moved her chair near Alistair’s.

  
“My King …” – he gave her a sultry grin – “Am I?” – “Oh, shut up and listen. Vaugh is the Arl of Denerim; we can’t get rid of him so easily. Even if you try to strip him of his title with some futile accusation, it won’t work.”  
Alistair huffed. “I know. Since I told him to behave and knowing that I had men to watch him, he was tame like a puppy. I haven’t heard anything bad about him; I don’t have even the faintest futile accusation.”  
Anora leaned closer and whispered. “It’s true, but maybe he covers his tracks really well. Everyone has a skeleton hidden in his closet.”  
The King grinned again, looking at her lips. ”Do you?” – She made an innocent face – “I? No, I keep only my clothes in the closets.” “Minx.” – And he surprised her, kissing her mouth. – “Anyway. Imagine if we open Vaugh’s closets, we will be buried with skeletons. We just need to find the right ones.”

  
Alistair laughed hard. “My dear, do you realize that you stole that witty line from me? I didn’t know you had it in you.” –She pursed her lips. – “I spend too much time with you; this gets me worried.”  
She took another piece of paper and handed the quill to Alistair. “Write.”

 _“Zev, I will need your expertise and advice in a delicate matter. Please head to Denerim as soon as possible. Come alone._  
 _Your Blighted friend_.”

“His _Blighted_ friend? This is … insulting!” – Then it dawned on him.” OH! Like that, Blighted.”  
Anora smiled again; she rolled her eyes – smiling became a habit, lately.  
“Now that you calmed down, Eamon needs us to sign some papers.”  
Alistair groaned. “Why I can’t be left in peace only for a minute? All right, let’s go.”


	9. Days in Skyhold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to everyone who follows this story. if you have questions just ask :)

Several days went in a flash. Skyhold was a busy citadel on its own and everyone had always something to do. Azzura spent her time reading warden reports arriving from Ferelden. The few wardens left on duty were happy to hear that their Commander was again in charge. She had a feeling that they felt alone in their small corner of the world. Weisshaupt Wardens gave no sign of taking rumors seriously and that annoyed her; the First Warden at this point, was just heating his comfortable seat, without doing anything to assure them. She decided to make her voice heard again; if Weisshaupt didn’t care, she will take the reins and try to solve the mess. With the rumors of wardens killing the Divine, it was probable that people started to see them as villains. It was also the little detail of Sarina being attacked again by Wardens and Templars. Sharing her appearance with the Hero of Ferelden didn’t help, and it was the stolen phylactery that got her in trouble.

  
Staying away from Cullen was easy. He had a routine that never changed and she was able to avoid him almost all the time. The short distance between them, living under the same roof and the knowledge that he was around, easy to find; she couldn’t handle it. His presence was like a swift song in her mind, she felt dragged to him against her will. With a sigh she approached the War Room, hoping that she will find Leliana. She had to do something to protect Sarina from being attacked again. Amell couldn’t let something to happen to her newest friend and her unborn child.  
Azzura was about to knock on the door, when she found the dwarf waiting for her.

  
“Hero! I still wait for that story of yours. I need something to write for my next book.”  
“Messere Tethras, you are a perseverant man.” – She smiled. She liked the dwarf, even if he tried to pry too much in her private life. Azzura had a feeling that her accomplishments had a secondary role in his book. Thinking of his latest novels, she had a good idea where he was going.  
“I told you, my private life is of no interest to our historians.” A giggle came from behind the door which opened in the same instant. “Azzura! Varic’s stories can be counted as fantasy not history. Although Cassandra found his _Tales of the Champion_ very compelling. ”  
“You laugh Sister, but one day I will figure out what is going on with Snowy. And my books even if they are fantasy, have a lot of truth hidden between their pages. I try to give to the people something to enjoy and remember without making it a boring read.”  
Confused, Azzura gave him a questioning glance. “He likes to give nicknames, you got one too.” – Leliana took a strand of Amell’s hair and twirled it around her fingers. “You should do something with this. Maybe dye it?”  
“I don’t think so. It will grow and then I will look like an unfinished painting. Besides, right now it’s important to leave it like this. That’s why I came to talk to you. I need your services.”  
“All work and no fun. I miss Hawke already”. Varic left, rummaging of new ways to get the Warden to untie her tongue.

* * *

  
Inside the War Room, Cullen and Cassandra argued about some camps and supplies. Hearing her steps, he raised his eyes and for a moment she could see them alight.  
“Warden- Commander, it’s a pleasure to see you. There is something you need from us?”  
“Commander, Seeker; I was about to ask for a favor from Leliana. I don’t think everyone knows that I am back in Ferelden. I need the news of my return to reach our enemies. One of my friends, Sarina Cousland had some unpleasant encounters with the rogue Wardens. You won’t believe it, but the girl looks exactly like me, before the Archdemon left me with the gift of white hair. “Cullen narrowed his eyes, that’s why she lost her hair’s color. “After I reached Highever Harbor, coming from Tevinter; I was attacked by the Wardens, one of them was a blood mage.”

  
“But how? You are a Shadowhunter; you said you can feel them from afar.” – Cassandra leaned closer to Amell, looking for anything like deceit.  
“They took me by surprise. To my shame I have to say that they herded me in open field, and then the blood mage using stealth appeared in front of me. I had no time to react. And it never occurred to me that my own Wardens would try to kill me. Even the spirits were surprised. Sarina and Nathaniel Howe saved my life.”  
“Howe? Wait a minute!” – Leliana was surprised. “Yes, Leli. He is the third child of Arl Howe. I found him at Vigil’s Keep, he came to kill me; I conscripted him. Now he is my second in Command.”  
“You killed his father and he became your friend? Yeah, why I am surprised? You had others coming to kill you and ended up being friends. Ahhh, Zevran. I must write to him more often.”

  
Cullen had no idea what to think of what he was hearing. Azzura being assassin target and making them friends? Azzura the Right Hand of the Black Divine? The Blood mage hunter? How many persons were hiding behind that face?  
“As I was saying, Sarina and Nate saw a Templar with a phylactery, before I was attacked. I suppose that’s mine.”  
Seeker Pentaghast gasped. “You want to say that you haven’t destroyed it? I always thought that in one of the trips in Denerim you would try to break it.”  
The Warden—Commander smiled mischievously. “Let me guess. When you and Leliana were searching for me, you never remembered that I was a mage and my phylactery was somewhere in Denerim.”  
“I did. They told us that it wasn’t there…”

  
Cullen crossed his arms and looked at her. “And now, someone has it and tries to get to her. What do you want us to do?” “For now? Nothing. They need to know that I am here in open, and leave Sarina alone. One way or another, I will bump into them one day. They want answers from me, I want from them too.”- Azzura snickered – “Although it must be really confusing for them. I don’t use my magic and the phylactery shines only then. Shiny here, shiny there; can’t find Azzura anywhere.”  
Everyone looked at her like she got a blow in the head. She laughed at them. “What?”

  
Cullen tried to clear his throat before talking; the laughter threatening to escape him.  
“You find this all situation, funny? You have blood mages, Wardens and Templars on your back and you make poetry?”  
She turned to leave and looking over her shoulder she said: “That’s why I have you, to protect me.”  
Cullen closed his mouth shut and tried to make a haste exit from the other door, only to have Cassandra and Leliana assaulting him like vultures on a corpse. “Well, well, Commander. What have we here?” – “N-Nothing, Cassandra. She is just like that… I suppose.”

  
Leliana gave him a lecherous grin. ”Only with her prey. I know when Azzura goes hunting. Sleep well, Commander.”  
Rubbing his neck, The Commander of the Forces of Inquisition ran to hide again in his office. Skyhold had way too many women in command. The Inquisitor better come back soon, before he finds his Commander seating with the women in front of a fire place, knitting and sharing gossip. The thought of that made Cullen burst into a hearty laugh.

* * *

 

One morning, the former Knight Captain of Ostwick, Ser Lawrence came to watch the Commander drilling his soldiers. Three young men and women followed him like puppies, looking with dreamy eyes at the Commander.  
“Good morning, Sers. What can I do for you?” Cullen almost winced at the question he repeated so often.  
_“I wish for just once, someone would ask what they can do for me._ ”

  
“Commander, we came here to join the Inquisition and waiting for the Herald to come back it’s unproductive. I wish we could help somehow and I thought you are the best person to talk too.”  
“Gladly, Knight – Captain. I would love to have you taking care of our recruits. Captain Rylen is often gone and my men try to take it easy, when he’s not here to keep them on their toes. To be honest, you would take a lot of my work.”  
“Good. Commander, it will be an honor to work with you. As for these three would be soldiers … “– The three insulted Templars gave him an immolating look, which the Knight – Captain ignored openly – ‘… they are trained by me, can we do something with them? They are good with their weapons.”  
Cullen bit his lip, stopping a forming smile. He remembered a time when he was looking upon Greagoir like that, with awe and worship. He felt proud that the Knight- Captain could give them a good example of what a Templar should be.  
“Well, they can train the new recruits. We still need trainers and with all the people coming in, they won’t miss work.”  
“Why I have to train them? They don’t even know which part of a sword is the hilt!”

  
Ser Lawrence looked ready to eat the poor woman, Michael became red as a turnip and Ryan just put a hand on his forehead.  
“Chantelle Valmont!” – The Knight- Captain shouted – “This is not what I taught you! You are in front of your superior officers!”  
“I’m sorry, Knight- Captain. Commander, please excuse me.”  
Cullen tried again to hold the laughter. “It seems that our Ser Chantelle needs to blow off some steam. You can try with those of your age for now. Later, if I am satisfied I will see what I can do.”  
“I am nineteen, Commander but I can keep up with more seasoned veterans.”

  
“Chantelle, for the love of the Maker! Keep your mouth shut.” – Ryan looked distressed at the display of impertinence his comrade in arms showed.  
“So, Lady Chantelle; I suppose that you can hold a sword as good as you can hold your tongue. Growing, you will learn to do that too.” – Cullen had the fun of his lifetime; it made him forget the slightly headache looming at the back of his neck.

  
“Feeling old already, Commander? Sword too heavy for you?”  
Narrowing his eyes, Cullen decided to teach the youngster a lesson; if that would help preventing the heart attack the Knight- Captain was about to have.  
“Let’s see who can keep a sword, shall we?” – Then putting on the Commander face, he barked to the insolent Templar. – “Training ring. Now!”

* * *

 

“I hate you, I hate you and I hate you!” Evelyn followed Azzura down the stairs, in front of the Magi Tower. Amell just looked at the sky and clasped the hands at her back. “Why I have to learn Tevene and Elven? I thought you are my friend!”  
“Evie, that’s why. Because I am your friend I will take care for you to learn everything I know.”  
“I am your apprentice now?”  
“If you like, consider it like that. Besides you won’t be alone. There are other fifteen mages who will have classes with me. The Litany of Adralla might save your life one day. You will be able to protect your fellow soldiers with it.”

  
Petra approached the bantering duo, carrying a stack of books. “What’s going on with you two?” Evelyn pouted at her. ”Azzura thinks it will be fun to memorize an entire book of chants… in Tevene and Elven. She won’t stop right there, she wants us to actually learn these two languages.”  
Pretending to be horrified, Petra squinted her eyes. “No way! How one can be so cruel?” – Then she began to laugh.  
“So everyone is against me? Where I even find a blood mage to practice on?”

  
Azzura smirked, looking at Petra. “Still thinking you are too pretty, to be a blood mage?” – The other woman groaned.  
“What is this story anyway? Will you tell me now?” – Evie looked side- ways to both of them.  
“In our Circle in Ferelden, the First Enchanter Irving wanted us to memorize the Litany. We did the same thing like you did just now. The more he would try to make us learn, the more we will huff and stomp. One day, when our group of friends was having breakfast, Irving came to us and said that we won’t have classes, because he had to deal with some rumors. Someone said that we could not practice anyway, since we had no blood mages around, someone else had the funny idea to tell that Petra could pretend she is one. Right then, the Knight- Commander came in and he heard only the last part of the sentence. He drew his sword and went to Petra asking if she is a blood mage. Poor girl, she just paled and started to cry then ran off saying that she is too pretty to be a blood mage, and she doesn’t like red anyway. Greagoir’s face was priceless. He just cursed and told Irving that his mages are worse than an Orlesian whinny noblewoman. For a long time no one could say blood mage without laughing. “  
A shadow hovered on Petra’s face. “Until the blood mages almost had the last laugh.”

  
The three of them turned at the sound of armor clinging. Chantelle walked towards them with a slight limp and dragging her sword on the ground, hair disheveled.  
Evelyn cupped her mouth. “What in the name of the Maker happened to you, woman?”  
‘I … uhm… The Commander mopped the training ring with me.”  
“Cullen did this? Why?” – Azzura scratched her head, wondering if the Commander went crazy, to put up with a girl, for real, in the training ring.  
Chantelle looked abashed and guilty. “I might have suggested that he is … too old to keep a sword properly in his hands. He didn’t take it lightly.”  
After the entire laugh they had before, now the ladies had to keep their bellies from falling apart. “Please, no more laughing! I had enough.” Evie hugged her Templar friend and buried her head on Chantelle’s shoulder.  
“Now he gave me the task to train ten new recruits in two months. If they are not prepared enough to stand against him at least fifteen minutes, he will make me clean the stables for the next year or so. I think he wasn’t joking.”  
Azzura cleaned her eyes of tears and squeezed Chantelle’s hand. “No he wasn’t. When Cullen goes mad at someone he makes sure they remember him.”  
“That’s not what I wanted to hear. You seem to know the Commander really well, Lady Amell.”  
“I do. Petra, Cullen and I were in the Ferelden Circle ten years ago. And besides, he is only thirty-one years old. You got out pretty cheap with him.”

* * *

 

Warden- Commander Amell liked to sleep in the morning, unless some nasty nightmare about broodmothers and crawling darkspawn interfered. This morning, however it was Leliana who banged the door open and dragged the blankets down.  
“Wake up! The Herald is back! He arrived last night and now is waiting in the War Room.”  
Azzura moaned something, covering her face with a pillow. “Leli! I haven’t slept last night. Some ogres were chasing me around the Deep Roads.”  
“Don’t care. Wake up!” – And Leliana took the basin filled with cold water and emptied on her friend’s body. Amell jumped from the bed, now fully awake.  
“Andraste’s tits! I forgot how insistent you can be. All right, give me a few to dress and then I will be there.”

  
She was unsure what to put on, but since she was there on business, the Warden armor will do well. Except that she had no Warden armor. She came from Highever with only some clothes Sarina gave her. In the end she showed up at the meeting in a blue mage robe, thinking that she will have to commission new armors later.

* * *

  
The three advisors, Cassandra and a man – Azzura was sure that he was the famous Herald of Andraste – greeted her.  
“Overslept, Amell?” – Cullen’s smugly grin woke her up, for real this time. He used to say the same when she would run in circles in the Circle, late for Irving’s classes.  
“Hush, you! I was busy trying to find an armor I don’t have.”  
The Herald came forth and grinning, he took one of Amell’s hands and making a small curtsy, kissed it.  
“Warden – Commander Amell, it’s an honor to have you with us. It’s also my pleasure to meet a living legend. I am Maxwell Trevelyan, the guy with the glowing hand.”  
Maxwell Trevelyan was quite a sight to sore eyes, Azzura thought; if she wouldn’t be smitten with the sight of a certain Commander who looked like he wanted to pierce the Ferelden’s map with his honeyed eyes. The Herald must have been in his early forties with only a few strands of grey hair at the temples. He had the same raven color like his sister and his green eyes had a hint of mischief. Maxwell wore his hair cut above his armor’s collar and had a small scar on his neck. The armor puzzled Azzura; the chainmail was Inquisition norm but his breastplate wore the Templar insignia.

  
“Inquisitor, nice to meet you. I hope you had a nice trip to the Emerald Graves.”  
“Of course; good weather, good company and mad red Templars to entertain in front of a camp fire. You should join me sometimes.”  
She laughed. The man knew how to make himself likeable and from the quick glance Azzura gave to Cassandra, the Templar was very proud of his appearance. The Seeker seemed ready to start an Exalted March against the mage talking to the Herald.  
“I would like that. Lately I find myself short of battle practice, I feel like I’m getting a bit rusty.”  
Cassandra couldn’t stand anymore and huffed. “All right, since the presentations were done, let’s try to do some work. I informed the Herald already about your arrival and … other pertaining things you told us about. “

  
“I have to say that I am eager to work with the Hero of Ferelden _if_ said Hero is still the woman I admired when she defeated the Archdemon. _Are you_?”  
So, the Herald knew how to be charming and overly blunt. Azzura hold his gaze and said. “I am, Inquisitor. Maybe time and war changed me but deep down I am still the same person who defeated the Blight. I don’t expect you to trust me but I will work to gain that trust. I know it’s difficult to trust someone who has so close connections with Tevinter.”  
“Very well then. Don’t be offended if I will tread with cold feet when it comes to terms of talking about the Black Divine’s support. Until I will have reason to believe that he is genuinely interested in working with the Inquisition, I will refrain to be too open about our internal business with you.”

  
“I understand, Inquisitor. It will be difficult to build a trusting relationship with the Tevinter Chantry after all this time. But I hope we will get there.”  
“The Seeker told me that you know about our theories involving the Wardens and the Conclave. The false Calling might be the cause?”  
“I think so; what I am puzzled about is the desperation the Wardens feel. Every Warden knows that the Calling involves a lot of factors and differs from man to man when they hear it.”  
“And still they are sure that they will die. Commander Cullen tells me that you still have some Wardens left and you want to set Inquisition outposts around Ferelden to help with darkspawn control.”  
Azzura went over to the War table and looked at the Ferelden’s map. “I want several camps around Korkari Wilds and Ostagar and I will try to contact the remaining Wardens to join your soldiers. I absolutely don’t want the Inquisition’s soldiers to engage the blighted creatures. The danger poses the Blight disease has to be taken seriously. It takes only a small cut and people can be infected. There is no cure for this.”  
Cullen searched for Azzura’s eyes. “You think that if we show our support to the Wardens’ effort, they will feel less alone?”

  
“Yes, Cullen. And they will have a reason to not go wild and think that they should take a last trip to the Deep Roads or where they are going right now. Did you find anything about Clarel’s doings?’”  
“Not yet. But my scouts say that they heard about wardens moving to the Western Approach. Would they listen to you, if they hear about the Warden – Commander of Ferelden asking them to come back?”  
“To be honest, Leliana? I don’t know. Maybe some of those recruited by me, or those who still respect what I have done in Denerim, but I wouldn’t count on that. This Clarel lady has a lot of influence apparently.”  
Josie came in with a wave of perfume and frills. “Warden- Commander, I made a draft with the requests for King Alistair. Can you give it a look?”

  
“Of course Lady Montiliyet.” After a couple of minutes, Azzura smiled and nodded in agreement. “Can you add my personal request for outposts? If the herald thinks it worth the trouble, of course.”  
Maxwell waved a hand toward Azzura. “By all means, we will give the Lady what she asks. I will let all the arrangements to our both Commanders; I refuse to take charge of this task too.”  
Leliana giggled, seeing the Inquisitor trying to escape the meeting. “Ready to leave us, Herald?”  
“I have too. And Lady Amell? I blame you, for bringing my sister here.”  
“What? Why me? I just helped them with that skirmish and … “– Amell’s excuse was cut short by a knock on the door and the guard asked if the Inquisitor can receive his sister.  
“Of course… I do.” – Azzura couldn’t understand why the Herald’s voice was one of resignation when he should be filled with joy at having his sister with him. That until …

* * *

  
The door opened and Evelyn Trevelyan came in running. Holding a pack of what appeared to be letters, she kneeled at her brother’s feet.  
“Oh Mighty Savior of Thedas! The Chosen of Andraste and Bearer of the Glowing Hand! I present thee with these modest gifts from the Trevelyan mansion!”  
The Inquisitor looked defeated, speechless and desolated. Leliana and Azzura couldn’t hold the laugh, Cullen bit his lips hard and Cassandra smiled. The man was about to succumb to embarrassment. Pointing to Evie- still with head bowed and knelt- he looked towards Azzura. “ _That’s why_ I blame you!”  
Then he embraced Evie and kissed her cheeks. “Mongrel! What are you doing here?”

  
“Mother threw me out from the house. I barely got home and I was unpacking my things, when I see the matron grabbing my bag, putting all the things back and telling me – Your brother tries to save the World and you want to stay safe at home? Go, help him! He needs a mage to look after him. - And so, after one week I was on the road with the others. I had to wait for Celia to write a ton of letters and you have some from our parents too.”  
Azzura saw the Seeker almost growing a second pair of eyes when she heard the name _Celia_.  
“I … see. What happened with the people in the Circle?”

  
“They are camped in our house.” Maxwell looked like he was about to faint. “What???”  
Evelyn made a dismissive sign. “Don’t worry. We took precautions with abomination control. Dad asked all the available Templars in the Chantry to come to our house.”  
“Abomination… control? How many mages they have there?”  
“A dozen of kids, six Tranquil and twenty-one senior Enchanters.”  
Cullen’s face mirrored the Herald’s. “That’s … a lot of mages, right there.”  
Maxwell was livid. “That’s an easy way to put it, Commander. My mother has a … tendency to get in trouble because of her curiosity. Mages are interesting beings, for her. When Evelyn showed the first signs of magic, she was so happy that I found her trying to convince Evie to freeze the water on a lake, for skating.”  
Evie had an evil grin now. “Last thing I know is that she was convinced that the children would do nicely as candle lighters. The senior Enchanters were horrified and tried to explain to her that they might set the house on fire at that age.”

  
“Maker’s mercy! What I have done to deserve a family like this?”  
Azzura tried to calm the waters. Hearing about the Trevelyans and how they were dealing with magic, made her wish to have been born in that family.  
“Inquisitor, your family knows the risks and I bet that your father is the one who keeps feet on the ground. I don’t think he would endanger your dear ones. I wish that my family would have the same approach on magic. I was taken to the Circle when I was ten years old and I still remember my mother crying and saying that she was cursed by the Maker.”  
Maxwell looked ready to scream in desperation. “Yes! But the danger…”  
Evelyn liked immensely to tease her older brother and she didn’t miss the opportunity. “Relax, Herald. We won’t even know until after it happened, anyway.”  
Maxwell grunted, snatched the letters from his sister’s hands and in two steps he was out of the door. “I need a drink.”  
Azzura was in command for more than ten years and even when training with the Shadowhunters, she had the privilege to be treated like someone equal to her trainers; so after Evelyn’s enthusiastic reunion with her brother, she realized that the girl needs to be reminded who her brother was.  
“Evelyn Trevelyan, I want a word with you. Follow me on the battlements at once.”

Evelyn walked and stood near to her mentor, who looked serious.  
“I did something wrong, didn’t I?”  
“No Evie, not yet. I understand that you love your brother and you like to tease him. The people you saw there, his Inner Circle- they know him well. They know when he jokes and when he is serious. They also know that he puts up with you because you are his little sister and his image as the Inquisitor is not distorted in their eyes. But you have to understand that you don’t have to do that in front of his soldiers or other people that don’t know him so well. They might think that he can’t handle his siblings and his power over the Inquisition might have flaws.”  
“Do you think that they will believe that he is not worthy to be followed if he let his sister mocking him?”  
“Exactly. Please, just behave when he is doing his duty.”  
“I’m … sorry. I never gave it a thought. I was just so happy to see him after all this time.”  
“I know Evie. And everyone in that room understood. Just promise me you won’t do that again.”  
What Azzura failed to see it was that she would have more chances at riding a wild horse for the first time, than making Evelyn Trevelyan a proper lady who knows how to behave.

* * *

 

After finishing the battle training with staves and sending the exhausted mages back to their Tower, Azzura went to finally retire her armors she had ordered several days after the last meeting. She had to pay an extra because the armorsmith and the weaponsmith were busy and she needed the items right away. They took even more time to forge everything with Azzura’s designs and schematics. She also added a fat tip so they won’t try to replicate the looks for anyone else.  
She was buckling the last strap of her breastplate when she felt a familiar perfume. Cullen stood in the doorway, mouth open and wide eyes.  
“What… is this? Why would you… wear heavy armor?”  
The armor Azzura was wearing was made of black silverite. The breastplate fitting her curves had an intricate pattern of vines of Andraste’s Grace made from silver with no insignia. Where the insignia should have been there was a silver flower instead. He watched in shock as she took a round shield with the same design as the breastplate and unsheathed her sword, making some fluid moves to check the balance.  
“Because it’s nice? I made the design myself.”  
“But you are a _mage!_ ” – He spread his hands in surprise.  
“So, what? Mages can’t fight with other weapons? I fight with heavy armor since the Blight.”  
Cullen was bewildered. He never saw a mage in chainmail before. The sword caught his eyes and he took it from her hand to have a closer look. The weight was less than he expected but he supposed that it was because it was made for a woman. He grinned, thinking at what Cassandra would have to say in that matter. The Seeker’s sword was heavy like his. On a side of the sword the same curling vines were engraved, the other side had the warden Oath. The pommel was round with a five pointed star crystal encased in it.  
“What the crystal does?”  
“If I don’t use a staff I need to channel my magic somehow.” – His jaw dropped even more – “You channel your magic with the sword?”

  
She laughed at his surprised look. “Yes. There is an elven ancient magic art called _Arcane warrior._ The sword I used for it is gone. I lost it to a broodmother in the Deep Roads. The Warden- Commander ritual sword, Vigilance, is still in Amaranthine. I couldn’t have it back, yet.”  
Then a thought struck her and a wicked grin spread on her lips.  
“Want to test it Commander? Or are you too old to keep a sword?”  
Cullen gave her a half smile. “I see the word got to you.”  
“Indeed. You really had to be so harsh on her?”  
“Yes. Ser Lawrence treated them more like his children than his soldiers, if that could teach her to follow some rules and hold her tongue… we can make a soldier out of her.”  
“Maybe you are right. They are still young. I don’t think they ever saw a real battle; until they had to defend against those Templars attacking them.”

* * *

  
Word of Azzura wearing her armor and the Commander preparing his weapons in the training ring got to the ears of everyone in Skyhold. By the time they got there, the ring was surrounded by a sea of people.  
Azzura grinned at the sight of mages and Templars stuck together and talking animatedly with each other.  
Cullen grinned at her and attacked with his sword. Azzura brought the shield to block the hit and then fending a strike she bashed Cullen with hers.  
After several minutes fighting, Cullen had the feeling that those moves where so familiar that he stopped. Some of the attacks were performed with such skill that he wondered if he should try something else. The Templars were taught some secret moves so subtle that other people were unable to copy them, and yet; Azzura defended herself by doing the same with him. Stunned, he called for a stop, again.  
“You want to tell me that you know the Templar fighting style? Where did you learn that? The Chantry forbids Templars to teach other people these skills, let alone a …” – he stopped before saying it, she continued with a smirk.  
“Mage?”- Cullen looked guilty at her. “Well, Commander! You can blame the King of Ferelden for that.”  
“He did it? But how could he? The Chantry…”

  
“Alistair is a grey warden. The wardens don’t submit to the Chantry rules, lucky for us. He was quite happy being conscripted before taking the Templar vows.”  
“Did he teach you the other skills?”  
‘You mean smiting? I don’t want to repeat the experience after I tried to do it only to see if will work… I was unconscious for half a day and Alistair almost killed me with his fury.”  
Cullen let out a loud laugh. “Oh, Maker! Greagoir must be rolling in his grave right now.”

  
Iron Bull roared from the side. “Commander! We are here to see a fight; stop talking, more fighting!”  
Azzura and Cullen kept going without any of them having the intention to give up.  
“Amell, I like your style. You are brave but your pride will be your downfall.”- She liked his smugness but she won’t back up. “Tell me, why all the soldier women wear their hair short?”- The Commander kept taunting but she didn’t listen. Then he did a sudden move and was at her back, pulling her braid up and then forcing her to her knees.  
“Yield, My Lady.”

  
His breath on her neck was hot and his perfume made her head spin. When he turned her face to him, still keeping her braid, their eyes met. His were dark with desire and when he saw that their lips were close, he retreated like he was bit by a snake.  
Iron Bull was trying to help the Herald who chocked with a piece of apple, seeing a mage fighting like a Templar.

  
“C’mon Boss! They don’t even fight for real. They just dance around each other and I bet that they want a roll in the hay.”  
“What do you mean?”- Trevelyan looked unsure to the two opponents, still busy staring at their hands.  
“For those who have eyes, you know?” – Bull winked at Maxwell.

  
Realizing that people started to wonder why he was still keeping the Hero on the ground, kneeled, Cullen backed away a few steps.  
Clearing his voice and hardly keeping it steady, he asked again.  
“So?” – “All right, Commander. I give up. Beaten by my own braid. But I won’t give up on it.”  
Everyone applauded and laughed at Azzura’s words. Cullen wanted to retreat. He needed to calm the heat in his body, but she pulled his hand and kept him in place.

* * *

  
“A word, before you go. Can I take Tempest to a ride? I have to go for two days and I would like to have him with me.”  
He smiled. He couldn’t resist her, how could he? He wanted to stay away from her but he just kept on searching her company. Cullen shook his head and put those thoughts to rest. Later he will try to figure out what was wrong with him to break his own boundaries.  
“Of course you can take him. I don’t have time to ride him properly, so a walk could do him well. Uhm… if I am not prying… where will you go?”  
“I’m going to meet my messenger from Tevinter. I still have a job to do for the Divine.”  
“Oh… that.” – She could see that he was unsettled and tried to assure him. “Cullen, I wouldn’t bring him here. I know how much you like to keep your security controls. I promise I would never betray your trust giving him secrets from Skyhold or the Inquisition. I had Leliana check every note I have for the Divine.”  
He was fool to trust her, but still he hoped that she will keep her word. He desperately hoped that Azzura he knew was still there.


	10. Misunderstandings and clueless people

She was gone less than a day and Cullen missed her already. The Commander sighed and looked at the pile of documents on his desk, already written and waiting for delivery. He did his job carefully and that kept him busy over the half of a day but now he found himself at loss of something to do. Greeting the guard on the battlements, he leaned on the stone wall and looked down in the training ring. His lips curled in a smile seeing the young Templar girl Chantelle running around with ten exhausted recruits in toe.  
He felt a pang of guilt at how he treated her but then he remembered that she was a soldier and she had to give her best. Besides, who would like to clean the stables for one year?

  
Azzura Amell. The name made its way in his mind again. He told himself to stay away from her, to not let her sneak in his heart again… but when she truly left his heart? She was there when he was caged by the blood mages in Kinloch Hold, even when he hated mages back in the Gallows, her image won’t live him. His stomach clenched when he realized that she never asked him about Kirkwall and what he did there.  
In the first years of his assignment, he did things that would make her hate him. He made mages Tranquil at Meredith’s orders; he hunted down apostates and locked away his own Templars if he saw that they were showing signs of fraternization with the mages in the Circle.

  
And all the time when he was doing that, he couldn’t think of something else than her abandonment. It was a way for punishing her when he did those things? It was her who was making Tranquil every time he pushed the lyrium brand on a mage’s forehead? Was he seeing in other Templars, weak enough to care for a mage, his own image and what happened to him because of his love? Was he trying to remind them of their own duties and that the mages are not people?

  
_“Mages are not like me and you …”_

  
He told those words to an apostate and he didn’t realize that Adeline Hawke was a mage until one day she healed him after a dock fight. Later when he asked her why she revealed herself to him, knowing that he had a low opinion about mages and after what he told her, her words let him speechless.

  
_“I know what you believe, but it’s not what you are. I can sense that there is something more behind that mask. You carry a deep wound in your heart and your eyes betray you.”_  
He then laughed and tried to avoid her scrutiny to no avail and when defeated, he asked her how she knows; Adeline made one of her one liners.

  
_“Lone Templar wandering by the docks, looking with huge puppy eyes at the stars? Not seeing an incoming attack? You are the first one of your kind I ever met, to make this mistake._ ” And then she offered him a bottle of wine and sat with him on a chunk of stone the entire night.

  
They talked about everything and by the end of the third bottle; he spilled out his entire life. Since that day he slowly changed; his first insubordination act was to hide Adeline and the two other apostates, out of Meredith’s eyes and ears. He felt betrayed again when Anders – who was one of his friends once – blew up the Chantry and started the war. The pain in Hawke’s eyes after she killed her friend, right after the attack, made him reconsider his views. Not all mages are bad and many of them have a good heart and know to use their power for better things than blowing up Chantries or practicing blood magic.  
The irony to find out that Hawke was Azzura’s cousin left him wondering if the Maker liked to play games with his children’s hearts.  
The noise of rushed footsteps and a door closing woke him up from his reverie.

* * *

  
“Commander? Care to tell me what is this shit I just heard from Cassandra? I barely escaped with my shirt in one piece, the Seeker almost ripped it away trying to convince me to come and talk to you! That woman has an iron fist, Maker’s mercy!”  
Cullen straightened his body and faced the Inquisitor. He took his decision that morning when he went to talk to Cassandra.  
“Inquisitor … I won’t change my mind. If I can’t fulfil my duty towards you and the Inquisition, Cassandra will find a replacement for me.”  
Maxwell leaned on the wall and stared at his Commander. “Do you think I would let you do that? I know Rylen or the new Knight Captain Lawrence are more than capable to be a Commander, but they are not you. I thought we are friends, Cullen. You know my story, I know yours; we’ve been through a lot together.”

  
Cullen passed a hand through his hair looking at the mountains shining in the sunlight. “We are, Herald. But if the lyrium withdrawal symptoms become much worse, I won’t be able to go on.” – He closed his eyes, ashamed to confess his struggles with the daily temptation he faces – “It’s been difficult in the last few weeks.”  
“And still you are here, doing rounds, checking on our people, talking to your friends. Cullen, maybe I haven’t made myself clear. What I admire in you is your strength to do what I can’t. If I wouldn’t be so advanced in age and I wouldn’t have this burden on my shoulders, I would follow your example. Looking at how you are so determined to break this leash and how you cope with the results, make me so proud of knowing you. No, I won’t accept your surrender and I won’t replace you. I will be here when you will need me and I will support you. “- Trevelyan grinned to his friend – “Besides, Cassandra would rip my body in countless pieces if I would agree with your way of thinking.”

  
Cullen took a deep breath and smiled at his Herald. “Thank you, Inquisitor. I will do everything in my power to comply. There were some difficult days for me.”  
“Since the beautiful Hero showed up uninvited to your door?” – Cullen became red; Maxwell felt giddy; he hit straight to the heart of the problem.  
“Why would I … I mean, how do you know? It’s not true … I … Um…”  
Maxwell pretended to play with his ring: “After the duel you had with lady Amell, now everyone is convinced that there is more than let the eyes see. Although, I am utterly impressed and worried about a mage knowing how to fight like a Templar.”

  
“Worried? No need to be; outside the sword play she can’t access other Templar powers. She knows better than to try a Holy Smite again.”  
Trevelyan laughed at his friend. “So she tried it. It must have been unpleasant to say the least. This had me thinking a lot, for another reason. We get enhanced powers when we take our drafts, but since she was able to learn the little things without taking vows or having the lyrium ritual; it would be possible that in the future Templars could fight without lyrium?”  
“Maybe. But would they be powerful enough to oppose to a mage?”

  
Maxwell looked in his friend’s eyes. “And maybe if they would be free and learn how to live in the outside world mages wouldn’t try to gain more power. Maybe they would put their knowledge to the better use. The world is changing, we have to be careful how it will change, but we can’t allow the same mistakes to happen again. If it means that we will have to train our Templars how to fight without lyrium, we will do it. And I will need you to be by my side.”

  
Cullen listened attentively, happy that the Herald seemed to forget about his Hero, when Maxwell waved a hand in the main gate’s direction. “She’s back earlier than she said.” – The Commander turned to watch with his own eyes and when he couldn’t see the object of his thoughts he realized that he was caught off guard, like a child. Behind him, Maxwell smiled and waited for the shoe to drop.  
Cullen rolled his eyes. “You are impossible, you know?”

  
“So… what’s the story? Spit it out.”  
Shaking his head in disbelief, Cullen revealed his story over a bottle of wine the Inquisitor ordered to be brought in his Commander’s office.  
“And what you will do now?” – Maxwell asked moving the vine in his glass and taking a sip. “I honestly don’t know. We are at war; I can’t let other thoughts occupy my mind. To be honest, I still try to find something left from the old girl I knew.”  
“People change, Cullen. She was thrown into a war and forced to become a leader, she defeated the Blight and she started with less than nothing. She had to survive and learn on the way. Maybe what you need to do is to get to know the woman she became and not trying to find an old memory of her. When I have lost my wife I thought that the world ended with her death but life goes on. “  
“Then you want me to spend more time with her?”  
The Herald’s answer was interrupted by the door opening and a scout entered with a new stack of reports, placing them on the desk.  
“Sister Leliana sends these, Commander. And she’s in need of you, Inquisitor.”  
Cullen gulped down an entire glass of wine, annoyed with the scout for interrupting his talk with Maxwell. After the boy left, unaware of the Commander’s murderous glance, Trevelyan laughed at his friend’s scowl.  
“Do you never close those doors?”  
“No, why?”  
“You might want to do it _if_ and _when_ you will have private meetings with _your Warden_. Between your daggers and her lightning, I’m afraid the boy won’t survive.”  
Maxwell left and Cullen leaned on his chair looking at the roof. _His Warden._ So many words unspoken and feelings to rediscover. She said she had a reason to leave him, maybe he should ask her about that. He missed her now more than ever and he couldn’t wait for her return.  
On his part, Maxwell thought that his Commander needed a distraction. The man worked himself to exhaustion and when he did that, his strength to fight the withdrawal weakened. He had to do something.

* * *

 

The next day in the morning, Cullen went to inspect how the new recruits were going under his new pupils training. Ryan, Michael and Chantelle stood at attention in front of him, the girl amazingly keeping quiet.  
The Commander had to blink twice at the perfect aligned soldiers but what caught his attention were several new additions to the thirty recruits. Mages equipped with staves and battle armors stood in the back row, Evelyn Trevelyan between them.  
He turned towards Ryan. The boy seemed to be the leader of that trio of Templars.  
“Interesting change of plans, Ser Ryan. How did this happen?”

  
“Commander, when we came to help the Inquisition we came as a Templar and mage team. Some of the mages here are our friends. Then we thought; if the Inquisition wants to bring people together, why not make them work together and help them understand mages? We need healers and battle mages as much as we need warriors and archers. My father is a hunter, one of the best archers in the Free Marches and he told me that if a team is versatile, they can have the upper hand.”  
Michael shifted on his feet and trying to control his stutter, spoke. ”We plan to make this work, Ser. Our mages can protect the warriors and the archers can protect the mages. We … we … want to fight by your s-side Comm-mmander.”

  
Cullen was moved by the young people showing so much respect and admiration for him. A stir of his heart made him wonder if they would still admire him if they ever knew what he had done in the name of their Order.  
“Carry on with the training. Soon I will want to see results”- With a wicked grin, he turned to Chantelle- “Or those stables would shine clean for a year.”  
“Don’t count on that, Commander Cullen! By the end of these two months, I will make them eat their swords!”

  
Ryan covered his eyes with his hands. “And I almost thought that she would keep her tongue in check.”  
Chantelle gave him a mocking smirk and yelling at the recruits began to run around the training ring.  
“She takes this seriously, Ser. People are afraid of her.”  
Cullen’s laugh could be heard in the courtyard and many of his own soldiers turned to watch him with bright smiles. Their Commander seemed to be happier around those children. The morale of the troops improved, they loved their Commander and everyone tried to please him; even if that meant to sweat under his drills.

* * *

 

The Seeker was unhappy. She looked at the remaining few pages from the last chapter of Sword and Shields with a frown.  
“ _If I keep reading so fast, I will finish it too soon, and then I won’t have anything to read. The dwarf must work on something else, I hope for his own good.”_  
Right then, the poor dwarf passed by, unaware of the Seeker’s thoughts. He was checking on Bianca’s string when he felt a tug at his shirt and a heavy arm dragged him back.  
“Come here, dwarf. We need to talk.”

  
Startled, Varic turned to see the Seeker waving his book in front of his eyes.  
“Hold on, Seeker! I thought you liked the end. I wrote it so I can please you, after all.”  
Cassandra huffed and let go of his collar. “I haven’t finished it yet. You see, the problem is that after this, I won’t have anything to read. Tell me that you have a new book in the works, you have too!” – Her voice sounded almost desperate.

  
Varic was flattered that the Seeker found his books so addictive, but once again he was worried that the woman lived too much in that fantasy world. If she could, Cassandra literally would have eaten the books.  
He tried to voice his concerns:” Seeker, maybe you need to find another hobby for a while. Your obsession with books is worrying. And no, I don’t have anything to work with, right now.” – That was a big mistake.  
Cassandra pulled the dwarf to her and pointed the tip of her sword at his neck. “You lie! I need books to read, and you will comply! Write faster, I demand it!”  
If Varic didn’t know better he would think that the Seeker went nuts for real.  
“Calm down, woman! I wish I could do it. But I lost my inspiration; I don’t have anything left to write about. Let’s make a deal; I will find other books for you and this will give me time to think of something of my own.”

  
“I have read them all! There is no book left from those that the Chantry never banned. I have them all.” – She turned Varic towards the way he came and pushed him ahead. “Go and find your inspiration and do it fast.” – Then she sat back on her usual bench and opened the book on her knees like nothing happened.  
Still thinking at what just happened, Varic bumped into the Inquisitor. Maxwell steadied the dwarf, keeping him from falling on his back. “Maker, you must be in a hurry. What’s the problem?”

  
“The Seeker! She threatened me with her sword to write faster.” – He raised his hands to the sky – “I wish I could. But I can’t find anything worthy to write about. I am at short of ideas.”  
The Herald eyes sparkled with mirth. “So, we find her new books, easy enough.”  
“No, it’s not. She said she has read them all and if you don’t know someone who can smuggle banned books in Skyhold, I don’t know what we can do.”  
Trevelyan thought for a moment then an idea formed. “So, we need to find someone who can deliver books from Tevinter? This is what you are talking about?”  
“Yes. Tevinter doesn’t lack of smutty and decadent literature for sure.”  
Maxwell gave Varic’s arm a light squeeze. ”Don’t worry; I will take care of this. At least to help you sleep at night without having to worry about Seekers coming to kill you.”

* * *

 

“All right, gang! We can start with one-on-one melee combat. Evie you will fight against Michael.”  
Ryan motioned to his friends to take their places and backed off. Evie, armed with a wooden staff looked worried at Michael’s sword. “This should be interesting, fighting without magic.”  
The Inquisitor stopped to watch them sparring and Michael aware of his opponent being the Herald’s sister, fidgeted. “I … uhm … I will try not to hurt her… Your Worship.”  
Maxwell laughed. “Oh, by all means, show her that you are serious. She is just a woman with a stick.”

  
“Hey!!!!!! You come and fight with me, Templar. I don’t care that you have the glowing hand, I will kick your arse anyway.” – Evie stuck her tongue at her older brother.  
Chantelle lost her patience. “Start fighting, now! I don’t want to clean stables because of you lots.”  
With a smirk, Michael attacked Evie sending her down. The girl retaliated by cutting the legs out of him with her staff. He pushed her back with his shield but Evie rolled outside of his sword’s way. Then she faked a run for his left side and when Michael turned to watch she brought the staff in front of his neck and dragged him to her, then sweeping one leg on his, she put him down again. Since she forgot to let go of her staff, Evie fell on top of Michael.

  
“Yes! I made it!”- And she started to jump up and down on his body. Michael’s face became a deep shade of red and he lost the power of speech at the way how Evelyn, oblivious of the effect she had on him, still sitting in his lap, cheered.  
Evelyn was oblivious of other things too; such as Michael’s groin increasing in size and her riding skills having a deadly effect on the poor Templar.  
Chantelle giggled and Ryan looked over the Herald to see what he has to say at his sister’s display of _tactical skills._  
“Evie?” – Maxwell tried to keep his face serious, without so much success –“You might want to get up now.”  
Still sitting on Michael’s lap, Evie turned to face her brother. “Why? I just sit comfortable here, I won, no?”

  
The turn Evie made sent a shock down on Michael’s spine. Finally his body reaction didn’t escape Evie’s. When she felt the bulge in his breeches, pressing against her womanly parts, she gasped in shock, her face taking the same shade of red as his.  
Jumping like burned by fire, Evie closed her eyes and covering them with her hands, ran faster she could.  
Ryan helped Michael to rise from the ground and whispering to his friend he tried to cover from other people’s view the reason why Evie ran. “You better get a cold bath, man. A really cold bath.” Michael gave him a killing look and keeping the shield to cover his middle, he went to follow his friend’s advice.

* * *

 

Azzura came back the next day after Cullen and Maxwell’s talk. The Commander saw his horse being taken to the stables after she gave him a quick kiss on his nose. Cullen smiled at that display of affection; the Warden loved his horse and the stallion didn’t complain at all. Then it hit him; she will soon go to Ostagar and she needed a horse. Tempest would do for her, and she would take care of him, he was sure of that. Cullen never let anyone ride his horse and thinking to give it to her for that long period of time made him realize that he began to trust her a little.  
He wanted to go to see her but the day flew by between setting up guard rosters, moving people around different companies and checking the pile of reports he had. Then Rylen came back from his mission lasted almost four months and Cullen wanted to present him Ser Lawrence. They ended up talking until late at night and he was sure that Azzura already went to sleep, so he went back to his office.  
He tried to read a book but couldn’t really concentrate on the words. Leaving his room, Cullen walked on the battlements, his feet taking him towards Amell’s quarters. She requested her rooms to be up on the battlements and the only tower available and in a good condition to be habitable it was the one at the far end of the gates. Cullen could walk straight to it from his own side of the keep.

  
To his surprise he saw light coming from the window and his heart beat faster. He might be able to see her in the end.  
He knocked swiftly on the door, twice but he received no reply. When he pushed the door, it opened and he hurried inside. He froze at the sight of Azzura leaned on her desk with head resting over her hands. Cullen calmed down when he saw her shoulders moving slowly, she was sleeping on her books.  
Azzura’s hair was loose and the curls fell over her face, dangerously near to the burning candle. Trying to not make any noise, he went and took the candle and placed it on a shelf nearby.  
A smile showed up on his lips and his honeyed eyes shone with mirth. His heart melted at that view he had forever stamped in his soul. She used to fell asleep on her books in the Circle with the hair spread all over. He would wake her up with a soft kiss and she would tangle her hands in his curls, happy to see him.  
Cullen took a strand of hair between his fingers, careful to not wake her up.

  
_“You should take your gloves off; you can’t feel it with your gloves.”_  
He breathed heavily at that memory of her words. Slowly, without really thinking, he took off his leather glove and touched again her hair. It was like the way he knew it, soft and silky. Bending forward he placed a kiss on that curl between his fingers.  
His eyes fell on the papers she was reading.

  
_Memories of the Third Blight, by Warden Belinda Snow._   
_Treaties of the Grey wardens, First Warden Lorian McTavish,_   
_Taint and Rare Healing Plants with Applied magic, by Elenisa Mari’el_

  
Some other papers had the Tevinter Chantry sigil. They were written in a code he didn’t understand but he could see Azzura’s annotations on them.  
" _To be further investigated_."

  
“ _Dispose of him, quietly.”_ Cullen felt a chill down on his spine. Of course she would give such orders; she was the Right hand of the Divine and acting as spy master too, since her mentor died.  
“ _I need more proof, can’t act on just a rumor”_. Now he smiled, she won’t act in a rush, which was good.

  
“ _The Divine should consider him ready for testing. He might be a good addition, low level permissions for now.”_ Poor sod, who knew what that testing meant, only to be accepted in the Shadowhunters ranks.  
A name on a half-finished letter drew his attention away from the Tevinter secrets.

 

“ _Dear Alistair,_  
 _As I was saying in my last letter, you have to stop feeling guilty for what you have done. We both knew what the risks were when we entered those doors. You did a great job with Ferelden, I am proud of you._  
 _I do still love you “_

 

Cullen’s hand faltered and he touched the inkpot in his rush to retreat from the desk. Horrified, he saw the ink dripping on the letter and the small river already formed, heading to her face… and stopping just below her cheek and nose. He ran to the door and sneaked out. His last glance to the mage imprinted a scene that would give him nightmares for days. Still in the fog of sleep, Azzura leaned her face on the desk and straight into the pool of ink.  
When he got to his office, his first thought was to pray to the Maker that she never finds out who was in her office. Also he hoped that she could get rid of the ink stain in the morning, at least he hoped that she had a spell for that because water won’t be enough.  
After the panic of being caught wore off, Cullen’s mind got back to the letter he saw on her desk. He wished he never had; he hated himself now; for allowing her to send him mixed feelings and with himself for trying to let her trap him again in her web.

* * *

 

Next morning Azzura had a stiff neck for sleeping all night long on her desk. She rose from the chair to answer the knock on the door. The Inquisitor was waiting patiently perusing over some papers he had brought with him.  
“Good morning, Lady Amell. I bro….”- Maxwell froze in mid-sentence, mouth hanging open.  
Azzura tried to fix her hair into a makeshift bun. “Inquisitor, I never had this reaction from no man before. I’m certainly sure that I don’t look that good in the morning.”  
Maxwell bit his lips and hid his eyes in the papers. “A woman is always beautiful in the morning, no matter how bad she looks. Ahem, you have … something on your nose… and face. Must have worked hard last night.”

  
There was no mirror in her office so she went and picked up her sword and mirrored in the shiny blade.  
The sword clattered on the floor where it fell. “Maker’s arse! Andraste’s tits and Mythal’s snickers!”  
Maxwell couldn’t hold on anymore; hearing the Hero bad mouthing gods and prophets was too much.

  
“Lady Amell, I hope you are a skilled enough mage to do something about that ink on your face.” – Pretending to look closer, he grinned again – “Or maybe not. A dalish could find it a poor attempt to copy their tattoos. So endearing.”  
She gave him a bad eye and went to clean the ink, without much success. “Sod it! What I am going to do? I can’t show up like this.”  
“Let me see if Solas can help. I bet that he has a spell for everything.”  
“Solas? A bald elf with big, warm eyes? It is he real?”

  
The Inquisitor laughed at her surprise.” Oh, he is. Although I would refrain to call him _warm._ ”  
When the mage came, Azzura’s eyes became even bigger. “Solas?”  
“ _Da’len,_ I was waiting for you.”  
Maxwell looked at both mages, confused. “You know each other? Why didn’t you tell me?”  
“We have met in the Fade. Solas asked me to come to see him.”  
“The Fade, yeah. Mage business, Templars beware. Well, I will let you talk and later we can meet in the war room, I have news for you.”


	11. Mages of Skyhold

Azzura showed Solas a chair and then started to pace around the room. The elf looked at her curiously and she had the feeling that he wanted to dissect her with those eyes of his.  
“So, you are real then. I thought that it was another trick in the Fade, but since you saved me I suppose I need to thank you.”  
He rose from his seat and stood in front of her, stopping her frantic pacing.  
“That stain, it doesn’t look good on you. Let me help you clean it, I know a spell.”  
“Just do it, please! I don’t know what happened last night; I might hit the inkpot in my sleep.”  
Solas brought his palms on her face then she felt the tingling of magic coming out from them.  
“There, that should do it. Now let’s talk about what was happening when I saw you in the Fade.”

  
“I was attacked by a blood mage and he sent me into the Fade with blood magic. To be fair, I never feared the Fade and the demons don’t bother me, but then it was different. I was taken by surprise and couldn’t fight back. The Grey Wardens wanted to kill me or capture me…”  
Solas made a sound like a low growl and for a second Azzura felt uneasy in his presence. “Grey Wardens think that they do right …”  
“We do the right thing by ending the Blights. We have too.”  
The elf pierced her with his eyes. “You say we, but you didn’t liked being a Grey Warden in the beginning. You opposed them and you are alive only because the King interfered and convinced you to do the Joining. What changed your mind?”  
Azzura’s voice trembled and for the first time she felt the fear of a secret being revealed. A secret only she and Alistair knew.  
“H-how do you know this?”  
“I walk in the Fade and I dreamed about the events at Ostagar. I have seen your Joining.”  
She looked away from him. “Then you know why wanted to have nothing to do with it?”  
Solas smiled for the first time. “Some of it. But I suppose that you can have it your way now.”

  
“I don’t think so. I’m still a Grey Warden and until I will find a cure for the Calling, I will be forced to fight to live. It was easier before, now I have to work even more to survive. Mages were never taught to be warriors. Anyway, I must inform you that I am the first mage without their power and not being made tranquil. My magic comes and goes.”  
Solas nodded in agreement. “Yes, I can see that. I can’t feel your magic. Do you know what the cause of this unfortunate event is?”  
She massaged her temples with a guilty look. “In the last years I lived in Tevinter. I came in contact with a lot of ancient knowledge and books, some of them so rare that the College of Magi has them under heavy guard. There were books about ancient elven spells and rituals.”  
“The knowledge stolen from my people, of course.” Solas voice was filled with bitterness. “If my guess is correct, you decided to tamper with that magic.”  
“Indeed. There was an ancient ritual to invoke Mythal’s grace…”

  
Solas stood up so fast that Azzura backed off. “Elven people can invoke her, why would you, a servant of your Maker tried to do that?”  
Azzura laughed. It was a laugh filled with anger and disappointment. “The Maker! The Chantry says that He cursed all the mages, that we are a plague on the face of Thedas. For them we are the evil and we must be closed and guarded because we are dangerous; but I don’t need to tell you that. I stopped believing in the Maker’s will long time ago. I was fortunate to live in a Circle where life was easier than somewhere else and still I had to endure; I still had to comply with the rules. One of them was that mages are not allowed to love and I choose to do it! You have any idea how many nights I’ve prayed to the Maker to let me have that small corner where to be happy with the man I loved? I loved a Templar which is a sin in their eyes but I always hoped that somehow we will get to live our lives peacefully.”

  
Solas felt something tugging at his magic. Worried he looked to the door and then placed a ward around them. Azzura gave him a confused look.  
“It’s safer this way. No one will be able to disturb or hear us.”  
“I don’t care anymore. Let they hear me. At least someone will, because the Maker certainly didn’t. I had to lie and run, I had to survive and save the world. And what I got from this? Nothing!”  
The elf tried to bring her back to the main question. “So… this ritual involved what?”  
“To never feel love for a man or desire. But something went wrong… It’s quite the opposite in fact.”  
“Did you recite the right words? Do you know enough ancient elven to not mistake a word for another?”  
The Warden looked sheepishly at him. “What does have to do with the ritual?”  
“Everything. It doesn’t need only the right items but also the right words. In ancient elven a word could be read with different intonations to have different meanings.”  
She slumped on her chair, her hands sweating. “You mean that I might have said something totally different of how it supposed to be? What have I done?”  
“Do you remember the words?”

  
“Of course. _Aneth ara Mythal/ Las Enansal ma Halani/ Ma ghilana enanste isala/ Enansal Nuvenin revasan/ U na emma abelas/ Ma lathbora viran.”_

  
Solas raised both his eyebrows hearing Azzura reciting the incantation. “That is the right incantation but your accents are wrong. You were asking for a safe place for your heart away from love? Well… the way you spoke it meant something different. You asked to be soulbound with a lost love or a forgotten one.”  
“W-What?? What do you mean? What is a souldbound?”  
“The greatest blessing Mythal can offer to her children is the power of love to transcend death. Meaning that two souls are bound together even in the Fade, after they die.”  
She felt her feet heavy and had to sit, that was wrong; totally unexpected.  
“So, I asked Mythal to help me find my soulmate. That’s just great.”

Flemeth’s delighted laugh sounded clear in her mind. _”Well now; isn’t this a surprise? You ask and you shall be given._ ”  
_“Soulbound … to whom? I’m afraid even to ask.”_  
 _“A forgotten love, of course. Who did you forgot?”_  
 _“C...c...Cullen?”_  
 _“See? It’s not that hard to understand. Mythal listened to your plea quite eagerly, I should say.”_  
 _“How do you know what Mythal thinks? She’s long gone; I never considered that the ritual would work. It was a spur of the moment!”_  
 _“Maybe she’s not gone. Who knows? Do you know for sure?”_  
 _“How can I undo this? I can’t bind Cullen to me against his will! What if someone else will suffer?”_  
 _“If you ask this, then you don’t know that much about the All Mother. You have someone there ready to teach you. Mythal doesn’t give her blessing to everyone, you have to be worthy. You are in a way, except that you will have to stop what you are doing. Revenge is not something to be taken lightly. Mythal is the Justice not Vengeance. Give up and your magic will come back to you; persist and you will be forced to live without it.”_

  
Solas assisted at Azzura’s loss of focus and after trying to get her attention, waving a hand in front of her, closed his eyes and tried to attune to the magic that suddenly filled the entire room. It was old magic, so old that his breath stopped in his chest at the recognition. It couldn’t be; he knew that magic long ago, when the humans didn’t even discover how big Thedas was. From the many years he spent walking in the Fade, he learned things that normal people could dream off.  
He was afraid to invade the Warden’s mind but he was curious, he had to know!  
Touching his forehead to Azzura’s, he cradled her temples with his hands and tried to let his mind reach hers. For a moment he felt fuzzy because the whirlwind of confused thoughts and emotions coming from her consciousness, took him by surprise. Azzura’s mind opposed at the intrusion but he gently moved ahead. It was like swimming in murky waters but he didn’t back down. Then she felt him in her mind. Fear and anger hit him in waves but he still kept going.

  
_“Solas? What are you doing? Get out of my mind, now!”_  
 _“Ir abelas, da’len. I can’t do that, I need to know.”_  
 _“What is it you want to know?”_ – He felt invisible walls rising around her memories, protecting them from him. Solas decided that it wasn’t his business to pry and invade her even more. He pleaded her to let him stay – _“The spirit you are talking to. I know her.”_  
 _“Hello old friend; always sneaking I see. You shouldn’t take advantage on her like this.”_  
_“Mythal._ ” – The elf’s voice broke in acceptance and sadness.  
If Azzura would have been herself she would have opened her mouth wide in surprise, but in her mind she just voiced her confusion by laughing hysterically. –“ _Mythal? No, she is just Flemeth, the Witch of the Wilds. What are you talking about, Solas?”_  
_“She is Flemeth and she is Mythal. I don’t know how, but she is both.”_  
Realization struck her when she put all the treads together. _“So I was saved by an ancient Goddess? And after that …_ ” – She stopped unsure if Solas will kill her right there and made her Tranquil for real, or if Flemeth- Mythal would do it before the elf could have the chance. The voice of Flemeth sounded clear in her mind, with a hint of mockery. “ _And then what? Then you killed me? Or the dragon you thought it was my final form?”_  
“ _You did what?”_ – Azzura’s mind filled with Solas’ anger. She almost could feel herself cowering in a corner. – _“I-I didn’t know! I wanted to help my friend!”_  
 _“So she saves your life and as gratitude you kill her?”_  
 _“Stay calm my friend. She killed only a part of me. I am alive and well. I had … other ways to survive.”_  
 _“Morrigan knows? I need to tell her.”_  
 _“You won’t do such thing, child. My daughter will find out when the moment will come.”_  
 _“But…”_  
 _“No arguing here. You will comply; I know you are smarter than you think. Do you really believe that I was so easy to kill?”_  
Only then it downed on Azzura that the Witch had powers above every mage she could think off. _“You could have killed us easy, isn’t it? But you decided to play our way, why?_ ”  
“ _This is a discussion for another time. Now you have to learn more about what you got into.”_ – The distant laugh made Azzura shiver to the bone.

* * *

 

She regained her senses slowly and when she finally could focus her eyes on Solas, she snapped at him.  
“I don’t know what you just did, but you better not do it again!” – However, she stopped when she saw his expression. – “Solas, are you all right?”  
His voice was empty of any inflexion. He talked as if she wasn’t even there. “From all the people who asked a word from Her, She chose to talk to you instead; a human. Why? What is so special about you?”  
“I wish I would know, truly. Flemeth showed up in my dreams, my mind and she is always there to have fun with me when she pleases. Now I am bound to lie to my friend who saved my life too.”- She leaned on her back on the floor – “The worst part of this is that I can’t fix this soulbound thing. How can I bind a man to me like this? It’s just not right! What I’m going to do?”  
Solas looked in distance and tried to gather this thoughts; the revelation it was a bit too much for him. “What you have done is not something evil; it shows your way to the love of your life only if he is still alone, that’s it.”

  
For a moment Azzura felt giddy. “You mean that he could wait for me?”  
“That’s for you to find out. I am sorry for invading your mind, but I need to tell you what I have learned from this experience.”  
“I am still uncomfortable with this. It will take time to understand. I want you to promise me that you never will reveal my secrets to no one.”  
“You have my word. Tell me, before Flemeth took your magic, how did you use it? How you conjured your spells?”  
“In the Circle we were taught to master it being in control and keeping our minds focused on the result; later after I joined the Wardens I discovered that I could have more using my emotions.” – Solas nodded in agreement - “So which emotions relate to the elements?”

  
“Ice was stronger when I was afraid for my life or the others, when I was sad or I had the feeling of fight –or-flight; fire when I was happy and I loved to finish a job earlier because I had more interesting things to do; lightning for anger or when the enemies enraged me so bad that I had to struck them down if that was the last thing I had to do. Lightning was always a problem because it’s easy to control but when I was killing I felt something disturbing.  
She stopped not willing to continue, short of revealing her inner fears at what losing control might mean to other people. Solas understood her hesitation but pressed on.  
“ _Lethalan,_ I can’t help you if you don’t tell me exactly what do you feel.”  
With a deep sigh, Azzura gave up on hiding from him. “It was like I felt pleasure striking them down; I felt relieved but I loved the feeling of holding such power on my fingertips; sometimes I couldn’t stop unless I have found other enemies to finish. It was like being drunk.”

  
“I see. Can I ask if this hunger for more power made you desire more than you had already?”  
“Reaching for blood magic, you mean? No, not at all. I hate blood magic with everything I am; I hunt down blood mages and that school of magic is for the weak, not for people who are certain about their abilities.”  
“As long as you know that, you are safe. Unfortunately with Flemeth holding off your magic we can’t test anything right now. Having unbalanced magic affected your emotions too.”  
Azzura stood up and recalled all the last events and how she reacted to them. She slapped herself at how stupid she was.  
“Blast it! So that’s why when I was in Highever I was whining all the time over not having a place in the world? Even if I knew who I was and what I had to do, I felt abandoned. Then I almost froze all Skyhold if it wasn’t for Leliana and Cullen to stop me.” – Conveniently, she hold back to tell that she made a fool of herself in front of Cullen before that – “I wonder when I will lose control again and yell at people around me or I will get drunk and start dancing on the tables.”

  
Solas smiled apprehensively. “Now that you know, maybe you could hold back from actually doing those things.” He rose and headed to the door when Azzura overwhelmed with joy, hugged him and placed a kiss on his cheek, unaware of his discomfort.  
“Thank you, Solas! And I am not upset with you anymore.”  
He gave her a strange look and then left.  
Amell felt a peace she couldn’t feel in a long time, since she did the ritual. Happy with the news, she spoke to no one in particular.  
“So! That’s why you laugh at me, isn’t it? Because I was an idiot and stupid enough to not figure out for myself what is going on. I give you this one.”

* * *

 

Later on she was buried deep down in reports and letters when a noise of stone hitting the window disturbed her concentration. With a frown Azzura approached the glass and saw a raven jumping up and down on the ledge outside. With a shrug she dismissed the bird, thinking that Leliana wanted to prank her sending it to play with her window. She turned back when the bird hit the window with its claws and beak, trying to get her attention. Shrugging, she opened the window and allowed the raven to get in.  
Landing on the floor, the raven changed into a man. An elf with big green eyes and blond hair tied into a ponytail.

  
“Mythal! It’s freezing outside.” – Then bowing to her, he handed a scroll retrieved from his robe. “For you, my Lady. It’s urgent.”  
“Hello to you too, Arenis. I think I was clear when I said that you can’t come to Skyhold. It’s full of Templars here.”  
He made a dismissive move with his hand. “Nah, I just waited until the mages started their training. Right now they are bathing the Templars in so much magic that no one can tell if a hedge witcher is sneaking in. I swear that I won’t pry in the Inquisition’s business, although the message I just gave you might be really interesting. The Divine said that you will be so happy that he will hear you scream from Minrathous. With this said, this dashing elf leaves you to your stuff. See you next week.”

  
Azzura rolled her eyes at Arenis. The elf was one of the Shadowhunters shapeshifters and her personal messenger. “I might be going out to Ferelden for several weeks, maybe. Warden business. The best chance to find me is Ostagar. We will stop in Redcliffe that depends on how the Inquisitor wants to proceed. Anyway, I will leave the trail like we agreed before. Safe travel back to Tevinter.”  
She gave him a few missives and opening the window again looked at Arenis changing into a raven once more. With a chuckle she petted his feathers. “Be careful of my Spy Master. If she sees you flying around she might think you are one of her favorite birds, escaped from the cage. Mythal forbid she would lock you up.”

  
Looking after him flying into distance Azzura poked with her finger on the table, deep in thought. Since Valeria died, she had to take care of both sides of the Divine’s personal affairs. Aneris was with the Shadowhunters long before she joined them and he worked with Valeria in different occasions. His ability came handy when spying, he had a sharp mind and despite him being so cocky, she knew that behind that façade was a wise and careful man. The Shadowhunters saved him from being used in a blood magic ritual after having seen his entire clan wiped out by a magister and his legion of demons. She could say that his hate for that type of magic was compared with hers. He took over assassination jobs every day and he never disappointed; always coming back with results to show them that the world was short of another blood mage.

* * *

 

Unfolding the paper the messenger gave her, Azzura started to read. By the end of the letter she was dumbstruck. She began to read the scroll again, this time her eyes widening.  
_“So, that’s how it is. We will see who’s laughing at whom “_  
Arenis told her earlier that the mages were training in the ring and she knew for sure that she will find her target around that area. A man of his import wouldn’t miss to show off his skill. Amell grabbed her staff this time and fixing her many amulets on her robe, she made a bee line towards the training ring.

  
She saw Cullen and the man in question talking in the garden. Cullen was shining in his armor like usual, the other man seemed to forget that the snow was falling and the cold was biting, even with the sun high up in the sky. Clad in leather armor, he pumped out his chest and muscled arms. Some of the female mages and some men were drooling at the sight of him; Azzura smirked, the female mages were in disadvantage this time, if the letter she just received was to be believed.  
She approached them and before Cullen could make the introductions, the mage came ahead with a big smile on his face.

  
“Good evening Lady Amell! I have heard that you are around but I couldn’t find you anywhere. I know that the Skyhold is a big fortress, but I had no idea that it will take so long to have a glimpse of the famous Hero. “– Azzura kept her cool crossing her arms. The mage went on with his talking. “Everyone keeps going and going how they have met you. The Commander here, is lip tight though; since he spent more time in your company I hoped …” – His voice died in his throat when he took in some of the items she wore. His eyes moved from the staff on her back to the amulet glowing purple and finally to the ring with the Tevinter Chantry’s symbol. He gapped and blinked several times then bowed his head.

  
_“Mea Domina.”_  
 _“Dorian Pavus, sei molto lontano da tua patria.”_  
 _“Dextera divinae qui? Vos?”_

  
Cullen cleared his voice. “Um… if you don’t mind; I am familiar with tevene but not enough. Care to explain?”  
Azzura narrowed her eyes to the Commander. “Really? I think you _forgot_ to mention that you have already someone from Tevinter around here. Altus Pavus to be precise.” – Cullen feigned to clean a spot on his armor, otherwise clean. – “We … uhm … thought that it will be fun to let you discover all by yourself.”  
“I see. When you say we; that mean Leliana, right?”  
“Yes.”  
“Good. So I know to whom I will have to make a payback.” – She grinned, her mind already at work on something embarrassing to prank Leliana with.  
“So you all let me mumble about how the Inquisition won’t take it lightly having someone from Tevinter around; that must have been funny.”  
The Commander shifted from a foot to another. “Well, the War Councils were livelier, that’s for sure. And how about you and not revealing Tevinter connections?”  
“Oh, that! I don’t think anyone here knows exactly what I am, Ser Pavus on the other hand…”  
Dorian assisted at the exchange in total silence, never taking his eyes from Azzura.

  
“What do you want from me? If you want to take me home rest assured that I will fight. And how in the Maker’s name the Hero became the Divine’s eyes?”  
“This is a story for another time. I just received an interesting report on you … and your father.”  
At the mention of his father, Dorian flinched and closed his hands into fists.  
“I don’t know what you know about him, but he promised me he will stop. You can’t send your men after him! I won’t allow it!”  
Cullen felt that this discussion was taking a serious turn; he was torn between leaving them and trying to prevent a fight between his friend and the woman he loved.  
“Um... If I go, will you promise me that you won’t kill each other?”  
Azzura was taken aback. “What? Why would we do that? Don’t worry, I promise I will behave.”  
After Cullen left or rather gave them some space, since he stopped at a short distance still looking at them, Azzura looked again at Dorian.

  
“Ser Pavus, we know what your father tried to do and we know about the meeting you had in Redcliffe with him and the Inquisitor. If you are interested about his whereabouts, I can confirm that he doesn’t practice blood magic, at least not openly. But we will keep an eye on him, just in case. I am not here to discuss your father, however; I find your views rather interesting and I would like to talk more about how you would like to change Tevinter.”  
“”Is the Divine taking sides now? Because if he does, that can be rather dangerous; don’t you think?” – Dorian eyed the staff in Azzura’s hand – “I know that the Shadowhunters are guarding the Divine against blood magic, why would you be interested in my humble self?”  
“I can’t say more, but I would like to hear your story … all of it. And I want to know what happened with the time amulet Alexius used?”  
“It’s in the Inquisition’s hands. Only the advisors and the Inquisitor knows where it is exactly.”  
“That’s reassuring. The Divine will be pleased. I hope you stopped working on that magic, for your own good.”

  
“If you could have seen the future as I did, you would want to destroy that thing, not trying to use it again. Imagine if you could have it and jumping in time you would discover that the Blight wasn’t stopped because your death; what would you do? The Inquisitor was mad, he wanted to kill Alexius. And then allied with the rebel mages.” – He made a small sign with his head in Cullen’s direction – “The Commander was angry, very very angry. I could hear their shouts from outside.”  
Azzura took note to ask Cullen later about his view on mages; the man seemed to still harbor some hostility towards the mages even if he felt comfortable around them; or at least that was the given impression. And she still had to clarify to him what was going on with her emotional bursts. She left Dorian with the promise that they will talk soon and walked to the place where Cullen stood.  
He smiled at her but it didn’t reach his eyes; she worried if maybe her conversation with Dorian and the way she treated the mage, made Cullen moody.

* * *

* * *

  
“Cullen, are you all right?”  
“I… yes. Yes, I am. Just a little headache, nothing to worry about. Everything all right with Dorian?”  
“Sure. I’m sorry if I offended you by confronting him, but the fact that I had to find out from a letter that you have one of Tevinter’s mages here and you didn’t tell me…”  
“Leliana said it will be fun. She… err… told us about that time when you forgot to tell her that she had left the … um… unmentionables in Zevran’s tent and Alistair thought that they were cleaning rags.”  
‘Wait! It’s that a delayed payback?” – Now she as laughing – “If you could see Leliana’s face when Alistair got out from Zev’s tent with the smalls in hand and began to clean up his sword.”

  
Despite still being furious with her about the letter he read the previous night, Cullen laughed at the idea of the King cleaning his sword with Leliana’s smalls. He watched her closely and breathed relieved that somehow she got rid of the ink stain.  
Amell didn’t quite have the courage to watch him in the eyes when she had to remember him about her embarrassing outburst when she saw him for the first time in almost eleven years.  
‘Cullen, there is something I want to tell you. I had a talk with Solas about my missing magic and I found out that since it was linked to my emotions, well… they were a bit out of control. I think the scene I have made in front of you should be considered as a side effect. Please accept my apologies.”

  
He didn’t know what to say. It was refreshing to discover that she wasn’t that low in self-esteem to just crawl at his feet, and still it made him sad to know that she didn’t really meant to beg him to forgive her. Cullen could let the things end like that, but after that letter on her desk, he really had to know what she wanted from him. Not that he would run in her waiting arms… at least not right now; he wanted to know if she was serious about them or if she was just playing; and if she still loved the damned King then he won’t accept to be the place holder for no one.  
“Then everything you said… it was something you …don’t want?”

  
She turned to him and smiled. “Not at all, Cullen. But I wish I could have waited or at least tell you in a different way. Hugging your knees – not that you don’t deserve to have your knees hugged – it was something I shouldn’t have done. The moment I saw you, everything we had, comes back in full force. There were so many things I wanted to tell you, so much time lost because I was a fool. I threw myself at you without even asking if you were ready for this; if you were still alone or if you had someone else who could give you what I wasn’t able to.”

  
“There is ... no one else.” – He replied hastily, fearing that she will give up on her confession.  
She was afraid of yet another rejection but she couldn’t stop of touching his cheek. He let his eyes wander on her face and covered the hand holding his cheek with his own. “I … still have one more question for you. I can’t go ahead without knowing.”  
“Ask me anything, it’s your right so.” – Now they were so close to each other that she could feel his warm breath over her forehead. She forgot how tall he was and how well she fitted in his arms; but she couldn’t forget his warm hands and soft voice, never.  
“Do you still l…”

  
“Commander! Lady Amell! “– The same inopportune scout was running towards them, waving hands.  
Azzura and Cullen parted slowly. The Commander barely could keep his rage in check. From all the days and all the moments, the blasted scout had to interrupt him right now. “One day I’m going to kill him.” – He whispered between clenched teeth. Azzura snorted loud. Maker he was so arousing when he was mad.  
The Commander barely could make a straight face turning to the annoying boy.  
“What is it?” – Always unaware of how bad he was pissing his superior officer, the scout drew his breath.  
“The Inquisitor wants you both in the War Room, at once he said.”

  
“Fine. We will go right now.” – Cullen thought for a second then asked him – “What’s your name, boy?”  
“Jim, Ser!”  
“Thank you Jim… _for your service._ ”  
After the scout left, Azzura gave Cullen a wary look. “You like to know every soldier’s name; that’s commendable for you, Commander.”  
Gripping his sword’s pommel and taking long strides to the Great Hall, Cullen mumbled, only for her to hear. “You’re wrong. I wanted to know his name so I can send him somewhere far away; for good I hope.”  
Now she was laughing without restraints. “You still can ask that question, you know? If it was so important to you.”  
“Perhaps another time … when we will be alone; and _Jim_ taking a long ride to the Hinterlands.”

* * *

 

On the battlements, the Inquisitor, Iron Bull and Leliana were changing money between them. The Herald was a bit sour.  
“You cheated. My own spy Master plots against me.”  
Leliana smiled wickedly at him. “Don’t worry Herald, your time will come. I think you have to invent something else for the next round.”  
Iron Bull slapped Maxwell on the back, almost sending him to hit the wall.  
“They need a direct approach; sweet talks it won’t get them anywhere close to make you win.”


	12. Game on!

The meeting in the War room went smoothly enough… until Josie showed up with the very important thing of the day… Sky hold’s new curtains colors.  
“You can’t be serious! This is not why I am the Inquisitor! Give me creepy rifts to close every day; crazy Templars to hit them until they see reason – not that they ever will – but you got my point! I don’t care about curtains colors!” – And Maxwell dismissed the whole issue picking up a pile of letters to sign.

  
Josie threw a hopeful glance to Cullen. He stepped back in horror and tried to find the nearest exit. “Not a chance! I am a Commander not a tailor.”  
Azzura assisted amused at the scene where the only two men in the room where trying hard to avoid any mundane topic; such as curtains.  
Josie looked distressed. For the Ambassador that was a matter of vital importance, the very image of the Inquisition was at stake. Leliana picked up two samples and held them in front of everyone.  
“Everyone, please! Is not that difficult; just say yes or no. Azzura?”

  
Maxwell made an effort and looked over. “Maybe the red one? It’s very useful in case we have a fight starting off in the Great Hall. It can hide the blood stains.”  
Josie was about to faint. Cullen decided to keep up with Maxwell. Smirking, he pointed the other piece of cloth: “That... sort of green could be useful after a party; hangovers and what comes with them.”  
Leliana and Azzura hold on to each other laughing out loud. Josephine threw everything on the floor, angry with her friends. “Fine. I will make them black.”

  
Azzura lit the fire up: “Pink, with frills.” Josie thought for a second. “You know? It’s not that a bad idea. In Val Royaux it’s the color of the next season.”  
“Josie, you won’t change my keep into a cupcake. Maker! Make them blue and be done with them.”  
Azzura raised a finger to the Inquisitor. “Ahem. Might point out that blue is my Order’s color?”  
Josie squealed in distress. “Blue is also the House Valmont color! We can’t let the Orlesians think that we openly support Celene!”

  
The Inquisitor sighed; already tired of all the political implications of some damned curtains. “Blue with grey and white, my last offer. End of discussion. Now, can we move into more _important_ topics?”

  
With the expedition to the Exalted Plains sorted out- Maxwell had to leave in about a week time – Azzura and Cullen had to go over the last assignments for the company of soldiers who will go with her to the Hinterlands. As much she wanted to stay at Skyhold with Cullen nearby, she also was thrilled to go back in the field, doing something good for the Inquisition.  
Maxwell surprised her once again with his kindness. “I know that you will have all those soldiers to order around but maybe you would like to take some of my companions with you. They like you and since there is some kind of friendship building between, why not?”

  
Azzura gave a wistful glance to Leliana. “I can’t have your advisor, I suppose.’  
Leliana hugged her tight. “I would love to go with you, like in the old times; but I am needed here. Maybe one day we will fight together again.”

  
“How was Leliana those days? She never speaks about herself.” – Now Maxwell was curious of his mysterious Left Hand. She tried to avoid the discussion going towards her but Azzura had none of that. “Well, when I first met her she was dressed as a cut- throat Chantry sister.” – She smiled fondly at her friend who smirked in change - “She had these two daggers and she jumped in a tavern fight I got in with Loghain’s men sent after me and Alistair. When we finished she just stepped over a body and introduced herself then shut Alistair’s mouth which was hanging open since the beginning of the fight. I never saw a Chantry sister doing that stuff so I picked her up thinking that she might be funny. What I knew those days? I merely was a sheltered Circle mage.”

  
“The very next day our dear Warden bought me leather armor from a Dalish vendor. I still have it. Pity it doesn’t fit anymore.”  
“Morrigan had to slap Alistair over his head several times. Poor boy he never had so many almost undressed women around him, not even in his wildest dreams.”  
With all the fits of jealousy hearing the King’s name again, Cullen had to quip.

  
“We Chantry boys are very sensitive.” Maxwell grinned at him. ‘Speak for yourself.’  
The Commander pretended to be offended by his friend’s words. “I know you served at the Chantry in Ostwick but I don’t think you had many undressed sisters even there.”  
“I was going at my estate at night. And my parents loved to give parties. I had a lot of women throwing themselves at my feet.”

  
Josie had to pay back to the Inquisitor for his insufferable way of choosing the curtains. Not even taking her eyes from the clipboard, commented. “Only one Seeker won’t fall at your feet. Maybe her heart is made of stone?”  
Suddenly, Maxwell became self-conscious. “That is a real woman there. I will hit that wall of stone until she will give up.”  
“Can I borough you one of my trebuchets? I recalibrated them this morning.” – Cullen couldn’t let that pass; it was too fun to tease his friend.

  
The Herald was amazed. It was very rare to see that side of Cullen; relaxed and playful. Maxwell’s heart bled, remembering the burden his Commander took upon himself and how he dealt with it. He also remembered that in the last discussion they had, he decided to do something for Cullen. Giving him some time for himself, away from Skyhold maybe? And then it came in; it won’t be a real vacation but the Commander will have fewer worries and as a plus it will help him with the other problem. Leliana will have to invent something new this time. The bet he had with his Inner Circle it will be won by the Inquisitor.

  
Trevelyan took a map marker and started to play with it, never looking at Cullen.  
“Say Commander, how do you like the new Knight Captain Lawrence?”  
“He is an extraordinary fighter, lot of experience. I would put him in the same category as Rylen. To be honest, it was a real gift from the Maker that he joined us. When Rylen is gone in his missions, Lawrence takes his place. The men like him, he knows his way. He informed me the other day that more Templars from the Free Marches will come to join the Inquisition.”  
“Good, very good. So you feel freer to leave the Keep, knowing that is in good hands.”  
Cullen stared at his Herald. “Why I should live Skyhold?”  
Maxwell made a happy grin. “Because you are going to Ostagar with Lady Amell.”

  
The Commander was dumbstruck. “What? Why?” – When he saw Azzura making a face and raising her eyebrows at him, Cullen understood the opportunities. “All right! At your orders, Inquisitor.”  
Unseen by Azzura and Cullen – who were looking at each other with interest – Leliana gave Maxwell a murderous look; he retorted with a mouthed “ _take that”_.  
Invigorated by the good news, Cullen took his leave saying that he has to go and prepare all his stuff and put everything in order for his absence.

  
Azzura followed his example and hugged Leliana.  
“I will see you later tonight. I must write some letters for my Wardens in Amaranthine and Highever. Can I have a crow of yours, Leli?”  
The bard narrowed her eyes at Amell. ”They are ravens.”  
“Crows.”  
“Ravens!”  
Maxwell had the fun of his lifetime watching those two arguing like little girls over Leliana’s birds.  
“Fine! Ravens. Can I have one… or two? Please?”  
“Yes, you can.”  
“Awesome! When I come back from the Hinterlands, I will bring you a gift.”  
“Blue shoes with ribbons?”  
“Deal.”  
The Warden left; asking herself how she will find blue shoes with ribbons in the middle of nowhere.

  
“ _Maybe I will ask the darkspawn if they can sell some._ ”

* * *

 

Leliana sighed watching her longtime friend leaving the War Room.  
“She is impossible sometimes, but I love her. She was one of those friends who never let you down when you need them.”

  
Maxwell liked the Warden but he also had to think as the Inquisitor. Azzura’s revelation of being the Right hand in Tevinter made him uneasy; his Templar training still trying to surface. Trevelyan never was one of those Templars to yell _abomination_ or _blood mage_ every time he heard about Tevinter, but he was still in guard for even the minor changes in people with magic.  
He felt none coming from Azzura and the fact that she was a Shadowhunter sworn to protect the Divine gave her that extra reason to have her privacy respected. Cassandra told him the Shadowhunters were in Tevinter what the Seekers were in South Thedas. Minus the spirits walking around with the Tevinter mages. Maxwell was curious about those creatures; Cole was an uncorrupted spirit but he found them without being called; the spirits Azzura had were summoned and despite Cassandra and Cullen’s assurances that they were pure, he wanted to check in first person.

  
Another person who knew her well enough to understand if the Hero has changed somehow it was Leliana.  
“Sister Nightingale, can you stay a while longer? I would like to talk with you.”  
Josie understood that her time in the War Room was ended and gracefully slipped out of the chamber.  
Leliana charged on the Inquisitor, furious because he outplayed her.  
“You did that on purpose, didn’t you? You are sending Cullen at Ostagar with Azzura so you can win the bet.”  
Maxwell relaxed in his chair bending his hands over the War table.

  
“I would say … _check-mate_ , Spymaster.” – Then it hit him – “You really didn’t see that coming! You never thought I could send him out there.” And he began to laugh.  
The Spymaster glared at him. “If your idea of romantic encounters is a tent camp in the middle of the forest and people always running around, then you lost it.”  
“Oh, but the forest has nice bushes, stars and clear little lakes. Nothing better to start a nice make-up discussion.”  
“The forest has darkspawn too. They won’t have anything done, I assure you.”

  
“So you think your idea of just having a roll in the hay and then the make-up talk works better?”  
“Of course it does! He will get over with everything she would say to him. It worked with Alistair.”  
“We will see then. I will send Varric and Dorian with them, just to keep the board clean. Don’t cheat, sister.”

  
“Did you want to talk about something serious, I suppose. Because the way we act around here it would seem that this Inquisition is ruled by crazy people.”  
“We are crazy, but we get things done. And yes, there is something I want to ask. You knew Azzura from before, how does she appear to you right now?”

  
“In many aspects she is the same as when I first met her; she suffered a lot too. She has a great deal of self-blaming over many choices she had to make; but I never doubted that Azzura is what she is: The Hero of Ferelden.”  
“Her search for the Cure sent her to Tevinter, she has new powerful spells and she does the same things as you do for the Inquisition. She even accepted to be ordained Shadowhunter. How do you feel about that? Cassandra told me about the events in the Magi Tower. Lady Amell has powers that a Circle mage would dream of… and some of those spells are scary to watch, when she uses them.”

  
“Azzura was never the one to want more power for her. I remember how she got the Arcane Warrior gift, in the Brecillian Forest. The elven spirt who gave the knowledge asked in change only to be freed, to have finally the peace it was denied to it many centuries ago. She could have kept the spirit, to force it to share more knowledge with her, but she decided to release it. She never had second thoughts on that; Azzura said that it was the right thing to do. I know she lost the faith in the Maker and yet, when those cultists at the Temple of the Sacred Ashes offered her power and asked her to defile the Urn; she cut them down. _The Ashes are sacred; not because I need them, because people need hope._ She may have lost her hope, but she couldn’t let other people feel the same. She even encouraged Brother Genitivi to reveal the world what we have found. And she killed her own friend when she found out that he didn’t stopped being a blood mage and poisoned Arl Eamon. She willingly entered the Fade to save the Arl’s son, Connor. No, Azzura is not changed; she is the same carrying woman I knew.”

  
Maxwell let those words sink in. “The fact that she wants my Commander, is she serious about it? Cullen is my friend; I don’t want to see him suffer.”  
Leliana chuckled. “Oh, she is serious … and determined. But she has a lot to explain. Cullen is jealous of Alistair, but the real problem is something else. I hope that she makes the right decision and tells him the real truth. Azzura doesn’t love the King, but she will have to explain a lot.” – The Inquisitor wanted to ask, but Leliana denied, shaking her head – “No, I can’t tell you. It’s something so personal that only a handful of us know about it. Suffice to say that there was another man in Azzura’s life; and she will have to tell that to Cullen.” – Maxwell became impatient – “Don’t worry, if she doesn’t tell him, I will force her to do it.”

  
Trevelyan rose from the chair and opened the door. “Well, I hope that she does the right thing. I want to know her a little better; I think she can help me with a problem. Take care, Leliana. I know you are her friend, but in all these months I have knew you, I came to care about you and consider you one of my closest friends. Earlier, when you had that banter with her, I saw you in another light; I am glad that you decided to review your position. Don’t change who you are, the cold woman who sends out assassination orders is not you Leliana. The woman who laughs and makes jokes, that is the woman I want to see.’  
The Spymaster lowered her eyes, touched by the Herald’s words. “Thank you, for not abandoning me to my pain.”

* * *

 

Cullen had a lot of things to do before he will be able to relax and enjoy the thought of going in mission with Azzura. He smiled to himself; being alone with her maybe will finally give them the chance to properly talk and set the things right between them. And hopping that no one will interrupt. Again. In the same moment his eyes fell on the scout who strolled around the stables.

  
_“Maker’s mercy, Jim won’t interrupt us again. We will be out there and he will stay at Skyhold._ ”

  
Cullen had no idea how the scout found always the right moment to come with his blighted reports; if Cullen didn’t knew better, he would think the boy did it on purpose.  
Laughs came from the tavern and a group of men and women showed up in the courtyard, Scout Harding’s figure standing out between the humans. The Commander remembered that her squad will depart for the Hissing Wastes the next day, in a mission lasting four months. He felt pity for the poor people; the desert was unforgivable and boring. Jim was returning from the stables humming a song, unaware like usual.  
Cullen looked at him, after that at Scout Harding’s party. An idea started to form in his mind and a wicked grin spread on his lips. That can’t be so easy, could it be?

  
“Lace? Can I have a word with you, in private?”  
Harding stopped next to him and smiled. “Anything for you, Commander.”  
Cullen felt uneasy. Clearing his voice and trying to put the best commanding tone in his voice, he asked her.  
“Do you have anything you need for the expedition? Do you need more men, perhaps?”  
“We are always short of men, Commander. When they hear about the walk in the desert, they always try to find an excuse to switch turns.”  
“Well, I think I can give you someone.” – He pointed to Jim – “That boy over there, he needs field experience; I can’t keep him at Skyhold all the time.”

  
Harding looked at the man in question and laughed. “Who? Jim? Commander, I can’t take him with me.”  
“Why not? “  
“Because most likely he would get lost the moment he sets foot outside the camp.”  
“Then ask him to guard the horses, gather flowers, wood for fire, mushrooms. I bet someone else would be grateful to be relieved of such tedious work.”  
Harding grinned. Of course she heard of Jim’s always bad timing when it came of delivering reports to his Commander; now, said Commander sounded almost desperate to get rid of the pesky scout. Smiling mischievously, Lace thought that she could come out with something good from this secret opportunity.

  
“If I didn’t knew well enough, Commander; I would say that you want to get rid of Jim.” – Cullen massaged his neck, pink blush showing up on his cheeks. – “I … um… why I would do that?”  
“Because he shows up when you don’t need him?”  
“All right. What do you want for this favor I’m asking?”  
“You buy drinks for all my team when we come back.”  
“I will buy you the all tavern, just help me.”  
After Cullen left, Lace went to give Jim the good news.

" _Let's do this for the Inquisition and good looking Commanders. The desert awaits you, poor soul."_

* * *

Azzura wasn’t paying attention were she was walking, busy with reading a letter from Sarina and Nathaniel; she hit a wall of steel and fur.  
“Ow!” – Smiling, Cullen steadied her on her feet – “Why don’t you read in your office?”  
“It’s a beautiful day; I am tired of hiding in my tower.” – He still held her in his arms, looking in her eyes with a glint of amusement. “What’s so funny? You look like the cat that ate the canary.”  
Cullen whispered in her ear, sending shivers through all her body. “I got rid of Jim.”

  
Azzura widened her eyes. “You killed him?” – With a chuckle he looked to the courtyard. ”No. He leaves with Harding tomorrow morning, to the Hissing Wastes.”  
Laughing she kissed his cheek. “Commander, you amaze me every day even more. I never knew of this wicked part of you.”  
“Oh, well. If I want to have some time alone with you, without interruptions; then I have to sharp my cunning skills.”  
Smiling he let her go and both descended to the training ring, Cullen glaring at a guard who stood nearby, pretending to inspect his weapon.

* * *

 

Since the Seeker approached him with that _subtle_ touch of hers, to order him to write another book, Varric tried to stay out of her way. He still killed his mind in the effort to find something worthy of writing, a love story which the Seeker will appreciate. He heard a rumor around the Keep that the Commander and the Hero had a history before the Blight, but he didn’t like to go after rumors; he needed facts. Facts that none of the interested parties will tell him.  
So, today he was laying hidden in one of the dried herbs bundles, behind the apothecary’s shop, watching the sky; he heard some giggles coming from nearby and to his surprise the three women came to sit on the bench near him. He was trapped in his hiding place. If he tried to get out he would have to explain what he was doing there, in the middle of the day. So, he opted to stay hidden and listen to their conversation; who knew what he might discover.

  
Evelyn, Petra and Chantelle looked over the training ring where Azzura and Dorian were showing the mages some offensive moves with their weapons. Commander Cullen, Ryan and Michael were observing on the side with other Templars, rallied just in case the mages needed their help.  
“He is so handsome! Look at those curls … and his eyes! It’s a sin to be so good looking.”  
Petra gave an alarmed look to Chantelle. “What are you talking about? Who is handsome?”  
” Commander Cullen, of course.”

  
“But you don’t hate him because he wants to make you clean the stables?’ – Evelyn looked at the Templar girl like she suddenly grew two horns on her head.  
“Who can hate that gorgeous man?” – Petra interrupted Chantelle with a smack on her arm – “Forget the Commander. Pretend that you are blind.”  
From his hiding place, Varric made a sign of gratitude to the sky. Gossip about the Commander was always rare merchandise.  
“Cullen has eyes only for Azzura. He always had. You can go there and walk naked in front of him and he wouldn’t even notice.”

  
The younger girls gathered closer to Petra, anticipation reading on their faces.  
“So, the rumors are true? Were they an item, when they were in the Circle?”  
Petra thought for a second if it was a good idea to speak about her friend’s love story but then decided that it wasn’t a secret anymore. Sooner or later those two will make peace and everything will come out, eventually.

  
“They were together for almost two years, before Azzura left to join the Grey Wardens.”  
“He must have been heart broken.”  
“He was; but he never stopped to love her. I can see it in his eyes. When they were together, they were so oblivious of their surroundings which had us worried that they might get caught. I can’t remember how many times I had to drag her back to our room. And his friends always had to cover his absence or find excuses with the Knight-Commander for his delays.”  
The girls were pending on her lips, Evelyn already dreaming knights in shining armor and mage princesses locked in their Towers.  
“How was the Commander then? I bet he didn’t changed that much. There were many girls lurking around him?”

  
Petra laughed at the image Evelyn had of the Commander. “Not at all. Even if the girls liked him, he was oblivious. Even with Azzura, it took time. Cullen was more like Michael.”  
Evelyn became red as Chantelle laughed at her. “Stuttering and blushing? Did Azzura tried to ride him, too?”  
Trevelyan’s sister raised the hands to the sky. “You won’t let me live that down, don’t you?”  
“Um … nope. It was too funny. Stop avoiding the boy, Evelyn. He likes you, I bet he does.”

  
“I'm not avoiding him, it’s him avoiding me! Every time I see him, he walks the other way and if I try to talk to him, he will blush so hard that I am afraid he will drop dead to my feet.”  
“Yup. He likes you. And so my dreams to woo the Commander are dead. Pity.”  
Petra smiled at her leaning onto the bundle of herbs. Varric had to stop a grunt when something sharp pinched him in the backside.  
“You can always try to attract Ryan’s attention, Chantelle.”

  
The girl laughed, the orlesian accent sounding like chimes in the wind.  
“Attracting Ryan’s attention it will be like trying to find the cure for hiccups. Im-possi-ble. But why not?”  
Azzura, Cullen and the two young men – object of discussion between Evelyn and Chantelle – walked towards them.  
Cullen saluted inclining his head a little.  
“Ladies. I would have loved to see you in the training ring.”

  
“Cullen, you know I am a healer. To train, I would need hurting people. Are you ready to offer your men?”  
“Not intentionally. But you need some training to defend yourself, Petra. Time is changing. We won’t be forever at war; and after that who knows what we will do.”  
“”So do you think the Circles will disband forever? That we don’t need the Templars anymore?”  
Evelyn was so scared at the idea of losing the Templars, or one Templar who looked everywhere else but her.  
“We can’t lose the Templars! We need them!”

  
“It’s nothing established right now. We will have to see who the next Divine will be, and then we will proceed with the changes. Would you go back to the Circle if they will tell you, Evelyn?” – Cullen was curious how the mages, especially the young ones, reacted in the eventuality of such an edict.  
“I would like to travel, but I would also like to continue my studies. The Circle is the best place where to do that. The Templars can help with magic experiments gone awry.”  
Michael looked suspiciously at Evelyn. “Like your experiments gone awry, you mean. “

  
“Of course! I will need a Templar to watch over me.” – Without taking her eyes from Michael, Evelyn asked the Commander. “Ser Cullen, I would go back to the Tower only with a condition. They should let us fraternize with the Templars.”  
“Talking with the Templars was seen as a bad idea before, but I don’t think that stopped you or other mages.” – Azzura grinned at him with a knowing look and Cullen blushed a little.

  
Evelyn rested a hand under her chin, still watching Michael. “I was mostly thinking of other kind of fraternization. Like taking your Templar and hiding in a closet? No, wait that could be done even before. Now I would like if I get caught, not to be afraid of the Tranquility brand.”  
Cullen blanched and his shacking hand found the hilt of his sword. He gripped it tight, trying to stop the tremors.

“I – should go. I have many things to do. Good day everyone.”

  
Petra sent the girls and the young men to have a walk. Only Azzura stayed, taking place on the bench.  
She was surprised at Cullen’s change of mood. It was almost like he felt ill when he heard Evelyn talking about the brand. Azzura was no naïve, she knew that maybe at a time in his life he had to do things that now he regretted.  
“Petra, do you know where Cullen went after he was dismissed from Greenfell?”  
“You don’t know? All this time spent with him and you never asked him?”  
“I wanted to. But I wait for him to tell me, to ask me to talk to him. Now I’m asking you because I feel that there is something more to it. You saw how he reacted at the brand mention.”  
“He was in Kirkwall. He was the Knight- Captain under Meredith Stannard’s orders.”  
Azzura froze in place. She heard what happened in Kirkwall but she never bothered to ask about the Knight- Captain’s name. The man was a tyrant in his first years there, but later he changed, arriving to step up against his superior officer.  
Cullen was that man. She found herself at loss of words. If he couldn’t hear people talking about Tranquility, he must have done the rite himself. She could imagine him using the brand, especially when he hated the mages.  
“He must feel horrible. I should better go and talk to him.”  
Petra squeezed Azzura’s hand, she could do nothing else than show her support to the Warden.

* * *

 

Somewhere in the rookery, covered by the slowly descending darkness, Sister Nightingale wore a devilish smile on her face.  
“Well done, Cullen. But let the better players play the Game. One point for me, Inquisitor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank to all those who left kudos, commented and followed my story. I hope you like it :)


	13. Cornered and ordered around

The night settled in and Cullen never showed up for dinner. Azzura was worried for him. Evelyn’s words had an impact on the Commander, that she could see; what she couldn’t understand was why he stood locked in his tower.  
She tried to give him space and to not bother him often; if he needed time she was more than happy to wait. She saw him that evening and still she was missing him so much already.  
Placing some food on a tray, Azzura decided that it was time to talk to Cullen; she wouldn’t be able to sleep not knowing that he was all right.  
Arriving at his office’s door, the guard standing nearby blocked her path.

  
“My Lady, the Commander said that he doesn’t want to be disturbed. Please, can you come back tomorrow morning?”  
She bit her lips thinking if maybe she could knock the guard unconscious. The man did only his job, following his Commander’s orders, he didn’t deserve that fate.  
“I want to see if he needs dinner. Can I at least have five minutes with him?”

  
The man looked around unsure. “My Lady, Ser Cullen was saying nobody meaning messengers and officers … he didn’t tell anything about you.” – Then the guard gave her a double meaning look. She smiled at the guardsman. “I promise that you won’t get in trouble. I will talk to him.”

* * *

 

The pain won’t go away; the back of his head felt like someone hit him with a maul, his temples pulsated with thousands of needles and his eyes throbbed. He kept them closed, the poor light coming from a candle making him whimper in pain.  
His hands shook so bad that he gave up in keeping them on the table. His breath was heavy and every gulp of air he took was not enough to help him ventilate the fever building inside. Cullen tried to stand but his legs betrayed him, making him fall with a great thud. He couldn’t tell where the real world ended and the eerie surroundings began. He looked at the ceiling without actually seeing it, he tried to call the guard outside but nothing escaped from his lips except of a low, rasping growl. Finally the pain took pity on him and Cullen lost his senses.

  
When Azzura opened the door she was surprised by the pitch black dark reigning inside. She wanted so bad to summon a mage light, but wasn’t possible. Carefully she went to the table and placed the tray of food on it; her foot hit something soft and she backed off, startled.  
Squinting, trying to adjust the eyes to the dim light in the room, Azzura found a half used candle on a shelf nearby and lit it.  
When she turned to check the place with the soft thing lying on the floor, Azzura froze in shock. Cullen stood still, unconscious and his face was bathed in sweat.  
She ran to him and dropped on her knees near to his body.

  
“Cullen! Wake up, talk to me! Please! Mythal’s mercy, what is going on with you? Cullen, please!” – She started to cry and kiss his eyes, keeping his head in her lap. “Cullen, love, wake up!” – Her tears washed his cheeks, but Cullen gave no sign to regain his consciousness. Azzura looked helpless around the room trying to figure out what to do. She wanted to call the guard standing outside but Cullen gave the order to be left alone; maybe it wasn’t a good idea to let the soldier see him that way. She closed her eyes and started to call the only being that could help her in that moment.

  
_“Flemeth, please let me help him. I need my powers! I beg you!_ ”

  
The Witch of the Wilds never spoke to her but Azzura felt the surge of magic flowing through her veins, so powerful that she feared that every Templar around would start running to Cullen’s office.  
Outside the office, the Seeker felt the immense shift in the Veil, coming from Cullen’s tower. Stopping the alarmed men, she ran to the door and forced it open, with the sword drawn. Taking in the scene unfolding in front of her, Cassandra closed the door behind her.

  
The Warden cradled Cullen’s body in her arms and glowed a blue aura, blue tendrils advancing on Cullen’s chest and head.  
“What are you doing?” – When she saw Azzura’s eyes, filled of tears and sadness, the Seeker knew that the Hero didn’t mean any harm to him; the pain she could read on the other woman’s face was too big and sincere. Slowly, she kneeled next to the Commander’s body. “You can’t heal him; not from lyrium withdrawal pains.”

  
“What? Cullen’s doesn’t take lyrium anymore?” – Cassandra hated herself for letting that secret slip, but she was a soft heart for romance and what she saw between Cullen and Azzura couldn’t be mistaken; it was love.  
“No, he doesn’t take it anymore. He stopped when he joined the Inquisition.” – Cassandra worked to Cullen’s chest plate, trying to take it off. “We can’t let him on the floor and we can’t put him on his bed. No one knows of his burden, I can’t call for help. The Herald is outside Skyhold, hunting with Iron Bull.”

  
Cleaning the tears from her face, Azzura searched the room for the only thing she needed for her spell to work. When she couldn’t find it she turned to Cassandra with an embarrassed smile.  
“Can you find me a plant? Growing in a vase, possibly.”  
The Seeker gave her the _are you nuts_ look. “I need it for my spell. I can’t grow plants from the stones, even if people think that being a mage I can do anything.”

  
The other woman went to find a plant, still wondering if Azzura was sane and Amell started to work on Cullen’s armor. He was still unconscious, trying to move him it was like trying to move a crate filled with silverite ore.  
Cassandra was back, holding a flower in a pot. “I stole it from Josie’s room; I just hope she won’t have questions later.” – When she saw Azzura fighting with Cullen’s armor, for the first time since the Seeker met her, she smiled to the Warden.  
“I am familiar with the Templar armor, but this thing he wears now is above my comprehension. “

  
Several minutes later, Cullen was stripped down to his breeches and shirt. Amell checked his pulse one more time and brushed his hair away from his eyes. Watching the soft curls forming around his forehead due to the sweat still pouring out, Azzura couldn’t stop kissing them, unaware of the Seeker who was looking at her with open mouthed awe.

  
“How much I missed these curls, my sweet Cullen.” – Then placing the plant next to her she made intricate patterns in the air with her fingers, speaking in elven. Small vines sprouted from the plant and grew stronger with every word she spoke; then they advanced on Cullen’s unmoving body and wrapped him slowly. Azzura rose to her feet and made a move with her hand; the vines lifted the man and soon they climbed the ladder to his room. Cassandra, still gawking at what she witnessed didn’t dare to speak, afraid to break the mage’s concentration.

  
Soon they had Cullen on his bed and Azzura blinked when she saw the hole in his roof.  
“What the … “  
“I suppose he will fix it … someday” – The Seeker assured her. “Is that a hedge witch spell you just did?”  
“If you will start giving me the Chantry propaganda talk, can we have it later?” – Summoning cold water in a glass, Azzura tried to help Cullen drink; he was half conscious now.  
“I was merely interested at the spell, really. That’s why you need the plant?”  
“Yes. To convince a plant to do your will you have to infuse it with enough magic from the Fade. “– She turned to Cullen who was trying to articulate some words, still wriggling in pain. “Don’t move, I will try to ease some of the pain in our head first.”

  
Then she turned her eyes to the Seeker. “This crisis, how long it lasts?”  
“Last time he was ill for two days; but I never seen one this bad before. I can’t tell how much he will need to recover.”  
“We … leave … afterto …morrow. Can’t let my men…” – He tried to rise but Azzura pushed him back.  
“So, I was right. You keep this a secret. Cullen, I don’t think you can come with me in your condition; not until you won’t get better. I can delay the departure.”  
“No. We won’t. “And he stirred, grasping the sheets with both hands and breathing trough greeted teeth. The tremors intensified again and he fought with what strength he had, to remain conscious.  
Cassandra never witnessed the Commander’s attacks of pain and seeing him like this grew her respect for him even more and in the same time made her heart break at his struggles. “He is a brave man, Amell. Don’t take his dignity changing his plans. The troops will ask why and he won’t be there to give them answers.”

  
Clearing the tears away again and pushing back the lump in her chest, Azzura thought for a second, playing with the Shadowhunter’s pendant.  
“ _Can you help him bear the pain, Endurance?”_  
 _“Yes, but his muscles are already stiff; he wouldn’t feel the pain but he won’t be able to walk properly either.”_  
 _“What if I help him by taking away the pain, would he be able to walk?”_  
 _“He would look like he took a fall from his horse and nothing more.”_  
 _‘Good.”_  
 _“Wait! You can’t do that! You saw how much he suffers; are you sure?”_  
 _“I would do anything if that means to give him a respite. Put your shield up for me please, we can do it.”_

  
“Are you all right?” – Cassandra touched Amell’s shoulder, worried for her silence.  
“Yes.” – She took a deep breath and pulled Cullen to her chest – “I will do something that it’s not easy for a healer. It’s an old art, long forgotten…” – The Seeker rolled her eyes – “If I don’t know by now that you are a fanatic of long lost magical arts … You and Solas could be best friends for life.”  
Despite her dislike for the Seekers Order, Azzura found herself begin to like the woman.”  
“Well, knowledge is power. Used wisely can be beneficial to everyone. I might need your help after this; for you to carry me to my rooms.”  
“What?”

  
“Seeker, the more we talk, more time Cullen will need to recover. If he wants to leave as planned, I need to take his pain; all at once.”  
“If I wasn’t entirely convinced that everyone here is crazy, now I am. This army takes every kind of strange people, you just ad a number. You know what they say; if they are not crazy, we don’t want them. Welcome to the Inquisition.”

  
Azzura closed her eyes and concentrated to open her mind. The pain sipped through her bones, at first like a bee sting then thousands of needles pinched her skin. Her bones felt like were about to crack under the pressure and the chest got overwhelmed with the need for air.

  
“ _Maker! It’s this what he has to suffer? I can’t take it anymore.”_  
 _“Keep it a little more. When all the pain is in your body, I will shield you. Some of the conditions might linger, though.”_  
 _“I can handle it. Thank you Witty.”_ – Azzura trembled with the increasing pain.  
“ _I can’t let this gorgeous being suffer. You know I am a weak spirit when we talk about handsome Templars. Shield ready for you.”_

  
Cassandra assisted for the first time to a scene she never thought possible, or at least that was what the Chantry said. The mage pulled her mana in the center of her body then it pushed it towards Cullen’s chest. Now, both were enveloped into a white- blue aura, pulsing green at the edges. After a time that seemed like hours, that aura retreated into Azzura’s trembling form.  
The women saw Cullen relaxing immediately and opening his eyes. Azzura reacted quickly and sent him to sleep with a spell.

  
“That should take care of his desire to get back to work. He will sleep until I will come to wake him up.”  
Diligently, she pulled his shirt over his head, and then unlaced his trousers.  
“Help me take these off.” – Cassandra’s cheeks flamed red and she looked away. “I – I can’t do that! It’s the Commander!” – Her voice shrieked with outrage.  
Amell breathed heavy under the pain but she still found the power to tease the Seeker. “Oh! Come on! Don’t tell me that you never asked yourself how the Commander looks, under all this armor.”  
Cassandra made a sign to deny what the Warden insinuated but she still peeked from under her lashes at Cullen’s body. Pulling the breeches off, she made a disgusted noise. ”We should not abuse of him this way. He is unconscious and better he never finds out that I was here, taking off his pants.”  
Azzura shrugged, a coy smile on her lips. “Well, I will abuse him when he wakes up then.”

  
After she covered Cullen’s body- now stripped to his smalls- in a blanket, Azzura helped by Cassandra made their exit out of his tower. Without a second thought, she placed a repulsion glyph right at the entrance.  
“I understand the wards of silence and Fade repulsion, but what is the need of this?”  
“It’s against those who will try to disturb him … and against Jim.”  
“I … see. The Commander needs rest; I agree. I just hope no one will be hurt by hitting that glyph.”  
“Seeker, you never worked with mages that long, I suppose; well except when you hunted and interrogated them, right?” – Azzura realized that she was a bit too harsh when she saw Cassandra’s face hardening. – “I’m sorry, really. It’s just that your order is not one of my favorites.”  
“Every order has its flaws, mistrust built over the centuries; it’s not your fault. Although, I don’t understand your hate for the Seekers; did you run into them before?”

* * *

 

They arrived in Azzura’s chambers and Cassandra wanted to leave when the other woman showed her a chair. “Take a seat, please.” Then she let herself fall on the bed.  
“You asked me why I hate the Seekers. That’s a good question. The only time when I heard about what the Seekers can do, it was the day when I swore that I will kill those who made my Templar suffer.”  
“Your Templar.” – Cassandra began to understand who that Templar might be after the display of deep affection she witnessed earlier. “It was Cullen?”

  
Amell rolled her eyes. “Well, this is a rumor around the keep anyway, not that we are hiding or something. Yes, Cullen was my Templar assigned to guard over me … and my lover, before the Blight.”  
The Seeker’s eyes were glinting and she bent towards Azzura. “Really? And they never discovered you?”  
“It’s complicated. Eventually, both of us were betrayed by one of our friends. I had to leave in a hurry. The First Enchanter had a Grey Warden friend; Irving sent him a quick message and Duncan arrived and recruited me into the Grey Wardens. I left the same night, without saying goodbye to anyone; Cullen thought I left him too. We had to make him believe that. Then the Seekers came; they interrogated him about his relationship with a mage and … they tortured him.”

  
Cassandra denied with an incredulous stare. “It’s not possible! The regulations always were clear about that. If a Templar had an affair with a mage, either they were transferred in different Circles or …” – Azzura interrupted her. “ Or what? The mage had to be made Tranquil in front of the poor Templar? Let the poor man watch every day, as long both of them lived, the husk who became his former love? Strip every emotion from one and make the other suffer forever?”

  
The Seeker was quiet; for her entire life she was blinded by her duty; she never gave a thought to those regulations. The Chantry said it was a mercy and a punishment in the same time but how many people suffered because of that? How many mages and Templars had their hearts ripped from their chests because they dared to defy the clergy and find the only emotion worth living, loving each other?

  
“Tell me, Seeker. Do you know what love is?” – Cassandra tried to answer but Amell stopped her. “No, of course not. Why would you? So didn’t, the two Seekers who came to take my love from me. They set the lyrium in his blood on fire. They made him scream in pain and they laughed at him because he dared to love a mage. What they did after? They erased his memories about his torture! I bet if you ask him right now, he will tell you that they had a nice talk and the Seekers patted him on the back, feeling sorry for his broken heart. Understand this; Cullen never needs to know about what he went through; never!”

  
“How do you know that? You weren’t there.” – Cassandra ‘s voice was barely a whisper. She was shocked to discover how much Cullen had to endure along his entire life.  
“I know because the Knight – Commander and the First Enchanter told me! They gave me news about him, always. Two days after the Seekers left, Uldred decided to take on the Tower. Cullen was tortured, again! When I found him …” – Azzura’s voice cracked – “… when I found him, he was dehydrated, starving and in lyrium withdrawal. At first I thought that he lost his mind but he didn’t. He resisted torture and he survived all the time until I got there. Leliana was with me when we found him; she knows. And that’s why I give you a warning, in advance. When I find these two Seekers, I will kill them.”

  
Cassandra wanted to laugh at Amell’s presumption of being able to kill a Seeker.  
“Do you know that the Seekers can subdue mages, right? Their power is greater than a Templar’s.”  
If Cassandra didn’t dare to laugh, Azzura did it, loud even. “Ah, the merriment. See? That’s why sometimes people are so predictable; set them on a certain path and they won’t go astray. Do you really think I would face a Seeker as a mage? I trained in close combat with a shield and sword, a greatsword even. I don’t need to be a mage to pick up on someone.”  
“That’s why you wear heavy armor! I thought you were just goofing around, no offense intended.” – Cassandra gave her an appreciative look. “I would like to test what you know. Practice with a Seeker might help you.”

  
Azzura fell from the bed, literally. She was trying to put a pillow under her back when Cassandra surprised her. The Right Hand jumped to pick up the other Right Hand from the floor. “Are you all right?”  
Amell was still gapping at her. “I- yes, yes! I’m fine.” She stood on her bed and squinted at the Seeker. “Let me get this straight. I tell you that I want to kill someone from your own Order and you offer to train _me_? Why?”

  
Cassandra turned her back to the Warden and sighed. “Because what you told me it never supposed to happen in my Order. I joined the Seekers wishing to defend the weak, to fight corruption, to defend the Chantry; I did not joined to abuse my power; I did not joined to torture people. After the explosion at the Conclave, I discovered truths that are not what I wanted to hear. I witnessed someone from my own Order hit a Revered Mother, I have heard that my own ex- commanding officer allowed an envy demon to take his appearance and lead the Templars to their fall. I can’t allow this, not anymore. Lord Seeker Lucius lost his way … “  
“Lucius? You mean he is the leader of the Seekers?’  
“Yes. Why?”  
“He was one of the Seekers who tortured Cullen!”

  
Cassandra felt sick. “Are you sure? Maybe it was someone else? With the same name?”  
“No. I have made some research about him, long time ago. Lord Seeker Lucius Corin wasn’t the man you thought he was. He hid very well his true nature.”  
“I don’t know where he is; the entire Order disappeared. I am worried, you know? Leliana told me that she’s looking into it.’ – Cassandra sounded so helpless, Azzura felt pity on her. Seeing everything you stood for crumbling around you it wasn’t an easy task for no one.

  
“It’s not your fault; you believed in your duty. Maybe this is what you get when you put everything behind; when you give up everything you want, to do your duty? How does it feel?”  
Cassandra closed her hands into fists and turned to face Azzura. “You are a hypocrite, you know that? You tell me that I did my duty blindly; but what about you? You did your duty towards your Circle at the cost of your lover’s body and soul. You choose to put Alistair Theirin on Ferelden’s throne by any means; just to give to your country the King it deserved, at what cost? Even now, you work for Tevinter splitting your loyalty between them, your Wardens and the Inquisition. What will you choose if it comes to a conflicting interest? Don’t tell me that I don’t know what love is! You are not better than me in that field.” – Azzura opens her mouth to reply but she closed it back. The Seeker had a point, she could read her better than Amell could realize by her own.

  
“Do you think you are the only one to break the rules by loving someone you were forbidden? Don’t pretend to know me, only because I am a Seeker that I don’t have a heart. I loved a mage once; his name was Regalyan and he died at the Conclave. You think you are the only one asking over and over again _what if?_ ”  
Azzura received in silence the dressing-down from Cassandra. And for the first time she understood that she deserved it.

  
“I … am sorry. I have made the same mistake everyone does; judging people without knowing them. Everyone told me about you being a wonderful person and I didn’t listen to them. Maybe it’s time to fix that. Does the training session offer still stand?”  
A flicker of amusement showed up on Cassandra’s lips. “You are ready to train for real? Because what you did with the Commander it wasn’t training, at all.”  
Azzura groaned. “Everyone still remembers that day?”  
“That’s how the rumors about you two started.”  
They were deep in the night when Casandra said her farewell, making sure that Azzura will check on Cullen in the morning.

* * *

 

The sun rose in the sky and Azzura rolled on the other side, burying her face in the pillow. The pain in her body subsided in a dull ache but she felt better than the previous night. She was not able sleep that much, the pain making her toss in her bed and also the conversation had with Cassandra kept her awake.  
When she gathered the will to get up and dress it was about mid-day.

  
“Maker’s balls! Cullen!” – She really forgot that she put him under the sleep spell and he won’t awake by his own. A couple of minutes later she stormed in the kitchen and replenished a plate with food; the cook just stared at her with a pot in her hands.  
She ran all the way back to Cullen’s tower and took the steps two at once, saluting the soldiers passing by. When she stopped at his door she saw that the ward was disrupted. The same guard from the previous evening greeted her with bloodshot eyes.

  
“Lady Amell! Knight Captain Lawrence said that the next time you put a repulsion ward on the floor you should add a warning sign.”  
“He stepped on it then?”  
“Yes. Before I had time to tell him not to. He left saying something about Trevelyans and locked mages.”  
She shot a rejuvenation spell at the man who felt slightly better after that and he smiled, grateful.

  
“I took the night turn too My Lady. I didn’t want someone else to be here. Is … the Commander all right?”  
“Yes. He is. Go get some rest and don’t worry, I will be with him. Thank you for staying last night.”

* * *

  
She left the plate on the table and climbed the ladder to the loft. Walking as softly as possible she approached the bed where the Commander still slept. She drowned her eyes in his naked body. Cullen slept outstretched on his back, with a hand touching the floor and the other hugging a pillow. His hair fell over his eyes in loose curls. She admired his broad chest and arms with fine sculpted muscles from years of combat. She dared to look at his mid- section where his small clothes drifted away in his sleep. The same curly blond hair jumping out from his smalls made her take a deep breath.

  
_Good Maker! He’s sick and I am imagining taking his smalls off!_

  
She stood on the bed near him and with a smooth touch she pushed his hair back from his eyes.  
“My sweet sleeping Knight. It’s time to wake up.” – Then she deposited a soft kiss on his forehead. Cullen mumbled something then turned on his belly and hugged the pillow. “Go away, Jim.”  
Azzura had to bite her lips and added a hand to cover them; stifling a laugh she had to admit that the Commander was well after all, if he was imagining Jim disturbing him from his sleep. She brushed her fingers over his bare skin, up and down on his back. To her dismay, instead of waking up, Cullen purred and arched his body under her fingers.

  
 _“ Are we enjoying that, now. If I remember something from our days, there is another thing you liked way better._ ”

  
Miracle of miracles, she still had access to her magic; she cooled her hands with a soft winter spell and placed them both on his neck and shoulders. Continuing towards his hair, she tugged at his golden locks a little.  
“Oh, my Commander! You take your time waking up. That’s wonderful.”

  
Cullen hummed and stretched like a cat under her ministrations, the coolness of her hands and the healing spell combined, made him stir lazily. He turned to face the origin of that calming presence and opened his eyes to stare at Azzura’s wicked grin.  
“Hello there, sleeping beauty.”

  
He yelped and looked at his state of undress; faster than he thought possible he grabbed the pillow and covered his half naked middle.  
“H-hello?” – Azzura began to laugh seeing him reddening with embarrassment.  
“Really, now?” – She contemplated his body with an appreciative look. “I must say that I loved your body when we were younger, but the Maker favored you lately. You look like a God!”  
He spluttered and tried to hold onto the pillow which Azzura lifted without shame.

  
“I am … naked! Why I am naked? Did we? How? When?”  
She pretended to think a little. “So many questions; one would say that you are a blushing girl, Commander.” – She yanked the pillow and threw it on a barrel, away from Cullen’s grasp. “Stop it. You have nothing I haven’t seen before.” – He cupped his hands over his crotch.

  
“Uhm … first explain why you are here?” – Suddenly, he changed his mind and grabbed her waist pulling her over him, and then he rolled and pinned her on the bed.  
She giggled at him. “Two can play this game, mage. So, what you are up to?” – His lips were so close of hers; Azzura prayed for strength, she won’t kiss him right now. Instead she placed her hands on his shoulders and began to trace small circles around them.

  
“Last night I came to bring you dinner but I found you unwell. Cullen, why didn’t you tell me that you stopped taking lyrium?”  
He rolled away from her and looked at the roof. Azzura played with his hair, soothing magic passing through her fingers, making him close his eyes.  
“I stopped when I joined the Inquisition. I don’t want to be tied again. Sometimes the symptoms are easier, just headaches and muscles pains.” – He looked in her eyes, worried. “Last night it was bad? I can’t remember how I got here.”

  
“A bit worse for wear but nothing a good sleep can’t fix.” – She decided to avoid telling him about how she took his pain; making him feel grateful wasn’t her intention. “How do you feel right now? Any pain?”

  
He smiled warmly at her, and then kissed the knuckles of one of her hands. “No. I feel just fine; I don’t know what you did, but it worked. Thank you.” He inhaled deeply and shifted uncomfortable in bed. Azzura frowned, thinking that he lied to her regarding his pain, and then her gaze fell on his smalls, which now seemed very uncomfortable to her Commander. Another appreciative look down there made him blush every shade of red possible.

  
“I see that you do have some pain, after all. Want me to take care of that?” – If she couldn’t be more straightforward than that, who else could?

  
She pouted when he rose from the bed and wrapped his bedsheet around his waist. Cullen saw that and his grin grew wider than before, every trace of shame now way behind him. He amazed at himself how easy he fell into the old habit being comfortable with her shameless flirting. She wanted him, badly, if he could tell by the wolfish look she gave to his middle and the wide eyes filled with anticipation.

  
_“Well, my dear; after all the pain you made me go through all these years, don’t think that you can win so easily.”_

  
He smirked and went to wash his face. “I will take up on your offer … when I will like, mage. You will have to work hard for it.”  
Azzura’s mouth fell open. “What?”

  
He continued to wash, letting her drink on the sight of his broad chest. “We have a lot to discuss, I have a lot to think and you will have a lot … to wait.”  
“Are you telling me that you want to act like a blushing virgin? You want me to chase you?”  
“Deal with it. It’s in my right to set the terms of our reconciliation.”  
She groaned and spread her hands in helplessness. “Maker’s mercy!”  
“I would like to think you wanted to say; _Cullen’s mercy!_ ”

  
Her frustration got to the limit and she got up. “Fine. I can’t wait for the day when you will beg … “– He never gave her time to finish because he grabbed her and kissed her fiercely. She tried to convince him to let her tongue to taste his but with a chuckle he pushed her back. “Not going to happen soon. Now, I think we have work to do and since you kept me busy almost all day, I have some reports to sort out; you should get to work, they won’t write by themselves.”

  
Azzura narrowed her eyes at him and shook her head in disbelief but Cullen just showed her the ladder and invited her to go down to his office.  
“To work, Amell.”

  
She disappeared down on the ladder and he smiled, pleased with himself at how he handled things. His smalls still reminded him that it was a big mistake to send her away, when his needs were not satisfied, but Cullen was a man of great willpower and he will overcome this inconvenience like anything else.  
He still felt unsure a little but he had no power left to fight her. He wanted her back in his life and maybe they finally had a chance to be happy. The King’s shadow reared in his mind. “ _Curse you, Theirin. She will be mine whatever you like it, or not.”_

  
When they were in the Circle, Cullen liked to be ordered around by her, he tried to please her in every little request she had. Now it was the time to change the cards on the table, and from the look on her face he took a liking in his newfound bossy attitude with her. Smiling, he descended from his room into the office, only to find it already cramped with different runners and messengers and Azzura writing diligently on his reports.


	14. Welcome to Ferelden

Skyhold woke up with the noise made of fifty soldiers and their horses, several scouts and their ravens and a horde of merchants loading carts for the expedition. Some faces were bored; some others full of anticipation and money were changing hands faster than one could say _Andraste._ The fresh recruits with just the training on their records carefully listened to the older ones trying to explain the basics of making a fire or setting up a tent. The Fereldan veterans were assaulted with questions about the Korkari Wilds, the Witches or the Chasind tribes, Ostagar and darkspawn.  
A Lieutenant assured them that the Warden- Commander will brief everyone once arrived at their destination and the noise ceased for the most part.  
The sun let its first rays to shine over the mountain and now the whole Keep bustled with life. The Inquisitor strode out from the Hall keeping a hand to his mouth, covering a yawn. Maxwell had spent the previous night reading and playing Wicked Grace at the tavern, now he paid the price. Cassandra looked at him mournfully.  
“I tried to warn you, but you never listen to me. Herald, we have to leave for Exalted Plains soon; you have to be well rested not looking like someone who just fell from the bed.”  
“I _fell_ from the bed! Cullen insisted having me at his meeting with his officers. I know he is a perfectionist but the man needs to calm down. I hope this trip helps him.” – Then with a grin he wiggled his lashes at the Seeker. “You come with me in the Plains? To keep me in _shape?_ I will need lots of _training._ ”  
Cassandra’s mouth opened then closed without a word then her cheeks burned fire. The Inquisitor left her in the open and went to check his troops.  
_“Is he serious? Did he just proposed me more than what he said? Nah, I must be reading too much into this.”_ – Shaking her head, she went to attack a training dummy.

* * *

 

Varric and Dorian showed up early in the morning to Azzura’s door. The Warden, dressed in full dark blue armor, this time with the Grey Warden insignia on her chest, smiled at them.  
“Sooo, we go adventuring together? Varric, I hope you will have time to tell me about my cousin and her time in Kirkwall and you Altus Pavus, you better have some nice stories about the Magisterium. It will be a long walk to Ferelden, I need entertaining.”  
Dorian scoffed at the mention of Tevinter’s high society. “I think you know more than me in that field. The Right Hand job takes you places. Oh, and I don’t congratulate with you for saying my title correctly; these southerners don’t know the difference between an Altus and a Magister.”  
Varric patted Dorian on his arm. “Don’t worry Sparkler, as long you can throw fire balls you will be always a Magister to them.” – Then he rounded on Azzura, with a flashy grin – “Is Curly joining us then? He can keep you company better than us … in certain ways.”  
“Yes, if I can drag him out from his tower. He decided to check for the tenth time with his officers. Now that we speak of it, maybe I should go and get him by force. We are kind of late; by Cullen’s standards.”  
Dorian looked over the wall and beamed. “The Inquisitor is up already. Come Varric, let’s say our goodbyes.”

* * *

 

The Warden- Commander blew the door open and looked at the Commander of the Inquisition.  
“Are you finished torturing your poor officers? It’s late.”  
Knight-Captain Lawrence laughed at her impatience and the way she imposed on his superior officer. Cullen’s eyes lit when he saw her and his lips formed that half smile of his which gave her shivers every time.  
“I think they are grateful with your intrusion. Is everyone ready?”  
“They were ready one hour ago but no one dared to come here to disturb you. I wonder how the Herald managed to escape your debrief?”  
“He invented the excuse of checking his troops by himself. It’s good for morale.”

* * *

 

In the courtyard they joined the other Inner Circle members. Azzura could see Cassandra in distance throwing draggers at one of the training dummies and moving lips and frowning. She dragged Maxwell behind a tent and whispered in his ear.  
“Why Cassandra wouldn’t join us?”  
“Because I am here. I might have been a little … forward, earlier. Now she’s brooding over it.” From the wide grin he displayed, Azzura deduced that the Inquisitor was very happy with the result. He brought a hand to his neck and looked away; she laughed at him.  
“I think Cullen’s habits are wearing on you. What’s in your mind? Spit it out.”

  
“You told me that you gather books from Tevinter’s libraries. You like to read only those pertaining Grey Warden stuff?”  
“Well, I am after those because I need them and some Magisters are just avoiding handing them to me willingly. And, no! I never killed Magisters only to have their books. Sometimes I bargain … secrets I know.”  
Maxwell gave her a worried look. “You took lessons from Leliana? Because you are scary, you know?”  
“I replace the Left Hand too, what do you think? And travelling with Leli for more than a year, an Antivan Crow and a pirate Captain … well, I picked up some useful skills. And I lived in Antiva and Rivain for a while. Why do you ask?”

  
“I was wondering if you know some … easy literature from Tevinter.”  
“Easy literature? You mean love novels and smutty romances? I do. I used to read a lot of them. To my shame I have to say that my library has almost every forbidden romance I couldn’t read when I was in the Circle. The Chantry here can be very picky. Some of them would make even Varric blush.”  
To her surprise Maxwell gave her a bear hug. “I am happy to hear that! Can I make a request? Would you give them away? Willingly, I mean.”  
“Ha-ha nice pun. Why do you need them? Don’t tell me that all of a sudden you decided to indulge in forbidden knowledge. You library is stuffed with ancient history and books about horses! Maker!”  
“I keep the poetry hidden.” – She laughed at his discomfort admitting that he was reading poetry. “I need them for a ... friend.”  
“The one over there? The Seeker is breaking her neck watching this way; she saw you hugging me. Now the training dummy is beheaded.”  
“All right! I admit it; I need them for Cassandra. Maybe I gain some approval from her.”  
Picking up her bags, Azzura started to walk towards the stables. ”I will ask Arenys to send me the entire collection. Be warned, most likely there will be several crates of books. The Seeker will love you. Don’t forget the flowers.”

* * *

 

The next to show up was Leliana carrying a cage with one raven inside.  
“Here, take Baron Plucky with you. He’s the fastest of my ravens and the Commander will need to be in contact with the Keep.”  
Azzura took the cage and gave the fat raven a suspicious look. “He’s fast, you said? Leli, what are you feeding him? He’s so fat that I wonder if he can take off the ground!”  
To everyone’s amazement, Leliana pinched the Warden’s earlobe, hard; the Nightingale narrowed her eyes at her old friend. “You will take the bird and feed him well, if not I will have your head.”  
“Ahi! All right, I promise that I won’t let your crow starving.”  
“Raven! Now get off!”  
Cullen, Varric and Maxwell assisted at the exchange between the two women with interest.

* * *

  
“Good Maker! Do they always act like this? It’s a miracle that they defeated the Blight!”  
“You know Curly? I wish I was their companion back then; at least I would have what to write and not waiting for small scraps of stories to drop in my lap.”  
Azzura joined them after she secured Baron Plucky’s cage in one of the provision wagons.  
“Not only that Commander, but when you travel with a group like I had, shit happens. Between Zevran who wanted to get in every woman’s bed in the camp, he even tried with Alistair; Oghren who will have us getting drunk tasting his concoctions, Sten getting us fat with his delicious roasted rams, Leliana pranking everyone and I playing with my dog all the time instead of helping? Every time we would get to a town, Alistair would buy cheese that smelled all the way to Antiva; I used to give him statuettes I would find; he refused to give up on the bag filled with them even when we went to the Deep Roads, and got attacked by a broodmother. Poor Wynne would try to keep us focused without so much success and Morrigan just gave up on being the haughty bitch she was at the beginning. By the time we united all our allies, she would sing with Leliana in front of the camp fire. We had dire times too, and many days I had to bite my nails waiting for this or that companion to recover from a mortal wound but now when I look back, I say that I lived a good life.”

  
“You mean that you miss those days?” – Cullen was curious; Azzura never spoke about her life during the Blight. He chastised himself because he knew that by some extent it was his refusal to listen to her reason for leaving the Circle that she never mentioned her adventures before.  
“I don’t miss the war, the Deep Roads or the freezing nights in a tent, I do miss the companions and their friendship. Meeting Leliana again? It is one of the wonderful gifts the life could give me. Meeting you again? I wouldn’t change anything of what happened, if that meant to bring me back to you.”  
Maxwell smiled knowingly at the blushing Commander and Varric scribbled in frenzy on his notebook.  
“Snowy? Would you tell us more stories? Please?” – Varric gave her his best grin, and he stopped suddenly. “Shit! Tell me that we won’t go in the Deep Roads! I hate that place. I told Hawke once, she promised me that we won’t go; what was the next thing she did? She took me in that expedition; it was me who made it happen.”

  
“I promise you that we won’t go there; I hate that place even more than you do. The Korkari Wilds don’t have entrances to underground … as far as I know.”  
Varric sighed, unhappy. “You are Adeline’s cousin; I don’t take your promise seriously. When someone joins one of Amells or Hawkes … “  
Maxwell and Cullen said together. “Shit happens!”

* * *

  
Just when they were trying to calm down, Maxwell eyed a group of young people coming towards them.  
The perpetual quadruplet of friends – three Templars and a Mage – full dressed in their battle armor, stopped in front of the Inquisitor. Cullen, Azzura and Maxwell said the same word in tandem. “No!”  
“But why? We trained so hard in the last months; if we can’t have a real fight how we suppose to know that we are fit for war?” – Evelyn was upset now, throwing angered glances at her brother. “You want me to stay here only because I am your sister, no?”

  
Maxwell sighed and took her hands in his. “Evie, it’s not that. I just don’t want you to go right now.”  
“Ser Chantelle! Where are your recruits? I don’t think I gave you permission to leave them. A Commander never abandons his troops and just goes around by himself.”  
“Oh, really? It’s not that what are you doing right now … Ser?” – Cullen narrowed his eyes at her, Ryan like usual plucked his hair and Michael almost whimpered in shame.  
The Herald had to laugh again watching his Commander’s face. Cullen just couldn’t understand how Chantelle was such a big mouth; at her age he was always the respectful Templar, maybe that’s why. And the Commander retaliated.

  
“Chantelle Valmont! Saddle all our horses or you will face a greater punishment … say, latrine duty for one week. And don’t think you can get rid of it because even if I am away, I will have people watching for you. “– Chantelle blinked at her Commander and tried to protest, Cullen barked. “Now!”  
Ryan sighed in defeat. “I’m so sorry, Ser. I try to keep her in check but she escapes all the time. Don’t get me wrong, she has respect for the authority, but since she was a bit sheltered by our Knight- Captain, well, sometimes she just forgets that other officers are not like Lawrence.”  
Maxwell tried to diffuse the bad mood settled over the young ones’ faces. “I know you want to prove yourself in battle and I will give you a chance. You and your men will come with me to the Plains.”  
They all looked after the happy warriors with a certain amount of anguish. “They are so young. I am afraid for them.”  
“I know Herald. At least they go to fight knowing what to expect; I had no such chance. And still, I wish I could keep them here, safe.” – Azzura was sad for a moment, thinking that she had to learn how to fight when no one taught her how to keep a sword, in the Circle.

* * *

 

They left behind Skyhold, the ruins of what once was the village of Heaven, the charred remains of the Temple of the Sacred Ashes looming the horizon and the melting snows of the Frostback Mountains to enter Ferelden. Every time when they stopped to some Inquisition camp Azzura would be amazed at how well organized they were and how the soldiers would receive their Commander. She was happy with the anonymous armor she decided to wear; people would think that she was another Grey Warden and nothing more; that peace lasted until she approached the lands of the Arl of Redcliffe.

  
The Warden- Commander spent her entire journey to the Hinterlands talking with everyone and sharing her stories, much to Varric’s delight. Cullen was more than often at her side, riding Tempest. After he found out that he will go with her, the Commander couldn’t give the horse to her as promised but he made it up in greatness. Trough Josie’s contacts and due to Maxwell’s courtesy, now Azzura had an all-white stallion named Storm. It was the best it could offer one of Trevelyan’s friends.  
Cullen brought his horse near Azzura’s one and they both rode in silence; once in a while he would take her hand and give it a small squeeze with a cocky smile; Azzura would try to make him stay behind and convince him to dismount to _show_ him this place or that ruin, but Cullen would just laugh wickedly and run ahead pretending to check his soldiers.

  
After one of those failed attempts to drag him out of sight, Azzura huffed in rage.  
“When I will get a hold on you, Templar…”  
“He’s not a Templar anymore; and what was that? Did he just leave you on dry land?”  
Dorian smirked and summoned a small fire ball at his fingertips. “You want me to _convince_ him that he _should_ come back?”  
She had to laugh at the Tevinter mage. “Maybe I should bind him in his sleep and steal him away. He decided to play hard-to-catch with me. Maybe I deserved it.”  
“That doesn’t sound much like the Commander I know. You changed him.”

  
“What do you mean?”  
“Before your arrival he would stay locked in his tower, running drills with the recruits until they fell on the ground exhausted, and he was always in bad mood. I never saw this part of him before; I like it actually. Or, I liked it until he got smug over defeating me at chess.”  
“He still plays then? We used to play a lot; only Lucas would beat him almost all the time.” – A shadow descended upon Azzura’s happy mood. Dorian noticed it and touched her arm in comfort.  
“What’s wrong?”

  
“Lucas was one of our friends in Kinloch Hold. Whatever you talk to Cullen, please don’t ever mention Lucas or the Circle for that matter. It’s a sensitive spot for him; as it is for me too. I can talk about what happened then, but Cullen is still keeping inside all the pain. Lucas and some of our friends, they died in the uprising with Uldred’s blood mages.”  
“Yes, I have heard about that. It was something my mentor mentioned often; he said that the Southern mages were fools thinking to use blood magic. Ferelden was no Tevinter, they were not prepared.”  
“Do you approve blood magic?” – Azzura’s eyes became cold; Dorian felt a pang of fear at the sudden change he witnessed.

  
“No, I don’t. My father … tried to change me, with blood magic. I can’t forgive him for that” – He took a deep breath looking in distance – “I can’t forgive him for trying to change me, but he is my father still. I still love him and remember the man he was before. What can I do?”  
“My mother loved me until I showed signs of magic. Since that day, she changed. I was the curse in her family. So I stopped caring for her. I miss my father even now; he wanted to ship me to Tevinter or raise me as an apostate; he never wanted me to end up in the Gallows. Who knows? I might be dead now.”- A sad smile showed up on her lips – “It was a Templar with a good heart who saved me for the Gallows. He took me to Ferelden without saying anything to the Kirkwall’s Chantry.”

  
Dorian hesitated a few seconds before asking the next question. “Do you believe that Tevinter can change? For the better I mean. Could they decide that blood magic doesn’t worth and stop practicing?”  
“I don’t think it will be a sudden change, Dorian. It takes time to convince the Magisterium that people, like slaves and those born without the magical gift, are valuable all the same. The Divine is trying to slowly move the boat in that direction, but he can’t do that openly, at least not now.”  
The Tevinter mage was skeptic. “No Divine of my knowing would accept less power than it needs. The late Urian is the proof. Even one of the Lord Seekers was fooled by his so called good doer attitude. They all fall to temptation; sooner or later, Demetrius III will follow the same path. Blood magic is bad, and yet, people will choose this way over others. Mark my words; when this will happen, I hope you will be able to cope with the disappointment. You seem to appreciate the man very much. I don’t know you very well, except that the Commander is quite taken with you, but I know you well enough to understand that your soul is unaltered by greed and power. You tend to give others the same qualities you have; please don’t trust people too much or you might get hurt in the process.”

  
“Demetrius is different. I can’t talk about his past with you, but I assure you that the Shadowhunters checked it. They didn’t let anything slip. Demetrius is reliable; he won’t resort to blood magic.”  
“I have to admit that I don’t know that man so well. I’ve heard Alexius saying that the new Divine was incorruptible due to some indiscretions happened in his own family. Demetrius’ rise to power was a surprise to anyone in Tevinter. What was even more surprising? The Magisterium’s unanimity in his election. Do you know how could that be? The election is behind closed doors and we the lower class, don’t get a saying at all, less knowing all the details.”

  
Azzura fought against the urge to run away. Dorian asked too many questions for his own good. She had answers, but those answers were only for those who would die after hearing them. Five years spent inside the secretive Order allowed her to know everything about the internal politics; the Magisterium’s machinations rivaled with the Great Game in Orlais. Who was a poor player, died. The survivors took the pot and much more. But above all of this there were shadowy figures that watched and took advantage of those secrets and favors they were able to discover or gain. The Shadowhunters lived in the shadow, like their Order’s name. Slowly, they started to shape and change the course of the history in Tevinter. Outside they were just the Divine’s personal guardians and blood mage hunters on occasions. What people ignored was the fact that the Shadowhunters ruled over the Magisterium since the Schism between the Chantries. They were a reminiscence of the old Seekers of the Truth, sworn to protect the people from North against foul magic. While the South Seekers based their power on direct approach, the Shadowhunters liked to use subtlety and subterfuge. Azzura smiled at the thought; Leliana would love being part of the Shadowhunters. She looked at the mage, evaluating him and trying to understand where he fit in the whole picture.

  
After a long pause, Azzura took a decision to reveal one of the most well kept secrets. Only four people knew, Valeria being dead; she was the master mind behind that plan. If something slipped away, Dorian Pavus will be taken care of, discretely.  
“Urian Nihalius was killed. Same death he used for his predecessor; call it the Divine vengeance.”  
Dorian gasped. “You know more, isn’t it? The Shadowhunters killed him?”  
“You are a quick thinker; I don’t know if it is for your own benefit in this case. Yes, we took care of the problem. And we helped convincing the Magisterium that they need to agree to Demetrius’ election.”  
“And you thought that extortion and blackmail work well? What if they plot to overthrow him? And your Order too?”

  
“Don’t take us for fools, Altus Pavus. We know that that could be a possibility; that’s why we stay always vigilant.”  
Dorian scoffed. ”Vigilance. It is not the Warden’s oath? And this goes to another question; you are a Warden, they don’t involve in politics, and yet, you are deep in it. We don’t count that you are also a noble from Ferelden and have ties with King Alistair. Imagine if someone puts all the treads together? They won’t think of you as one of the Shadowhunters or even a Warden, they will jump straight to the King’s throat saying that he sent you to meddle in Tevinter’s politics.”  
“That’s why only a few know my real name. In Tevinter I am known as Azzura Caius.”  
If a demon showed up in that moment, Dorian would have let it approach without even noticing it. “You must be joking!”  
“I’m not, believe me.”  
“It is impossible. Magister Hadrian Caius disappeared forty years ago. He was discredited by the Magisterium because he killed all his slaves!”  
“That was the official accusation, yes. Magister Caius was a Shadowhunter too. He was sent undercover to Kirkwall, to spy. That’s simple as it gets.”  
“All right, I will buy it; you choose a good cover.”  
“It’s not a cover. He was my father.”  
“Maferat’s balls! You can’t be serious!”  
“Yes, I am. He married Revka Amell and I was born from their union. I thought you would ask why I have a Tevene name by now.”  
“Azzura is common in Tevinter and I thought it was an endearment, chosen by your eccentric parents.”  
“My real name is Azzura Solona Amell. When my mother refused to love me for being a mage, I kept only my first name, given by my father.”  
Dorian passed a hand through his hair, bewildered beyond measure. “That’s quite the revelation. So, if you have a seat in the Magisterium, why don’t take it?”  
“I agreed that that is not my calling. The Caius seat will be given to a new family, worthy of it.”  
“So you can be their puppeteer?”  
“No. When I say a worthy family, I say someone we can trust to work with; someone who wants the changes we do, as equals.”  
Saying this she gave him a meaningful look which Dorian failed to comprehend. When he realized, Azzura was riding towards Cullen. The mage shouted after her.  
“You can’t do this to me! I have … plans!”  
Laughing she waved at him over her shoulder. “Think about it! It will be grand!”

* * *

 

Cullen was busy talking to the scouts ahead; Azzura left her eyes wonder over his body. The ex-Templar was well aware of being observed but pretended to be clueless. From her furrowed brow and the slight pout, he could deduce that Azzura was quite at the end of her patience with him. Being desired felt so good.  
They were camped outside Redcliffe and soon the people passing by started to whisper, looking in awe to the Warden Mage.

  
“ _It’s her! I tell you! It’s the Hero, she’s back!”_

  
_“I can’t ask her! You want me to go there and ask?”_

  
_“I remember! I was at the battle of Denerim. She came back with that hair; no one has her hair in Ferelden.”_

  
All the doubts were put to rest when a messenger entered in the camp asking about the Arlessa of Amaranthine. A reluctant Warden- Commander went out of her tent, lips pursed in disagreement.  
“ _And so goes down the hill my anonymous passing by._ ”  
People’s eyes lit in delighted surprise but no one dared to come closer; everyone keeping their distance from the messenger but still in the ear’s shot to be able to hear anything.  
“Yes? How can I help you?”  
“My Lady, Arl Teagan heard about your return and he wanted to invite you to the Castle. He said that I should wait for an answer.”  
Smiling she took the letter and sent the messenger to find something to eat and have a rest before going back to Redcliffe Castle.  
Cullen approached her but didn’t dare to pry; Azzura smiled and broke the sigil, keeping the letter so he could read it too.

 

“ _Your Ladyship,_  
 _The King informed me that the Inquisition is going to Ostagar and you will be with them. I would like to invite you and the Commander of the Inquisition’s Forces to join me for lunch tomorrow. We have plenty to discuss and I would like to express my thanks for the way the Herald provided with restoring my Castle.”_  
 _Teagan Guerrin,_  
 _Arl of Redcliffe”_  
 _PS. Forgive the formality, Alfstanna insisted and I had no other choice. See you tomorrow._ ”

  
“I have to admit; it’s a shame that Leliana couldn’t find you when she needed you. Your relationship with a lot of people would have been invaluable when the Inquisition started. You could have been our leader now.” – Cullen was surprised to read Teagan’s letter and see how he addressed her.  
She fumbled with the letter; it was not easy to open up to him. She still had a lot of things that she couldn’t tell him without being afraid of his reaction. She knew that she had to be honest with him, but the fear of losing him again made her weak, unable to let the words come out.  
Leliana’s words came to mind; _“If you want to have a chance with Cullen, you have to tell him the truth; all of it. He won’t take it lightly if you lie to him again. So, don’t do it, I beg you.”_  
Azzura cupped his cheek, a finger touching his scar tenderly. “I don’t think so. For a long time I wasn’t myself. I had difficulties and the only salvation it was Valeria, the Tevinter Magister. Hiding me in Minrathous it was the best she could do for me.”  
“Why? What happened to you? When?”  
“It’s a long story, Cullen. And if you will hear it, you will hate me. I know it will hurt you, a lot.”  
He tried to deny it but she stopped his words on his lips with a light kiss.  
“Don’t say it. I know you will. You will feel betrayed once again; even if it is in the past right now. I will tell you everything after we return from Redcliffe.”  
He nodded and embraced her, his arms tight around her waist. Azzura inhaled his scent and closed her eyes; content that after all the time spent apart she had the chance to be in his arms again. A small part of her hoped that he will understand her ordeal but that didn’t quell the insecurity that everything might go wrong.

* * *

 

_Denerim, Royal Palace_

 

Alistair sat at his desk and rolled the quill between his fingers. She came back to Ferelden; she will be so close and yet so far from him. He raised his eyes and let them wander around the shelves lined in his personal office. All the small statuettes and coins she gave him while running around Ferelden to save the world, all of them were lined around. He could remember every small moment when she gave him each piece and what she told him.

  
“ _Alistair! For the love of the Gods! You have to give up on that bag; the emissary is at our heels!”_  
 _“No! I won’t! You gave them to me; I can’t let your gifts rot in the Deep Roads!”_  
 _“The stones don’t rot Alistair! Fuck! Moooove!”_  
 _The darkspawn catches up with them, he puts down the bag and jumps straight at the emissary and smites it. Azzura tries to put a barrier on him and Morrigan changes into that horrible spider she’s fond of. Leliana rains arrows on the horde and the other companions just try to not get overwhelmed. And all that because he refused to leave his bag with statuettes behind._  
 _When everything was done he just kissed her and smirked, hugging his precious bag._  
 _“See? The darkspawn won’t have any gifts today; because they were bad kids_.”

  
He loved her so much those days; and she loved him back, he knew it, but the past years and the long distances between them, also the way how he treated her, made them two strangers. Or so he believed until he got her first letter from Highever.  
Her letters were filled with joy and happiness and that humorous talk he loved; she told him that she still loved him, but like a best friend, someone she would care too much to consider only an acquaintance. She said that they had a history together, a history that can’t be so easily forgotten, and he was happy with that. His heart had a new road to pursue, a road that ten years ago he loathed even thinking of it.  
Walking towards the shelves, Alistair opened a secret compartment created especially for the item contained in it. A staff made of silverite, Azzura loved it. It had vines carved along the shaft and on top, a blue gem surrounded by smaller ones. He remembered that when she had it with her it glowed with a frosty aura, now it was spent, but the memory of her using it never faded. It was the Final Reason, she enchanted it many times to raise its power, and with it she defeated the Archdemon. She forgot it when they last met, on top of the Palace; she ran away from him leaving it behind. He kept it all these years, a reminder of his own stupidity and lack of will; and maybe because it was the only thing that belonged to her and having it made him feel her closer.

  
Anora showed up in the doorframe but didn’t dare to enter and disturb him. Her King was in sorrowful mood again; it was some time since she found him like that; the last time she remembered it was before their first real conversation, many years ago. Then, Alistair had his eyes filled with tears and he clutched that mage staff to his chest like it was the last thing in this world keeping him grounded, now he smiled and looked at it with pride and love.  
The Queen sighed, no matter what he believed or did; the Warden had always a special place in her King’s heart. She tried to go away unnoticed but her gown betrayed her making a noise. Alistair turned and smiled, still keeping the staff. That was something new too, because when he got caught before, he tried to hide it away.  
“You’re here. Come in, why did you stopped in the door?”  
“I thought that you need your privacy; or maybe you were trying to discover that you have the magic gift.”  
He looked at the staff and smiled again. “Oh, this is Azzura’s. I was … remembering … things. You know she will be at Ostagar for a while?”  
Anora knew of course, and she was afraid of what will come next.  
“Will … you go to meet her?”  
He took the last letter from the Warden and gave it to Anora. “Read. She has no respect for her King.”

 

_“Alistair,_   
_I know you can’t wait to escape from your palace, but I hereby forbid you to come here. I can’t afford to have the King of Ferelden strolling in the Korkari Wilds with the darkspawn roaming around. I know you would like to see me, and the feeling is mutual; but you have to understand that the closer you are to Orlais; the false Calling could reach to you. I will come to Denerim once we finished our job here, I promise. Don’t roll your eyes to the letter – I know you do it – it’s in our best interests to have you away right now._   
_Send my regards to the Queen._   
_Yours. Azzura.”_   
_PS. As a Warden- Commander of Ferelden I can make it official and order you to stay put.”_

 

Alistair laughed when Anora looked at him with a questioning look.  
“Don’t worry, I replied the way she likes it, and much more. The Arlessa of Amaranthine will have to declare a stand-off.”  
The King took Anora’s hand and dragged her to his chest. “I missed …” – They were interrupted by a cough and a snicker.  
“My-my! You don’t blush anymore. And you feel comfortable around beautiful women. Wynne would be proud of you. ”  
Startled, the couple parted in haste. Alistair kept Anora behind his back, protecting her. When he saw the intruder he relaxed. “Zevran. What took you so long to come? Andraste’s Flaming sword, man!”  
“I was busy with a job given to me by our own Princess of Murder”  
“I hope you don’t say that loud when you talk to Leliana.”  
Smirking, Zevran took a vase with a plant in it; the red flowers gave a heavenly perfume.  
“My beautiful Queen! I brought this all the way from Antiva; just for you. It’s a rare orchid.”  
Anora smiled delighted and gave an appraising look to the strange elf. Zevran winked at her.  
“Hey! Stop your seduction tricks, right now! She is my Queen!”  
“But that doesn’t mean that she is not a woman, no?”  
Anora invited the Antivan to have dinner with both she and the King and left them to their manly business. Later they will start to put in motion their plan to trap an Arl. Also she was giddy with joy because Alistair said that she was his Queen and marked his territory. Maybe there was hope yet.


	15. Past and present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait but the life got in the way !

Cullen watched with interest the paintings and statues lined on and near the walls of the main Hall of the Redcliffe Castle, residence of the new Arl, Teagan Guerrin. The last time the Herald was in this estate, things were rather murky and grim; Trevelyan was dragged against his will in a future that gave the Commander shivers only thinking of it. The Inquisitor’s luck was Dorian who helped him coming back.  
Maxwell told to his Inner Circle what would happen if the Elder One won; failure was not an option. The Inquisition and their Herald had to win the battle if they wanted to yet live to see the next year. Cullen wasn’t present when the King, a very angry Alistair Theirin and his Queen, Anora Mac Tir came in this Castle and told the mages to pack their toys and be out of Ferelden. The Herald, full of heavenly mercy offered them asylum and an allegiance on top of that, letting Cullen to pluck his hair and have many sleepless nights thinking how to protect mages from the people and people from the mages.

  
He was mad at Maxwell and both had a clash of words; each one accusing the other of being utterly stupid. The Herald told him to get his head out of the sand and see the bigger picture; that was not Kirkwall and blood mages again and added that if he wanted to be an ex-Templar it was the time to act like one. On his side, Cullen pointed out that Trevelyan served in the Chantry and never stepped into a Circle and had to deal with mages; at that Maxwell laughed and told the Commander that he would like to introduce him to his sister. That news silenced the Commander and Cullen had to declare a respite in their heated discussion. And there was Cassandra ....

* * *

 

“ _You forgot how everything went to shit in Kirkwall? Wait, you were not there; you were in Ostwick, guarding the Chantry! … Herald.”_  
 _Maxwell glared at the Commander and replied between gritted teeth. “Yes, I was and what with it? I have a sister who is a mage and I always worry for her wellbeing; I stay awake at night fearing that they will come to my door and tell me that she became an abomination or set the Circle on fire; but that doesn’t mean that I look at her like to some kind of monster …”_  
 _Cullen was exasperated. Why did people always assume that he thought that mages were monsters? It was true that once he believed it, but not anymore. It made him angry and sad in the same time to realize that he and Maxwell had more in common that they believed and the Herald would just accuse him of being blind._  
 _“I am not that man anymore! Would you understand this or not, it’s only your problem. I was just saying that the mages are susceptible to possession; the Breach is too close to Heaven; demons run amok and you want to unleash a horde of mages without proper surveillance, to the Temple? Not all of them are strong enough to oppose the temptations! You never attended a Harrowing to see how they come back!”_  
 _Maxwell balled his fists stopping an inch close to his Commander’s nose. “Maybe I didn’t; for an ex-Templar, you definitely act like you still are under your Knight- Commander’s orders.” – Leliana and Josephine gasped when Cullen yanked Maxwell by his shirt’s collar. Josie hid behind Leliana’s smaller frame, eyes wide open in horror._  
 _A loud bang and a shout startled both Templars. Cassandra, hit the war table with both hands and yelled. “Enough! I don’t want to hear another word from both of you!’_  
 _Both men blushed like children and Cullen spluttered. “I’m sorry, Cassandra. It’s my entire fault; the Herald was only making a point here.”_  
 _“Of course, the point where our Commander thinks that he still lives in Kirkwall.”_  
 _Cullen growled. “I was trying to excuse myself! You are a Templar like me …” – he didn’t finished his sentence when an uncomfortable heat spread through his veins; from what he could see, Maxwell felt the same uneasiness._  
 _They turned only to see Cassandra spewing flames from her eyes, not quite literally but her eyes were glowing an intense blue._  
 _“Since you bring up an old chain of command, let alone one that has no place in the Inquisition, remember that I am a Seeker.”_  
 _Cullen and Maxwell shifted on their feet. “Can you please stop what you’re doing? It’s not funny.”_  
 _“I think you both need a good tension release. Follow me to the training grounds. Now!” – She stopped with the hand on the door knob and looked at the two men again. “If I ever see you fighting like this again, I will get really mad.”_  
 _Maxwell sighed then grinned at Cullen. “You don’t want to see her mad, trust me. The training dummies don’t live to fight another day.”_

* * *

 

Cullen smiled thinking back at those days. The situation with the mages was not so dire how he imagined and both factions adapted quite well to their new roles. The mages gained more respect after they helped to close the Breach and proved that they can set guidelines for their own. Sometimes there were clashes between Templars and Mages but everything was solved in matter of minutes; they were the Inquisition now and they had to learn to trust and work with each other. Overall, Cullen was happy with how the things went until now ; he found a new purpose in life, he tried to break the lyrium leash – it was difficult but he was determined to have it done – and on top of all things, his first and ever loved woman returned to him.

  
In the past months he began to discover more about Azzura and was pleased to realize that she still loved the things she used to; Cullen rolled his eyes, gossip was one of them, the second came shoes and dresses. He had the feeling that her obsession with those came from Leliana. He didn’t even count the books; those were an incurable disease she had.  
He was so lost in thought, that he didn’t hear her stopping behind him. Startled, he turned only to bump in a stack of boxes.  
“Maker’s breath! What are those?”  
“Boxes? With gifts?”  
Cullen narrowed his eyes, suspiciously. “Did the Arl open a shop or something?”  
“No! These are the gifts from the servants. Everyone was so happy to see me again and they decided that I would like some trinkets and other wonderful items.”

  
An elven girl came and asked Azzura if they would like to follow her; Arl Teagan was profoundly ashamed that he made them to wait all that time. Cullen prepared a small speech of greeting in his mind when his ears picked up the most ridiculous and horrible faked orlesian accent he ever heard.  
“Teee- agaaannn!”  
The Commander froze on spot; the sound came from Azzura who was flying towards a man, supposedly the Arl.  
Teagan let out a hearty laugh and embraced the woman swopping on him.  
“Really! You have a way to make me hate my own name.” – Teagan kissed Azzura’s hand affectionately. “It’s nice to see you again.” – She gave him an inquiring glance, with a large grin. – “No, Isolde is not here. She’s off to Orlais to visit her parents I suppose.”

  
So entranced was he to observe the two grown adults regressed to a childish behavior that Cullen didn’t took notice of a petite woman stopping right in front of him.  
“Commander Rutherford, it’s an honor to have you here. I am Alfstanna, Bann of the Waking Sea.” – Cullen found himself ogling at the Bann’s generous bosom; unfortunately the Lady understood where his eyes went by mistake and winked wickedly. The Commander blushed all the way to his hair’s roots and cleared his throat, trying to find his voice.  
“Ahem, it’s nice to meet you my Lady. I … um … you look lovely.” – Alfstanna took pity on the flustered man and turned to look at the other couple. Teagan and Azzura were snickering in background, oblivious to their surroundings. Teagan’s bride to be caught their attention and linking her arm on Cullen’s followed the Arl to the dining room.

  
Finally the Arl extended his hand to Cullen who shook it shortly, surprising him with its firmness and the strength of a warrior. Teagan had to apologize for not acknowledging him earlier.  
“By the assassin look my fiancée gives me, I understand that I have made a faux pass Commander. Please accept my apologies.”  
“No need your Grace. To be honest I was preparing a formal speech but I was interrupted by the worst orlesian accent ever.” – His eyes went to Azzura – “I think you would be the Season’s attraction at the Winter Palace, my dear.”  
“Or maybe they would execute her on spot, Hero or no Hero. Anyhow, I am glad that you both could make it. Commander, I am sorry if my letters to the Inquisition sounded too harsh but you have to understand; being thrown out from my own land by Tevinter thugs, is not nice. However I have to say my thanks to the Inquisition for fixing things.”  
“No need to apologize my Lord; we had to help with reconstruction efforts since we benefited from having the mages as allies.”

  
Afstanna smiled at her fiancée. “Of course, the Arl took every advantage he got; he built more watching towers and reinforced the walls. Maker forbids if we have another crazy man trying to take over this fortress. By the way, Commander; I would like to talk with you about my Bannorn’s support for the Inquisition. We can’t offer soldiers but I think we have other ways to help. My ships can offer transport on the trading routes to Antiva and Rivain or Kirkwall and Ostwick. I also can provide supplies and fresh food for the troupes stationed in Crestwood and the Storm Coast.”  
Cullen’s eyes light up with appreciation. “I would be honored to discuss these opportunities with you, My Lady. Your offer is more than welcome. However, if I may ask; you didn’t mention Starkheaven in your offer.”

  
“Prince Vael made it clear that we are not welcome any more on his shores. Since our King decided to give asylum to all mages, those who fled Kirkwall included, Starkheaven is not in good relations with Ferelden. Not that his Majesty cries over the lost alliance.”  
Teagan took a sip of wine and added. “Unfortunately the Prince found out that Alistair is good friend with the Champion and he might have helped her flee Kirkwall.”  
Azzura, who until then was listening with interest, asked the obvious question. “In doing so he made the prince an enemy. Did the Queen agreed with his decision?”  
“Anora agreed actually. To be honest, I don’t know what is going on; Alistair tamed her quite well.’  
The Warden chocked with the wine. “What? The Ice Queen tamed? By Alistair?”  
“There are a lot of things you don’t know yet, my dear.” – Alfstanna took pleasure in Azzura’s confusion. “I could tell you some of the intrigues going on in Denerim.”  
“Oh, Maker! Your lady loves gossip too?” – Cullen groaned over his food.

Teagan laughed, understanding for the Commander’s pain shared on his face. “Trust me, sometimes I think to send Alfstanna to Orlais as an Ambassador. I am not fond of the Game but she would excel in it.”  
The lunch went on for hours, Azzura and Cullen enjoying their host’s company. Cullen was not fond of the nobles but the Arl and his wife-to-be was a different sort of breed. Now he understood Azzura’s appreciation for the man and began to believe all the stories she told him about the Arl’s courage and love for his own people. Alfstanna was intelligent and beautiful, Cullen found it a deadly combination and he was glad to talk about the Inquisition with her. He felt giddy; if he reached an accord with the lady over her previous offer, he will stun Josie with his diplomatic prowess; and every time the Ambassador will accuse him of being utterly blunt with the nobles he would be happy to remind her about Bann Alfstanna and how well he behaved.

  
Later, Cullen, Teagan and Alfstanna moved to the Arl’s office and Azzura decided to take a walk around the Castle. Without realizing, her steps took her down the dungeons.  
The old passage was cleaned and the doors repaired; it was a different sight compared with what she found there twelve years ago. Then, the tunnels were filled with undead and pools of blood, cobwebs and skittering bugs and other horrors; and later she found him, the reason of all her misfortunes and why she was there in the first place.

* * *

 

_“Ugh! Of all the places where I could fight undead why it had to be here?” Zevran cleaned a cobweb from his hair shaking his hand in disgust. “My dear Warden, you know I follow you everywhere, but this place is worse than the Crows’ prison.”_   
_“Even the Arl’s kennels were cleaner than this Maker forsaken pit.” – Alistair said, bashing with his shield something that was once a servant. – “At this point I have to ask if he ever knew that he had dungeons under his castle.”_   
_“’Tis more intriguing that the Wilds. Mother never let me study these creatures.” – Morrigan let a fireball go loose, watching with glee how the undead hit by it went in flames._   
_“What I am more interested to find out is who taught them to hold a sword?” – Sten took a heavy blow on the side when one of the creatures went head on to attack him. The big Qunari grunted at the impact but then grabbed it by its head and threw it over a wall. The ghoul went limp with a noise of crushed bones._   
_“I should have stayed in Lothering!” – Leliana complained in background unleashing a rain of arrows in front of their party._   
_“Then you would anger the Maker; you said he sent you here.” – Alistair couldn’t hold his tongue; the Sister and her crazy “the Maker talks to me” propaganda made him wonder how sane she was._   
_“Besides, Lothering was overrun with darkspawn. You Maker did you a favor.” – Morrigan added with a smile._   
_Amell laughed and shook her head in denial. She was surrounded by crazy people but she loved them very much. They were her friends now, her new family. Casting more barriers over the warriors, she put the bad thoughts in a corner of her mind. It wasn’t the time to cry over what it was before. They had an Arl to save._   
_“Hey! Is someone there? Help me!” – The voice came from one of the cells ahead of them._   
_“Looks like someone down here still can talk like a normal person. There is still hope.” – Azzura didn’t hear Zevran stating the obvious, intent in listening the voice. Suddenly she went still. It couldn’t be, and yet her ears didn’t betrayed her, it was a voice she hoped she will never hear for a while._   
_When they finally arrived at the door, a man dressed in a mage’s robes, filthy and with his hair in disorder, his hands clenched on the bars holding him inside, jumped with eyes filled with hope._   
_“Thank the Maker you are here! I th …” – The words died on his lips when he saw Amell. The girl closed her hands over the staff’s shaft, trembling with anger barely kept in check. Her voice was like the coldest wind in winter when she replied back._   
_“Jowan. How small is the world, isn’t it?”_   
_“Amell? What are you doing here?” – She didn’t answer, turning instead towards her party._   
_“Can you people go ahead and clear the last rooms before we enter the courtyard? I will catch up with you shortly.”_   
_Alistair gave her an inquisitive look and holds his ground. “No way, you are coming with us; right now.”_   
_“Alistair, please! I need some time alone with this excuse of a mage.” – Her voice broke just a bit before gaining back her self-control. “I will be all right, but you will have to go away. All of you.”_   
_Zevran and Sten gave her a knowing look and she understood that they knew; she nodded at Zevran and the assassin dragged Alistair behind him, followed by the Qunari._   
_“’Twould’ be better if I stay. I will keep an eye on her.” – Morrigan crossed her arms and looked defiantly at her leader._   
_“I will too. If we need help, I will come to warn you.”_   
_Azzura played with her staff, never looking to were Jowan was closed. “It is up to you; don’t ever say I never warned you.” – Then turning to her once friend, she spat. “Between me and you, vermin. What are you doing here? It is ironic that with all the talk you had about how you would like to be free, I find you here, locked in a dungeon infested with monsters.”_   
_“I was locked by the Arl’s guards. They … they believe that I have something to do with his illness.”_   
_“Do you?”_   
_“I swear! It wasn’t my fault! I wanted only to be free and he promised me to help me flee Ferelden!”_   
_“Who promised you that?” – She hit the bars, hard. Jowan flinched and drew back, eyes wide in shock._   
_“I… gave the Arl a potion; it supposed to only incapacitate him. To keep him away from the army! I swear, I never knew what will happen!”_   
_“The undead attacking Redcliffe, all these people changed into monstrosities; are they your handiwork?”_   
_“N..no. It’s the Arl’s son. When he showed signs of magic, his mother called me to teach him how to hide it.”_   
_Azzura’s head reeled with horror at what she was hearing. Behind her, Morrigan shook her head in wonder and Leliana gapped, clutching her bow._   
_“So let me understand better: you came here trying to help a child to hide his magic, poisoned the Arl and in doing so you condemned an entire country to enter a civil war. On top of that you have the wits to pretend that it wasn’t your fault?”_   
_“I wanted to be free! I saw an opportunity and I took it! You can’t blame me!’_   
_Azzura shivered, trying to keep calm and concentrate on what she was hearing._   
_“Blaming you? I suppose it wasn’t your fault what happened to me, to Cullen, Irving and Greagoir? I suppose it isn’t your fault that I had to leave without saying goodbye to him? To all our friends? You blackmailed me, you piece of dirt! I always asked myself why you choose me to force, to help you escaping. Why not Petra? Neria? They were mages too!”_   
_A smirk showed on Jowan’s face. “Because I hated you! You were Irving’s favorite apprentice; people were talking about you like you were to be the next First Enchanter. You had everything you wanted and I just wanted to be free. I didn’t cared about you; you could have kept your Templar and your illusion of a comfortable life in the Tower; but when I saw that Lily won’t help me escape for the coward she was, I had to find another way. Petra and Neria would have spilled everything to their lovers and then they would have made me Tranquil even without the old man’s approval. On the other hand, you were so protective of your Templar that I thought you wouldn’t let anything happen to him.”_   
_An evil grin appeared on Amell’s face: “You got the wrong person there. No one blackmails me, not over Cullen’s fate.” – A ball of lightning escaped her fingertips and hit Jowan in the chest. His eyes filled with terror when he realized that the woman he saw in front of him was someone he never knew._   
_Coughing and breathing heavily, Jowan sneered. “Let your anger show, demons can’t wait for such a nice prey.”_   
_Azzura laughed derisively. “Life outside the Circle Tower taught me several things; and if you have payed attention to the Demonology classes, instead of annoying us with your lame jokes, you would have understood that demons are more complex than you think. A demon will try to have a hold on you only if it will give it more than a little Tower to control. A demon needs a purpose, needs something to hold on. I have nothing to hold on; I don’t hold anyone responsible of what happened, except you.”_   
_She made a sign with her fingers and the door made of iron bars froze; then she sent a Stonefist to it and shattered the frozen frame to pieces._   
_“Get out. I don’t want to see you again; because if I will, you won’t live to tell it.”_   
_She motioned to the other women to follow her and turned her back to Jowan. Behind her the traitor who once was her friend, bended down and gathered a sharp piece of metal, remnant from the broken door._   
_Morrigan saw Azzura smiling, eyes cold. Then, they heard Jowan spoke: “You always had more than me, but I am better now.” – In saying so, he slit one of his wrists but the blood had no time to drop on the ground because Azzura turned back and hit him with another Stonefist sending him flying in a mound of dirt. She never said a word, she never stood to think of what she was doing; everything she did was just an impulse of the moment. Morrigan watched her carefully, Leliana remained rooted in place. Amell let a powerful Lightning Chain fly towards Jowan, incinerating him on the spot. After that she called a breeze of wind and dispersed the little pile of ashes which once was her friend._   
_She didn’t talk, just started to walk ahead, Morrigan and Leliana in tow._   
_The lay sister finally broke the silence. “Why did you do that? You killed him with cold blood. I don’t recognize you!”_   
_Morrigan looked at Leliana and her golden eyes dug in the core of her soul. “If you never had a close friend who betrayed you, making you lose everything you had before, then I wish you never know the pain of such thing.”_   
_Leliana stood quiet and lowering her eyes continued to follow the Warden. “No one has to know what happened here. It’s better this way.”_

* * *

 

Azzura was brought to present by a hand on her shoulder. Startled, she turned and saw Cullen’s worried eyes.  
“What are you doing here?”  
“One of the servants saw you coming here. Are you all right? You look like you saw a ghost.”  
She smiled sadly. “In a certain way, I did. Come on, let’s get out of here.”  
“ _She killed a man for you, with cold blood.”_ – Leliana’s words rang in his mind. This was the place where she killed Jowan. For some reason he had to know why, what made her kill one of her friends; the Azzura he knew wouldn’t have killed even a spider on the Tower’s walls, let alone a person; even if that person was a blood mage.  
“You killed Jowan here, isn’t it? Why did you do it?”  
She avoided his eyes but didn’t seem upset. “Leliana told you.”  
“Yes. I think it escaped her; when you were sick, she told me that you did it for me.”  
“I did it for every person he hurt with his actions. Feel free to judge me if you want.”  
In the center of Redcliffe, when she was looking at the Warden’s Memorial, he discovered that sometimes the truth is not so clear how it appears to be.


	16. Face your nightmares

The journey to Ostagar was almost to its end. Azzura looked around her, taking in all the changes made by the human hands and the nature’s stubbornness. The Blight scarred the landscape and the passing of the horde destroyed villages, towns and farms. Entire forests were deprived by their trees and the lakes became pools of poisoned mud. Today, small villages dotted the hills and valleys, crops of corn, wheat and cotton spread along the road. Azzura was amazed to see those places populated and her worry grew when she thought at the consequences what the blighted plants could have if people didn’t payed attention.  
The awe stamped on her face didn’t escaped unnoticed by the company of soldiers; one of the men approached and bowed.

  
“My lady, you seem really surprised to see these places again.”  
“It’s true. This shouldn’t be possible, the lands are still blighted; takes generations to heal them. The Western Approach never healed after the second Blight; although it’s true that is still infested with the darkspawn and it will never have the chance to recover.”

  
“They do, indeed “– The soldier replied with a smile – “But we had help. It seems that lately, people began to forget their prejudices and superstitions in time of need. Some of the people in Skyhold lived in this area, I have heard stories. After word of the Archdemon’s defeat reached all Thedas, entire parts of the forests and landscapes touched by the Blight began to burn, apparently without any reason. The lakes also boiled for days and huge chunks of earth turned upside down. They say there were earthquakes before that. No one dared to approach these areas of the Wilds for years but the Dalish and Chasind tribes arrived here two years or so and found out that the land was healed. Not entirely mind me, but enough to make it survivable. That’s why we still need the Wardens and we need a permanent garrison stationed in Ostagar.”

  
Azzura nodded thoughtfully. “You’re right. The Wardens can sense if there is danger from roaming darkspawn but also they can tell which spots are still infected. I promise that once I get some sense in my own Wardens and put some order around here, we will begin patrolling and I will definitely think of that permanent outpost.”  
“I know it sounds crazy and unbelievable that the land healed. Many say that it was the magic practiced by these clans’ apostates; other people say that the Bride of the Maker came here after you found the Sacred Urn. There are even those who say that the Witch of the Wilds once lived here and it was she the one who started the healing process.” – The man shrugged – “No one knows for sure; it was magic? It was something else? People don’t care, they are grateful that they can return to their birthplaces and they don’t say no, to such a gift.”

  
“I hope that everything will go up the hill from now on. Since the majority of the skirmishes between the mages and the Templars were put to an end, the Hinterlands should start rebuilding and thrive. Maker knows the people need that.”  
“Thank you My Lady for listening to me, to my companions, to everybody. You have our gratitude for what you have done for us and what you still continue to do. You are our Hero.” – The soldier retired with a salute and left Azzura with her thoughts.

  
They made camp in a tree opening, near the main road. It was the last stop before their destination. After she settled her own tent, Azzura and the few other women went to clean up in a nearby stream, away from prying eyes. She opened her senses to the Taint but she could feel nothing. That was good news after all; no dangers lurking in the darkness.  
When she returned back to the camping site she made her way towards Varric and Dorian feeling ashamed for almost ignoring them all day.

* * *

 

The dwarf cleaned his crossbow with able hands and she could swear that he was almost caressing the weapon in his lap.  
“Varric, you really need a woman to use those hands on.” – The archer stopped with the cloth he used to clean Bianca, in mid-air.  
“They all want my chest hair, not my hands. It should be you working on getting Curly out of his tent; he closed himself there since we arrived.”  
Dorian who stood on a nearby rock agreed. “I don’t know if he is mopping around or he is just tired, but you should check up on him.”  
Worried, Azzura had to give up on catching up with the two men and made a bee line to where Cullen had set up his tent.  
Behind her Varric smirked at Dorian: “You made it sound far worse than it looks like.”

  
“They need to spend more time together, they need to talk.”  
“But they are talking. This trip brought them closer, they warmed up to each other and Curly is not so stiff around her like he was when she arrived.”  
“True; but there is something in his eyes every time he looks at her and when she leaves, he has that look, I don’t know; like a scared puppy?”  
Varric barked a laugh. “Don’t let the Commander hear you saying that. You might lose more than a few chess games to him. But yeah, I know what you mean. I saw that look often, when Fenris left Hawke the first time. He came back in his senses after a few years, but it took Hawke a lot of time to forget that he left her. I think is the same with our Commander. The Hero left him and now she is back and wants to reconcile, put back together what they had before. It won’t be easy, he will always be wary around her; being afraid that she might leave again.”  
“So, how we fix this?”  
“We can’t. It’s up to them and how she will commit herself to him. He will need a reassurance and I bet it will be a pricey one.”

* * *

 

Stopping in front of the tent, Azzura asked in a hushed voice. “Cullen? Can I come in?”  
After a small pause, he replied back. “Yes, of course.”  
In the dim light of a candle she could see that the Commander was out of his armor and lay on his cot, eyes closed. She kneeled and gently moving away the arm covering his eyes, she whispered. “Cullen, are you all right?”  
“Not quite. I have a headache.”  
Gently she checked his forehead for fever and found it a bit sweaty at the touch. Without saying a word she got up and went to find a bowl with fresh water.  
He tried to stop her: “It’s all right, it will be gone soon. You don’t have to worry.”  
Smiling, she dipped a cloth in the water and then washed his face. “You know I can’t do that. I can’t see you like this. I will always worry for you and you can’t stop me.”  
He looked at her and chuckled: “You were the stubborn apprentice once. I should remember that.”  
“Oh, well; good for you and keep it in mind. It is the withdrawal, isn’t it? And I hear you don’t sleep all night as you should. A guard was thanking you for taking his morning shift.”  
“I … can’t sleep too much. Not an entire night, that’s it.”

  
She took a deep breath and gently brushed the curls from his eyes. “Cullen, it’s not healthy for you. Do you want me to give you a sleep potion? Or I could put you to sleep under a spell if it doesn’t bother you.”  
“No sleep potions. I don’t want to become addicted to them either and you can’t cast even the faintest mage light right now, less putting me to sleep. My sleep deprivation is not because I can’t sleep … “– He stopped, afraid that he said already too much.  
“But?” – She found the opening and she took in, of course she would.  
When he didn’t spoke, she insisted. “Cullen? Why?”  
“I … have nightmares.”

  
She was taken aback. “Nightmares? Are you afraid of nightmares?”  
He scowled at her. “It’s not funny. I … “– She raised an eyebrow, lips curved in a mocking smile. “Yeeees? Go on?”  
Huffing, he admitted defeat. “Yes, I am afraid of nightmares; so what?”  
“I have nightmares too, Cullen. During the Blight it was awful. Often, I and Alistair woke up the entire party with our screams; the insults Morrigan was throwing at us. I have them even now; dreams about darkspawn, the Deep Roads and many other awful things. I learned to control them. It’s difficult in the beginning, but once you know what they are and why they come, a nightmare can be a nice entertainment. For me, at least.” – He looked at her like she suddenly grew two heads.

  
“You are serious! Unfortunately my dreams are different, they are not normal nightmares. I have them since … the Kinloch Hold. I …” – He closed his eyes soothed by her fingers in his hair. “… Dream about a desire demon.” – Her fingers trembled- “It has your face, or Hawke’s or Meredith’s; and they are taunting me and sometimes they torture me or you or Hawke; depends on its mood I suppose.”  
“I see.”  
“You can’t do anything about them. I will have to live like I did until now.” – His resigned voice hurt her more than she thought possible.  
“It’s not true. You can do something about your dreams, and I will help you. There are techniques that allow you to control your dreams, ways to subdue your fear. Takes time learning, but I am here.”  
He took her hand in his and looked worried in her eyes. “You talk about trying to control the Fade, bending it to your will? Like the dreamers? It’s dangerous.”

  
“I don’t talk about controlling other people’s minds. What we were taught in the Circle about _somniari_ , it’s true; with a certain extent. The “dreamers”, how they are called in Southern Thedas, are very rare in our days. Even in Tevinter, people fear them. They are born with the power to influence people through their dreams; it’s not something every mage can do. The controlled dreaming only allows you to sleep safely and keep your fear in check. I was saved by this technique; Valeria, the Tevinter magister taught me. I left Amaranthine in a sorry state of mind; a lot happened after the battle to save Vigil’s Keep and the city. When after almost two year battling my inner self and the nightmares, I fled to Cumberland, there she found me.”  
“What dreams? You said that the darkspawn dreams were something all Wardens have.”

  
She smiled sadly. “A rage demon.”  
“Oh Maker! Are you … did you … how?”  
Azzura laughed when he started to check her eyes, hands and every part of her body he could reach. “Cullen, I’m fine. We got rid of it. I defeated it in the Fade. Now, they are just keeping away, they are afraid of me talking them to death. I am strong, but I wasn’t like this once. Going to Tevinter saved my life and my mind.”  
“You said we. Did she help you defeat it? She entered in your dream?”  
“Yes. But I had only her support; I had to fight it alone. That’s how you defeat demons at the Harrowing too.”  
“Can you enter other people’s dreams too?”  
“Takes a lot of meditation before going to sleep, but yes; if there is need, I can. And no, I can’t do other things than talk. Now I scared you, did I?” – He didn’t dare to look at her.

“Not exactly. It will take me a while to get used to you knowing things that were forbidden in the Circle, that’s all.”  
“Thank you, Cullen. Please believe me when I say that I wouldn’t hurt you. Now sleep.”  
Saying this, she curled against his chest and covered both with the kilt.  
“You want to sleep here? What … it’s not right … people will talk.”  
“Cullen, they are already talking; about why we are sleeping in different tents!” Sleep, Templar!”  
He grumbled: “I’m not a Templar anymore.”  
“If you say so; but you still are my Templar.”  
Despite still feeling a little shaken with her revelations, Cullen sighed contently and closed his eyes.

* * *

 

She couldn’t breathe, that was obvious when she was pulled forcibly from the Fade were she was having an interesting conversation with a Spirit of Wisdom. When Azzura opened her eyes, she saw that the chocking was real, what she couldn’t believe that it was real, it was the person trying to suffocate her.  
Cullen had both hands on her throat and mumbled unintelligible words, eyes lost in his nightmare.  
“ _Well, that escalated quickly. Want me to push him back?_ ” - The Guardian’s worried voice rang in her mind.

  
“ _Not if I can help it. He would be scared if you use magic on him while he is in this state of mind. Witty, try to not let me die suffocated, it would be preposterous.”_  
“ _Do you know that this is the third time he tries to choke you? And he didn’t even apologize for the last time._ ” – The Spirit of Endurance added her dry humor, meanwhile reinforcing Azzura to resist Cullen’s strong hands.  
If she could she would have laughed at her spirit companions but she was busy shaking a delirious Templar out of his dream.  
“Cullen, it’s me! Wake up, honey.” – Her strangled voice tried to get to him without any result. With her hands free, she shook him but that made him squeeze harder. In the end, the need of air prevailed, so she slapped him, hard.

  
Bewildered he jumped from the cot and looked around, slowly regaining awareness of his surroundings.  
Horror dawned on him when he saw Azzura breathing heavily and massaging her neck.  
“Maker’s Breath! Are you all right?” – Still unable to speak, she just nodded.  
He tried to rise on his feet but she kept him down. “Where are you going?”

  
“Where I am going? I just tried to kill you! You should be the one running away from me.” – He lowered his head in shame – “I should have told you that it’s not a good idea to sleep in the same bed with me, not when I am like this.”  
Gently, she rose and pushed him back on the bed, taking off his hands the piece of armor he was trying to put on.  
“It’s not your fault. I knew that this would be a possibility. I almost burned Valeria’s house once.” – He was still having difficulty understanding why she was putting him to bed again. “I should be up. I can’t sleep anymore.”

  
“No, you don’t. That’s why you are so tired; you go out after you have a nightmare instead of sleeping again.”  
She took his hands and cradled them above her heart. “You won’t have another dream. What was about this one? Why did you try to attack my copy?”  
“The demon impersonated you, after the Circle fell and was saying that I didn’t deserve you and I was boring you, that’s why you left. I was just a toy to you and you had no idea how to get rid of me.”  
Cullen was sad. The demon knew that it was exactly what he was thinking at that time, and maybe deep down in his soul he still believed it.

  
Azzura cradled his head on her chest and leaned against one of the pillars sustaining the tent.  
“Oh, sweet Cullen, I am so sorry. All this time you thought I didn’t loved you enough to stay with you.”  
He hugged her waist and whispered. “Then why you left?”


	17. Twisted Fate

_Kinloch Hold – 9.30 Dragon,_

_Azzura Amell, excelling mage in everything except healing magic was having a really bad day. First, she missed breakfast – not that she complained then, Cullen kept her busy almost all night – later on, in the middle of Hex Theory classes, her stomach started to complain loudly and Anders had to be an ass and made crude jokes about why she was so hungry. Petra had a fight with one of the older mages and she had to be the middle woman; and the dinner was only half hour away but for her seemed ages. So, Amell – illustrious pupil of First Enchanter Irving- decided to go sneak up in the larder and try to find something to eat but her luck was nowhere today. She slipped on a grease spot and now she stood in the Infirmary with Wynne healing her blooded knee._

  
_If Wynne could just heal her, but no! The old granny had to heal and talk in the same time explaining to the poor mage why she should give more attention to Spirit Magic or at least basic healing in general._   
_After countless “yes Wynne!” and “you’re right, of course”, Azzura headed up to the library to see if Cullen was there. Lately the Knight- Commander had the habit to make fun of them both, assigning them to the most surreal tasks. This week, Cullen was in library duty in the morning shift and she was offered the important task of doing the laundry inventory._   
_Without he could notice, the Knight- Commander did her and Cullen a favor; in his off- duty evenings he snuck down to the laundry room and up on the balcony they went. Azzura took the opportunity to conceal even better the door going on the rooftop._

  
_And why was Irving looking so smug when she arrived late at the breakfast?_   
_Lost in thought, she bumped into another mage. Azzura rolled her eyes, Jowan was always in the wrong place at the wrong time but never there when they needed him. Her friends said that he was distracted lately; still she couldn’t give a dime because Jowan made her walk on thin ice when it came to reveal secrets in his presence. The boy had something that didn’t sound quite right to her._

* * *

  
_“What do you want Jowan?” – When he opens the mouth to speak, she cut him off- “And stops pestering me about the Harrowing. You know that I can’t tell you about it. You will have to find out by yourself sooner or later.”_   
_“Not if they made me Tranquil.” – She rolled her eyes – “Not this again. I told you; no one is going to make you Tranquil. They want to give everyone a chance. Your time will come, I’m sure of it.”_   
_“But when? You could help me; you can go in the old man’s room and you could look in his papers for me.”_   
_Now she was really annoyed with the boy. “Once again; I said no.”_   
_“But why? I thought you are my friend!”_

  
_“I am; but what you are asking for is an act of treason. I won’t betray First Enchanter’s trust for you. And stop calling him old man.”_   
_Jowan stood pensive for a few second then he grabbed Azzura’s hand. “All right. Forget about my Harrowing. I have to tell you a secret.”_   
_She let herself be dragged on the hallways until they reached the Chapel._   
_“You want to pray? Since when?”_   
_“No, I want you to meet someone.” – Then he pointed to a girl with black hair cut short to her shoulders, dressed in Chantry robes of an initiate. – “She’s Lily.”_   
_Something in his voice set her on the edge. “Jowan, tell me that is not what I think it is!”_

  
_“Why not? You and the other mages can have trysts with the Templars and I can’t love a Chantry initiate?”_   
_If Andraste herself would come down from her pedestal right then, Azzura wouldn’t have noticed. The initial shock of finding about Jowan and that Lily was forgotten once he said those words to her. She gulped down the bile and closed her hands in front of her; the desire to hit the stupid boy in the face was too big._   
_“Jowan? I never thought you would descend so low as throwing back at us the few moments of happiness we can find here in the Tower. And if you wanted to be with Lily, you could keep your secret; no one has to know; I won’t tell.”_

  
_The girl, who until then was hiding behind Jowan’s back, spoke for the first time. A bit too whiny, maybe. “We won’t be ever happy like you are. We don’t like to live in fear of being caught.”_   
_“We decided to escape.” – Jowan blurted out daring Azzura to comment._   
_“I think I must sit.” – And she wasn’t joking. Amell let herself fall on the nearest bench and propped her head on the column nearby. This day couldn’t get worse._   
_Rubbing her eyes, she looked up to the two twits._   
_“I hope there is no one around to hear us, for your sake and mine. Have you any ideas of what are you thinking?” – Her voice dropped to a whisper – “You can’t escape the Tower!”_   
_“Anders did.”_

  
_“Yeah, five times. And now he is back. What does this suggest? Jowan, stop being a dumbass and think a minute. You are an apprentice and they would find you easier than an accomplished mage like Anders. Do you even know how the life is out there? Where will you go? Let’s assume that you manage to get so far.”_   
_“Tevinter or Nevarra. I’ve heard the nevarrans are not so unkind towards the apostates.”_

  
_“You’ve heard. Because of a hearsay, you try to escape and not alone. The Chantry will be at your back even before the Templars get to you. You basically steal a Chantry initiate who broke her vows!”_   
_“I never wanted to be a sister! My parents decided for me! And your Cullen and the other Templars broke their vows too!”- Lily’s wailing sounded like a scratch of nails on a window._   
_“They never took vows of chastity, Lily. You did. You could have said that you don’t want to be a sister and yet, you allowed them to initiate you.”_   
_Surprised that she was even discussing this insanity, Azzura got up and walked towards the entrance._   
_“I don’t even know why I am here listening to your stupid ideas. I’m sorry Jowan, you better forget about this talk; like I will, once I will be out of this door. Is the least I can do for you.”_   
_She made it to the door when felt Jowan’s hand keeping her elbow. “I haven’t done with you yet.”_

  
_Azzura’s mouth fell open. Her so called friend lost all that faked sweetness and now revealed himself for what he was. His eyes shone with glistening hate and his voice made her reel back in disgust._   
_“I want you to help me get out from here. If you don’t, I might let slip around that you are fucking that lame Templar of yours.”_   
_Azzura slapped him with all the force she could master. Jowan staggered on his feet but kept his ground._   
_“You dare to blackmail me?”_

  
_“Yes. Leave it of take it. If not, by tomorrow morning the Knight- Commander will find out. And if you are not thinking for yourself, think for your dear friends.”_   
_She had to get out immediately. Her head started to spin and her knees buckled. She couldn’t breathe, she needed air, she needed to think and calm down. Clutching her robe with sweaty hands, Amell tried to hide the paralyzing fear reaching out for her._   
_“All right. Just give me some time to think of this. I – I will need a plan.”_   
_“Good girl. I will wait for you in the library, tonight. Don’t even think to tell to your friends. If they find out, our deal is over. And then you will join me in front of the Knight- Commander when I will be made tranquil; remember that.”_

* * *

  
_She ran away as fast she could, on shaky feet and with the heart thrumming like a scared bird in a cage. She needed a place to hide and think; it couldn’t be the balcony; at this hour the laundry room was occupied by the Tranquils. The only place where she couldn’t be disturbed was the privy, so she went there._   
_Sinking on the floor, she bent her legs under her and began to take small breaths of air trying to cool down and slow her beating heart._   
_They were in danger, all of them; because all this time they nursed a snake at their chests. She cursed the day when she convinced them to accept Jowan in their group of friends, when they trusted him with their secrets. She was to blame and she was the one to face the consequences of that good heart she had._

  
_When finally she calmed down enough to think clearly, she made herself comfortable on the floor and started to plot a plan to get out from the grim situation. Of course, she couldn’t tell her friends. The girls would freak out and start being less careful and distracted. Fear makes you reckless; she was the one who kept them united, she was the strong one. She had to take care of everything. She couldn’t tell the Templars either. Bryant and Lucas would tear the worm apart; they would get in trouble and there will be questions. Cullen? She let a sob escape; her sweet Cullen was so innocent and full of ideals. His love for the Templar Order was great. If they would discover that he had an affair with a mage, he would try to take the blame. He will blame himself for not being strong enough to resist temptations, not brave enough to denounce her for corrupting him or any other nonsense the Chantry ingrained in their heads since they were recruited._

  
_She had to pull this trough, alone. Helping Jowan? It wasn’t even an option. Helping him escape was her death sentence. She could save her friends, but either way she would lose her beloved. Even if the Knight – Commander didn’t took off her head, she would be made Tranquil. It wouldn’t matter for her, once the brand took her magic and emotions, she won’t feel regret. What she couldn’t stand it was Cullen’s pain seeing her like that._   
_Not helping Jowan? By tomorrow, the Circle would have a few more Tranquils and some demoted or thrown out of the order, Templars. No, she won’t have any of that. If her happiness was to an end because she had to save Cullen and her friends from the pain, then so be it. She knew what she had to do._

* * *

  
_The road towards the First Enchanter’s room was a long one. She wasn’t worried about Jowan following her; thank the Maker, he was still an apprentice and their lot had no permission to come up on the mages’ quarters. On the other hand, the stupid little Chantry sister was allowed to walk undisturbed and she didn’t want to risk encountering her._   
_With every turn she took looking back and forth, left and right, Azzura had to dodge the other Templars’ stares and snickering at her weird way of walking around the empty corridors. Let them believe that she was plotting one of her jokes on some poor newly mage._

  
_When she finally made it to the door, she had only a few seconds to slip inside without knocking because from the opposite side a group of mages was coming._   
_Irving stood at his desk reading a tome; he’s surprise at seeing her walking in without permission was showed in his eyes. Once he saw who the intruder was, the First Enchanter relaxed and rose from his seat._   
_Azzura turned towards him and he took a step back seeing her pale face._   
_“Is everything all right, child? You look awful.” – When she looked at him with wide eyes and saw her shaking hands, Irving made her sit on a couch and went to pour water in a glass._   
_“Drink.” – He handed her the water and waited for her to stop trembling._

  
_When Azzura found the courage to speak, she couldn’t look into his eyes. How can you tell your biggest secret to your mentor? How can you let go your love to save others? She cried. Cried for everything she was giving up to save her friends; no, she wasn’t bitter over that, she loved them all; but the idea of breaking her own heart and Cullen’s in the process brought her only despair._   
_“Don’t show weakness; they will only take advantage of it to hurt you. Be brave and keep your family’s name in high regard. You are an Amell! They can take your freedom, but they can’t take your dreams.” – Her father’s words rang in her mind like a lifeline. She had to do the right choice. Be an Amell._   
_Taking a deep breath, she blurted out._

  
_“First Enchanter, I have to confess something. I – I …it’s so hard to think, I don’t know how to say it …”_   
_“Please, tell me you are not a blood mage. Not you, my child.”_   
_She looked at him dumbstruck. “What? How can you even think that?”_   
_Irving stood still for a second assessing if she deserved his trust. “There are rumors of blood magic in the Tower. Me, the Knight- Commander and the Knight- Captain are in the middle of an investigation. I’m afraid one of your friends is on the list._

  
_“Who?” – She tried to stop her voice to an even tone. It was hard to not yell tough._   
_“Jowan. We are keeping tabs on him and several other mages. Do you know something? That’s why you came here?”_   
_Now she had every piece in place. The rat was more dangerous than everyone thought and she had to stop him before his venom spread around her friends and the younger apprentices._   
_“It’s because of Jowan, yes. But I had no idea about him being investigated about blood magic. First Enchanter , I …”_   
_Azzura could read relief on Irving’s face; he must have been worried about her._   
_“Yes, I know. That’s my title; you said it twice by now.”_   
_“I have to confess something. I love … someone.”_

  
_“I hope it’s not me. I am a bit old for these confessions, my dear.” – And Irving started to laugh. “Go on. What’s the trouble? He or she doesn’t like you?”_   
_Azzura opened and closed her mouth several times. This wasn’t going how she predicted._   
_“Y-You are not mad? Because mages and love and crap?”_   
_The First Enchanter scoffed. “I was young once, too. I wasn’t born old, with a long beard and stuck on this chair, you know?”_   
_She shifted uncomfortable on her chair. Why she had the impression that Irving was mocking her?_   
_“He is a Templar.” – She didn’t dare to look in her mentor’s eyes and waited patiently for the incoming lecture._   
_“What did Cullen do?”_

  
_The glass she was still keeping in her hands fell on the floor with a muffled noise._   
_“How did you know? First Enchanter, he has no blame; it’s my fault that I harassed him until he gave in.”_   
_“Well, at least Bryant took it lightly.” – The old mage was laughing loud now. Azzura was in shock, gawking at him. Did he just tell her that he knew everything about her love life?_   
_“Don’t look at me like that. I know everything is going on in this Tower.”_   
_“Well, yes … but … you are not mad?”_   
_“As long people are discreet and don’t do stupid things? No. So, what’s going on?”_   
_“Jowan … he says that he is in love with Lily, the ...’_   
_“I know who Lily is. But that they had already went that far? No. At least, not yet.”_

  
_“Well, he stopped me earlier and he asked me to help him escape or he will go to the Knight- Commander and tell him about me and Cullen … and others.”_   
_“You want to say that he blackmailed you.”_   
_“It’s hard to think of that word. Not from one whom I thought it was my friend. First enchanter, what do I do? If Greagoir finds out …”_   
_“Don’t worry about that. Right now we have to contain the damage. Stay here, I’m going to call Greagoir.”_   
_Azzura froze on the spot. It was the beginning of the end._

  
_“First Enchanter, please! He can’t hurt Cullen! I will accept any punishment you will give me. I will transfer in another Circle, they can make me Tranquil there if you tell them, but please … I don’t want Cullen to see …”_   
_“Hush, child. Everything will be all right. Now, sit here and wait for me to come back.”_

* * *

  
_After Irving went off the door, Azzura slumped on the floor and started to cry. Soon it will be over, she hoped that at least they will let her say goodbye to her love._   
_Not even five minutes passed when the two men came back. Greagoir’s hands twitching on his sword. They saw Azzura on the floor and Irving went to raise her._   
_“I told you to calm down and be strong. Now it’s not the time to lose yourself.”_   
_She felt the small dizzying sensation of a Silence encompassing the entire room._

  
_“That should give us some privacy for this … delicate matter.” – Said Greagoir, letting himself fall in Irving’s chair. “So, care to tell me why you dragged me here, First Enchanter?”_   
_“We have a … situation, with our protégées; and if we don’t take care of, it might explode in our faces.”_   
_Greagoir raised a hand to stop Azzura from speaking. Her head was swarming with questions. First Irving, now Greagoir. They didn’t look so surprised at her confession and the old mage called her his protégée. What was going on? Everyone thought that they could trick the grumpy men standing with her in that room, but from what Irving said to her it seems that they are pulling the strings and know every little secret in the Tower. If she wasn’t that scared and miserable she would have laughed at the irony._   
_“Who, when and how? Time is the essence here. Speak up, mage.”_

  
_Irving grinned at Greagoir. “We could drop the act; she will have to find out eventually. Even if I would have preferred to be later and in better circumstances.”_   
_Greagoir rolled his eyes. “You are no fun. You know how much I enjoy playing the grumpy old Templar with you.” – Azzura gave them both a long stare. Did they have fun at her expense? When her world was crumbling down?_   
_The Knight- Commander turned finally towards her. “Tell me girl, what got you scared so? Knight – Lieutenant Cullen is in the library, why didn’t you run to him?”_   
_She just couldn’t talk! She was still staring at Greagoir._   
_Irving talked for her. “Our little weasel, the suspected blood mage Jowan threatened her to tell you about her … love affair.”_   
_“Oh! I can cover that. Maybe that option we discussed needs to be done after all.”_   
_“It’s not the end of it. He asked her to help him escape, with Lily.”_   
_Greagoir jumped from his chair. “What??? What did you tell him?”_

  
_Azzura stammered. “T-That I will think of it. Knight – Commander, I can’t do what he wants me to do. This is my home! That’s why I came to the First Enchanter. It’s my entire fault, please don’t punish Cullen. I will … “– Greagoir stopped her with a motion of his hand._   
_“Enough. You will help him escape. We will need a plan.”_   
_Her curiosity took over the fear she felt. Everything was so strange that she couldn’t bear not knowing why._   
_“You both don’t look surprised at all. And you are not angry. Why? Please, I need to know.”_   
_Irving stood next to her on the couch and spoke after he looked over Greagoir for permission._

  
_“I told you that we know what is going on in this Tower. I know about who is involved whit who, where you are hiding at night when you think everyone is sleeping and the Templars are looking on the wrong way. If we would do search of the entire Tower, by tomorrow morning I would fill up the dungeons.”_   
_“Too much work, if you ask me.” – Greagoir’s smug smile accompanied Irving’s words._   
_“Do you know that we lived in this Tower since we were children? We did the same things you do right now. Many of the spots that you consider secret are not that secret to us; we used them too. Even that small balcony of yours.”_   
_She hid her face in her hands, oh the shame! This couldn’t be real._

  
_“So for you to know. We try to maintain an appearance of distance between mages and Templars, but are only for the Chantry mothers around here. Of course we can’t trust everyone. How do you think we would keep order? In other circles the rules are strict, and there are horror stories told behind closed doors. I don’t want this in our Circle. I swore an oath when I became Templar. I try to keep to it for real, not just with empty words.”_   
_Saying that, Greagoir clasped his hands in satisfaction and headed to the door._   
_“We will come up with a plan. You go and tell Jowan that you will help him. Better keep it for yourself. Less people know, less trouble we will have fixing this mess.”_   
_She went to her room with her mind still trying to sort out what just happened. Greagoir and Irving knew what was going on, they turned a blind eye unless there was a danger and maybe she and Cullen were not doomed to break up in the end._

* * *

  
_Many rumors and whispered theories started to arrange themselves in a complicate pattern, like the pieces of a puzzle. The Templars had their meals in the same room as the mages and had taken part in saying jokes and stories or even plotting shenanigans. Sometimes a new recruit would try to make the life difficult for this mage or other but somehow, they were called for a transfer or suddenly another Circle had a need for a mage hunter; and like that, they were gone. The punishments were very rare and usually it was only some lonely time to think, in the dungeons. The Tranquils were the ones who asked for the rite, afraid of their magic. She honestly didn’t remember of someone made Tranquil against their will. It was true that Irving and Greagoir were at each other’s throats almost all the time, but today it was revealed that it was all a ruse._

  
_The both faction heads tried to keep everyone happy or at least make everyone’s life easier; and Jowan was about to fuck everything up. She won’t let him._   
_Between clenched teeth, she told him that he has her help. It was easy to take the fire rod from Owain; the First Enchanter giving her a dispense, which she told Jowan that it was a forgery. The bastard laughed thinking that she was so desperate that she could make a fake signature, so soon after she told him the she won’t help him._   
_Later that night she, Jowan and Lily went to the repository, after his phylactery. Trying to not harm the Templars guarding the door – she promised Greagoir that she won’t hurt anyone, since they didn’t know what was going on – by putting them to sleep with a spell; Azzura opened the enchanted door with the fire rod._

  
_After breaking the vial with the rat’s blood they went back on the main floor. She stood several steps backwards; the ambush should be up any time soon. Like decided before, Greagoir, Irving and few other Templars showed up from behind the columns right when Jowan and Lily were cheering up for the freedom they will have soon._   
_“Where do you think are you going, apprentice? Lily?”_   
_Jowan shoved the sister on the side and made a few steps towards the door._   
_“I am out of here!”_

  
_“Jowan! Don’t leave me here!” – Lily wailed, trying to attach herself on his robe. He pushed her back with disgust and tried to run._   
_At a sign made by Greagoir, the Templars surrounded the three culprits and drew their swords. One of them advanced to grab Jowan’s arm. He snatched it and drew a dagger from under his robes. Before someone could stop him, Jowan slit his palm and the blood dripped on the white floor. Reciting an incantation in a language Azzura never heard before, Jowan send a mind snap around him. The Templars fell down screaming and pressing their hands on their heads, wriggling in pain on the marble._

  
_Azzura tried to put up a mental shield but she was a second too slow; feeling dizzy, she crouch_ _ed then fell on her knees. Jowan came near to her and pulling her head back, he looked in her eyes._

_“You told them! I never thought that you would go to the old man. See ya, little bitch.”_   
_It was the anger and rage she felt in that moment the ones who gave her the force to speak._   
_“Rat, you better run fast. Because if I will cross paths with you again, I will kill you slowly. Even if to find you I will have to join the Templars in the hunt.”_   
_“I’m not worried. Enjoy your gilded cage.”_

* * *

  
_And with that, Jowan fled the Tower, leaving behind a trail of bruised and angry Templars and mages._   
_After recovering from their headaches, Greagoir got to work. He sent news to Denerim’s Chantry to ask for a group of the best mage hunters. As for Lily, he made sure that Knight- Captain Hadley and two of his best officers picked up Lily and made their journey to Aeonar._   
_As the story went, Lily tried to escape with Jowan. Azzura had no idea what Greagoir and Irving invented but the girl was quiet like a sleeping hedgehog._   
_The three men returned three weeks later and everything seemed to go back to normal. Azzura made the promise to keep the events unfolded for her, but for some reason she just couldn’t gain her serenity back. Somewhere, deep down in her mind, the feeling that something will happen couldn’t leave her to rest in peace._

  
_And it came; in the shape of a letter sent by the King Cailan who asked the Tower to provide mages and Templars for the incoming war with the darkspawn. With heavy heart, Azzura and her friends saw the older people taking their goodbyes and going out the big doors. The sound of that huge portal closing behind them reminded her by the thud made by a gravestone pulled over a tomb._   
_She tried to ease her mind in Cullen’s arms and listening to his voice reading from a book. And the dread of something wrong going to happen still didn’t leave her._   
_One morning, passing by Irving’s office’s door, she heard the Knight- Commander’s voice. The man was angry with something but she couldn’t understand the words._   
_A visitor came in and from the awe and the rumors going around she understood that he was Warden-Commander of the Fereldan Grey Wardens. Duncan was his name._   
_She was just gathering her books in the library when a Templar came in and asked her to follow to the Knight-Commander’s office._

  
_When she arrived, the boy ushered her inside and closed the door behind her. Greagoir and Irving were quiet, looking at her almost with pity. Cold sweat ran down her spine; she knew it, something bad was coming._   
_“Sit down my child.” – Greagoir showed her a chair and rubbed his tired eyes._   
_“I don’t know how to say it without scaring you, so I will be blunt; forgive me. Irving received a letter, a warning let’s say. It seems that Lily’s gibberish got to someone’s ears. I tried to tell them that she was controlled by a blood mage and she had her mind altered, but somehow, someone thought that this story deserved to be investigated.” – He took Azzura’s hand – “I’m sorry. They will send the Seekers here. They will want to interrogate Cullen and you. It seems that Lily left outside the other people; she blames you for her misfortune.”_   
_Azzura couldn’t do anything else than stare blankly in front of her. “All of this for nothing. Just for a bit of love we tried to steal from each other.”_

  
_“Hush, child. With the help of the Maker we will think of something; we will get out from this. We faced worse than a poor chantry sister’s mumblings.” – Irving tried to comfort her._   
_“The Maker doesn’t give a crap, you know? Right now I think there is no Maker. If he would really be there, he would see that me and Cullen never did something wrong.”_   
_Greagoir sneered at her. “Don’t push your luck. I might close one eye to this blasphemy, but be careful outside.”_   
_Irving took a deep breath and said. “You will have to leave the Tower. Today.”_   
_She barely could put two words together; this couldn’t be real, she can’t leave Cullen!_

  
_“W-what? No! I won’t leave! You can’t send me to another Circle!”_   
_“We have too. And we can’t send you to another circle either; the Seekers will come after you.”_   
_“But where I will go? And what about Cullen?”_   
_“The Maker, which you don’t believe it exists, sends Duncan here today. Duncan is a friend of mine and he is a Grey Warden. I will ask him to take you.”_   
_“A-A Grey Warden? But I don’t want to leave Cullen!” – She was crying now._

  
_“You will have too. I know it’s hard for you, believe me; but if you want him safe, if you want the Circle safe, you will have to leave. If you become a Grey Warden, the Seekers can’t do anything. Grey Wardens are not bound of the Chantry rules. Think of it; you will be free to be with Cullen. And if he wants, after this storm goes away, Duncan can recruit him too.”_   
_Hope filled Azzura’s eyes for the first time since she entered in the room. “W-What if I die in the battle?”_   
_“He will grieve and you will be remembered. Listen, I really wish to find another way, but I can’t. Be strong; you are not the only one who worries over a loved one.”_   
_She bowed her head in defeat. There was nothing she could do. She was a mage and she was at the mercy of the Chantry; maybe joining the Grey Wardens wasn’t that bad after all._   
_“I will do it. Tell the Warden- Commander that I will go with him.” – And she got up and went to the door. Greagoir stopped her._   
_“No.”_

  
_“But I want to tell Cullen, it won’t take long.”_   
_Irving looked like someone ripped his heart and he couldn’t look into her eyes._   
_“You won’t tell Cullen a word. You will leave right now; Hadley prepared your bag already.”_   
_She had to lean on Greagoir; she couldn’t care less that he was the Knight-Commander in that moment._   
_“What do you mean? How can I leave without saying why, without letting him know that I will try and come back as soon the war is over, if I survive? If I leave right now, he will believe that I don’t love him enough. Please, Knight- Commander!”_

  
_“I’m sorry, child. But this is exactly the reaction we are waiting from him, from your friends. They will have to believe that you betrayed them when the Seekers will come. And Cullen is the one in danger. He will have to tell them the truth but at least he will feel sorry for having an affair with you. They will go easy on him; it’s his first time and he’s young. They will forgive him; I will take care of that. On the other hand you are a mage; I can’t oppose them if they want to execute you or make you Tranquil. I think of the Circle’s wellbeing too; if they start doing a more accurate investigation, the fact that our little community is based on me and Irving closing eyes to a lot of things going around here, it won’t bode well. We might be imprisoned or worse and they would bring in Templars that won’t be so nice towards the mages. We will have to do everything in our power to keep things like they are.”_   
_Irving handed her a new staff with a nice blade attached to it. “Take it, learn how to use it and you will be safe. Come back to us victorious; when everything will be over, I promise to tell Cullen and the others that you had no choice in leaving.” – And for the first time since she became his favorite apprentice, Azzura was hugged and had her cheeks kissed by the First Enchanter. Greagoir limited himself only to a comforting hand on her shoulder._

* * *

 

Lost in thought, Cullen listened to her story. Yes, the wise someone who said that sometimes the truth is not what you think it is; he was damn right. He shifted a little and settled better in her embrace. Azzura played with his hair and smiled in the darkness of the tent.  
“So, now you know why I left. I had no other choice, sweetheart. It’s only that the things went to shit after that. I couldn’t do anything; if someone would have told me that I will be one of the two remaining Grey Wardens in Ferelden and had to defeat a Blight alone, with only a group of stray misfits gathered in my journey, I would have asked if he was entirely sane.”  
“When I heard that you left without saying a word and begged that Warden to take you with him; my entire world was shaken. At first I couldn’t believe, I thought that they took you by force, somewhere. And then Wynne returned from Ostagar and told me that she saw you happy with the Grey Wardens and having a very _intriguing_ companionship with a boy. Then, my heart broke. I barely got back on my daily routine without being in so much pain, when the Seekers came.”

  
She was afraid to ask him about his burden, who knew what he was remembering from the entire interrogation? “Did they … mistreat you?”  
“Not physically, but their words stung; a lot. After they heard me saying how sorry I was for being played by a mage, they just made crude jokes and jibes; it was what I deserved for falling in love with a cursed by the Maker. For one instant I asked myself why they were acting like that. The Seekers supposed to be neutral; well, in the end of the day, they worked for the Chantry.”  
I hope you never remember what they did to you, my love.  
“I suppose Greagoir would have told us after all, but then soon after the Seekers left, Uldred started the madness. After that? Everything is history … you were there.”  
“Greagoir told me that he tried to talk to you, after I left again. You didn’t take it well; didn’t listen to him.”

  
“How could I? After what happened I thought he was just trying to make me see reason. In my pain, I didn’t even bother to think trough. What I still don’t understand is why they protected us? What plans they had?”  
“Wynne told me that I was to succeed Irving; I was to be the new First Enchanter once he died. And you could become Knight- Captain when Greagoir left Hadley in his place. They were grooming us to become the next generation who would take care of the Circle.”

  
“That makes sense.” – He yawned and dragged her down on the pillow.  
“I think we need some sleep after all. Thank you for finally making me understand.” – He snorted in her hair, pulling her even closer to his chest – “But you still have a long way to go, on your penitence road, my Amell.”  
She rolled her eyes in the dark. “I thought so. Otherwise it would be too easy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the canon, but what fun would be if I would retell the main story in DAO?:p


	18. We are Wardens!

The sun rose and a new day began; both Commanders were very much missing and a lot of soldiers tiptoed around and threw meaningful glances towards Commander Cullen’s tent. Since no sound came out, they supposed that the oversleeping was due to their leader’s exercitations of last night.  
Varric went to Azzura’s tent to wake her up. Leliana warned him to start doing noise even before entering her tent. The Hero didn’t take it lightly to be wakening up and usually she greeted the unwanted visitor with some kind of spells or objects thrown at the intruder. He chuckled, since she was missing her magic, all was good. He entered the tent and looked bewildered around. Azzura’s cot was untouched and her armor was on the stand, the staff and sword carefully placed on a small table.

  
He raced outside and stopped the first soldier passing by.  
“Have you seen the Hero? She’s not in her tent.”  
The man gave Varric a sheepish smile and pointed his finger towards Cullen’s tent.  
“She’s in there since last night.” – Then looking guilty, the soldier added – “I don’t like to interrupt Commander Cullen’s rest … but we should start going.”  
Varric bounced on his feet and approached the guilty tent. “Don’t worry, I will wake them up.”  
“Andraste’s knickers, they really went at it. This is huge news.”

  
How could he gather the information he needed? He could just knock; make some noise, something to let them know he was coming.  
“Nope, that won’t work.”- He thought. He needed to see with his own eyes. If the Commander wanted his head later, well he hopped that Amell would defend him. From what he gathered, she wasn’t so shy and having a little gossiping around about her personal life it didn’t impressed her.  
So, he barged in. “Goood morning, love birds! It’s time to move out.”  
Cullen jumped from his makeshift bed and in doing so dumped Azzura – who slept with her head on his chest – on the cold ground.  
“Dwarf! Get out!” – He snarled at Varric who looked like the cat who ate the canary.

  
“What? Where? We are in danger?” – The Warden tried to take in her surroundings and extricated herself from the blankets and her own robes.  
“Only from our prying intruder. Varric you have nothing else to do?” – Cullen passed his hands between his curly hair which being a mess was lightly put.  
“I had to see it with my own eyes, Curly! So, did you two made peace?”  
“Who won?” – Dorian’s head appeared between the tent’s folds looking inside.  
“Who won what?” – Azzura tried to stifle a laugh watching Cullen fighting with his armor and curls in the same time. Pitifully, she helped him close the claps and buckles of his chest piece.  
“Red and the Herald had a bet on how you two will make peace.”

  
Cullen grumbled: “Figures; they would make money from everything. I thought the Inquisitor was my friend.”  
“Not when it comes for easy money seems. Leliana is a cunning little not-so-innocent Chantry Sister; of course she would play one of these jokes on me. How delightful it will be the payback. ” – Amell pushed aside Cullen’s hands from his hair. “Leave those curls alone. I like them, you know that.”  
“The dwarf called me Curly because of them. I hate disorder.”  
Dorian inspected their bed with an amused face. “So … how far did it went? Till the end?”

  
The Commander sputtered, finally giving in when Azzura grabbed the box with his special hair lotion and ran out of the tent.  
“It’s none of your business, Dorian. We just … talked.”  
“I can work with that. The Herald said you will talk first, and then get to the steamy bits. If you will excuse me, I have a letter to write to the Nightingale.”  
Cullen liked Dorian but sometimes wished that he could just smite the Tevinter mage, it could be priceless to see the surprise on his face. Defeated he exited in the sun light and for the first time in months, maybe since he joined the Inquisition, the Commander let his curls take their rightful place on his scalp. The mageling will pay for that.  
Ignoring the amused smiles from his soldiers and the aww and snickering coming from the few ladies accompanying the troops, Cullen started to give orders for take-off. From distance, Azzura gave him a _you_ _dare_ glance and jumped on her horse.

* * *

 

As they approached the last portion of the road, the Tower of Ishal came into view, way before the actual ruins of the former Imperial city. Azzura felt her chest constricted into a sensation of deja-vu. It seemed like yesterday that a young girl full of regrets and hopes followed a man forged in battle on the same path. Only that now she was the one guiding others, and she was at the side of the man for whom she gave up her freedom.  
She smiled sadly. People said that joining the Wardens, she gained freedom instead; only if they knew. Gaining that freedom had a heavy cost. Choosing – forcibly in her case – to be free from the Chantry and Circle’s laws and restrictions on her life gave her another type of imprisonment. Being a Warden was another, different cage; it was a temporal prison. She had her lifetime shortened, the very idea of knowing how many years she had left to live and of what waited for her at the end of that time filled her with pain, anger and fear.

  
That’s why when she had a second chance with Cullen, she won’t miss it; that’s why when she was saved by her lost friend and when everything she wanted was just to die proved her wrong, won’t let her make the same mistakes. She had to fight with claws and teeth to find the Cure for the Calling; for her, for Alistair and Nathaniel, for those who wanted to die in peace in their beds and not alone in the Deep Roads.  
She didn’t set her expectations high; if she couldn’t find a cure to erase the Taint from their blood, at least something which could relent it or block the Calling would provide useful.  
She won’t let Alistair die and she told him so in her letters. The very thought that he would descend alone in those tunnels to die before the Taint claimed him, made her sick. He was senior to her with six months which meant that he will be the first to go. A lump formed in her throat looking at the man now riding next to her. One day she will have to leave him alone, she will be forced to take the same path, but she made a decision. It will take a while for Cullen to understand but she hoped that he would; Alistair was one of the three men she loved in her life, she won’t leave him alone.

  
Cullen saw Azzura’s change of mood; the tightness of her jaw and the small wrinkles on her forehead told him that she was thinking, brooding even, over something.  
Moving Tempest closer, he took her hand in his and gave it a small shake: “What is it? Are you all right?”  
She smiled lovingly. “I was just thinking. This place brings back a lot of memories.”  
Their caravan stopped, having arrived at their destination. The Inquisition’s scouts and some Wardens in their blue armor cheered at the sight of the new arrived.  
A man wearing his Warden armor and his staff strapped on his back bowed in front of the Warden- Commander.  
“Welcome back to Ferelden, Lady Amell. It’s been so long. Knight-Captain, it’s good to see you. “

  
“Marcus.” – Cullen was so tired of being called with his old rank that he just gave up correcting people. Sooner or later, they will learn, eventually.  
Azzura extended a hand to the mage Warden and looked inquisitive to Cullen.  
“I take it you know each other?”  
“Enchanter Marcus survived Kirkwall and in the turmoil with Meredith’s craziness, he fled. I never expected you to be here, to be honest.”  
The man was in his late thirties from the small streaks of grey hair at his temples. Another pang of guilt hit Azzura into the heart. Soon he will have to go too.  
“I took a chance and fled. To be honest, I thought to join the Libertarians but at one point I met Warden – Constable Howe and he offered me the other option. I am glad I took it. And it’s nice to meet you Warden – Commander. We all are.”

  
“I see that you are less than I was expecting. Where are the rest of the Wardens?”  
“As you can see, I am the only mage around here. The others … listened Warden- Commander Clarel’s call and they went to Orlais. We couldn’t stop them, I’m sorry.”  
“Well… shit. Can you please tell the others that I want a meeting in about two hours? We need to discuss a few things.”  
Right then she spotted in the crowd a long pony tail and a well-known bow.  
Squealing, she forgot about Cullen and the older Warden and fled towards the man who now turned to greet her with a wide smile on his face.  
“Nate! What are you doing here? You are supposed to be in Highever!”

  
Nathaniel swept her from her feet in a tight embrace. “Do you really think that I could stay there and miss your grand entrance in Ferelden?”  
She rolled her eyes at him. “I suppose a few Wardens and some Inquisition scouts will do.”  
“Well, I don’t see it like that. In Amaranthine, people started to get cold feet thinking how much longer they will have to wait to see their Arlessa. The other Warden outposts were informed about your return and the morale went up a notch. And I think the King is just sitting at Denerim’s gates with a military parade ready.”  
“You have a loose tongue, you know?”

  
“What can I say? I’m happy for your return and …” – Nathaniel stopped and looked at her, still in his arms – “… are you all right? You know … after Highever?”  
“Yes! I never felt better. Now put me down; I don’t want to get to hair pulling with your wife. Sarina has a heavy left punch, it hurts.”  
Cullen who followed with Marcus shortly after Azzura attached herself on that man like a vine, heard only the last words.  
“His wife? She never told me that she’s already married.” – And continued to scowl at the pair of them. Marcus gawked at the former Knight-Captain.  
“If I wouldn’t know better, I would say you are jealous, Knight- Captain.”

  
“It’s Commander now. I left the Templars.” – Cullen replied absentmindedly, his eyes burning Azzura’s back.  
“Oh! Good for you. And you fell for a mage for all things. I suppose people change after all.”  
“Enchanter Marcus, don’t make me feel sorry for _forgetting_ that you went missing.”  
Realization dawned on the Warden. “That’s why I never found Templars on my back. It was you who sent my phylactery with that Mage Collective representative?  
Cullen chooses to remain silent and Marcus whispered a small thank you.  
“Hey Cullen! Come here!”

  
_And now she finally remembers about me_.  
She made the presentations and Cullen was unsure why she forgot again to introduce that Nathaniel Howe guy, as her husband.  
After Warden Marcus left, the Commander of the Inquisition decided that he had enough.  
“So, Warden – Constable, how did you met your wife?”

  
Azzura squinted at her beloved. Did Cullen just eat a viper or something? He seemed to spew venom instead of questioning.  
Nathaniel however, was unfazed by the sudden hostility.  
“Well, I saved her brother from an ambush by some highwaymen and we rekindled our friendship. That’s how I met his sister.”  
Confusion replaced anger. “Her brother? Azzura, you told me you had no brothers or sisters.”  
Understanding his train of thought, Azzura laughed, and laughed, until she couldn’t take it anymore.  
Ignoring the hysterical mage, Nathaniel addressed the Commander.  
“You thought that I and Azzura were married? Maker forbid! I wouldn’t be able to keep up with her. Ow! “– He grunted in pain when Azzura poked him on his ribs.  
“No, Commander. I am married to Sarina Cousland of Highever.”

  
Cullen’s ears flushed pink. Once again he embarrassed himself because his hot head. He found his nape of his neck and started to massage it furiously; looking everywhere except to the man in front of him and his mage who still snickered like a mad woman.  
Azzura took pity and entwined her fingers through his.  
“So jealous. I like it. I’m sorry if you overheard. I was asking Nate about Sarina. She is with baby.”  
“Well, technically she’s without it right now.”  
Azzura felt deathly cold. She grabbed Nathaniel’s shirt by the collar. “Where is the baby? Is Sarina all right?”  
“Stop, you crazy woman. She is fine; she gave birth one week ago.”

  
This time she brought her nose to Nathaniel’s without releasing him from her grip.  
“She just gave birth and you ran off the hills? Hiking to Ostagar when she needs you?”  
“She told me to come, you silly. We would like to have you at Highever when we will present our daughter to the Chantry. Her name is Eleanor by the way.”

* * *

 

Sometime later, Azzura - dressed in the Warden –Commander armor – rallied her eighty-eight remaining Wardens from the Ostagar garrison. Cullen and the other Inquisition members watched from the side.  
She looked at each of the men and women standing in formation in front of her. They and several other dozens scattered around Ferelden were what was left from the Amaranthine garrison. They were those who didn’t obey Warden – Commander Clarel’s orders, they were those who stood their ground despite the fake Calling taking tolls on them. As an afterthought she wondered how she was spared from it. Leaving that for now, she concentrated on her men. Nathaniel’s men; because she saw that almost all of the Wardens were unknown to her.

  
Taking a commanding stance, she began her speech. Somehow she had to explain why she was gone for so many years, maybe keeping it vague it was the best idea. No false hopes or confirming the rumors about her past mental instability. Nathaniel gave her an encouraging nod; he was there to support her.

  
“Brothers and sisters Wardens! I know that many of you don’t know me and the rumor that I was back to Ferelden made you question whatever I would take my place at the head of the fereldan wardens or things will continue like before. As much I want to come back to Amaranthine and take back the reins, I’m afraid I can’t. Warden- Constable Nathaniel Howe refused to take my place and as much I would like to recognize his hard work in the years I’ve been missing, he decided that being second in command works fine by him.

  
However, I will help him from Orlais and I will do investigations of my own. When Warden – Commander Clarel of Orlais gave the order for the Ferelden Wardens to march to her call, she had no right to do so. She could have inquired Nathaniel first but she didn’t. What it pains me is to hear that many of our Wardens decided to overrule the Warden- Constable and listen to her. To you all those who are here, I am glad to see that you made the right decision. My absence had a reason but I can’t tell you more; I know I ask too much of your trust but I assure you that it isn’t without motive.

  
With the opening of the Breach and the killing of Divine Justinia, a dreadful rumor started to spread and unfortunately there are proofs that the Wardens are in part responsible for this chaos. I don’t know yet how Corypheus and the wardens are involved but I will find out. The Calling you are hearing is a false; there is no way that every warden would feel the Calling in the same time. Those who joined lately can’t be at the end of their days. So, I beg you to hold on; to think at certain facts and not rumors.

  
I will help the Inquisition to find and punish those who did this. We know that the wardens made mistakes in the past, and maybe we will continue to do so but we have to keep in mind that this is not over. After five Blights, people still believe that this would be the last, but I’m afraid that they are wrong. As long the danger of a new Blight is still fresh, the Wardens are still needed. We will stand to defend Thedas even if Thedas forgets about us. Without us, the darkspawn will unleash upon the world, we can’t let that happen.

  
We will sacrifice ourselves like others did before us, like many will do once we will be gone. And let me tell you; this is not today! We will continue to fight and stand for those who can’t. In peace, vigilance; in war, victory; in death, sacrifice! The warden oath still stands and we will keep to it!”

  
Nathaniel approached and kneeled in front of her presenting the Warden- Commander sword, Vigilance. Azzura took it and flames engulfed the shinning blade.  
“ _A little gift from me. We don’t want people to believe that you are a common soldier, don’t we?”_ – Flemeth’s voice had a trace of mirth but Azzura didn’t comment. People wanted a show, she will give them one.  
The Hero raised the sword to the sky and every warden in front of her erupted in cheers. The Inquisition soldiers joined them almost instantly. With her blue armor and a warrior’s stance they forgot that she was a mage. They saw only a woman who defeated the Archdemon and saved them all. They saw the legend walking among them and taking them towards a new victory.

  
Azzura continued to watch the people gathered there. Humans, city and Dalish elves and dwarves. They all came to pledge their lives to a greater good and she had to keep that flame burning.

  
“Today we will renew our vows! Today we will begin anew with hope that we will get through this challenge stronger than before. Today we recognize that we choose to be a Warden, fully knowing the hazards of our chosen path. We will always endeavor to uphold the prestige, honor and high spirit of the Wardens. We know that a Warden is a more elite soldier who arrives at the cutting edge of the battle by land and sea. We accept the fact that Thedas expect us to move further, faster and fight harder than any other soldier. We will never fail our comrades! We will always keep ourselves mentally alert, physically strong and morally straight and we will shoulder more than our part of the task whatever it may be, one-hundred times and then some. We will show the world that we are well- trained veterans. Energetically we will meet the enemies of our countries and we shall defeat them on the field of the battle. Surrender is not a Warden word! We will never leave a fallen comrade to fall in the hands of the enemy and under no circumstances will we embarrass our Order.”

  
“We are Wardens! We are warriors and brothers and sisters in arms! We serve the people of Thedas and live the Warden values! We always place our mission first and we never accept defeat! We never quit! We maintain our weapons and equipment and ourselves ready to depart, engage and destroy the enemies of Thedas! We are the guardians of freedom and our own way of life! No darkspawn will live as long we have breathed.”

  
“We come from everywhere; we have different pasts and we belong to different nations and races; but we are under one banner! The Silver Wing of the Griffons will rise again! Because we are Grey Wardens! We will do all that our Order requires from us. We serve with the memory of those gone before us; Corin from the Second Blight and Garahel from the Third and the other heroes fallen defending their land. We will teach and fight whenever our order requires. We know that we are called to perform our duty in isolation, far from familiar faces and voices with the Maker’s help; Mythal’s favor and the Stone’s blessing! We will never surrender though each of us could be the last! And if we are taken, we pray that we may have the strength to spit upon our enemy. We are members of our order, the best in our ranks! Maker grant me that I may not be found wanting that I will not fail this sacred trust.”

  
And to Corypheus I want to tell him only four words in his native tongue. _Semper fidelis! Semper paratus_! Because we are faithful to our creed and we are prepared to receive him with our weapons drawn. We will not obey! We will not bow! We will not surrender and certainly we will not be defeated! Wardens! Lead the way!”

  
If before the cheers were warm, now uproar erupted from the ranks. Azzura bowed to her Wardens and the Inquisition soldiers in respect. They were those who were in the front lines and they deserved all the acknowledgment for their valiance and courage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to give a tribute to the US Army - so i took the US Corps of Rangers, Special Forces and US Infantry crreds and changed them into the last part of Azzura's speech. Semper Fidelis and Semper paratus are the motto of 11th and 16th Infantry :)


	19. Royal Pains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair and Anora make some confessions and Zevran has news about his investigation

_Denerim, Royal Palace_

Anora and Alistair Theirin assisted to another daring speech from Vaugh Kendell in the Throne Room. Lately, he has become more and surer of himself; he had yet to provoke the Royals openly; but until now he made only veiled accusations. Anora would have been less concerned with him - she considered the man nothing more than a crawling worm – but today she saw that slowly, he gained foothold between the lesser banns and nobles with his remarks about being worried with the Theirin bloodline being in danger of extinguishing.

  
Anora had to grit her teeth and smile, dismissing the matter as not important right now with Thedas on the brink of destruction. Everything would have worked wonderful if not for the King who lost it. She never saw Alistair losing his temper before and she had to appeal to all her power of persuasion to calm him down. She could defend herself in front of the nobility but in the same time she was filled with sorrow seeing the King forced to take her side with so much fervor. Anora smiled, trying to hold on the lump forming in her chest; Alistair was a brave man and she will do anything in her power to keep him on the throne and guide him the best she could. She shook her head bewildered; if more than ten years ago someone would have told her that she would care for Maric’s bastard son, she would have put them on a spike. Once again, time proved to be a treacherous mistress like people liked to say.

  
She didn’t blame him at all; since Vaugh started his unusual campaign to subtly attack the Crown, Alistair became everyday less and less cheerful and now he barely had the wit to make one of his jokes. She sighed remembering that the Antivan assassin took the lead in that investigation. The elf was a lecher, which Anora could see it well, but he was Alistair’s friend and he started to grow on her too.  
When Zevran came the last time – in the middle of the night and scaring them both in their bedroom – he said that he will go low for a while. They offered him a place to stay in the Palace but Zevran declined. Switching between the Alienage and The Pearl it was a better idea. He didn’t want to tip off Vaugh about his investigation and those were the best places to start with. The Alienage house where he hid was close to Vaugh’s estate and the brothel, frequented by the man in question and his thugs could help him find more.

  
That’s why, since Zevran’s silence continued and Vaugh’s verbal attacks increased, Alistair became much stressed. He still talked to her when they were together but at night he would just pretend to sleep and he didn’t touched her for almost a month now.  
The Queen was worried for her husband. When she voiced her concerns to Eldrina – her only close confidant and friend – the elf woman told her to not let Alistair drift away and Anora should better talk to him; force him to open up.  
She waited, being afraid that Alistair would brush over her concerns, but after today she understood that she couldn’t delay the talk.  
Anora stopped in front of his personal office door – it was long past thinking to that room as Cailan’s office – and took a deep breath. The guard stationed there bowed and announced her to the King.  
When Anora entered, she found Alistair looking deadly at the glass in his hand. He swirled the golden liquid inside and made a grimace when she took it from his hand.  
The Queen smelled the drink then in one shot downed all of it; she will need all the courage to talk and that drink might prove useful. Alistair first opened his lips in a huge O then growled at the loss of his drink.  
“What?” – Anora raised a brow and looked sheepish at her husband.

  
“First – that was a fine Antivan whisky and you have to taste it slowly; second – I never saw you drinking, not _like that_.”  
“ _Like tha_ t? What do you mean?”  
“You are all queen-y and lady-y and …”  
She took a seat next to him and twined her fingers between his.  
“Alistair, we need to talk. I mean an actual talk, not the mumbled assurance that you are all right; because you are not, at all.”  
“I’m sorry; I have made myself a fool today, I know. But that man really got onto my nerves; I couldn’t sit there and let him insult you. How he dares to accuse you for not being able to provide an heir to the throne? You are my wife and … “

  
She shushed him by brushing her fingers over his jaw. “Alistair, it’s all right, really. This is not the first time when I hear the same debate. Remember, I was married to Cailan and even then they made their concerns heard.”  
He laughed bitterly. “No kidding; by actually trying to convince him to marry Celene. Well, I assure you that my uncle – sort off – won’t try the same with me. I won’t allow Eamon to begin his machinations, again. Maybe it’s time to remind him that I am not the boy I once was.”

  
“I don’t think Eamon is behind this. The Chancellor is old and I think he understands that you became a King on your own right. No, I am very sure that he isn’t the one starting this madness right now.”  
“Maybe you are right; but I don’t understand from where Vaugh’s boldness comes from; someone must back him up. “ Alistair punched the table, frustrated – “And why Zev doesn’t give us any news?”  
Thinking that the outside guards didn’t need to hear more unsettling noises coming from that room, Anora snuggled to Alistair’s chest and he was forced to hug her. At least he will keep his hands busy.  
“He will come; have patience. If he is that good as you say he will show up sometime soon; even if I would like him not to sneak in our bedroom for once.”  
Alistair laughed. “He always liked to make me blush. I’m glad that he didn’t kill me. That elf is sneakier than a fly on a wall.”

  
“Alistair, what if we can’t have a child? What it will happen? I know that we tried to avoid this subject but maybe it’s time for us to face the reality that I can’t bear any children.”  
“And maybe it’s not your fault, at all. I am a grey warden and you know; I’ve told you about the possibility of not being able to give you a child. Maybe it is just me the one who can’t procreate.”  
Anora scoffed. “That would have been an explanation that could hold until today. Now everyone knows that a Grey Warden can have children, even after ten years. The Couslands had their daughter. Nathaniel Howe became a father last week.”  
“They were lucky; nothing more.”

  
“And this doesn’t give me any relief; I couldn’t give a child to Cailan either.”  
Alistair looked down to his wife and then kissed the top of her head.  
“You are too good, you know? Please, stop taking all the blame on you. My brother was the man he was. How many times you and him … you know?”  
The Queen laughed at his bashfulness. Alistair was still blushing, even after all these years, when talking about intimate relations.  
“Well, not that many times. In the first months of our marriage we tried but later, he found other … distractions … and we stopped importuning each other. And I had no intention to find other men to fill my bed after his continuous disappointments.”

  
“That could explain why. Maybe you just were in those days when you …”  
“I talked with a lot of healers and mages and they said that women don’t get pregnant easy; there are certain days when it’s likely to conceive. But we are … doing it almost every night now. Alistair, maybe you should repudiate me and find another woman; maybe …”  
The King rose from the setae and turned to fully face his wife. “What are you talking about? I won’t annul our marriage! No way! I don’t want another woman when I have so less …”  
He bit his lips chastising himself for his awful slip; but Anora picked up quickly and didn’t let it pass.  
“What do you mean? What you have less? Alistair, what are you not telling me?”  
“It’s nothing; don’t bother with my nonsense.”

  
She gave him one of those looks that made him squirm. “All right; in the end maybe it’s better for you to know. I have maybe fifteen or if I am lucky, twenty years to live. A Grey Warden’s life is short.”  
She barely could articulate her next question. “But I thought that grey wardens live longer, or maybe I was trying to fool myself. You will be fifty when you will hear your Calling; you will be still young!”  
Alistair was surprised to see Anora cry; she never cried, not even when her father died. Feeling guilty, he hugged her again and took his place on the couch.  
“That’s why the Grey wardens can’t talk about their life or what it takes from them. Some secrets we keep are not for common people, even a Queen. I’m sorry, my wife; I can’t tell you more. The Taint we carry has benefits when fighting the darkspawn but otherwise gives us the raw deal.”

  
“There isn’t a cure? Something to stop it? At least to give you more years to live?”  
“No one knows. Azzura … she’s hunting for that illusory cure for years now. Until today she hasn’t found a good lead, only hints and suppositions.”  
“So, there is hope? If she finds it, will she tell you? Help you?”  
“She’s not the same woman you met, Anora. She changed a lot. I know you hate her for what she …”  
“No! It’s not like that! But, maybe because you married me after all, she would … hold a grudge?”  
Alistair laughed. This time it was the worriless laugh and Anora felt happy.

  
“From her letters I doubt she would find time even to come to Denerim. She’s busy with someone else too. She doesn’t think of me like a lover anymore. At any rate she stopped doing that long time ago.”  
Anora had the next question on top of her tongue but she couldn’t find the courage to ask; nonetheless she spoke, like forced by someone behind her back.  
“Do you? I mean, do you still think of her as a lover?” – She gritted her teeth – Andraste’s flames! What’s wrong with me?  
He was surprised by her question. “What? No! Why do you think I would marry you if I was still pinning for her? I’m not that kind of man; you should know that by now.”  
“I ... I do. But … “

  
“But what? Azzura and I are not anything but friends now. Of course, I still love her, just not the way you think.”  
“That’s ... good to hear. Still, the question of your succession remains.”  
“No. It doesn’t. I may be a jester in some people’s eyes, but even I know what Ferelden needs. I took my decision long time ago. Eamon and Teagan are the only ones who know and now you will have to hear my solution. If we can’t have an heir, we will give the Throne to the oldest noble line after the Theirins.”  
“The Couslands? I remember of something like that. My father often talked to Maric about the eventuality that Bryce Cousland could be the next King if something happened to Cailan. The fact that your birth was a well-guarded secret and that you could be the next King escaped even to my father.”  
“No one expected a Blight and what followed either. So, yes; when the time for me to go it will come, Fergus Cousland will take the Throne.” – Alistair smirked – “If he would like it or not, he will have to get married and start preparing for the eventuality.”

  
“We will abdicate together then.”  
“I don’t want you to be forced to do that. As long you will live, you will be the Queen of Ferelden.”  
If Alistair hoped that Anora will be relieved to discover that she could keep her position, he was left speechless by her next words.  
“It was a time when I would have liked that; I would have insisted even; but not now. Once you will be gone, I will retire to Gwaren. Does Fergus Cousland know about what is expected from him?”  
“Not yet. Maybe it’s time to send Eamon to do the dirty work for me. I don’t want his sister to claw my eyes, again.”  
“After your failed marriage proposal? That lame attempt to compare her to the Hero? I would stay away too.”  
They both laughed now. The King rose and poured other two glasses of the strong drink. Anora took it without complain and sipped the liquid.  
“It’s really good. Zevran gave it to you?”

  
“Yup. With best wishes from the Queen of Antiva.” – Alistair frowned – “The elf knows many Queens apparently.”  
Anora giggled, the drink making its side effects seen. “His special talents must be in high demand.”  
“I doubt that he has time to be a spy for every one of them.”  
The Queen smiled evilly. “I was thinking of another kind of services.”  
Alistair looked at her dumbstruck. “What have you done with my Queen? Who are you?” – Then shaking his head in denial, he added – “You spend too much time with the Antivan.”

* * *

 

From behind a drapery the mellifluous voice of said Antivan arrived at the King’s ears. “Must be the liquor.” Zevran stepped into the open and bowed to Anora – “You got your lovely Queen drunk.”  
“I’m not drunk! Just … happy to see you?” – Anora giggled again.  
Alistair sighed. “I thought you ran back to Antiva. Where have you been?” He wasn’t surprised anymore with the elf’s suddenly appearance.  
“In many places, my friend. And yes, before you ask; I’ve got news. Want to hear the good or the bad ones first?”  
“Doesn’t matter. As long I can drown that rat, I’m good with anything you have for me.”  
Zevran chuckled. “My- my, you get better and better at being King, my friend. Now you began to think of assassinating your own people. I’m proud of you.”  
Alistair glared at him. “Even a King has his patience to a limit. That bastard reached it today.”  
“And that’s why after today, you can’t try even a small attempt to Vaugh’s life. Now, every noble in the entire Ferelden knows that Kendell crossed the line with you and they will have their eyes on your back, waiting for you to make the next move. So, listen to your dashing Antivan Crow’s advice. Let it drop; don’t even mention his name outside this room. If he disappears or dies, they will turn to you for answers. We don’t want them. I could have solved your problem the first day I arrived, but I am at the mercy of this beautiful goddess and I listened to her.”  
Anora smiled to Zevran, still in Alistair’s arms. “I think I regret that decision now.”  
“It’s unfortunate but right now we can’t do much. Sit my friends and hear me out.”

  
“Tell me Alistair, after you told Vaugh that his incursions to the Alienage weren’t in your approval and the elves stopped going to work in his mansion; how do you think Kendell runs his house? I don’t think you believe that he does his own bed, hm?”  
“Maybe he pays human servants better than I thought? The gossip going out from that place is almost inexistent. To be honest, this is kind of interesting.”  
“That because no one gets out from that house; alive at least. The guards posted outside are all his thugs and listen to him. He brings slaves from Tevinter.”  
“WHAT? How can he? Every ship that enters Denerim’s harbors is inspected by my own people. You were there when we found the slavers in the Alienage. You know I promised them that no one will be allowed to use slaves in my own country!’

  
“I looked over the papers you gave me; his ships carry the normal imported goods from Rivain and Antiva. The question is: do those ships stop there first? Or they go first to Tevinter load their slaves then head to pick up the innocent merchandise? I’ve seen only elven girls in his mansion. All looking terrified and speaking tevene. So there is no mistake; our man is doing slavery.”  
Alistair clasped his hands together, a grin splitting his lips. “Then I could send a company of inspectors and soldiers for a routine control. We have him.”  
“No.”  
“No? Why not?”

  
“Because I have the feeling that there is something more to it. Vaugh is meeting with someone or some ones. I couldn’t get closer to him or his men but my lady friends at the Pearl told me that he is stressed and he’s under pressure to do something. The usual lady who serves him wasn’t available being sick. Lola is the only elven woman to keep up with his weird tastes and the girl who was with him the last time was too scared to be of any help. I will have to wait for the next opening.”  
“Also, some of the areas in his house feel wrong. Do you remember how magic felt when Azzura overdid with her spells? Like a sickly feeling of being under water?”  
“That was in her bad days. In her good days you could feel like you were drunk.”  
“Exactly. I’m not mistaking when I say that Vaugh has evil magic around his house. I bet it is some kind of blood magic and it’s not even native here.”  
“Tevinter? What he wants to do with a Tevinter mage?”

  
Zevran scratched his chin. “I don’t know yet, but I need to get in those rooms and I can’t do it alone. I am not a mage and I can’t take a Templar with me. Bryant is able to stealth as a druffalo in glass shop.”  
Alistair’s Templar training kicked in. “A mage would know if another mage or Templar is nearby. And I don’t think it’s a good idea to disrupt any kind of wards they put on those doors.”  
“I don’t like when I am defeated. Short of being able to walk through walls, I don’t see how I could get inside.” – Zevran made a disgusted noise at himself – “I hate when I am beaten on my own job.”  
Anora, who listened attentively, spoke for the first time. “What about Fenris? Hawke told me that he can crush his foes hearts with his hands. If he can pass through a body like nothing; I think walls would be a piece of cake for him? ”  
Alistair and Zevran looked at each other. “We are idiots!” – The King deposited an open mouth kiss on Anora’s lips. “You are amazing! And smart! And beautiful!” – He peppered her with a kiss at every compliment he made.  
Zevran eyed the bottle of alcohol with a satisfied grin and let them going for their business.  
Alistair rose from the chair and straightened his coat. “I will send a crow to Fenris to Gwaren, tomorrow morning. With Hawke gone, he must be going crazy; alone in Anora’s Castle.”  
Alistair hugged Zevran tightly. “You gave me hope, my friend. We are grateful for everything you are doing for us. You protect this country by helping us.”  
Zevran was shaken with Alistair’s gratitude. He loved the stupid fool like a brother he never had. It was true that he wanted to kill him after how he disposed of Azzura but time heals wounds and she was happy now; so everything was good.  
“I would do anything to keep our beautiful Queen safe. I am not worried about you; you can handle yourself. Although you should alert the Templars about a possible magic attack; make them swear secrecy, it’s very important right now.”

  
Alistair blurted out. “I love my Queen, you know? I would die for her, too.”  
Anora gapped at her husband. It was finally said; he told her that he loved her. It wasn’t exactly the best setting she was imagining and a witness too much, but she could work with that.  
She kissed him lovingly and said. “I love you too, Alistair.”  
Zevran dried a fallen tear furtively. “Maybe you should put that on paper. Just in case you forget in the morning?”  
Alistair smiled and took clean sheet of parchment and wrote.

 

“ _Tonight I said to Anora that I love her. And she loves me, Alistair._ ”

 

“Good. Now be a good King and take your Queen to bed. It’s been a long day; and stop yelling at your nobles your Majesty. Let Zevran work and you will have your reward.”  
“Yes, mother!” – And Alistair scooped Anora of her feet and went off the door; the Queen grabbing the unfinished bottle with one hand and the written confession with another.  
“Blow off the candle when you are leaving, Zev. Good night!”

* * *

  
Their giggling was followed by their guardsmen snickering. Tomorrow all the palace will talk about their Majesties being drunk and happy. Anora couldn’t care less; let them talk. For once in her life she could let her cold façade slip and maybe finally she could be herself again. The real self who liked to laugh and make jokes and who wanted to be loved by a man. It was time to warm up to a cold world again; she cared only for Alistair the others could go to hang themselves.  
Zevran took a small vial from his pocket and kissed it.  
“My dear Isabella, you are a genius. You are on for a treat my Pirate Queen.”

* * *

  
Late in the night, after they made love and Alistair slept soundly next to her, Anora replayed their conversation in her head. She didn’t want to lose him now that they finally confessed their love. She was worried that maybe the Hero lied to him that she had reasons to seek revenge on them. Anora acknowledged that Amell was the only one who could help Alistair; he put a lot of faith in her and the Queen hoped that the mage won’t betray him.  
She wanted to talk with Azzura, to see her face when she spoke about Alistair. As much it irked her, the Queen knew that she would bow to the mage’s feet and beg for the man she loved. The Warden- Commander couldn’t come to Denerim yet and Anora knew that she can’t go to Ostagar either. From what Alistair told her, Azzura spent some years in Tevinter and she liked to learn new magic.  
When the Circle of Kinloch Hold was abandoned, Alistair gave order that the library to be moved to the Royal Palace for safekeeping. Anora in her boredom found many tomes interesting and have read them. She wanted to understand magic and what was better than reading the old tomes?  
She read somewhere about Tevinter mages being able to talk in one’s dreams and that thought made her shudder. Maybe Azzura learned to do it too? It worth a shot.

The next morning, she called Ser Cauthrien and handed her a letter. Her guard Captain looked appalled at the idea of leaving the Queen without notice.  
“Don’t worry. Bryant will take over. You will say that you went to West Hills to visit your family. I don’t want to tell the King yet.”  
“All right your Majesty; but you know that it will take days for me to get back with an answer.”  
“You can take your time. If the Hero is the powerful mage everyone talks about, she will have a way to talk to me without being forced to send a letter.”


	20. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azzura likes to be popular, even between demons in the Fade.

After the proud speech she gave, Azzura had several days full with inspections of her Wardens. Their armors and weapons were of good enough quality, but they could have used some improvements, especially the new veridium blades Harrit made for the Inquisition soldiers. She made a mental note to fill a requisition form to send to Skyhold with the next messenger.  
Dorian and Varric were bored out of their minds, the Tevinter mage even more so. He complained about missing his books and Varric finished all of his blank parchment. Azzura couldn’t blame him; the dwarf squeezed out of her even the less important piece of information for his new book.

  
When Cullen asked her if she was all right with being immortalized in one of Varric’s books, she laughed and told him that since the Champion got used to her adventures put on display, who was her to deny that little pleasure to his readers?  
“You just like to be in everyone’s attention, that’s it. Even in the Circle, you liked people’s attention on you.” – The Commander pursed his lips and looked in the distance.  
“Awww let me guess. You don’t like people to find out about your youth. Don’t worry, Varric promised me that before he sends it to his publisher, I will get the manuscript for a first read. Besides, I will avoid most of our adventures in the Circle.”

  
Cullen shook his head, rolling his eyes. “Be careful. The King and Queen Anora might be very unhappy. After all, you were his … “– He choked; the next word was just too annoying to repeat. She helped him out, trying to keep her face straight and failing miserably.  
“ Lover? Come on, you can say it.”  
“People might read more than it was intended. They could say that you still are in love with him. Are you? I mean … do you love him … that’s it?”  
She cupped his cheek and with her thumb caressed the scar on his upper lip smiling at him.

  
“It took you long enough to ask me. No, I’m not. I and Alistair are just friends now. In fact I wrote to him about you. He was happy to hear that we found each other again. Besides, if my readings from his letters and my spy training don’t betray my intuition, I would say that the King is very busy fawning over Anora.”  
“Leliana said that much. The Spymaster took a liking in spying the King of Ferelden. I believe that she does it for her personal amusement.”  
Azzura laughed. “If Alistair finds out, she is in big trouble. She will ask forgiveness until she gets old. At least I am comforted knowing that she keeps an eye on him; in his last letter he sounded a little strained. I’m worried.”

  
“You want to go to Denerim? It won’t take that much and here everything seems in order; we can make it without you. To be honest I am tired of sitting around without doing something.”  
“It’s nice of you, Cullen; but I can’t right now. Some scouts reported darkspawn movements at two days travel from here. We need to put everyone in alert. Now I am not sure if it was a good idea to keep the soldiers and the Wardens in the same place. The Darkspawn know that we are here as we do. If they attack, we need to be prepared. We can’t let the soldiers fight the darkspawn; not now.”  
“You are afraid that they will be infected?”

  
“Yes. And I can’t save them; I could do the Joining on those touched by the Blight, but honestly I would prefer to refrain from making someone Warden right now. At least until Corypheus is dealt with.”  
They continued to sit close to each other and watch the ruins of the ancient Tevinter town. After the Blight, Alistair gave order that the ruins to be cleared of the corpses and rubble. On the spot where Azzura and her friends found the late King Cailan, Alistair’s people built a memorial. Nothing was left to remember the passing of the horde, everything was clean and now and then, people adventured here, to pay their respects.

  
Cullen broke the silence they fell in. “How it was? Back then, when you joined them? You told me that you met King Cailan and even spoke to him.”  
“Oh, that would be the short story. I did spoke with King Cailan a bit, until he said that he would like to have a mage in his bed. Apparently, the King never had a mage lover before.”  
“That’s … that’s … “  
“Hard to believe? Not funny? Yup, and neither Cailan didn’t think it was funny when I told him that I could set his bits on fire with one finger, every word being said with a fireball in my hand, just to point that I was serious.”  
“You didn’t!”  
“I was upset for leaving the Tower and you, what I could do?”

  
Cullen dragged her to his chest and she rested her head on his shoulder. “Cailan was a grown up child. He had this big dream about fighting along with the Grey Wardens and he was sorry for the griffons’ disappearance. I thought what silly man would dream like that? He grew up spoiled in his gilded cage, that’s the sad part. In his mind, the Wardens could stop the sun from rising. Loghain was upset with his childish talk about holy wars and heroes. Looking back, maybe he was right all along. After fighting at Maric’s side and retaking an entire country back from the Orlesians, Loghain couldn’t stand being a nanny to Cailan. His big mistake was that he expected Cailan to be like his father. He wasn’t wrong thinking that. He just got the wrong son. Loghain had no idea about Alistair’s existence.”

  
“If he didn’t know about Alistair, then why he tried to kill you both?”  
“In his grab for power, Loghain blamed the Wardens for Cailan’s death. We were the only Wardens who knew the truth. I was at the War Council and could testify that he supposed to be on attack and not retreating from the battle ground.”  
“As a Commander, to be honest I would have saved the army from annihilation, even if that meant to lose part of it.”  
“After all these years I understand that. But he left his King to die; his son-in-law and he took the throne from Anora, when she was capable enough to rule by herself.”  
“You said that.” – Cullen stood quiet but she could feel his brain’s wheels ticking.  
“And still, I took the throne from her and gave it to Alistair?”  
“Well, I didn’t …”

  
“I know. I was young, Cullen. Young and angry. I blamed all and everyone. I blamed Jowan for his treachery. In that I was right though. I blamed Duncan for taking me away; unwise, when he did it only to save me, really. I blamed the Blight, Loghain, Anora, Alistair and so on.”  
Cullen smiled in her hair. “That’s a lot of blame right there.”  
“No kidding. By the time I got to fight the Archdemon I had a mountain of corpses behind and ghosts to haunt me, but my anger still couldn’t be quelled.”  
The Templar training surfaced in Cullen’s mind. “With all that anger, you were a good prey for demons in the fade, you know?”  
“Nah, I blamed them too. It was a time when they saw me and ran away. Usually they never had the time to speak more than a word and they were dead. I believe I am the first mage around who took a liking in hunting demons in the Fade for the only pleasure of cutting down something. I’m not afraid of the Fade.”

  
“Aren’t you a tough one? But how they could get to you? After what happened in Amaranthine, I mean.”  
_Here it goes; all or nothing_. Azzura took a deep breath and then kissed his fingers which played with her braid.

  
“In Amaranthine I met a man. Varel was my Seneschal in the Keep. He was in his late forties and took me under his care and taught me many things. Varel was a wicked player of the Game and he trained me. To my own surprise, I like playing the Game. I learned something from Leliana when we were on the road during the Blight, but I never grasped all the nuances of it. Varel had to do it in Amaranthine; the nobles there were Howe’s supporters and we had to keep them in check. Slowly, he made me rethink all the things I have done. He had a logical mind; any motivation I could give to my own misery and why I felt that way, he would just dissect it and revert it against me. We fell in love short before the darkspawn assault; it was maybe like half year. When they attacked, he remained behind with other Wardens and I went to save the City. I could have let the town burn and go back to Vigil’s Keep in time to reinforce their defense; but I didn’t. I wanted to save everyone; I couldn’t burn down my own city. So, when we finally made it back, I found Varel dying. Anders did everything in his power to save him, but it wasn’t enough. He lost too much blood from his wounds. Varel made a living shield from himself for Velanna; so she could cast her spells. After that I blamed myself, a lot. What if instead I would have left Justice in the Keep, he could have protected Velanna and Varel could have lived. For the first time in my life, I began to think that maybe blood magic was good enough to save him. He stopped me. He told me that he doesn’t want to live knowing what I was forced to do for him; it wouldn’t be him, the one I would bring back. And he passed away.”

  
Cullen stood with his eyes closed, listening to her voice and not daring to interrupt her. When she stopped from speaking, he embraced her, tight.  
“For what is worth, I’m sorry. “  
She turned and looked at him with big eyes. “Really? Even after I have told you that I loved yet another man?”  
“Even if you didn’t, I was too far gone to be able to see you otherwise than the mage you were. We didn’t part in good terms then, remember? I have tried to choke you.”  
“I went to the Tower several times but Greagoir always kept me from reaching out to you; he hoped that one day you will recover and then we would find each other again.”  
“I did recover enough to be taken by Meredith and continue my hate for the mages apparently. I owe much to Hawke, you know?”  
“How is she? Did you know her well?”

  
“Adeline Hawke is a fine woman, brilliant, sarcastic – sometimes I just wondered if she took everything as a joke – she could be a real pain in the ass. When she was set onto something, she went till the end. As she liked to say, my redemption was one of those causes. Anders used to say that I was a lost cause, but she laughed and kept annoying me.”  
Azzura beamed with curiosity. “A woman to my heart’s desire! I would like to meet her, someday.”  
“Maker preserve me. The day when you two will meet, I intend to be at least on the other side of Orlais.”  
“Oh, c’mon! I bet she will have a lot of gossip about you.” – She ruffled some of his neatly groomed hair, pulling a curl out of its place. “I would steal that lotion again, but I like the way it smells on you.”  
“Hawke likes my curls too, that’s why I must escape when you two will meet. She came to Skyhold soon after we got there. Varric called her because she had some information about Corypheus. Cassandra was not happy, at all.”  
“The face she made when Leliana told her who I was. I thought she would strangle us both.”

  
“She wanted to kill Varric. If not for the Herald, he would have joined his book on Cassandra’s list with stabbed things.”  
“The Seeker’s interrogation methods are in great need of improvement.”  
“Varric told her that he had no idea where Hawke was hiding. You should ask the King. Alistair offered her shelter in Gwaren, in Anora’s Castle. Isabella, one of Hawke’s friends made that port one of her most frequented places.”  
“Isabella? I know her. “– Azzura stopped saying more, the memory of a certain night on the Pirate Queen’s ship, surfacing. Fortunately, Cullen didn’t notice her sudden silence and reddened cheeks.

* * *

 

“Hey, Woman! I was looking for you since this morning!” - Nathaniel’s voice interrupted their blessed time alone. However, Azzura couldn’t be upset with him.  
“What’s wrong, Nate?”  
Nathaniel acknowledged Cullen with nod and turned towards the man following him.  
“Marcus wanted to know more about the Blight.”  
The mage smiled to her and bowed his head. “I am the only marcher around here and when you were fighting the Blight, I was tucked away in the Gallows. Meredith wasn’t a town crier either, so we had only sparse news about what was going on in Ferelden.”

  
“A lot of refugees came that year. I suppose the Knight- Captain told you something about them. The Champion, she was from Lothering and her family escaped before the horde invaded.”  
Nathaniel guffawed. “If is to believe Master Thetras’ tales, Hawke was saved by a woman who could change into a dragon.”  
Azzura forgot to breathe and almost chocked in her own saliva. “W-what?”  
“Don’t tell me you never read _The tale of the Champion_!”  
Azzura blushed in embarrassment. “I might have read some of Varric’s books, but not that one.”

 

“ _Do I have to repeat your own words?_ _I have waited so long!_ ” – The Spirit of Endurance mocked her.  
“ _Why should I read that book? It says it’s about history; I don’t read biographic books! They are boooring! Such an accomplished reader, really! Ah, the glee to turn those words on you!”_  
“ _Shut up, go bother some Templars_.” – Azzura dismissed her Spirit companion with a smile.

 

“Why are you smiling?” – Nate raised his brows in wonder.  
“I was just thinking that maybe I have made a mistake to read _Hard in Hightown_ instead of Hawke’s story. I will have to repair this mistake. A dragon lady, uh?”  
Amell bit her tongue in hearing Flemeth’s cackle in her mind.  
Trying to bring back the attention to him, Marcus asked casually.  
“It’s impressive that you got to kill an Archdemon. How did you do it?”

  
Azzura frowned, giving a side glance to Cullen who pretended to check his sword. For a man interested in stories about the Blight, he jumped straight to the end of it.  
“I wasn’t alone at Fort Drakon. I had mages, humans, dwarves and elves to help me. I was just leading their charge and happened to give the killing blow to the dying lizard, that’s it.”  
“Amazing! If you don’t mind for asking; from the five heroes who defeated an Archdemon in the Blights, you are the only one who made it, to tell the tale. Makes you wonder why that is.”  
_If I would have to play Wicked Grace with ten antivans, right now I would have won a pile of gold._ – Sure about where this talk was going and what she will have to do after that, Azzura kept a neutral face. Sometimes people just bring it on their heads, that’s it. And she will be there to deliver.

  
“Who knows? Maybe I was just lucky or my allies defended me better. The only fact I know is that I just put a sword trough that darkspawn’s head and I lived. Not much to say, really.”  
After Marcus excused himself and left her alone with Cullen and Nate, Azzura linked her arms with both of them and descended towards the ruins. When they were outside the camp and she checked with her senses for other wardens around, she stopped and collapsed on a rock nearby.  
“Well, we have a problem.”  
Cullen’s face showed the worry he felt.  
“Do you think he is one of those who try to kill you?”

  
“I think so. Not even one of the Wardens here dared to ask me about why I survived. But I don’t want to fret; maybe it was only his curiosity. I will have to wait and see.”  
“If there is a group of them trying to get to you, do you think they could have your phylactery with them? Although I don’t think would be possible, everyone knew that you will come here. “  
“Even if they don’t have it, Cullen I want you to try to sense it. Your Templar abilities are handy right now.”  
Nate looked thoughtful at the Tower of Ishal. “If they are here, I don’t think they will try to kill you inside the camp. We need a plan.”  
“Ambushing them? I’m on it. Have any ideas?”  
“Give me a day to put everything in place.”  
“I will inform Varric and Dorian. In meantime you shouldn’t be left alone.” – said Cullen.  
“And it will be better for you that you spend tonight in the Commander’s tent. Not that he would mind; right Commander?”  
Cullen blushed furiously and Azzura chocked a laugh. Nate left them alone and his roaring laughter could be heard for a while.

* * *

 

The next day in the evening, the five friends made their way to the ruined walls and hid behind them.  
“So, what is going on? I get to see some action, finally?” – Dorian was giddy with anticipation.  
Cullen snorted and looked to Azzura. “You were right. I went around the camp and I sensed you in a place where you shouldn’t be.”  
“I go everywhere, Cullen. Be more specific.”  
“The men’s privy. Or you were there, last night?”

  
Nate smirked and nudged Azzura with his shoulder. “I think not. She was busy making herself comfortable in your tent, Commander.”  
Cullen grumbled red again. “Well … there is a man, a Templar I suppose. I bet he has your phylactery; I couldn’t get closer to him lest I would let him know that I sensed your blood.”  
Varric took notes on his small book. “Good. So we know of at least two of them.”  
Dorian made a movement wanting to talk, but then he decided against it. Azzura encouraged him with a nod.  
“You said that those who attacked you in Highever had a blood mage with them. If this Marcus escaped the Gallows, maybe he is one of them?”  
“Now I feel sorry for letting him go away.” – Cullen looked uncomfortable with Dorian’s idea.

  
“Don’t fault yourself for your good heart Commander. You did what you thought it was a good deed. “  
Azzura nodded to the Tevinter mage. “If Marcus is a blood mage, he brought it on himself. What do you know about the Templar, Cullen?”  
“Like I’ve said I couldn’t get closer to him, but he doesn’t seem too concerned about what is going around him either. A soldier told me that he asked about the Inquisition and what it can offer.”  
“Maybe they are using him, without actually telling him what they have planned?” – Azzura wanted to give everyone a chance of doubt; she wasn’t going to kill a man only for using her own blood to track her down.

  
What she was afraid off it was the fact that she would have to use her special skills to fight the blood mage in front of them. If she could, she would avoid taking Cullen with her but she needed Templar back up just in case she was incapacitated.  
“All right; one last thing. I have to ask if you are comfortable with some strange magic that you never saw before.”  
Varric shrugged. “I have seen many weird things walking around with Hawke, Broody, Blondie and Daisy. Nope, I’m good.”  
Dorian stretched his arms, picking up his staff. “I come from Tevinter. Everything out of normal in South, doesn’t apply there. I am curious to see your Order in action.”  
Nate’s jaw dropped. “I don’t think he speaks about our Order. What you got into this time?”  
“Nothing major, really. Just joined a shadowy organization of mage killers.”

  
“I won’t even ask for details. But that doesn’t mean that you will be alone.”  
Azzura turned to Cullen who looked uncomfortable around him. “This means that you will use your … uhm … companions?”  
“Yes. Some of the abilities will look worrying to you. I … well … change into a walking dark shroud. It’s only the appearance, I still am there, but the Fade energy I use is black. And my eyes will glow red.”  
Cullen sighed covering his eyes with a hand. “If you wouldn’t kill blood mages, the fact that you will change into that thing…”  
“I know.” – She grinned at him –“That’s why we are called Shadowhunters. We hunt from the shadows.”

* * *

 

  
Nate, Varric and Dorian went ahead leaving them alone. Cullen was silent.  
“Still worried?” – She touched his arm slowly. He put his hand over hers.  
“Terrified would fit better. You will be … something.”  
“Don’t be afraid, it’s still me. Besides, would you be happier if I would change into a bear or wolf?”  
Cullen gawked at her. “You learned shapeshifting?”  
“I’m afraid not. There are … technicalities that … uhm … I can’t stand.”

  
He narrowed his eyes at her. “You want to tell me that you can’t shapeshift? A skill for which a lot of mages would kill, only to be able to learn it?”  
She looked around and stammered. “A lot of my brothers in arms are shapeshifters but I can’t do it. I’m scared of it. I know how to do it but I just can’t.”  
Cullen never laughed loud but this time he couldn’t resist. Clutching his side he still tried to stop, but the look of annoyance in Azzura’s eyes it didn’t help. Between giggles, he poked the metaphorical snake with the stick.

  
“I can’t believe it! You travelled with apostates and I bet that you never skipped the opportunity to learn their magic; but you are afraid to shapeshift. Remember how you were stealing Irving’s books and tried to learn by yourself? You, the forbidden magic lover?”  
“Fine! Laugh how much you like. Actually, don’t stop. You look smoldering with those eyes of yours lightened up.”  
He embraced her and gave her a long kiss. “I do?”  
“Fishing for compliments, I see. Morrigan, the Witch of the Wilds; she and I had a long friendship. When she taught me to shapeshift, the first thing she made me change into, it was a spider. It was frightening. A spider doesn’t have enough intelligence and when I tried to control both minds, it was conflicting. One part said that I am human the other part just wanted to feed and spread its web. Takes strong willpower to control the feeling. I lack of it.”

  
“Maybe it’s just the fear keeping you back.”  
“I agree. You don’t sound worried about the entire forbidden magic thing.”  
“I had to learn to keep my fears at bay. Merrill, one of Hawke’s companions, she is a Dalish and she used to summon trees and plants. Fenris, Adeline’s lover is a lyrium warrior. Have you ever seen any of them?”  
“We saved a couple of children from being used like that. A lyrium warrior is something rare and once they reach their full abilities, they are bound to their owner. Brainwashed with blood magic.”  
“Fenris broke his chains somehow and with Hawke’s help, he killed his master and his apprentice. So, I have learned that not all magic is bad. It’s just that the Chantry doesn’t teach us.”  
“The Chantry likes to chain the mages and Templars to a certain amount of knowledge. Imagine if all the mages would learn to change form; Templars would have hard time catching them. Controlling which magic one can learn so the Templars could use that knowledge against mages.”

* * *

 

The next day Azzura told Nate that she will go to inspect the Tower of Ishal to see if the underground tunnels where still blocked by the debris. When Nathaniel protested that she should take someone with her, she denied him saying that she needed to be alone for a while. They made sure that they were in an ear’s shot from the other Wardens.  
“Wait for them to follow me, then pick up our people and come to the entrance. Don’t interfere, unless you see me going down; and if you see the Templar going in, try to not hurt him. I want him alive for interrogation and Cullen, despite what he says, wouldn’t like me killing one of his Order brethren. “

* * *

  
The Tower was still imposing and many of its chambers were clear of rubble and a fine dust covered every stone and furniture still intact after all those years. Azzura looked around remembering that day when she and Alistair and two other soldiers made their way to the top. She could still remember Alistair’s desperate sigh when she was running ahead bring the darkspawn’s attention on them. He was so calm in explaining her that she should stay back and take care that the warriors were protected by her magical shields and had enough stamina to make it through. The battle was rough, ending with her gawking at the giant ogre and cowering in a corner, in fear.

  
So much time passed since then. She wasn’t afraid anymore of fighting in close combat, she liked it even. Azzura smiled to herself, what Alistair would say, seeing her fighting a blood mage al alone. She left her Spirit companions outside, to alert her if someone came; the Guardian appeared by her side.  
“They are coming. Marcus the mage, the Templar and another Warden.”

  
“Good. I need you to keep the Wardens’ attention meanwhile I will set a restraining glyph on the Templar. I want him alive.”  
The Guardian disappeared and the second after Azzura’s staff started to glow red with flames and to move around by itself.  
Nathaniel, Varric, Dorian and Cullen snuck inside the Tower following the three other men. Silently, Nate made a sign for them to follow him to a secondary path.

  
“This way will give us several minutes to find Azzura before them. She told me that she will be at the top of the Tower, so we need to get in that room before they arrive.”  
Everyone nodded and ran after the rogue Warden. Slowly, they entered the large room and after giving Azzura a nod of assurance, they found the best places to hide and wait. Dorian went with Cullen, the mage was sure that the Commander will try to jump in her aid even before she gave the signal.

  
Cullen grunted when Dorian hit him with an elbow in the ribs. “Couldn’t you find your own spot?”  
The Vint smirked at the visibly annoyed Commander. “I need to keep you here. So don’t be foolish.”  
When Cullen saw the Spirit appearing from nowhere, he tensed and gripped Dorian’s arm unconsciously.  
“Relax, you. It’s just some spirit and you are around Cole every day.” – Then Dorian’s jaw dropped when he saw the staff coming to life. “Fasta vas! That’s awesome!”  
Azzura raised a hand to quiet them; soon after, the three culprits entered the room. She feigned surprise and looked outside the small window down to the ruins.

  
“Marcus! How nice to join me. Is here where I was sent to light the fire and Flemeth saved me. Who are your friends?”  
Marcus’ eyes where cold, all the friendly attitude gone. “None of your concern, Warden- Commander. I’m afraid that you will have to come with us. You are needed in the Western Approach by Warden- Commander Clarel.”

  
She checked her fingernails and looked at them in the sunlight filtering between the broken glass. “She could have sent me an invitation. To be honest I am still upset at how she took my wardens as they were hers.” – Pretending to think for a second, she deadpanned. “Nope. I don’t feel in the mood to stroll all the way to the Approach only to see her.”  
The other Warden drew his sword and advanced a step towards her. “Then, we will have to take you. Clarel said that she wants you alive, but if you don’t give us another choice…”  
“Jeez, so much chatter. Get on with it, already.” – Azzura’s bored tone took by surprise the Warden. The young Templar, who until then stood in silence, advanced towards Marcus. “Messere, you said that you only wanted to talk to her.”

  
“You did your job Ser James. Thank you, you can go now.”  
Azzura’s staff flew in front of her and both Wardens’ startled. She took advantage on their short distraction to push the Templar outside of their reach, and then a glyph showed under his feet, paralyzing him. Seeing his horrified expression, she made a soothing movement with her fingers and put him to sleep. She will have to deal later with the young man and Cullen will be there to help.  
“Shall we dance, then?” – And suddenly, Amell sent a stone fist towards the warrior warden, leaving him unconscious. Turning to face Marcus, she rolled her eyes at the sight of him cutting his palms.  
“How predictable. The Gallows _did_ teach blood magic, after all.”

  
With blood swirling at his feet, Marcus sneered at her. “Your order teaches you that everything is permitted when fighting the darkspawn.”  
Drawing her sword, Azzura took a defensive stance. “Certainly it does, but I am not a darkspawn … yet. I suppose you also remember another oath of the Wardens; don’t draw your sword against your brothers and sisters Wardens. What need has Clarel of me?”  
“You are a mage and she needs your blood. If I can get it to her, I will be rewarded.”

  
Right then, the Staff controlled by the Guardian Spirit came and touched Azzura’s hand and she took it. The free marcher summoned three shades at once and the beings attacked Amell.  
From behind the crates where they were hiding, Cullen gasped and his hand twitched on top of his sword’s hilt. Dorian shook his head and whispered. “She’s just toying with him.” Cullen hissed between clenched teeth. “She will be overwhelmed.” The mage shook his head in disappointment. “She will be fine. Just watch.”

  
In the center of the room, Azzura swirled her staff around taunting the shades to come closer. When the monsters attacked from three sides at once, a dark pool of energy began to form under her feet; the swirling mass rose slowly and enveloped her knees and chest in a dark cloud. Soon, where once Amell stood, a tick shroud with two glowing red spots it was all what remained. Marcus gasped in horror and retreated in a far corner. Azzura’s clear voice could be heard from the dark shape handling the flaming staff. “I love this job. It comes with some cute effects. Scary, isn’t it?”  
A shade succeeded and approached her more than it was convenient only to be pushed back by a discharge of purple lightning coming from Azzura’s hand. She released the staff and took up the sword and shield and bashed the other two shades. A fireball sent by Marcus hit her square in the chest without any visible damage. A shimmering light stopped the fire at inches of her body.

  
“What the fuck are you?” – Marcus sounded annoyed and a little frightened by the sudden display of unknown power.  
“Certainly not a blood mage. “ – replied the cheerful voice. “Three shades. That’s lame, Marcus.”  
With a final stab she finished the last shade. Marcus started to shake with rage and Azzura decided to shorten the show she was giving to the other hidden participants, lest she will find them unconscious from fear or surprise.  
“Show me your demon, Marcus.”

  
“When I will call it you will know. Why would I reveal what I know? Those who met it fell under the spells, she’s a powerful one.”  
“ _She,_ eh? Desire demons have this habit of taking human forms and genders; I gave them that.”

  
Azzura hit the ground with the bottom of her staff and kept it steady in front of her.  
“ _Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus demonio; omnis maleficarum potestas, omnis incursio … “_  
Behind the crates where he was hidden, Cullen gasped in recognition of the tevene words he was hearing. “The Litany … she uses the Litany of Adralla.”  
Marcus glared at Azzura and launched himself to attack her with the dagger. “Stop it! You bitch!”

  
She parried the blows with her staff and continued to chant. “ _Infernalis adversarii, omnis legio; omnis congregatio et secta maleficaris!”_  
A sickly purple light surrounded Marcus and he fell to his knees, breathing heavily. The effort to keep the demon to show up costed him too much of his energy.  
“ _Ergo demonis maledicte et omnis legio diabolica adjuramus te. Cessa decipere humanas et elvehnan creaturas. Eisque aeternae perditionis venerum propinare. Humiliare sub potenti manu creatoris!_

The desire demon materialized with a loud scream and laughed at the Warden.  
“Hello again! Missed me?” – Azzura rolled her eyes and stepped to the side, trying to get close to Marcus.  
Someone must have got too excited about the all display and it gave his location, because the desire demon turned its eyes towards the place where Varric and Nate were hiding.  
Azzura enraged. “You demon! Step aside!” The purple being sashayed towards that spot with a glint of curiosity on her face. Amell was so scared for her friends that for a minute she forgot every word in the Litany. Desperate to disrupt the demon’s attention, she ran towards it and slapped it.

  
The demon gapped at her and for a good measure she slapped it again, hard. “I said, stop!”  
To everyone’s surprise the demon just starred at the mage and backed off. All the men rose at once from their hiding places and rolled their eyes to the crazy scene in front of them.  
Varric just pointed to the demon with his mouth wide open, Dorian laughed hysterically, Cullen and Nate dropped their weapons in surprise. The Templar in his paralyzing cage looked dumbstruck and forgot about all the fear he was experiencing.

  
Azzura showed a spot to the other side of the room to the demon.” Go there and don’t move!” – The Demon threw a glance to the men. “Eyes on me! Move!”  
Marcus took advantage of one second of distraction and approached Azzura from behind. Cullen screamed in warning but in the same time Marcus buried his dagger in Azzura’s ribs.  
She staggered on her feet, caught the hand with the dagger and burned it to the bone. Cullen couldn’t see the blood because she was still surrounded by the dark energy, but Azzura knew that the wound was bad enough. The Spirit of Endurance applied an invisible pressure on the ribs and alleviated the pain, so she could finish the job. She fought hard to keep her eyes on the two enemies and had to remember to calm down. _Fear attracts demons!_

  
She went to retrieve the sword from the ground and raised it over Marcus’ head.  
“The justice will be made, Marcus. You are a blood mage, you tried to kidnap and murder me; a Warden doesn’t do that!”  
Marcus spat on the ground. “Your Order took everything from me. Howe lied to me and what being a Warden means. You are a joke. You lie to the people who want to join you!”  
Azzura clenched her hands on the hilt. “We are defending Thedas by any means ... “– With a short movement, she decapitated Marcus – “… except blood magic.”

  
Cullen gasped at the sight Azzura made, with a bloody sword in her hands and lightning jumping out from her fingers. He got a blow in the image he had of her. He knew that she wasn’t innocent and she was a warrior but to see her in first person and to witness her calmness after she executed Marcus; it was something alien to him.

  
Slowly, she approached the desire demon that made a sign that it wanted to speak.  
“What! Get back from where you came.”  
“I can’t do that, Hero. I have to talk to you.”  
“No talk. Not now, not ever! And if I see you again …”  
“But… I want to understand! “  
The surprise made Azzura lower the sword. The Staff guided by the Guardian hovered at her left side.  
“Understand? That’s … new. No taunts? No bargains? Nothing?”

  
From many years of experience with the demons, Azzura knew that they don’t back down or are at loss of words. And yet, this one almost stuttered in its plea.  
“N-no. Why do you resist me?”  
“Because you have nothing to offer I don’t already have.”  
“The Cure for the Calling. You are afraid to die.”  
“We all die eventually; I will choose how I will die and the Cure might be a myth in the end. Not interested, I’m sorry.”

  
The demon tried to dig deeper in her thoughts, she could feel it but she fought with all the control she could master, reciting the Litany in her mind.  
“You are a strange human. I never saw one of your kind in many generations.”  
“Well, somewhere we have to start. Now, you choose. You go back to the Fade and live, or I kill you.”  
The Veil began to stir around the demon and Azzura fought the urge to attack it. Before the demon disappeared through the portal formed, she said.  
“One more thing; if I discover that you bother my friends, I will come to the fade and finish the job. I hate leaving loose ends.”  
“I promise I will leave them alone. Thank you, Hero.”

  
When the demon finally took its leave and the portal to the fade closed, the four men jumped from their places and started to speak at once.  
The last thing she could hear it was Cullen’s voice asking if she was crazy; everything went black and her body fell on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the Exorcism ritual transformed into the Litany of Adralla is taken from supernaturalwiki.com and it was used in the episode 2.14 named Born under a bad Sign. I don't own any of it. Sorry for the long delay, my boyfriend decided to buy me The secret World ... ugh.


	21. Plans for the future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azzura gets better and makes plans for the future.

She was unconscious the entire night and half of the following day and Cullen has spent his time keeping her hand and praying to the Maker. He wasn’t sure what Gods she worshipped; because to him it seemed that she had a liking for the Elvehn Pantheon, especially Mythal and sometimes he heard her saying that the Maker was deaf and didn’t care about his children. Was she an andrastian? Was she a Mythal’s follower? He had no idea and if he was honest with himself, he didn’t care either.

  
So, in his prayers he added every God he could come up with and for once he didn’t felt guilty or afraid that he was doing a mistake. He chuckled looking at their intertwined fingers. This woman would be the death of him; she always was in a way or another. It didn’t matter that she was a mage in the Tower and she found exciting to take his Templar heart. He submitted to her will, then. It didn’t matter that she was worshipping Mythal now; the elven people did it for centuries and they were still here; no one struck them with lightning because of that. He didn’t care; he wanted only to see her open her eyes and look at him with that smile he loved.

  
After the fight, when she fell to the ground without a word, Dorian was fast in stopping the bleeding, but the mage couldn’t do more than that. Cullen shook his head in disbelief; it seemed that Tevinter mages considered learning healing magic under their abilities; like something only the minor mages could learn. Dorian was the best with offensive and defensive magic but he sucked at healing. The Commander had a sudden moment of inspiration; next time he will beat the mage at chess, he will ask for a bet. Taking healing magic classes would teach the Tevinter Altus a bit of humility.

  
The two healers in the camp did what they could to knit together the muscles, but Azzura had to heal by herself with rest and healing potions at the best. And that’s why he was here, watching her sleeping and waiting for a sign that she will come out from the Fade. Thinking of the Fade made him remember the way she treated that desire demon. He wanted to laugh at the absurdity of what he witnessed and to strangle her … again … for the risk she took. She had spirits around her, treating them as friends and convinced a demon to get back from where it came. He never heard about any mage doing that; she was amazing.

  
As amazing she was, she still got distracted and made the mistake to turn her back to Marcus. And he wanted to laugh again remembering the face the mage did when he saw her changing into a dark blob of energy. She had spirits to protect her …  
Cullen jumped to his feet and looked around. She said that the spirits would protect her but she got hurt all the same.

  
“You should have protected her! Is not your job?” – Quickly he closed his mouth shut. It was ridiculous! He began to talk alone in the tent; soon people will think that he went crazy; the last thing he needed.  
“I can protect against offensive magic and the Guardian protects her mind. Even we have limits; but it’s endearing to hear how you think so high about us.”  
The sultry voice came from nowhere and he could feel a presence on the right side. Trying to calm his beating heart and the cold shivers in his body, Cullen pinched his eyes and breathed slowly.  
“Can you at least show yourself? I can’t talk to the walls. That’s absurd!”

  
A soft light shone near Azzura’s head and then the Spirit of Endurance made its appearance.  
“Better? Although I don’t think that helps you much. Those who could hear you outside would still think that you started to talk alone.”  
“Great. That way rumors about my impending madness will reach Skyhold and the next thing I know, is the Herald coming here to check on me and my lyrium addiction. The day couldn’t get worse.”  
The Spirit smiled and fixed a curl of blond hair above her forehead. “That … could not be entirely true.”  
Cullen narrowed his eyes to the ethereal being. “What do you mean?”

  
“The sleeping beauty has to wake up and release that poor Templar from his sleeping spell. The Wardens just brought him to the camp. You forgot the poor boy in that Tower … an entire night.”  
“Maker’s breath! You’re right. Wait, what about the other Warden?”  
“Dead. The Stonefist was a bit too powerful. I keep telling her to work on it.”  
“She doesn’t need to tune down her spells! That’s why she got hurt.”  
Cullen raised his voice a bit too much and the guard stating outside approached the tent and asked. “Are you all right Commander?”  
“Yes. I just think aloud, nothing else.”

  
The soldier shrugged and went back to playing cards with his companions, with a grin. His Commander was a love sick puppy; better than a grumpy lion.  
Endurance watched Cullen attentively. “You have a headache. I can help, if you want me to.”  
He had to still himself in place; being around Fade beings made him so uncomfortable but since joining the Inquisition it seemed that the two worlds collided every day. Closing his eyes – at least he won’t see the Spirit lady – he accepted her help. The tingling sensation made by the Spirit’s hand touching his face made him stiffen.  
“Relax, dear. It’s over.”

  
“I’m sorry; I am not used around beings like you.”  
The Spirit smiled warmly. “It’s not your fault. The way you were taught however is to blame. Your Chantry made a lot of mistakes that can’t be repaired overnight. For them I am a demon and a danger to everyone. Centuries of instilled fear won’t wash in a day’s passing.”  
Azzura awoke earlier but she didn’t want to interrupt Cullen’s get-to-know talk with her favorite spirit. Seeing Cullen warming just a little bit to her Spirit companion made her wake up fully.  
“Once a Templar, always a Templar. Hello, sweetheart. How are you? Making friends already?”

  
The blonde man’s eyes filled with happiness and his voice chocked. “You’re awake! Thank you, Maker!”  
“Indeed I am. I’m sorry for being hurt.”  
“It’s all right, love. We can yell at each other once you are recovered.” – Cullen‘s crooked smile made her swoon. He filled a glass of water and helped her drink. The Spirit of Endurance watched them both with interest.

  
“Your Templar is a strong man. I am amazed how much self-control he has. His body is the perfection of years of training and hardship.”  
Cullen shifted uneasy under Endurance’s scrutiny. He was used to women admiring his body shape, not Spirits. Azzura moved her hands over his arms feeling his muscles tense under his shirt. “He does, doesn’t he? I rather like him the way he looks these days.”  
“I thought you are a Spirit of Endurance, not a Spirit of Ogling.” – The ex-Templar grumbled.

  
“Well, my purpose is to evaluate how strong the beings in this world are. How I would help if I can’t compare them?”  
Azzura rested her head on the pillow; this conversation should be interesting. Cullen was in for a treat.  
“A lot of men and women around us are skilled warriors but I took an interest in Templars because of their condition. Lyrium gives them strength by numbing their senses; you on the contrary are far more interesting because your choice. You fight on even if your physical pain is unbearable sometimes. I see you struggling with your addiction but you won’t give in. You have no idea how invaluable and worthy of admiration you are, Commander. I can’t do much against your desire for that substance, but I can alleviate your pain; just call me when you need.”

  
“I … I don’t know what to say. Thank you? I will think of your offer.”  
“Good. Now it’s time for me to go. The warriors are starting their shirtless training.”  
Cullen who tasted a piece of bread chocked instantly.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I like to watch shirtless men, what else?”

  
A discussion he had with Rylen a while back came in his mind. “Rylen told me that he was feeling watched.”  
“Templars have a higher perception of Spirits, he wasn’t wrong. Knight-Captain Rylen is another example of perfection.”  
Cullen replied dryly. “I bet that my friend wouldn’t find it funny. And again, I think he might like it. The man is a hedonist. He knows that women like him and his tattoos. I never saw a man who would take advantage like that. If a woman asks how far his tattoos go, by the end of the day she will know for sure.”

  
Azzura replied lazily. “Way down under his smalls.”  
“WHAT???” – Cullen’s voice raised one octave.  
She chortled and soon winced because of the pain from her wound. “The Knight-Captain Rylen. His tattoos …”  
“You don’t need to repeat that! How do you know about his tattoos?”

  
Azzura pointed her finger towards the Spirit. “Witty. She told me. Although, I have to admit. Rylen is a good looking man. That accent and those tattoos … uhmmmm. ”  
“Maker, this is a nightmare.” – He looked to Endurance – “Just go, disappear, whatever you do.” – And turning to Azzura, he added – “I don’t like to share, remember? Keep it in mind, mage.”  
The light being disappeared in a poof of smoke and Azzura heard it in her mind, still laughing.

  
“ _I don’t think he’s ready to hear about what a Spirit of Love likes to do.”_

  
Amell laughed until she couldn’t breathe anymore. Every time she stopped, Endurance’s last words made her begin anew. Poor Cullen; he would be horrified knowing that the Spirits of Love liked to spy on mortals’ sex life, between other things. The thought alone would make him stop wanting sex, for sure.

* * *

  
Dorian found them like that; Azzura still laughing and Cullen giving her the stinky eye.  
“Well, by the sounds coming from your tent I concluded that you recovered well.”  
“Mostly because the Commander kept me company, Dorian. I want to thank you for saving me from bleeding to death. Your healing skills need improvement though; I will have another scar.”  
The mage zapped her with a tiny electrical discharge.  
“Oww! Sorry, sorry! Forget I said something.”

  
“My dear; this is a big faux-pass. You don’t point other people’s flaws one day after you had almost died because you made an error of judgment. Tsk – Tsk , turning your back to the enemy … bad move. As for the scar? The one crossing your back is far worse and your lovely tattoo on your arm? You should show it around! I have the right design for a nice tunic for you to wear.”  
“What scar? What tattoo?” – Cullen was still sour after the discovery about his friend he made earlier.  
Dorian gave him an uncredulous stare. “Why, Commander? Don’t tell me that you haven’t seen our Warden’s naked body?”  
Cullen blushed to the roots of his hair. “N- no, I didn’t.” –He stuttered.

  
The other man’s jaw almost dropped on the floor. “Fasta vas! Then what in the Maker’s name you two are doing all these nights alone in your tent?”  
Cullen kept his mouth shot and helped Azzura rise from her bed.  
“We talked, cuddled and slept mostly.” – She decided to spare the poor Commander the embarrassment.  
“No sex? At all?”

  
Cullen groaned and made a fast exit from the tent. The temptation to smite the Vint was too high in that moment.  
“No Dorian. We decided to wait until we get back to Skyhold. We are too old for tent debauchery; at least I am and Cullen is too worried with the image his troops have about him.”  
Varric’s voice boomed from outside. “Now I can tell to the Spymaster that she lost to the Inquisitor. Lots of talking and no sex. How sad, if I may say.”  
Azzura leaned on Dorian’s arm and went outside to see the grinning dwarf who listened shamelessly their little chat.  
“Then again; I might decide to steal the Commander and hide somewhere. Apparently not even in Skyhold I wouldn’t have so much privacy. Hello Varric.”  
“Hello Snowy; where to?”

  
“I need to talk to Ser James. I hope he rested well; after all he had an entire night to sleep it over.”  
The Templar wasn’t aware of who she was. The Wardens told him that they were looking for a deserter which Warden –Commander Clear wanted to be brought to justice. He went with them because he needed lyrium and the Wardens took advantage of that weakness.  
Ser James was ashamed to discover that he hunted down the famous Hero of Ferelden and by mistake the Wardens attacked her friend. Azzura still tried to understand how the Templar was led to Sarina, by the phylactery. The mystery was soon resolved however when they realized that the Templar saw her in the tavern and later, after she left, the Wardens saw Sarina instead. Cullen asked Ser James to join the Inquisition and the Templar accepted.

* * *

  
Nathaniel looked at his boss. “I wish that we could have an explanation to your resemblance to my wife. Sarina is still convinced that somehow, you two are related. Before being forced to slow down because of her pregnancy, she made a quest of cleaning the castle’s attic in the hopes that she will find hidden diaries, documents that could prove something. Now that she is free of the burden, she will go again in her wild-goose chase. Fergus is the most pleased with that. He always wanted to clean the attic, but couldn’t spare the people; Sarina is doing it for free.”  
Azzura scratched her head and bit her lips. Sooner or later she had to admit that her inheritance was a bit far north.

  
“I don’t know, Nate. I don’t see my mother or your parents being involved somehow. Maybe we are some distant relatives and it happened that we inherited the same facial features?”  
“How about your father? You always avoid talking about him.”  
“He was a Tevinter Magister.”  
Everyone, except Dorian stared at her. Varric was the first to break the silence.  
“Well I’ll be damned. That must be the best guarded secret in the Amell family.”  
“My mother had no idea. My father hid his magic for obvious reasons; and then I was born. After I was brought to the Circle, my father left mother and went back to Vyrantium. He died ten years ago.”  
Cullen massaged his temples. “That … makes you his heir in the Magisterium. Am I wrong?”

  
“I found out the all story only several years ago and I still have to get used to the idea. But I wouldn’t want to have a place in the Magisterium. I’m looking for someone to transfer the title to.”  
“An Amell, a hero, an Arlessa and Commander of the Grey of Ferelden; now with good chances to become a Magister. What next? You will tell us that you are an elvhen Goddess in disguise?”  
“No, Varric. I would be an awful God anyway. As for the things how they are right now, sooner or later I will have to clash with the First Warden. I do too much noise for a Warden that shouldn’t involve in politics or taking positions of power. Or, I could bring up their ties with the Anderfels’ King; yup, that’ll work.”  
Varric clasped Cullen’s arm, who was still skulking about the all magister trouble.  
“Heads up, Curly! She’s not going all mwahaahha! … For now.”

  
Azzura replied dryly. ”Thanks Varric. Now he will stay up all night watching me. That’s creepy.”

* * *

  
True to her prediction, Azzura caught Cullen wide awake and watching her. After several nights of letting him brood and watching her sleep, she had enough of it.  
She felt him moving on the bed and dragging all the blankets with him. Azzura woke up shivering and opened her eyes without warning. Cullen taken by surprise jolted.  
“Cullen, seriously! If you continue starring like this, I will make sure you sleep one week. Give me the blankets, I’m freezing.”  
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you up.” – He lay back on the cot and turned his face to her and pulled the covers on them.

  
“Talk to me. Since you found out that I am in danger of becoming a Magister, you barely spoke to me.”  
“It’s true. I … I … don’t know what to say. I am scared, all right?”  
“About what? About the fact that I like Tevinter? Or maybe the fact that I like my job and what I’m doing? Cullen, I am not changed. It’s still me; with a bit of scars and skeletons in my closets; but that doesn’t make me different.”

  
He snuggled close to her and put an arm over her waist. It was so easy to let everything undisclosed and he was tired of keeping that fear in him.  
To someone from outside the way they fell in that behavior seemed strange. But not to him. For them it was like they never were apart and in the last years they kept in touch often. He couldn’t describe the feeling; for him it was like he saw her one hour earlier and not after eleven long years. He loved her and he was afraid that she will leave again; that somehow their roads will split once more and this time they won’t find each other.

  
She waited for him to talk. Cullen was never one to open up easily; he needed time and encouragement, especially in the matters of the heart. She smiled at the memory of him telling her for the first time I love you. It took him weeks of fumbling and stuttering because he wasn’t sure about her and he feared that she would laugh.  
“When you came back and told me that you want me in your life, I was certain that I won’t listen to that voice in my head telling me that you are real. I was afraid that it was one of your games; you had the King after all. In these last months I came to realize that I always wanted only you and if I would send you away, this time you won’t come back. I was afraid to let you go and afraid to let you get into my heart again.”

  
Softly, she kisses his lips and eyes. “And I’m still here.”  
“Yes, you are. Imworriedforthefuture.”  
Azzura blinked. He rushed the entire sentence in one breath, spilling out his worst fear. “Care to repeat?”  
“I’m worried for us, for myself. I wouldn’t be able to see you leaving again; and now that you might become a Magister and still having to serve the Divine what’s-his-name; I fear that you will have to go.”  
Warmth flooded her cheeks. “Are you asking me to stay, with you?”  
“Well, it’s implied … I think?”  
“Cullen, If I wasn’t sure that I would want you back, do you think I would have played with your hopes like that? Of course I will stay. Maxwell needs me and the Divine and Archon Radonis would kill me if I fuck this up. They want to support the Inquisition and I was appointed for this task.”  
“And after? When Corypheus is defeated? What we will do?”  
“We get married.”  
Cullen forgot to breathe. She raised her brows in the dark of the tent.  
“Cold feet already?”  
“I… Did you … do we …” – He wasn’t able to articulate more than those words.  
“Yes we will. Now, you get back to sleep and be a good Templar.”  
“I’m not a Templar; and how do you think I would sleep when you just told me that I will get married?”  
After that, they spent the entire night kissing and talking and cutting out the entire Thedas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The joke about Rylen's tattoos is dedicated to Mayamelissa and SilentSlayer :P


	22. Birds,Shoes and a guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azzura is afraid of Leliana's wrath, Cullen asks Dorian stuff and an un-expected guest arrives at Ostagar.

The sun was running to the last portion of its long trip in the sky; Dorian Pavus smoothed his hair and stretched his legs on the stool where he stood reading all day long. The camp was in a state of organized chaos. The Wardens readied their weapons and supplies for the incursion the Warden- Commander planed earlier that week.

  
Azzura was worried for the Inquisition’s soldiers being ambushed by the large group of darkspawn spotted by the scouts and she had the _brilliant_ idea to _go after them before they came after us, because if they will swoop on us it will be a big no-no and swooping is bad._ That woman was scary when she had something bloody in mind; far from the woman who stood by the fire right now, playing with Sister Nightingale’s raven. The bird seemed unfazed by Amell turning him around and scratching his feathers. Now and then she would read the letter which came attached on the crow’s leg earlier.

  
Cullen saw the Tevinter mage watching Azzura and approached him, with a smug smile.  
“Admiring the view?”  
Dorian smirked and gave the Commander a meaningful up and down look. “Now that you are here, I quite enjoy the view.”  
Cullen blushed to the tip of his ears and looked away clearing his voice.  
“Well …”  
“Don’t worry, Commander. I wouldn’t poach in her territory. I don’t want those sweet fingers to change me into an icicle. “

  
“She can be deadly when she wants to, isn’t it? I still can’t take my mind of Marcus’ death.”  
“She acted like he was merely a fly on the wall when she decapitated him. The man deserved it though; the Warden- Commander’s life was in danger because of him and his friends. She spared that Templar in the end; I suppose that should count as a good ending?”  
“I suppose so.” – Cullen bit his lower lip and brought his hand to his neck. – “Dorian … how is the life in Tevinter? It is as dangerous as you make it appear?”

  
If Dorian was surprised he didn’t showed up and refrained to make fun of his friend. Somehow, he felt that what Cullen needed now it was an honest and serious opinion.  
“Depends on the people and of what they do. Slaves and soporati don’t have to worry about assassins waiting for them in the bedchambers. The higher ranks enjoy the thrill of a good successful assassination; I can’t say the same for their victims though. “

  
“If she becomes a Magister, she will be in danger?”  
Dorian gave a sad smile to his friend then let his eyes wander over Azzura’s form.  
“She is already in danger. This is what I was trying to understand when you interrupted me. I was wondering if she is prepared enough and she acts like she has no clue or is she so innocent to believe that every man and woman has a good side hidden somewhere.”

  
“She had her share of assassins sent after her and they became her best friends; how she convinced them? Is far away from my understanding. She was always good at making friends after all.”  
Dorian smiled seeing his friend’s eyes lighting up at a memory he apparently summoned with those words.

  
It was rather funny to see the Commander in his day by day interaction with his troupes when every soldier would cower under his scrutiny and stand at attention aligned like toothpicks in their box. With one word, Cullen could scatter them faster than one could count to three and his battle cries and scowls gained him the nickname of Lion of Skyhold or Ferelden. When the Lion roared everybody knew their business.  
And there was the other side of Cullen’s personality who forgot the Lion somewhere on the road. When he was with Amell, all Cullen could give were huge puppy eyes looks and bashful smiles. Dorian thought that it was adorable; Amell was indeed a lucky woman.

  
The mage continued to speak about the life in Tevinter. “If somehow, someone happens to cross paths with another’s interests and could hinder them … well, the clash is inevitable; and your Lady crossed many paths by now. I bet that she is the thorn in every Magister’s side.”

  
“Does being a Magister implies that she would be required to live in Minrathous?”  
“I don’t think they would make her stay there. She could always delegate on someone else and she has friends, so … I don’t think it would be a problem. Why do you ask?”  
Cullen shifted his weight on his feet. “I was asking … well … because of us. She … has plans and I was trying to figure out how she would stay here and …”  
“Are you asking me how to proceed with your love life, Commander? How sweet of you.”

  
Cullen never thought that he would ask someone, let alone a Tevinter mage, about his love life. But he couldn’t talk with anyone else about his fears and Dorian was the closest person he could call a friend except for the Herald, which given the case, wasn’t here at the moment. The only downside were the constant jibes at his expense, but he learned to accept them.  
“From what I can see, that woman is very determined to keep you. The question is … will you accept her for what she is? For what she could become?”

  
Cullen frowned. “She likes balls and dresses and gossip. How can that be part of her when she is a warrior, I don’t understand.”  
“Because she is also a woman. Women can be fearless warriors when needed but they also need a little tension relief and what is better than a day going out and visiting the market, having an easy talk with a friend and making their men or women happy at night? Besides, I don’t think when she attends to the balls she is there only for fun. Many secrets can be acquired at balls; drinking and merriment makes people leave their guard down and if someone is wise enough … there are many advantages in one’s loose tongue.

* * *

 

Azzura approached the two men with a wide smile and the bird on her shoulder. She was feeding Baron Plucky with little pieces of bread.  
“So, what two of my favorite men are talking about? Did I interrupt something?”  
Cullen felt uneasy at being caught talking about his feelings and tried to turn the conversation away from the dangerous territory. He looked at the bird with critical eyes.  
“You should not feed him every minute when you find the time. That bird is barely walking.”  
She took the raven between her hands and shook him to check his weight.  
“Do you think he’s fat enough? Leliana sent a letter yelling at me that Baron Plucky is losing weight.”  
“The Spymaster is blind or either crazy. This bird is one step closer to his grave if you insist on feeding him so much.”

  
Dorian tried to stop laughing but all he could come up with was a gasp. Azzura scowled at him. “What it is so funny? I don’t think you got to the end of Leliana’s wrath yet. Am I right?”  
Cullen shook his head in disbelief at her obvious fear of Leliana. “You and Leliana are best friends and work in the same branch of spy business and you want to tell me that you are afraid of her? Because of a fat bird?”

  
She holds the letter in front of her with only two fingers. “If Leli decides to punish someone, she has her methods. Imagine having a little embarrassing secret and she finds out? You will do whatever she asks you to do only to convince her to keep her little mouth shot. And she’s expensive with the gifts she requires; those unlucky enough get one of her terrible pranks.”  
Cullen raised his brows in confusion. “I don’t think you describe the same Leliana. The Spymaster means business; I haven’t seen her doing such debaucheries.”

  
“Oh, rest assured she has her moments. Morrigan, the Witch of the Wilds who travelled with us, still has to repay her for the prank she pulled. One day Leli wanted to untie Morrigan’s hair to braid it in a different style and she didn’t let her. How Leliana sneaked into Morrigan’s tent, I have no idea. I don’t think you remember Morrigan, Cullen; suffice to say that she loved a certain clothing style. Leliana did something with her breast band – if two tiny pieces of cloth hold together by some thin rope could be called as such. We had the misfortune to be attacked by the darkspawn in the middle of the night and everyone had to fight. When the battle was at its worst, Morrigan’s band snapped and her breasts flew in the wind. Alistair was almost killed by an ogre because everything he could do was staring at Morrigan’s chest with his mouth wide open. Later on, Sten the Qunari we had with us, asked him if he ever saw a naked woman and for good measure maybe someone should show him the other differences between boys and girls. Poor Alistair buried himself in his tent and I had to drag him out the next day.”

  
Azzura checked her breasts trough toughly. Cullen coughed and choked looking sideways to see if anyone was seeing what she was doing.  
“What? Until today I have no idea how Morrigan’s tits stood so firmly in her mini-bra and mine bumped all over the place!”  
Everything Dorian could do was to clear his eyes of tears. “So, what it will be your punishment then?”

  
Azzura pursed her lips. “She raised the stack. She wanted a pair of new shoes. Now that she lost her bet with Maxwell, she wants a pair of blue shoes made of royal silk and silver buckles, made only for her. How I could find those shoes? Do they grow on trees, somewhere?”  
“You could draw them and have someone make them?”  
“Dorian, you are wonderful! But where I find royal silk? Because it is _royal._ Only the highest classes have enough money to buy that expensive silk.”  
Dorian winked at his new friend. “I think you know some royalty by now. You stand on their land after all. Send the letter to King Alistair; it’s worth a try, no?”  
Cullen began to retreat at a safe distance and threw furtive glances behind him.  
“Where are you going?” – Azzura had none of that and had to call him out.  
“I think I will go to train with the soldiers for a while. At least until the talk about shoes is over.”  
Dorian and Azzura laughed and continued their important talk, the mage helping her draw on a piece of parchment what she had in mind.

* * *

 

The evening meal was interrupted by the arrival of a lone rider. The guards stopped the horse and the traveler descended with the attitude of someone who was used with the authority.  
Soon, one of the sentinels accompanied by the new guest approached the table where Azzura had her dinner.  
“Warden- Commander, you have a message from her Majesty.”  
The messenger -who wore gleaming plate armor streamed with spots of dirt from the road and an impressive greatsword on his back – took of his helmet and the face of a middle age woman showed up. Her hair was tied into a short pony tail and the brown eyes pierced through Azzura’s shock at seeing her.

  
“Ser Cauthrien? Is that you?”  
“Yes, Warden- Commander. I see that you still like my sword.” – Indeed she caught Azzura watching wistfully the steel.  
Embarrassed for being caught, Azzura remembered why Cauthrien was there. “Is something the matter? Is the King …?”  
“His Majesty is all right. I came with a message from the Queen. Could we talk somewhere private?”  
After giving orders for a hot meal and bath to wait for Cauthrien, Azzura took the other woman in her tent.  
The Captain of the Queen’s Guard excused herself with Amell for interrupting her dinner and arriving unannounced.  
“It’s all right Ser Cauthrien; I am glad that their Majesties are in good health.”  
Cauthrien handed her a letter with Anora’s personal sigil. Amell raised her brows looking confused at the other woman.  
“The Queen used her Teyrnir’s sigil, why?” – Cauthrien gave her a sheepish look – “Oh, right. Let me read it really quick.”

 

“ _To Warden- Commander Amell_  
_From Anora MacTir Theirin,_  
_Lady Amell, I send this letter with Ser Cauthrien because I would like to keep the matter private. I would like to ask you for discretion and not mention to Alistair about it._  
_Lately, my husband found the time – because he was forced by the circumstances– to tell me some of the grey warden burdens he is sharing with you._  
_It is no wonder that I found myself in the obvious position to fear for our King. I can’t say more on the paper and I think that you imagine why. I would like to talk to you as soon as possible. Ask the messenger how I intend to communicate; she knows what I believe._  
_I hope that you will find the time to talk about him._  
_PS. You know who._  
_PPS. As you can see, living with a jester in the Palace is getting to me._  
_Anora.”_

 

Azzura laughed at the last lines. Surely Alistair’s wit was melting Anora to the point where she began to talk like him.  
“In her letter, the Queen says that you know how I would talk to her. It will take time to travel to Denerim and right now I am a little busy planning an attack on the darkspawn. “  
Cauthrien propped her hand on her knees and leaned into her chair coming closer to Azzura’s personal space and whispered. “The Queen believes that you have the meanings to talk to her without going to Denerim.”

  
Amell was pouring wine in a glass and hearing Cauthrien’s words spilled half of it on the ground.  
Cauthrien’s voice sounded guilty. “She said that you would know something about that, being a mage and having connections with Tevinter.”  
“How does she know about … things?”  
“Well, the Queen is reading the books we saved from the Ferelden Circle.”  
“What do you mean?”

  
“Before going to the Conclave, First Enchanter Irving came to Denerim and talked to our King. The next day, I and Ser Bryant with a small Templar guard went to the Tower and loaded the entire library. The carts arrived safely in Denerim and the books are under guard and safe somewhere in the Palace. I suppose that Bryant secured the First Enchanter’s private collection and only the Queen and the King knows where it is. Maybe she read some of them and discovered what she thinks would give her the possibility to talk to a mage like you.”

  
Azzura was more than impressed at the willingness the royals showed in saving the Circle’s library. She remembered that many tomes were very rare and knew about the books in Irving’s possession. She had read them all and there she found the first ideas of dream walking and controlled dream.  
Another thing that puzzled her since she arrived at Skyhold it was the small number of fereldan mages between the ranks of the rebels in Redcliffe. When she asked some of them where all the elder mages, children and Tranquils were, no one had an answer. When the rebel mages left the Tower peacefully, Irving and the others were still there. Later, after the explosion at the Conclave, they assumed that the war between the two factions had finally got to Kinloch Hold and everyone died or scattered.

  
Finding out that Irving took the time to ask Alistair for support in securing the knowledge, Azzura had a feeling that there was more to it.  
“Ser Cauthrien, did you saved something else along with the books?”  
Amell bit her lips to hide the smile at Cauthrien’s obvious discomfort.  
“My Lady, as much I respect you, there are things that only Their Majesties could give an answer to. I followed the orders and one of them is that I should not mention the Circle at all. The fact that I told you about the library is already too much.”

  
“No need to worry. I appreciate your honesty and I am certain that if the King did much more it was because his good heart.”  
“So, will you find the time to contact the Queen?”  
Noting the tired eyes and the stiff posture, Azzura decided that she had to leave Cauthrien to rest. Her travel in such a short time did justice to her loyalty towards the Queen. Cauthrien was Loghain’s Lieutenant after all.

  
“Ser Cauthrien, I never had the opportunity to thank you when …”  
The truth was that she avoided the woman all the time after the Landsmeet.  
“It’s no need to bring back the past, Lady Amell. What was done, it had to be done. I harbor you no ill feelings.”  
“Thank you, that means a lot to me; more than you know. Now, I must prepare to meet the Queen. She’s a smart woman, I give her that.”

  
Cauthrien rose from her chair. “I will go to find a place to sleep …”  
“Oh, don’t worry. You can sleep here in my tent. I don’t use it at night.”  
The older warrior raised a brow and a smiled. “Having other sleeping arrangements?”  
“Oh yes. Certainly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are wondering why there is a discussion about birds and shoes, well .. in my story nothing is without reason. The next part of this chapter it will be up by next week-end. In DAO I never killed Ser Cauthrien .. but the sword still made my mouth droll :p


	23. Fade Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azzura talks with Anora about Alistair

Azzura retreated into Cullen’s tent and put on her nightdress. She smiled thinking of him and how difficult it was for both of them to just sleep next to each other without doing more than kissing and driving both mad.  
She wasn’t that prude to avoid taking the things to the end and she really wanted that badly; it was him the one who regained control over himself each time they were adventuring into that dangerous territory.  
The memories she had of him making love to her in the Circle, belonged to another time. Back then it was her who took the lead almost all the time and when finally he became confident enough to be the one, the bad luck hit to their door and they had to part ways.

  
She sighed in annoyance; they will have to wait until his soldiers were not around. That was what she got if she decided to shag the Commander of the Inquisition’s Forces.  
Just then he entered their tent and saw her making her bed on the other side of the place where they usually slept together. Cullen looked dumbstruck to the scene unfolding in front of him and raised a hand to massage his neck. He wasn’t sure what he did wrong so she will want to sleep alone.

  
“Um … why are you making your bed … there? Did I do something to upset you? If it is about the shoes and … “  
Azzura laughed at his uncomfortable demeanor. “Not at all, sweetheart. I will have to sleep alone tonight because I am doing a ritual.”  
Unconsciously he changed his stance. Once a Templar, always a Templar; she couldn’t do anything else than snicker.  
“Relax; it’s nothing to be afraid of.” – And she told him about the visit she received from Cauthrien and the reason behind it.  
“What exactly does this ritual requires? I remember you telling me about controlling dreams and how you could help with nightmares … “  
Azzura slapped her forehead. “Shit! I said I would help you and I didn’t. Why didn’t you say something? I forgot!”  
He waved her excuse away. “Don’t worry, I can wait. The dreams are not that bad since when we sleep together.”  
“Really? I was thinking of other sort of sleeping, but alas … you have an image to keep.”

  
Despite him being on the edge about the all Fade Walk ritual, Cullen couldn’t help but laugh at her exasperated sigh. He bent down on her and bit her earlobe, his voice making her shiver.  
“You will have your wish. Once you decide that you had enough of the Korkari Wilds.”  
“Are you going to tell me that you are already bored of the old ruins and Fifth Blight history?”  
“No, but I have enough of checking watchtowers and waiting for something to happen.”  
Azzura rolled her eyes at him; she knew already where that discussion was going.  
“If you want to come with me, you will have to bribe the Warden-Commander.”

  
His lips travelled on her neck and the hands up to her legs. “I see. Well then, I suppose that the Warden- Commander will appreciate my willingness to serve.”  
As much she liked him to play along, she had to do what she needed to do and for that she had to convince Cullen to get away from her and have some sleep. She pushed him on his side of the tent and helped him out of his armor.  
“I will take you with me with one condition. You will not touch the darkspawn, not even with the tip of your sword.” – He opened his mouth to protest but she was serious. – “I know that you want to fight but in all seriousness, if something bad happens I don’t want to tell Maxwell that I’ve lost his Commander or suddenly you became a Grey Warden.”

  
She didn’t add that only if he survived the Joining. The past had a way to kick you in the face when less you expected. It was like yesterday when she was here having her Joining and hoping that she will be able to take Cullen with her as well; only to discover that the Joining wasn’t safe and could be lethal. Now, they were both here and she tried to protect Cullen from the same fate she wanted for him years ago.

  
“I will try to comply … maybe?” – He made those puppy eyes again; how much she hated him for that.  
He rested his head on the pillow and turned on the side to watch her align glyphs on the ground around her bedroll.  
Each time she lit the five glyphs she said an incantation which to him sounded like a song in an old language.  
She smiled at his look filled with curiosity. “It’s ancient elvhen.”

  
“It’s beautiful. I wish that they could give us more insight in magic theory. Everything the Templars and the Chantry did, it was to teach us how to counter a spell or fear the magic.”  
“It’s not your fault, Cullen. But it’s not too late to learn. There is more to magic than wiggling one’s fingers and popping the fireball. Many schools of magic require years of study. Take these glyphs for example. They don’t have magic, they are only enhancers and when I make the drawings I have always to keep in mind their design, there are many types of … It’s too much? “– She noticed Cullen’s eyes closing and giggled when he began to snore slowly.

  
“ _Now you know what to do when he is too much to handle. Magic theory is boring; that’s why you slept all the time when Wynne was trying to teach you healing?”_  
 _“Stop! Witty if you make me laugh again and I wake him up, I swear to Gods that I banish you back to the Fade.”_  
 _“Meh. This is the thousand and something time when you say that._ ”

  
Azzura went to sleep with a smile still hanging on her lips. Cullen might have forgotten about how she used to make him relax, but she didn’t. Explaining how the glyphs worked it was the easiest way to kill someone with boredom.  
Maybe she was bad with hexes and glyphs in the Tower and Wynne was desperate to teach her, but in the aftermath of the Circle’s saving and after they took Wynne on the road, the first thing the old mother hen said in the morning it was. _“You thought you could escape of learning? Now more than ever you will need it. It’s glyphs time.”_

* * *

 

_The Fade bends to your will and it shapes around you. Azzura left her eyes wander to the Black City up in distance. The first time she saw it, the only thing coming to her mind was “If that city is so high in the sky, or what the Fade up is called, and I don’t see any stairs of floating islands around it. Then how in the Maker’s smalls could the Tevinter Magisters get up there?”_   
_She walked a trail of an old path in the forest she liked to shape as her resting place. Some wisps danced up and down at her side and she gently moved on the road to let them pass._   
_Those small blobs of light were mere conscious, they were like a child learning his first steps in the world; the wisps had nothing else to do than play and learn. It was sad to think that later they would become either spirits or they will be corrupted by the darkness and become wraiths._

  
_She called one of the feisty beings closer and asked it to lead the way to where Queen Anora used to dream. That was the advantage with the wisps, since they wandered around the Fade they knew almost anything moving around them._   
_She followed the lighted path a few moments – time and distance in the Fade were relative, nothing was too close or far away in the world of dreams._   
_Suddenly she found herself in the halls of an unknown castle and soon she arrived at a door and opened it, only to get back and close her eyes._

  
_The Queen stood in a man’s lap and was laughing. Azzura almost slapped herself for being so dumb; of course the Queen wouldn’t be able to control her dream and just wait for her alone. Curiosity got better of her and she lurked from the door she left ajar. The man had wavy reddish blonde hair, well defined muscles shaped his shirt left open to the waist and several scars marked his bare torso. Amell’s mouth went dry; Alistair was a sight to behold._

  
_She covered her mouth to stifle a giggle and then it hit her. She wasn’t mad, she didn’t felt envy and she was happy for them. Taking a second to analyze what she felt, she had to admit that she felt good. When the envy demons used to torment her with their image, she felt horrible, but not now. The reason was easy to find; she had the man she wanted sleeping next to her in the real world. Her sweet Cullen had all her attention right now._

  
_She hated that she had to step in and it was better to do it now before they got to the point where she was one person too much in this dream. Stepping inside, she cleared her voice to have Anora’s attention._   
_“Ahem, your Majesty? Maybe you should get rid of distractions for a while?”_

  
_The dream Alistair vanished and the Queen’s fade image stood and fixed her messed hair and tried to hide the flushed cheeks._   
_Azzura went to the window and looked outside. Apparently the Castle was built on a cliff facing the ocean. In distance, a storm roared and enraged lightning strikes hit the water from time to time. The missing sunlight was replaced with a blanket of dark clouds, heavy with the water pouring down._   
_“I like the setting. Where are we exactly?”_

  
_“In my castle in Gwaren. I always loved sitting at the window and watching the storm outside.”_   
_Azzura waved her hand towards the dying fire in the heart and brought to life a vivid flame, and then set herself in the chair next to it._   
_“That’s more likely what I would like. Nothing better than a stormy night, a lively fire and a good book … or a good man.” – She grinned at the Queen. – “Is Alistair’s appearance the same in the real world? Maker, he’s gorgeous.”_

  
_The Queen finally found a space where to insert some words. “Yes. He is. It’s good to see that you found the time for us to talk. I was right about the dreams.”_   
_“Your Majesty …” – The Queen interrupted her. “You never called me Majesty before. Why you do that now?”_   
_Amell pursed her lips. It wasn’t easy to admit when the Queen was right and the reason why._   
_“It’s true my Queen; but before, I called you by name because we weren’t exactly in a good relationship and well … the rest you know it. I know that things between us are not good and … you are still my Queen, and I grew up a little.”_

  
_Anora smiled dryly. “And wiser too? Do you still consider my father a traitor by any chance?”_   
_Well, she knew that eventually the unpleasant rift between the Queen and her it will come out. “I have my doubts. I was young, a mage who never put foot outside the Circle and I had no idea about politics. Your father made his mistakes for the love of Ferelden. I understand that now.”_   
_“Is that a way to ask forgiveness?”_

  
_“Maybe. But we both know that I can’t make up for what I was forced to do; why I had to do it.”_   
_“For the love of a man, of course. Alistair can inspire such feelings, even if he isn’t aware of what he can stir in a woman’s heart.”_   
_“He was able to melt the Ice Queen, no?”_

  
_“They called me that, yes. The people have no idea what I am, who I am and why I act like this. But my person is a discussion for another time; I wanted to talk about Alistair.”_   
_“You said that much in your letter. Is he all right? His last letters have lost a little of his usual self.”_   
_Anora sighed and went to join Azzura at the window. “You could sense that too. Alistair is … not taking well some of the louder words spoken against me … and my failure to give him a child.”_   
_“Not again. What people think? That you are some kind of apparatus to start making babies? I believe Alistair doesn’t care about that, isn’t it?”_   
_“No. But he tries to defend me. The talks are stirring some of the nobles on his side, especially now that the Couslands have their child from a Warden.”_   
_“Who are those who began to talk and why now?”_

  
_“Vaughan Kendell was the first to …” – Azzura turned to Anora with an angry look – “That rat from the sewers? I knew that I should have left him to rot in Howe’s dungeon.” – She began to pace and raised the hands in exasperation – “Of course, I had to listen to Alistair’s good heart and free him!”_   
_“He said that much. He dreads the idea of you saying “I’ve told you”._   
_“I could finish the job; I can make him disappear or maybe arrange a little accident?”_

  
_Anora raised her perfect shaped brow and smiled at the Warden. “At least you wouldn’t ask for an entire army of antivan Crows or a ship full of pirates, right?”_   
_Seeing Azzura’s confused look, Anora told her about the desperate letter Alistair was trying to send to Zevran. When Amell finished laughing, she continued. “I think he blames me for not going with what he had in mind, you know? Although, after the last weekly session with the nobles, I began to regret that myself.”_   
_“So? I can take care of that. No one would know, we can even keep Alistair out of the loop. I just easily could ask Leliana to do something of it too; there are ways.”_   
_“Even if it is crazy to even talk about the assassination of one of my subjects and the Arl of Denerim with you, now it’s a little too late. Alistair exposed himself in front of the Court replying harshly to Vaughn’s attack. If something happens to him, we would be the first to have fingers pointed at.”_

  
_“True. But still …”_   
_“I’m sorry, Warden. You will have to stay out of it … unless things don’t go how we have planned. Zevran and Hawke’s husband are investigating his whereabouts; apparently Zevran found something but he won’t say anything until he knows for sure. I will find a way to inform you in detail.”_   
_“A bird told me that Alistair is bickering with Sebastian Vael of Starkheaven over giving shelter to Hawke after the Kirkwall mess.”_

  
_“Alistair never hid his sympathy for mages and he met Hawke in Kirkwall and they became friends. We were … trying to overcome our divergences at that time and when he came to me with the craziest idea he ever had, I said yes. There he was talking and talking and after we finished our share of insults to throw at each other, he asked me if I knew a place where to hide a friend of his. When he left I was still trying to process what was just happened and why I agreed to give the Gwaren Castle to Hawke and her friends.”_   
_Another fit of laugh had Azzura clutching her sides. “Leliana and Cassandra were searching for her and she was under everyone’s nose. Alistair could make a figure at the Winter Palace. You taught him well, good for you. Where are the mages and Templars who stood behind in Kinloch Hold?”_

  
_Anora shrugged and replied. “In the Brecilian Forest, with the Dalish.”_   
_“Damn, I would have had fun staying at the Court.”_   
_“Cauthrien broke her promise? How do you know?”_   
_“Anora, Alistair would never save some dusty old tomes and leave people in need behind.”_   
_“You know him well. The Dalish agreed to keep them safe and if I would believe Alistair’s story about roads that make you walk in circles and talking trees, they are very well protected until all this madness is solved.”_

  
_“There are talking trees! It’s true everything he said. What about the Templars? They are hiding there too? Without lyrium to give them would be difficult.”_   
_“No. The Dalish Keeper said that she would take only the mages and Tranquils. Those Templars who didn’t go at the Conclave or left to the Hinterlands, became Alistair’s personal Guard under the command of Ser Bryant.”_   
_Azzura made a face. “Ouch… Bryant and Alistair in the tavern. Not good.”_   
_“Do you know him?”_   
_“Uhm … sort of. All right, the small talk is over; what is going on with Alistair?”_   
_“He’s dying! The Calling … “_

  
_“The Calling is false. It can’t send all the Wardens to the Deep roads in the same time. Tell him to resist, please?”_   
_“But he will die anyway; he told me that he has maybe twenty years or so. Unless you don’t find a cure.”_   
_“Anora, I haven’t found a good lead yet. I try to hope but the chances are small. I know that you are afraid for him, I am afraid for both of us too; for all those who joined under my watch.”_   
_Anora yelled, forgetting her queenly calm. “Then why did you joined? Why Alistair joined them, if you knew the risks? It’s worth to give up to everything only to die before you have time to get old enough? What is in that ritual that makes you a Warden?”_

  
_“I can’t tell you that. Still, when Riordan asked me to save your father with the Joining, you knew that it could be fatal, how? We put a lot of effort trying to keep the result of the Joining out of people’s ears, but you knew?”_   
_“Several months after my wedding with Cailan, Maric’s friend Warden- Commander Duncan came to visit. I was passing by Maric’s chambers when I heard them fighting. I eavesdropped, all right? They were arguing about someone’s recruitment into the Wardens. Maric was saying that he won’t let Duncan recruit him and the Warden said that his mother doesn’t want her son becoming what she hated the most. Then Maric said that since the Joining is not guaranteed to succeed, he won’t let Duncan close to him. To be honest I had no idea about whom they were talking about until Alistair was discovered to be his son.”_   
_“I take it that they didn’t hear you.”_

  
_“They did. I tripped on my skirt and the door opened. They made me swear on the Chant that I won’t reveal to anyone what I’ve heard.”_   
_Azzura nodded in agreement. “Good. Because Maric saved your life that day. Those outside the Order who know about the Joining … don’t survive to talk about it.”_   
_“You … you mean that, they kill them?”_   
_“Unfortunately, yes. We have to defend that secret. At my Joining someone wanted to get away and Duncan took measures. Even I was in danger and I am grateful that Alistair was there to help me see reason.”_   
_“Did you … take measures too?”_   
_“I’m not proud to say it, but I did. I had no other choice.”_

  
_“They don’t tell you the risks of becoming a Warden until after you survive. I don’t think that’s right.”_   
_“It isn’t; but no one would join if they knew. The Wardens are the only ones who can stop a Blight. We have to do everything in our power, included lying. Sterility is one of those things. It’s difficult for Wardens to have children. Nathaniel was lucky.”_   
_“To be honest, I don’t care if I and Alistair won’t have a child, what I care about is that he will die. We already started to plan our succession; I think he began to plan it even before he went in that trip to Antiva.”_   
_Azzura squinted her eyes at the Queen. “What are you talking about? What trip to Antiva? When?”_   
_Anora felt guilty to betray the secret but there was no turning back. “Three years ago Alistair came to me and proposed our marriage. In case he didn’t return, the Throne would be given to me.”_   
_“I think I need to sit for this.” – And Azzura went back to her chair._

  
_“Zevran told Alistair that there was a chance that his father was still alive. Taken prisoner by the Crows. The silly man took the news really bad and decided that he had to try to save Maric. Since he didn’t want to leave Ferelden with Eamon as regent, he came to me and asked me to marry him. He said that if he dies or worse, at least Ferelden will have a ruler.”_   
_Azzura blinked, incredulity written all over her face. “Interesting. And you never took the advantage to make him disappear for good; after all you had your Crown back.”_   
_“Do you think Alistair’s proposal was made with red roses and blushing cheeks?” – Anora smiled. – “Not at all. At that time we were on an agreement that fighting between us would thorn the court apart, so we stopped undermining each other and we were almost civil. He said that since he had to go, I would have what I wanted and if I wanted to start a coup I should at least wait for six months before doing it. He said that because we liked to make each other feel miserable at least we could do it as husband and wife.”_

  
_Azzura pinched her nose bridge. “But he returned and you never went against him; why?”_   
_“Several weeks after his departure I found his diary … “_   
_“Alistair doesn’t keep a diary, I would know that.”_   
_“Apparently he started to keep it after your breakup. I read it. From it I understood many things; things that he kept secret about his life, his wishes and you. The first entries about me weren’t that flattering though.”_   
_Amell barked a laugh. “You fell in love with him reading a diary! That’s amazing!”_   
_“I didn’t ... say that.”_   
_“Oh, c’mon, admit it! By the time you finished you couldn’t wait to see him again and forgot about coups and rebellious thoughts.”_   
_Anora looked embarrassed. “It is that a bad thing?”_   
_“No. I’m glad that he has someone to love … “_   
_“Even if that woman it’s me?”_   
_“Even if that woman is you. I want him to be happy.”_   
_“That’s why I want him to live. If you need money, resources or contacts, I can give them; just help him, please.”_   
_“Anora, I don’t want your money. I’m doing this for myself too. I love Alistair and I don’t want him dead either. Ferelden needs him. We need him. He is happy with you and that’s all that matters to me. I won’t even think interfering; you have nothing to worry about.”_

  
_“That’s a … relief.”_   
_“Don’t send us to the grave yet. We still have plenty of time to find something.”_   
_“Will you come to the Landsmeet?”_   
_“I will and then we will talk at length. Can I ask a favor? I need a pair of shoes made and sent to Skyhold to Leliana.”_   
_An almost grin spread on Anora’s lips. “She’s in bad mood with you?”_   
_“I see that Alistair told you about her habits.”_   
_“His stories about what you all did to defeat the Blight are incredible. “_   
_“I think we both need to wake up now. Don’t worry, we will get through this.”_   
_Before closing the door behind her, Azzura turned to Anora and said. “Don’t break his heart. That’s all I want from you.”_

* * *

  
She woke up with the need to drink as much water she could. Azzura put some clothes on her and went out of the tent; Cullen was awake because he wasn’t on his bedroll.  
Squinting her eyes at the glowing sun, she took in the four men standing casually around. Well, not that casually, because Cullen was leaning on his shield and his sword was buried in the ground in front of him, Varric and Nate played with their bows and Dorian pretended that he was checking his staff’s orb.  
The Commander also wore a stormy face. She took in the sun being in the second part of its trip on the sky and understanding dawned to her. It was long past after mid-day.  
Everything she could say it was. “Oh, shit.”


	24. Skirmish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azzura and Cullen go to play at war for a bit.

The mare Azzura was riding gave signs of impatience at her master. Amell and Cullen used to ride next to each other every time they went outside the camp and their horses formed a bond after all. Storm would draw closer to Tempest and the black stallion would touch her nose with his, deaf to their own master’s laughs.  
Right now the horse was not satisfied with the human on her back; Azzura’s lips quirked into a smile – if Storm would have a little more awareness she would drop her from the saddle only to get revenge from keeping her away from the Commander’s horse.

  
Said Commander kept himself in front of the marching column with a scowl on his face that would have made Loghain envious. Truth to be told it was her own fault that the handsome man with golden curls didn’t spoke to her in the last three days.  
Since that day when she over slept losing track of time in the Fade, Cullen ignored her. After Dorian, Varric and Nathaniel dispersed discretely, Cullen just clenched his jaw with the hand on his sword and flames in his eyes. She tried to talk to him but he just told her that they were ready to march. Azzura tried several times to approach him but she was met with his refusal.

  
That’s why now Storm was forced at the rear of the marching Wardens and Inquisition soldiers; her master was on the Commander’s bad side.  
A rushed trotting and a huffing breath draw her from her deep thinking. Azzura smirked at Varric perched up on his pony. The dwarf tried hard to sit on his saddle, the stiff back and the tight grip on the reins gave it away.

  
“Enjoying the ride, Varric? The horse is small; the fall wouldn’t hurt you that much.”  
Maxwell’s companion narrowed his eyes at her and looked in front of him, not risking losing sight of the road.  
“Laugh as much you want, Snowy. At least I won’t fall from grace like someone I know.”  
“Your words … hurt.” – She couldn’t hide the longing gaze she threw towards the Commander’s back.  
Varric was never one to mince words when he had to call bullshit on Hawke and Azzura reminded him a lot of her. They were family afterwards, he would give the same treatment to Amell; it didn’t matter that she killed an Archdemon by herself.

  
“You should talk to him. I never thought that I will agree on something with Curly, but this time he’s right. You scared the death out of us.”  
“I know. Even Nate won’t speak to me; did they ally to make me feel miserable?”

  
“I don’t think you realize how close you came to be awakened with a couple of hands slapping you. Dorian was lucky to get at the tent in time to stop them.”  
Azzura couldn’t find a smart reply, she knew her mistake. Varric continued with a grin. “Cheer up! At least you still can sleep in his tent.”  
She scoffed and patted the horse on the neck. “We sleep on different bedrolls, yes. I also know that Cullen hides his sword under his pillow. Maker preserve us if I wake up in the middle of the night and I don’t make enough noise to let him know that it is only me.”

  
“You can’t blame him. Listen, you know better than anyone what he endured in that Tower. I heard only rumors, but even those sounded heartbreaking enough. See, Curly is trying hard to overcome his fear of mages and I’ve seen him in his worst days in Kirkwall. His progress is astounding, but even he has a limit.”

  
“I know Varric but …” – The dwarf interrupted her again – “You will listen to my lecture whatever you want or not.”  
“Curly had a lot of crap thrown at him in Kirkwall. I know that he avoids talking about that; everyone has their own demons to hide. Yes, the man was a dushbag in the first years when we met him, but once he began to stir away from under Meredith’s influence, he changed. I remember how every time we used to go to the Gallows, Merrill would hide behind Blondie and observe Cullen. No wonder that one day she and Hawke came up with a plan to save the poor man from himself. When Meredith went mad, Cullen stood up for Hawke and let her leave Kirkwall undisturbed. He joined the Inquisition to make up for his mistakes and since then he feels less insecure around mages. I believe that he was comfortable with the idea that they were over there and he was on the other side of the Keep.”

  
Azzura bowed her head lost in thought. “I suppose that it took him a lot of self-persuasion to let me sleep in his tent; especially after what happened earlier. Now that you tell me, I see that sometimes when I was using magic around him, he would wince from time to time. Why the idiot never told me that it is bothering him? It never did before.”  
“That was before everything crushed on his head. Before he was forced to fear mages. You have to remember that he is not the same man anymore. As for why he would keep you in the dark about his fear of magic? I have a theory. He is afraid that he will lose you; that you will leave again. Maybe he tries to make the most of it, maybe he just tries to do what he always wished but he couldn’t and the only way is to stay close to you.”

  
“Stop terrifying him with my magic, you mean? I suppose you are right, Varric. There are many spell that the Chantry prohibited and I know almost all of them.”  
“What I’m trying to say is that you should insist talking to him …”  
Their talk was interrupted by the entire column coming to a sudden halt. A Warden scout came running towards Azzura.

* * *

  
“Warden- Commander, we can’t go ahead for now. I spotted a group of more than one hundred darkspawn camping in a valley north of here.”  
“Camping? Do they know how to camp these days?” – Azzura asked incredulously.  
The scout chuckled. “Not camping per say but rather hanging around a hill. As you know, we can’t afford to go ahead with the entirety of our army. So many Wardens would attract their attention in no time.”  
“All right then. Go pick up Nathaniel. I and Varric will be behind you.”  
They left their horses with the soldiers and set up on foot. Before leaving, Cullen touched Azzura’s arm.  
“Be careful out there.” – She smiled happily at him – “I will. Cullen, I …”  
“We will talk later, go on they need you.”

  
They reached the end of the forest and the Warden scout turned and whispered. “You should see this Commander. I find it strange the way they behave.”  
The four of them ducked behind a rock and looked down in the valley.  
Until then they knew that the forest healed in the major part of it. The trees wore the vestiges of taint but the green leafs sprouted cheerfully all around. The land was also covered by small patches of herbs and here and there flowers raised their tiny head from it.

  
The lands around Lothering and Ostagar looked almost like they were before the Blight, but not here. The said valley was rather a deep cauldron with only several small alleys curling up to the hills. Men could easily climb or drop down on foot; horses couldn’t make it. From her point of view Azzura thought that it was easy to defend from the darkspawn if they tried to climb up. She smiled wickedly.  
“At least they never learned tactics in the last years; that would not bode well.”  
Nathaniel gave her a side glance and whispered. “Maybe those we know did. Do you think that they are our friend’s people?”

  
She shook her head. “Nope. These are normal brainless darkspawn. Look, they have ogres with them. I bet that also they have emissaries.”  
Varric drew their attention pointing at the surrounding area. “Don’t you think that this area looks creepy?”  
Azzura had to agree with him; the land was spoiled of trees, the small lake in the middle was filled with dark water which could be deadly from all the Taint sipping from it. It was like that place never saw the rain since ancient times. So imbued with Taint it was that she found it hard to believe that even a miracle could turn it back at its natural state.

  
“I don’t think they contaminated the land so quickly. Look at it, it’s like they camped for years in the same place.” – Nathaniel’s concerned voice sounded near to her right ear.  
“You’re right. This place is old. I can adventure to say that is from ten years ago. The darkspawn was here when the Blight began. If you look at those small roads they seem heavy used.” – She felt deep in thought trying to put together the things she knew.  
“I know it might sound crazy, but I think there could be an entrance to the Deep Roads down there.”  
Varric’s gasp could be clearly heard and Azzura muffled a laugh.

  
“I said that I think Varric, not that there is an actual one. Everyone knows that the Blight started here and the Horde marched to Denerim via Lothering. We weren’t able to figure out from where they came.”  
Nathaniel gave her a skeptic look. “We have plenty of maps at the Vigil. Those showing the Deep roads entrances in the South Ferelden never mention any in this area and those in Gwaren were closed since King Maric’s reign.”  
“If indeed there is a way to the Deep, then we might have found from where the Horde came. Since this entrance is not on the maps, I suppose that this territory is uncharted too. Nate, thoughts?”  
“We find it and we close it.”  
Azzura scratched her head. “I think you forgot the words in the middle.”  
Varric whimpered. “No! You promised!”

  
“We explore it of course. You never know what we can find. After we clear it from the darkspawn, of course. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We should return to the others.”  
Nathaniel looked closer at his Commander and a grin flourished on his tanned face.  
“Amell? You look rather green. Are you all right?”  
Azzura cursed mentally Nathaniel and his kin sense for the obvious. Since she arrived there the awful smell of rotten corpses and darkspawn skin made her sick. She tried to keep in check the urge to retch and until Nate opened his mouth she succeeded.  
“Yes! Yes I’m all right.” – Her strangled voice couldn’t do much to convince him.  
“The smell is disturbing you? Too much time in Tevinter changed you into a sissy.”  
She had to give up all pretenses of being the mighty leader and found the closest bush to empty her stomach.  
Followed by hushed giggles and smug comments, Azzura backtracked to the bulk of her army.

* * *

 

Cullen, Azzura, Nathaniel, Varric and Dorian and several senior Wardens were cramped inside of Cullen’s tent deciding the next move. In silence Azzura spied Cullen giving his tactical opinion on the matter.  
“The valley is easy defendable from the top. We place team of men to guard the small roads and the archers and mages could just attack from above. It’s the worst tactical move they could have made.”  
Azzura laughed at his jest. “ Thank the Maker for the small mercies. If they could think strategy on top of being ruthless and mindless, then we all were doomed since the First Blight began. Only the Archdemon could order them what to do having an Old God’s soul. Are we prepared for the attack?”  
“Yes. I say we drop on them in the morning. The men need to rest.”

  
Nate looked at the diagram of the area invaded by the darkspawn and then at Cullen.  
“Commander, how many Inquisition archers do we have?”  
“About a dozen, do you have something in mind?”  
Nate pointed to the place where the woods reached the cliff behind the darkspawn. “I suggest putting the archers on that mountain top; we will be covered by the trees and there is not enough space for them to climb up, the rock is too steep.”

  
Cullen nodded in agreement and placed three markers in the places where the roads were. “I will have a mix of Warden and soldiers guard these three ways. Maybe backed up by a mage for each squadron. They should contain the advancing enemies.”  
Amell traced a pentagram on the map and showed them the free spot in front of the hill.  
“I will have the remaining mages in this spot. We don’t want a frontal attack with our warriors when we can clear a bit of rubble before the fight.”  
Nate smirked and his eyes lit up. Varric looked suspiciously too. The dwarf spoke. “I know that smile and that face from your cousin. You have a plan involving magic and it’s going to be crazy.”  
“She’s plotting a mass murder for sure. I can guarantee that.” – replied Nate with a nod.  
Azzura clasped her hands with glee. “Nothing better than a little mayhem for breakfast.”

In the morning everyone woke up with a thrilling sensation of danger. The scouts who camped in the woods to check on their unsuspecting enemies returned saying that nothing changed there, except for the weird thing happened sometime at dawn.  
Azzura’s mouth hanged open when they told her that another group of darkspawn showed up and engaged the campers. After a while they retreated and now the attacked spawn watched the hill even closer.  
Azzura gave Nate a meaningful look and he agreed silently. Things got complicated at best.  
Cullen approached them and took Azzura to the side and whispered. “You left me to sleep alone last night. Why?”  
She sighed and put a hand on his arm. “Cullen, you needed rest and I have the feeling that you couldn’t rest well lately. I know I’ve made you upset and I’m sorry.”  
He looked at her then at the sky. “You’re right. We should talk about this, after the battle maybe?”  
She squeezed his hand. “Sure thing. Let’s go and see the troops.”

* * *

 

The Wardens scattered between the Inquisition’s soldiers gave advice and helped them with tips against the darkspawn. She looked around and saw some warriors that looked even younger than her; she turned to Cullen.  
“Are those your new recruits by any chance?”  
“Yes. I thought that they could get a glimpse of the incoming battles. They are mostly farmers and town people; they never saw a demon up close. I think that before sending them to help with the rifts, maybe a taste of the other horrors they could encounter would give them a warning.”  
“Indeed. Give me ten minutes with them before we set out.”  
Nate saw Azzura going towards the soldiers; he leaned against the weapon rack where Cullen stands.  
“Is she checking the new recruits?”  
“I suppose so. Why?”  
“Wait and see.”

  
Amell took her mantle as Warden-Commander and stopped in front of the men.  
“Hello everyone. I hope you are listening to the Senior Wardens advice and don’t take it lightly. I don’t want to see anyone become a ghoul the second they arrive there. Are we clear?”  
A couple of “Yes Commander” could be heard.  
“Those who fought darkspawn before and those who encountered them step behind. The remaining ones come here.”  
Several boys and surprisingly, a girl remained alone in the center.  
Nate shook his head fondly when he saw her pacing back and forth as was her habit picked up from Varel.  
“So, you never saw a darkspawn of any type before?”  
Everyone confirmed her question. “All right; the most important thing you have to know is that they are ugly.”  
One of the boys had the inspiration to bark a laugh. “Is this the most important thing?”

  
In a blink of an eye Azzura drew her sword and pointed the tip on the boy’s jugular. The poor recruit froze in place, eyes locked on the weapon.  
“You’re dead.” – said Azzura as a matter of fact then she lowered her word.  
She began to pace again. “This recruit lost three precious seconds before setting his eyes on the weapon. Someone knows to tell me why?”  
“B..because I … was terrorized Ma’am.”

  
She nodded at him. “Exactly. Why you were terrorized by me?”  
The boy took a breath and began to speak clearly. “I never thought you would draw the sword on me Ma’am.”  
“Another good answer. You trusted me, you know me and that’s why you were frozen in place. Those three seconds of delay in your reactions could get you killed. The darkspawn could do that. When I first saw a darkspawn I was about to have my head cleaved from the shoulders. The King saved me because I was just too scared of how awful they looked. That’s why I said it is important to know that they are horrible.”  
Cullen and Nate listened how Azzura lectured the soldiers in the different types of darkspawn and how they could defend themselves.  
“”I will have to put them behind the seasoned warriors for now. If they stay in the front lines they will die.” – Cullen said.

* * *

  
They arrived at the place and Nathaniel moved in position with his archers. Azzura and Cullen gave instructions to the warriors to the places assigned to them.  
The commander looked at the Mage and smiled. “Do you have something in mind that requires a lot of magic? Do you have enough lyrium?”  
“Yes but I need to use all my Mana, only if I can use magic that’s it. Apparently the person keeping it hostage forgot that I exist lately.”  
Cullen narrowed his eyes and asked incredulously. “A person? What are you not telling me? You know what? I don’t want to know; if it doesn’t give you problems then I would leave you alone. You know what’s best for you as long you remember what I’m thinking.”  
“Oh, no worries, it is just Flemeth.”

  
Cullen almost tripped on his sword. “Like I said. I don’t want to know; everything happening to you is out of the ordinary.”  
“Do we tell him that you bound him to yourself? Now? Later?”  
“Dear Spirit go and help the other Mages. You have too much fun of me as it is.”  
The Spirit of Endurance left, leaving behind it a crystalline laugh.

  
Azzura grabbed her staff and went to the clearing. The darkspawn began to realize that the wardens where around. The Warden -Commander cast a voice augmentation spell – that pesky Flemeth laughed her arse off in background of her mind but she was so used to her by now that Azzura kept wondering how she will miss the Witch when she will leave her alone one day.  
“Mages, barriers up! Did any of you learn the Earthquake spell like good little Circle mages do?”

  
Many laughs and insults where flung towards the Warden by the Mages. She heard the one closest to her place saying that at least she wasn’t a bitch like Vivienne.  
Groups of spawns were already up and engaged the Wardens defending the access paths. The earth in the valley began to tremble under several Earthquake spells. The mage who compared her with Vivienne cast a Gravity Well in the center. Azzura grinned and gave him thumbs up then her hands began to glow with raw Fade energy.

  
The Crescent Moon staff guided by the Guardian hoovered in the air in front of her. Amell’s left hand began to form a swirl of ice and cold air; the right hand spawned a twirling hot flame. Slowly, she raised her palms to the sky, both vortexes of fire and ice changing in twin columns of elemental power.  
She united her hands and the columns merged together giving shape to a small tornado made of fire and ice. Azzura directed it to her staff which flew in the air and began to spin furiously. Several seconds after, she took the shaft and slammed it into the ground. With a loud boom she released the pulse of energy in the center of the cauldron above the darkspawn.  
Every mage and Templar present felt their skin hair raise and goosebumps forming on their arms when the sudden shift in the Fade made by the storm unleashed by her took its apex.  
“Tempestas secularum! Exactly the way I like it.”

  
She was panting heavily when she lowered her staff and the Storm managed to stand on its own.  
“Maker above! What was that?” – The earlier mage asked.  
“The Storm of the Century. And no, they don’t teach us in the Circle. I found a book from Tevinter, experimented and here we go.” – She gave a wistful look at the storm still ragging several steps ahead of them. “I wish the First- Enchanter could see it.”  
Cullen narrowed his eyes at her trying in the same time to keep his furry mantle from ruining his hair.  
“And Greagoir would have fits and a heart attack. You consumed all your mana, you should wait here.”  
“The fuck I will.” – She took her sword and shield and began to run down the slope.  
The Commander had no other choice than to follow.

  
By the time they arrived down in the valley the number of enemies was reduced to less than a half. From all the surviving darkspawn those who stood up where the ogres, three of them surrounded by a couple of alpha hurloks. She shouted for the Wardens to take care of them since they had experience then began to slash at the opponents around her.  
Cullen was at her side in matter of seconds leading his soldiers. Varric gave a hand with his Bianca from a boulder where he stood defended by Dorian and several recruits. The Tevinter Altus raised wave after wave of corpses to fight for him and laughed at the disgusted looks the soldiers threw at him.

  
Cullen and Azzura felt into a syntonic movement fighting their way in. His parries and blocks were perfect, years of training and Templar discipline clearly showing his status. Azzura’s moves where almost the same but she moved savagely using even her feet to kick and push.  
Between two breaths, the Commander picked on her. “Tell me that it wasn’t the King who taught you to fight like this. He was a damned Templar after all; at least he could give you a hint of discipline.”  
“Nope. I used to train with rouges. Zevran’s kicks were vicious, I had to improvise.”  
Cullen sighed. “Good grief. Just … don’t get killed, all right?”

  
Both Commanders fought and from time to time checked their surroundings to see the state of the battle. Unfortunately they had already several losses from both Wardens and Inquisition soldiers alike. A warden rogue had fallen and couldn’t get up fast, two shrieks closing upon him. Azzura gave a cry and ran towards him followed by Cullen.  
The man was heavy and Amell had to let Cullen to carry him to where Varric and Dorian were standing.  
Her head began to spin and she had to lean on the Vigilance, gripping the hilt with both hands. Dorian had the same fate and Varric pressed his head with a hand trying to stop the pain, followed by Cullen.  
Between heavy breaths she tried to clear her mind.  
“Fucking Emissary!” – Slowly she repeated the words from the Litany and the Guardian strengthened her mental barriers enough to help her stand up.  
Azzura saw the darkspawn mage closer to an opening looking like the entrance into a cavern and began to run.  
Having depleted all her magic, she stopped and planted both legs in the ground. The lyrium in her veins began to sing in tandem with her whispered incantations. A blue mist formed around her arms and then she hit the hilt of her sword on the shield. The Fade parted and an oversized hammer made by blue light appeared and hit the Emissary sending it tumbling on the ground.  
“Fear the Wrath of Heavens!” – Then she yelled at a group of Inquisition soldiers to finish the Emissary.  
Something hit her in the left shoulder and soon after that she saw the tip of an arrow sticking out. The sudden blow took her by surprise and she staggered.  
“Cullen, help!”  
The blond man raced to catch her with the free hand. “What …’  
“An errant arrow. “  
“Can you walk? I will make a path for you. “

* * *

  
The battle was almost finished and the people were finishing off the remaining enemies. Those left on top of the walls rushed down and Nate and his archers helped by the ropes descended from their sheltered space on top of the mountain.  
Dorian whistled when he saw the arrow sticking out from Azzura’s shoulder.  
“It will hurt like a bitch until we are able to give you a proper care.”  
Azzura glared at him between sharp breaths and beads of sweat on her brows.  
“No kidding. Is not hurting only, it is stinging.”

  
Cullen took a dagger from his booth and tried to cut through the chainmail. Amell gave a sharp hiss.  
“It’s dragonskale and silverite, Cullen. “ – He frowned and kissed her forehead. “Forgive me.”  
Without another word he broke the part of the arrow stuck on her back. The wood snapped and Azzura cried then lost her senses.  
Under the uncredulous stare from Dorian and Varric, Cullen extracted the tip too.  
“Cullen! You barbarian!” – Dorian clasped his hand on the wound which now oozed blood in abundance.  
“It was a poisoned arrow Dorian. I couldn’t let it in there; it could be harmful the longer it stood.”  
Nate ran to join them and saw Azzura unconscious.

  
“Is she hurt? How bad?”  
“A poisoned arrow. I will need the antidote.”  
A healer mage tried to stop the bleeding.  
“I know whose arrows are. He should be able to help. Give me a second to bring him here.” – He looked again to his Commander. – “Shouldn’t we wake her up?”  
With all the worry he felt, Cullen couldn’t find time to think how much she suffered right now. With her down, he had to make sure the place was secured and the soldiers cared for.  
“Leave her. I’m afraid that if she wakes up, she won’t stand still.”  
The Commander left muttering to himself. “I really need a drink. This was supposed to be a quiet time away from Skyhold.”


	25. The Witch of the Wilds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flemeth visits Azzura again.

_Azzura walked the small road looking around from time to time. She thought she recognized the surroundings and soon she had to agree with her assessment. It was the same road she walked to the Flemeth’s hut in the Wilds when she went back to kill her._   
_The Warden rolled her eyes, it was obvious who was waiting for her at the end of the hidden path; taking a deep breath and pulling on what courage she had left, Amell covered the last portion of her journey._   
_When she was in front of the makeshift hut, she almost laughed at the settings. Near the fire, on a stool stood Flemeth in her earthly form, the old woman who greeted her when they were brought by Morrigan for the treaties. A pot bubbled happily pending above the fire._

  
_Without saying a word, the Warden took a seat on the stool Flemeth showed silently to her. Amell had no desire to interrupt the dragon/goddess Asha’Bellanar/Mythal at all. If the Dalish clans she visited had their things right, the All Mother took offense when her children spoke before asked to, so she waited._   
_Flemeth’s piercing eyes travelled over Azzura’s face trying to enter deeper in her soul. Amell felt the connection between them brushing gently at her awareness and had no other choice than to accept that the Goddess -or whatever she was – searching her soul._   
_At last Flemeth spoke. “It’s been a while.”_   
_“Well, I thought you were busy elsewhere since I couldn’t hear you at all.”_

  
_The Witch barked a laugh. “You don’t lose your wit, not even in the Fade. I take it you liked the last display of your powers, uhm? “_   
_“I really don’t understand how it was possible to use the Wrath of Heavens. I am a mage, that should have nullified me too.”_   
_Another laugh from Flemeth had Azzura smiling. It was something about that woman that made her wanting to understand her. She was aware that she looked at Flemeth like a starving puppy waiting for his mother to let it eat. Flemeth had so much knowledge that Azzura wanted to pry it out, in a way or another._   
_“You are staring, girl. I have something on my face?”_   
_“What? No- no I was just waiting for you to mock me, that’s all.”_

  
_The other woman shrugged. “You know I don’t do anything without reason. When you used that Templar skill you were without mana, there was nothing to interfere with using one of your jailors skills.”_   
_“Yes but …”_   
_“You are daft. I have to spell it out for you? Mages have lyrium running through their blood is it not? The Templars use lyrium to enhance those powers they are taught by the Chantry. Where you are immune to the lyrium proprieties, they are not. That’s the price they pay for their power.”_   
_“You mean that a mage could be the same as a Templar? I never heard any of that.”_   
_“That Order of yours, the Shadowhunters, they know what others think about Spirits and they still work with them. Even the Avaar have a better understanding of the Fade than most of the Southern Thedas’ scholars.”_

  
_“The world is not prepared to hear about my Order’s origins. It is lost in time and the Southern Chantry did a great job at burying deep the truths about it. You want to tell me that they knew about mages being able to negate magic and they thought that it was a good way to control us?”_   
_“How would they do that?” – Flemeth’s knowing smile lingered._   
_“They choose the select skills and had normal people learning them with lyrium aid, creating the Templars in the process?” – Saying it out loud, she knew that it was the right theory. – “How could I not see it earlier? Of course they did it and they destroyed every proof and had the Templars leashed forever with the addiction for a substance that is not meant for average people.”_   
_Flemeth made an approving nod and encouraged her to continue._   
_“Templars draw from the lyrium in their blood to fuel their powers and that’s why they need a constant supply of the stuff to get going. A mage wouldn’t need a daily dose of it; they could go naturally in accessing them. Oh, damn! That’s huge!”_

  
_In her excitement over the discovery, Azzura stood up but as soon the realization settled in, she slumped down on the chair._   
_“Do you realize what that would mean for everyone? Mages would be able to counteract each other and it would be bloodier than the short Mage-Templar war! This is knowledge that it shouldn’t be released in the world.”_   
_“You know that you sound exactly like the Chantry good doers? It’s the same they said in the beginning when they created the Order.”_   
_“Yes! And later they abused that knowledge. How would we defend ourselves against power hungry mages if they would know how to block a Templar from using their powers against them? What if a blood mage knows how to execute a Smite on a mage trying to stop him? I know I am against power abuse but some things are better left buried for the greater good.”_   
_“Now we get to the core of your issue. Power. What is it? What means to yield power to you?”_

  
_“I use what power I have to do the right thing when I can. I don’t want people hurt like many of my peers. More power one has, more responsibilities come with it; at least that’s my point of view.”_   
_The Witch hummed in agreement. “You say you don’t want power but everything you did until now it was either expanding the one you have or finding new sources to increase it.” – Azzura tried to deny what she was hearing, but Flemeth’s meaningful look made her stay quiet. “Don’t argue with me, girl. You know I am right.”_   
_“Magical prowess, popularity, political power, new duties, trying to influence others to do your bidding; no matter what is the name, I call it power. And you revel in the benefits of it.”_   
_“But I don’t look for power explicitly! It’s like it can find me and I have no other choice than accept it! Every time I find a new spell which is powerful enough to erase an entire city from the map, a new fighting technique, a new political position and so on; I do accept it only because I know others might benefit from it or trying to keep it out from greedier hands.”_

  
_‘A noble goal, indeed.” – Flemeth posed both hands on her knees and looked ahead in the shadows. “The desire for power is treacherous. In the beginning it comes as a way to improve one’s skills or life. Then comes the desire to use it for others’ benefit and in the end you might be tempted to use it for your own gain.”_   
_“Never!”_   
_“So idealist after all this time. You might have to reach the last stage yet, there is still hope for you. Tell me, what is you are looking for with all this power you have?”_   
_“I want a Thedas where everyone can take a deep breath and sleep at night without fear. I don’t ask much, but at least a couple of years in peace. And I want a cure for the Calling.”_   
_“I could say that these two goals are impossible, but who knows … you might surprise me, after all.”_

  
_Azzura’s hope began to waver. “So, in all these centuries you lived and having a Goddess’ soul inside you, you never heard about a Cure?”_   
_“I am not all-knowing if that’s what you imply. And Mythal was long gone before the Blights began. Anyhow, why are you so desperate to find this Cure? I thought Grey Wardens accepted their fate; reluctantly I dare say.”_   
_“I don’t want to die. I don’t want my friends to die and I feel guilty for all those I lured into the Warden’s ranks.”_   
_“Interesting to say so. You are aware by now that the Wardens are needed, even when the world forgets about them until the next Blight. There are to be two more after the one you stopped. If you find a Cure for the Taint, then there were be no Wardens left to keep the darkspawn at bay; have you thought about that?”_   
_“I know and I did. That’s why I hope to find something that would help us block the Calling at least. Because I don’t want to die alone in the Deep Roads!”_   
_Flemeth was lost in thought for a few minutes. “That’s why you accepted Morrigan’s ritual? Because you were afraid to die?”_

  
_“What other choice I had? Let Alistair die? I couldn’t even think of it.”_   
_“You trusted Morrigan with the essence of an Old God. What if she uses it against those you tried to protect?”_   
_“I trusted Morrigan, yes. She wasn’t the selfish woman you forced to grow up.”_   
_“I did it for her good. You can see why emotions and feelings towards other people can cloud your judgement.” – The Witch sighed dramatically. “Apparently I haven’t done a good job if she made you trust her with your own life.”_   
_“We called each other sister, you know?”_   
_Flemeth guffawed. “I don’t know if you would have been happy with me being your mother.”_   
_Azzura smiled slyly. “You couldn’t foresee that when you sent her with us. That she will warm up and learn about human emotions, such as friendship.”_   
_“I took the risk, yes. Now Morrigan has what I was after. That girl is smarter than I thought. When you came back with your group of fools, I knew that my daughter began to think with her head and finally found the wit to convince someone to kill me. I never laughed so much in my entire life.”_

  
_“Yeah, Varric told me how you appeared in Sundermount and convinced Hawke to carry the amulet; granted that my cousin had no idea what exactly she was carrying. Morrigan said that you won’t stay dead for long. It gave me enough nightmares thinking that you will come after us and finish what the darkspawn didn’t.“_   
_“As like I had nothing else to do as haunting a group of trouble makers around Ferelden. I gather that you knew that the ritual wasn’t exactly in the line with your Circle’s teaching, yes?”_   
_“It was blood magic, I know. And since you know so much about Wardens, I think you are aware that the Joining is a blood magic ritual too. The former I accepted it, the later I was forced. After that I didn’t want to hear anything about blood magic again … at least until I suggested to keep Varel alive somehow.”_   
_“Interesting. And now you hunt down those who practice this kind of magic. Irony? Hypocrisy? Who knows better than you?”_

  
_“Some people abuse that power, so they deserve to die. Others are desperate and see it as the last resort, but everyone knows what they are doing when they make the first cut.”_   
_A wicked gleam shone in Flemeth’s eyes. “Tell me, what if when you find the Cure it is not that clean as you hope? What if it is another blood magic ritual? What you will do then? Give up to it because your convictions or … you will grab the chance without thinking twice?”_   
_Azzura gapped at the Witch. She knew deep down that there was a risk, but until then she avoided thinking about the possibility._   
_“I … don’t know. If that would require sacrifices or worse, then I would continue looking until my time comes. Although right now every warden thinks that they are ready to die. This unnatural Calling has everyone on the edge; I hope that the Inquisitor can stop Corypheus from doing more damage than he did already.”_   
_“Corypheus is a mistake. One I haven’t taken in consideration.”_

  
_“And here I thought that you planned everything all along.”_   
_“Some of the things, yes. But like I have said; I am not all-knowing.”_   
_“You know? I like the idea of being a pawn in your little games. Makes me feel important to the greater whole.”_   
_“You had your usefulness; as Hawke did and many others. You might still be of use to me somehow.”_   
_Azzura raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “You found a new target to exploit? The hero of the hour maybe? I am certain the Inquisitor would like some holy help.” – She giggled at the idea of Maxwell meeting the old Witch – “It might be a surprise to him to learn that it wasn’t the right kind of holy he thinks of.”_

  
_“Are you comparing me to Andraste? I don’t know if I should feel insulted or humbled. And he must carve his own path before asking for Divine assistance. We don’t want to make it easy for him, don’t we?”_   
_Flemeth tilted her head on a side. “Are you not envious about his ascension to power? He might become the most required man in all Thedas. Doesn’t that disturb you?”_   
_“No. Not at all. I had my share of heroic deeds and I am content with what I have. If he needs my help I will gladly stand by his side, but I won’t try to take people’s attention away from him. Why do you think I am not hiking around the Exalted Plains with him? Maxwell doesn’t need my presence. He must bust the Inquisition’s power by himself.”_   
_“Well, well. That’s very surprising. I take it you have other plans then? Trying to find the Lord Seeker, maybe?”_   
_Azzura narrowed her eyes at the older woman. “Always.”_

  
_Something in Flemeth’s voice changed. A most powerful sensation came from the Witch of the Wilds and Amell froze in her seat._   
_“If you wanted revenge you should have gone to my husband. Elgar’nan revels in such matters. Desist or you will see one of my sides that I didn’t show so often to my People.”_   
_Amell tried to speak but she couldn’t articulate the words. Flemeth took a deep breath and shook her head a little. “’Twas most unexpected. You better be quiet, girl. Don’t do more damage if you care for yourself.”_   
_“T-t-that was M-Mythal? I must wake up. Really this was too much.”_   
_“Before you go, one more thing. Remember that power corrupts and when you will find a source of power that puts everything you have to shame, then you will have to choose carefully. That is your test. Don’t fail it.”_

* * *

 

Azzura woke up and had to close eyes again. The light was unbearable and she felt her throat in flames. The left shoulder felt stiff and itchy. She adventured to raise the arm and closed the eyes again. She must have seen double because the fingers looked like sausages to her. Someone shifted suddenly away from her point of view. Nathaniel came in a rush to her side handing her a mug filled with water and Azzura gulped it down. She tried to speak.

  
“Nafaniel …” – Surprised at her own voice, she looked at the Warden and saw two of them. Blinking, she tried again. “Naf … Nat… whaf if wron’ wif me?”  
To her dismay, Nate began to laugh, making her wince. “Ow … my heaf.”  
Between fits of laugher, Nathaniel said. “Stop talking! You make me die!” – Azzura scowled at him and brought her hand to her lips. Along with her tongue, her lips were swollen and itchy. She plopped her head on the pillow.

  
“The poison in your body reacted somehow with the antidote. It was a good thing that Cullen extracted the arrow when he did, albeit a bit less gentle, but it did the trick. The antidote we gave you it was based on spider venom and spindleweed. I forgot about your allergy to that herb.”  
Amell whimpered in despair. “I musht look like a broofmofer!”  
Nate handed her a mirror and waited for her reaction. He wasn’t disappointed when she yelped and threw the looking glass away. “Mafer’s ballsssss!”  
The left side of her face along with her mouth and left eye were red and puffy; the eye half closed. She checked the wound where the arrow embed in her shoulder and saw the arm in the same condition. “I feel sheeick!”  
“I know you feel sick, yes. The guy to whom the arrow belonged said that the allergy should stop the venom from spreading further and you will be back to normal in a couple of days. He’s most sorry for what happened.”

  
Nate didn’t add that Cullen saw her and had to walk away chastised and on the way of losing his breath trying not to laugh. As strong she could be, Azzura was as vain as Dorian. Having Cullen laughing at her would make her crankier than she was.  
“You know, I thought that your penchant for trying to die a miserable death would have vanished by now; but it seems I was wrong. Surviving a battle only to be taken out of combat by a stupid arrow, it is so you. I would say that this if above that time when you trapped yourself in that spider web and below the time when you were almost killed by the rock slide in the Mother’s lair.”  
“If washn’t my faulf!”

  
Nate mocked her. “Oh, really? It wasn’t your fault that in the heat of celebrating that creature’s death, you ended up hitting with lightning that ceiling?”  
“Fine! You win. And the shpider web was infisible!”  
“Only because you didn’t look up?”  
Cullen heard Nathaniel’s laugher from outside the tent and risked his entrance in the lion’s den. The Commander was trying to bit his lips and cover his merriment when he saw Azzura’s face. When she saw him, she grabbed the blanket and covered her head, disappearing from sight.  
“Don’t look! I am ‘orrible!”

  
Silently, Nate took his leave, letting the Commander to deal with his woman. Then a thought hit him and returned to Azzura’s bed.  
“I just remembered! Sarina is allergic to spindleweed too. Listen, I know it sounds crazy, but between your identical look and this shared allergy, even I begin to believe that there is some kind of connection between you two.”  
After Nate left, Cullen stood on Azzura’s bed and tried to pull the blanket away from her face. “Love, stop hiding. I already know how you look. It’s just a side effect and it will go away.”  
Tentatively she let the tip of her nose out from under covers. “Buf I’m ug … ug-ley!”  
Cullen fixed some of her curls behind her ears and helped her stand. “To me you are always beautiful. Beautiful, dangerous and crazy.”

  
He had a sudden thought and raised her to her feet. “Let’s go outside. I know a place where we can talk alone. Everyone is down the valley anyway; they are studying the remains of the battle.”  
Azzura made her way towards a small clearing aware of the looks of sympathy and stifled laughs from the people outside. The only time she tried to stick her tongue to someone it made it worse. It was useless trying to look dignified when one had her face looking like a tomato.  
“Cullen, feofle are lookin’ af me.”

  
He tried to keep his face straight, he really tried; but he couldn’t hold it together anymore, he busted out laughing.  
“I’m sorry. Honestly I forgot about your allergy!” – He remembered the first time when they discovered her sensitivity with that particular herb. It was an entire week of puns and giggles between the apprentices and Templars in the Tower.  
He took a seat on the blanket he laid under a tree and drew her in his arms. Propping his head on the tree, he spoke again after a while. “I am regretful of how I broke the arrow. I hope it didn’t hurt that much.”  
“No. I don’t remember. Nafe saysh thaf it was nefefary.”

  
“Yes, it was necessary. Your new language is interesting.” – He smiled at her resigned attitude. “Well, we have to wait for the … thing, to wear off.”  
She looked at him hopefully. “You still maf af me because I forgof to wake up from fhe Fade?”  
“I am not mad. I was worried that you lost your way back. You know the dangers of losing track of time in the Fade. I hope only that you had no problems with … stuff.”  
“No, no demonsh. I just talked to Anora. Got carried away. We haf a mosht interesshting conversashtion.”

  
In her funny language Azzura told him about Anora and Alistair. When she arrived at the part involving the Calling, Cullen felt a sting of pain thinking of the immense fear she must have felt.  
He realized that he might lose her somehow, exactly when he would have been glad to be retired and have their home. Suddenly, twenty years left, to him seemed like one hour and he couldn’t stand the idea of her going underground to die. He told her so and for a second she was debating if she should take it lightly, but the pain in his eyes said otherwise.

  
She told him that she had no choice and if she couldn’t find a cure he will have to understand that she made a promise; even if she had a couple months left , she will follow Alistair anyway. Cullen wanted to protest, to argue with her, to make her break the promise made to the King, but after a while he knew that if it was him, he would be afraid of being alone too.  
She told him about the fate waiting for those women who became ghouls, but she avoided entirely the worst case scenario where she could become a broodmother. Either way, she won’t be caught and she would take her own life if necessary, before letting their hands on her.

  
Cullen took a deep breath and tried to empty his mind of the horrors she described. He forgot about anything else; he forgot about her wound too and pushed her down on the blanket. She giggled when he tried to kiss her; his kiss was desperate, like the ones where one makes sure that they are alive and still breathing.  
After some convincing and some assurance that to him she was still desirable, Amell let her Templar to kiss her. When for a second he raised his head for air, Cullen saw something moving but he didn’t bother. Kissing her it was more important than some critter lurking in the background and he was sure that none of his soldiers would hide in the bushes to spy on their Commander.  
Still the thing moved again and Cullen threw a side glance. Azzura wasn’t happy. “Why did you stop? Your kiss helps me regain my tongue back!” – And she wiggled her brows to him.

  
“Then stop summoning trees, would you?”  
She gave him a befuddled look. “What are you talking abouf? I can’t summon frees from fhin air!”  
The moment was gone and he had to resign to yet another moment trying to courtship the woman he loved flying away because of … walking trees.  
Both Commanders looked askance at the unbelievable sight of a tree wobbling on the small path along the little pond, a couple yards away. The tree walked left and right trying to gain a balance and finally tripped on the ground.

  
Cullen squinted and had a better look at it. It wasn’t exactly a tree, more likely a bundle of branches tied together and on top of them there was a man.  
Azzura smirked seeing the poor guy trying to get up and from his gestures she supposed that he was cussing the insolent bundle.  
Right then he saw the couple and leaving his charge hurried uphill.

  
Cullen’s jaw dropped several inches. “It can’t be!”  
The young boy began to wave his hands. “Commander Cullen, is that you? Blessed be the Maker that I found you!”  
A tight smile plastered on his face, Cullen replied. “Jim, what are you doing here?”

  
The scout looked sheepishly. “Err … They told me to gather wood for the cooking fire and I got lost in the forest.”  
Azzura bit into Cullen’s armor to stifle a laugh.  
“How can you be lost in the woods, when the camp is just on the other side of this hill?” – Cullen looked dumbishly still trying to gather why Jim was there.  
“Well, they told me as much and Lady Lace said that I should always head north, always looking in front of me.” – Jim scratched his head. – “But what I don’t understand is how come that every time I took north I kept walking in circles around those trees?”

  
Cullen groaned. “Follow this path and you will be at our camp site. Why are you here anyway? Last time I heard, Harding was supposed to go to the Hissing Wastes.”  
Jim shrugged. “That was the original plan I think. But then Lady Lace received a new assignment for the Hinterlands and she switched places with scout Harriman.”  
The scout went to retrieve his bundle of branches and before going off, he added. “Thank you Commander, without you I would be lost and Lady Lace would be mad. I don’t like her when she is mad, because she is so cute. Oh, Lady Amell! Why do you look like a boiled tomato?”  
The Commander barked. “Go away, soldier! They need to eat.”

  
Amell waited until Jim was past the hill and then began to laugh. Cullen wasn’t impressed and plucked some grass from the ground while looking thoughtful.  
“Don’t you have the feeling that there’s something more to this Jim? And why Leliana moved Harding here?”  
Now that got Azzura’s attention. “Leli. She’s behind all this, I swear it.”

Later when they returned to the others, they were approached by Lace Harding. The dwarven lady looked up to Cullen.  
“I know what you want to say, Commander but it is not my fault. I have new orders for you and Lady Amell. You need to go back to Skyhold because Knight Captain Lawrence is deployed to the Exalted Plains and Rylen needs to take a break, he was wounded in a skirmish with some reddies. Lady Amell has to meet the Herald in Crestwood in two weeks. The Inquisitor says that you, my Lady will be interested in the new developments and Seeker Pentaghast wants you there for a personal matter.”

  
Azzura turned to Cullen and smiled. “Well, that’s your ticket to Skyhold. Is Rylen all right?”  
Lace nodded. “Yes, but he needs to heal his leg and rest.”  
Cullen went to give the good news to Dorian and Varric was less than thrilled to discover that he won’t go back with them. The dwarf grumbled that cutting across Ferelden wasn’t on his pay roll.  
Azzura hugged him and pecked him on the cheek. He sighed and thought of his dubious luck to have even Hawke’s cousin going for flattery as the last resort to convince him to do something.


	26. A job to finish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azzura and Nate visit the Deep Roads.

Azzura opened one eye, then the other and gave Nathaniel a crossed look. The Warden put a finger on his lips and invited her to walk outside, after smirking knowingly at Cullen’s sleeping form. Azzura just slapped him lightly over his backside and Nate’s outraged look made her stifle a laugh.

  
They put a small distance between them and the camp, outside the ear shot of the remaining night guards.  
Nate spoke first.” We need to talk, and you won’t like it. Although, I think you are crazy enough to actually consider it.”  
“Well, I will never know if you keep going in circles, no?”  
He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Utha was here. Our mutual friend is waiting for us at half day inside the tunnels.”  
“I think I need to sit.” – She looked around furtively and dropped her voice to a whisper.

  
“The Architect is here? Why?” – Nate handed her a piece of parchment covered in elegant writing. “As you know, Utha is a silent sister, so he sent her with this message. She was a Warden after all and she is the only one who could blend in. I can’t believe that she sneaked into a camp full of Wardens and into my tent without any the wiser. Makes my skin cringe, really.”

  
Azzura finished reading the message and sighed. “Damn, a sealed chamber in a tunnel which we had no idea it existed. The Architect says that it might be from the Fourth Blight.” – Nate saw the glint of her eyes and raised his hands to the sky.  
“And now you want to go there! Maker help me!”  
“It worth investigating and maybe I can have news from him about our unfortunate condition which is helping us die, fairly young I might say? Get packing. We leave at dawn.”

  
Nathaniel kept her from rising and run to her tent. “Ohi! What are you thinking? Hold on, woman! We need to be careful, there will be a lot of questions and we kind of want to leave outside many answers, right?” – He tugged at his hair. – “You will make me go grey.”  
She snickered. “You are already grey … warden.”  
“Ugh! And you are the crazy woman I have as a Commander.”

  
She composed herself and looked behind her at the cluster of tents. “All right. The thing is that we will have to go alone. Not exactly alone, but … we can’t pick anyone else. We are the only two remaining Senior Wardens in Ferelden who know about the Architect.” – She shivered a little. – “We are also the only ones left from our team knowing the reason behind his survival and I really hate to have that news reaching Weisshaupt or the Inquisition.”

  
The young Howe scoffed. “Like you really are scared about the Inquisition; but you are pissing your pants at the idea of Cullen finding out.”  
She sighed. “Or Alistair. Yup, I am a coward. But let’s face it; I don’t think Cullen or the Inquisitor would be happy to hear that another Ancient Magister is roaming the tunnels under their feet. With that bat-shit crazy calling himself the Elder One, I would rather not risk dying today. Varric and Dorian are not suitable either. It will have to be us.”  
They had a plan. A plan reminding an Orlesian cheese. Full of holes. But it was a plan.

* * *

  
Azzura was up and ready when Cullen woke up.  
“Good morning, my Commander.” – She greeted him with a small kiss and eyes cast down. He could read her tells better than she knew him to do so.  
Closing the last buckles on his armor, he asked. “You are up to something and I won’t like it. I am right?”  
He almost giggled, seeing her rubbing the back of her neck. “I … um … yes. Nate and I … well …” – She threw her hands in the air, exasperated. “Gods! Why is so hard to talk to you?”  
Cullen raised his brows. “Maybe because it’s something crazy and dangerous? At least you have the good will to feel worried about my opinion.”

  
“All right, gloat as you like. I have to go to the Deep Roads for a couple of days. Me … and Nate only.”  
“You _are_ crazy. Do you really think I will let you go? There are darkspawn there! And Maker knows what else!”  
“I can’t sense darkspawn, we killed every one of them.” – She tried to maintain her calm. The man was worried for her and for good reason. So, she opted for a half truth. “Cullen, I am a Warden. It’s what we do; go there and make sure that those bastards don’t come out.”

  
“I know, and I really want to support you; but you have a camp full of wardens, why can’t you take some of them?”  
“Because they are not senior Wardens and Nate doesn’t trust them too much. The truth is this; since I took command of Vigil’s Keep, Weisshaupt was a thorn in my back.”  
“But … they are your superiors! They have a right to meddle in your decisions!”

  
“They contested my wardens, they sent a woman to _assist_ with the treasury even knowing that I was named Arlessa and I could take care of my own lands. Well, technically they are the Warden lands but still under King Alistair’s rule. Besides, I even heard voices that in Anderfels they don’t believe that it was a real Blight.” – She caught herself before revealing more. It didn’t bode well to remind him that the other wardens who defeated the previous four Archdemons had a nice tomb made for them in the Fortress. They died defeating the Beasts and she was up and running after a decade.

  
True enough that there were questions and Weisshaupt tried to learn about her survival, but how could two fresh Wardens merely teenagers - with no idea about how to defeat an Archdemon - knew what the older Wardens knew? She and Alistair played dumb and they became quite good at it.

  
“When I was fighting the nobles and scoured Ferelden and the Deep Roads in search for help, no Warden from Anderfels came. Now that I’m thinking, not even those from Orlais. I know that Loghain put a restriction for trespassing, but they could have come to Orzammar, sneaked in Ferelden somehow. But, no! Everyone was happy to let two juniors scratch their heads at what to do. So, no; I don’t care about Weisshaupt. This is my country, my wardens and my investigation. I have to go with Nate because there are things that are better be buried and kept away from the others. Corypheus still can influence the Wardens and as much I have faith in those remaining, they are not above corruption.”

  
“So, he can’t influence you? Him?”  
“I can tune it out and due to my training and the Guardian’s protection I am safe. Nate is strong, but I will be on guard for any mishap.” – She took his face in her hands and looked straight into his eyes. “Cullen, please; I must do this. Maybe I can find things that will help me or the Inquisition.”  
“I’m coming with you then.”

  
“No. Taint and such, remember? And I need you here in case something really bad happens. I love you and I care too much about you, and even as much I would want you by my side, we both know that we have our duties.” – She took a stack of papers and gave it to her Commander. “This is a full report of our time spent here, I have made two copies for you and Alistair. You have also my direct order to blow up the mountain and bury the entrance in case we won’t make it back.”

  
He shook his head vigorously. “What? No!”  
She hugged him and kissed his hair. “You have to. If in three days I am not returned, put the mountain down. Some explosive charges and the mages should be enough to block the entrance. I made sure to take all the responsibility for obliterating another piece of Ferelden, just in case Alistair and Anora make a fuss out of it.”  
He was reluctant to let her go but in the end his discipline won.  
“Just … please, come back to me.”  
Azzura and Nathaniel snuck out of the camp and head towards the Deep Roads entrance. Cullen had to cover for them saying that they went to hunt in the woods.

* * *

 

Azzura opted for the full chain armor and she brought both swords with her. Once in a while, Nathaniel will look behind them at the staff flying with its own will. When he finally had enough of keeping his curiosity in check, Nathaniel poked Azzura in the ribs. The mage jumped three steps away.  
“Ow! What was that for?”

  
The handsome rogue found himself whispering. “Do you know that your staff is merrily flying behind us? It’s that normal? Don’t answer that; with you nothing is normal.”  
She began to laugh. “I’m sorry, I forgot to tell you. Remember when you found me and I told you about my time in Tevinter? Well, I left some things out.”  
Nathaniel looked again at the staff. “You don’t say.”

  
Azzura motioned to the staff to come closer and took a grip on it.  
“The staff is made from normal wood and silverite. What makes it special is a Spirit of Protection.”  
Nathaniel almost tripped on his feet. “It is possessed?”  
Azzura shrugged. “Otherwise how could I carry both swords and my shield?”

  
A bright light glowed ahead of them leaving behind the form of an armored Templar. Howe stopped dead on his feet.  
“What the fuck?”  
“Nate meet the Guardian.” – The Spirit bowed slightly. “At your service, Warden Howe. Don’t be afraid, I won’t swoop down on you.” Azzura’s jaw almost fell on the floor. This was the first time the Guardian made a joke; and why he chooses the one loved by Alistair anyway? Spirits. They never behave like they were supposed to.

  
The Warden gawked at the ethereal being. “It talks.”  
She waved away his words. “Not as much I would like too. Then again, Knight- Commander Greagoir never talked much, unless it was to fight with Irving. Endurance, get out here.”  
This time Nathaniel literally jumped on the side of the tunnel when a fluffy cloud popped out in existence with a blonde woman stretching lazily on top of it.

  
“This place is dreadful _mia cara_! Why are we here?” – Endurance looked around her then continued to shape her nails with a small file. The Spirit saw Nathaniel. “Oh, he’s cute! Look at all those muscles on his arms! Archer, eh?”  
Azzura bended in half, laughing her soul off at the sight of Nathaniel turning on his heels and grabbing his head with both hands.  
“Maker’s blasted balls! I am alone with a mad woman!”

  
Endurance raised a finely shaped brow in his direction. “Two women! Although … I am somehow just borrowing this form.”  
The Hero dried the tears and drunk some water. “Come now, Nate. You wanted a Spirit who can talk. I told you that we won’t be alone down here. Besides, it won’t be the first time when we have a spirit coming along with us. Justice was your friend, even if you won’t admit it.”

  
The Guardian took his place inside the staff but the other Spirit just moved along with them, sitting on top of her cloud.  
Still wary of the Fade denizen, Nate fell in step with his companion and continued their journey. From time to time Nate would throw glances at the blonde woman on top of her cloud.  
“So, what are we doing here? It has to do with that letter?” – asked Endurance.

  
“Yes. The Architect said that he found a room dating from the Fourth Blight and it might be of some interest to us. Since we killed the spawn guarding the and I can’t sense others around, I suppose it was him who cleared all the tunnels.”  
Curiosity got better of Nate again and he poked the cloud with the tip of his finger. The cloud seemed to be well defined and more or less material, but his finger went through it.

  
Endurance giggled in delight. “It’s a piece of Fade. I am here and I am not. Same goes for the things surrounding me.”  
“Good to know. So … you don’t feel desire to take on someone’s body? Because you know … the last time a Spirit did it, it blew up a Chantry.”

  
Azzura and Endurance rolled their eyes in the same time. The Warden spoke. ”Justice and Anders are a different matter. When Justice joined with Anders, he changed. A mortal will always influences a Spirit if they join. Anders’ desire to free the mages and Justice’s desire for what was right got them confused. Don’t worry; I won’t join with any of my Fade friends.”  
Endurance pouted. “If I would join, then I wouldn’t be able to peep on the naked Templars. I am better like this.”  
Nate sputtered. “Naked … Templars?”

  
Azzura explained to him the better she could about the nature of her companion Spirits and what they did.  
“So if we need help they will lend a hand? Or … cloud?”  
“The Guardian can fight; it’s his purpose to defend. Endurance can only give us strength.”  
“And if you ask her … I thought that the Spirits don’t have a gender?”  
Amell shrugged. “She took a female form. I don’t see why I shouldn’t address her as a _she_.”  
“So she won’t fight?”  
“No. If I would ask her to do it, she would comply, but then … she would change into a desire demon. Or it was Pride?”  
“Wonderful! More things to worry about. I should assume that only several of your new friends in the Inquisition know about this?”

  
“Yes. I don’t think going around and trying to make friends with the mortals would go as I wish.” – Endurance sighed and for a moment she looked sad.  
Both Azzura and Nate stopped. Endurance disappeared leaving the road in darkness. Muttering, Nate lit up a torch and drew a dagger from his belt; Azzura followed with her weapons unsheathed.

* * *

  
A voice she never thought she will hear in a long time, spoke.  
“Hello there friends. Don’t have fear, it’s just me and Utha.”

  
The Architect’s voice was deep and lacked any inflection but very well it could stand in an Orlesian salon. Amell still wondered how the darkspawn magister succeeded in being both a monster and something similar to a scholar. Maybe trying to awake the Old Gods required a certain amount of ancient wisdom or stupidity?

  
Their feet hurt after the long march. She had no idea how much they walked or how many hours had passed, but a small stop was needed if she wanted to feel her feet again.  
“Well, since the Architect arrived and we are tired, I say that we should camp for the night.”  
Azzura took the first watch letting Nate to rest. However since she had to stay awake, she had to find a way to occupy her time and that was to bother the Architect. The creature didn’t seem surprised when she went and sat beside him. The ancient magister was the first to speak.

  
“You were gone a long time, Warden. I gather that the last events on the surface made you come back from your journey?”  
“For someone hiding underground you are very well informed in the latest events.” – Azzura took a piece of dried meat from her backpack and started to chew on it. It was difficult to get used again with the horrible smell coming from the darkspawn and she had to keep her mind on the discussion taking place. Spilling her guts out would wake up poor Nate and she wanted him to get some well-deserved rest. Her friend was always happy to help her with crazy missions without saying a word; such was the friendship he had for her. Amell felt guilty for a moment. Now Nate had a wife and daughter waiting for him and he should be outside on his road to Highever instead hunting ghostly hidden chambers in the company of a crazy darkspawn magister.

  
The Architect made a grimace which could pass nicely as a smile. “It’s easier to send my brothers out there to listen to the humans. With the wardens spread so thin the danger of being discovered is small.”  
“Oh yes; the Wardens are missing, indeed. I still investigate as of why and there is an order from another Warden- Commander saying that I should be captured. I was meaning to ask if you know this Elder One or Corypheus? He’s one of your fellows apparently.”  
“I still don’t remember how I woke up and what I was doing before. I will take your information as true.”

  
“There is also the problem of the red lyrium showing up on the surface. Have you encountered any deposits in your travels?”  
“Some. This type of lyrium is … strange. It carries the Blight.”  
“Yes. I felt strange being near of it. It’s calling, it is hungry and it is very infective for the people on the surface. Corypheus fed it to the Templars and they are harvesting it from the infected. The Inquisitor works to shut down any known locations. Also, the Wardens are hearing their Calling. All of them.”  
The Architect cocked his head on a side. “Interesting. And yet I haven’t encountered any of them.”

  
Utha made a few signs and from the expression on what was once her face, she was worried too.  
“Utha says that it shouldn’t be possible.”

  
“She’s right. Besides, all the Wardens are gathering somewhere. We don’t know what they are planning yet. Do you think there is another Old God on the loose? Have you atempted another crazy Joining?”  
“No. I keep my word Warden. No one is disturbing us and I learned my lesson. The two remaining Gods are sleeping. However I was in this area because I was chasing for the locations of a few broodmothers.”  
Azzura sent a shiver walking down her spine. “How many?”

  
“I killed one but there must be at least other three. The group of those mindless fiends we killed was hunting. The women they took are from the tribes living in these forests.”  
“Chasind. Thank you for keeping the order. I beg you to find and kill them. We have already other things to worry; I can’t spare any wardens right now.”  
“This arrangement benefits both of us, Warden- Commander. None of us needs more of them. If you could satisfy a curiosity of mine? When we met the first time, we couldn’t talk that much. Your reluctance to support my plan made me question your desire for peace, but I held my part of deal.”

  
“The differences between our worlds are immense. You act like a one mind and as individual in the same time. You know only this way of life; humans can’t function like that. Since their birth, a component of my society knows that they are unique. Their thoughts are only theirs, everyone can choose and they alone are responsible for their actions. It’s called free will. No one takes lightly having their free will stripped from them. We cling to our humanity and independence.”

  
“And still you make other people slaves. How is that an option?”  
“It’s a wrong thing and we fight to eradicate it, unfortunately without success for now. Even as slaves, people retain their individuality. If there is a thing that slavery can’t take way, there would be the ability to dream for a better life and a way to make it happen. I believe that slowly, we will get there someday.”

  
Her eyes drifted to Utha for a moment. The ex-Warden’s eyes were blank; the irises covered by a sheet of withe. The wrinkled skin barely covering her cheekbones and teeth showing behind from long gone lips made Azzura uneasy looking for a long period of time.  
“I ask forgiveness to Utha for what I will say next. Humans are also huge egocentrics when in it comes to their beauty. Esthetics counts as much as individuality, I suppose. No one would take easy on being transformed into a ghoul, not looking like this.”

  
The Architect closed his fingers in contemplation. “Beauty comes to pass. Why would this be so important?”  
She actually snorted. “You were Urthemiel’s high priest. He was the God of beauty; that should mean something to you?”  
“I … don’t remember. He is dead now, isn’t he?”

  
“Yes. The Archdemon is dead and his remains were taken to Weisshaupt. I wished so much to have a nice set of armor and a sword made of his hide and bones; but I had to let them take it.”  
“Interesting. Why couldn’t you? It was your trophy after all?”  
“We had no warden smiths. It’s easy for normal people to work a high dragon’s bones but the Archdemon was carrying the Blight.”

  
The Guardian in her mind spoke; his voice carried a hint of wickedness. “ _Nice choice of words. The Archdemon is dead.”_  
“ _Of course he’s dead. Why?”_  
 _“Playing semantics with me it is fun. You said Archdemon , not Urthemiel.”_  
 _“At least I don’t lie, eh?”_

  
She almost had to slap herself for not realizing sooner. “The Inquisitor said that Corypheus is using an Archdemon! What are the chances for it to be real? Will we have another Blight on our hands?”  
“You have no fear. I can’t say how he achieved to master an Archdemon’s will, but the beast doesn’t have an Old God’s soul in it. I know for a fact that Razikale and Lusacan are sleeping.”

* * *

 

When Nate woke up, Azzura was so excited about the good news that there won’t be another Blight that she couldn’t get herself to fall asleep. Nate was at loss of words when she dragged his head in her lap and began to brush his hair. He tried to protest but she kept him pressed down. _“Stay still, will you?”_

  
His jaw fell out of its hinges when he heard her voice in his head. The Architect watched them curiously. “Is he, your mate then?”  
Azzura bit her lips to keep a straight face imagining Nate’s face as it was covered by his hair. “Yes. We have been together a long time. See, he is the main reason that I don’t want to become a ghoul. My Nate doesn’t like ugly women.” Utha gave her a killer look but Amell ignored her.

  
Not knowing what to do, Nathaniel just obeyed his Commander. That was another crazy day in his life following her, apparently.  
“ _It’s all right, love. He can’t hear us. You can think, I will hear you.”_  
Nate did as he was told. _“I have to admit. This … surpasses everything I knew about you. Care to explain?”_

  
_“We have to talk, but since we have guests, I had to take an alternate route. Our minds are linked with my companions’ help. There is nothing to worry about. The Shadowhunters use this type of communication often. It’s not a big range for the link to work, but sometimes when is need it, is very useful.”_  
 _“Another of your magic-y trick then. Sometimes I wonder how much you mages know. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you too but I couldn’t figure out how to do it without our friend here listening.”_

  
She treaded her fingers deeper in his hair and touched his ear. With the Architect watching them they had to keep up the show somehow. Nate jerked a little when she moved her fingers around his jaw.  
 _"Stop that! You will raise suspicion!"_  
Endurance’s laugh rang in their linked minds. _“There is something else rising too.”_  
_“Shut up, Spirit._ ” – Azzura’s fingers felt Nate’s skin warming under the deep blush covering his cheeks.

  
“ _I so much hate you right now. So, what is in your mind?”_  
 _“Madness.”_  
 _“Very funny.”_  
 _“We will have to finish the job we started long time ago. The Architect must die here.”_  
 _“So … let me resume. You avoided killing him when we got the chance and there were four of us; now, suddenly you think that we have better chances without Anders and Justice covering our arses.”_  
 _“He will turn on us as soon we arrive where he’s taking us. He needs us somehow because otherwise he would have taken whatever he is after.”_  
 _Nate shifted uncomfortably under her hands. “Care to tell me why you have to manhandle me? I don’t say I don’t like it ... but … things are awkward?”_  
 _“Because this type of connection has to physically link two people together?”_

  
_“Oh, right. So ... why you decided to kill our friend? From the way you were listening to him it seemed like you wanted to be buddies for life? As short you want to make it right now.”_  
 _“He’s lying. You know that none of the Wardens told us about Chasind women being kidnapped lately.”_  
 _“It’s the exact thing I wanted to tell you. He seemed too committed to help. Besides, the Chasind are long gone from this area and he had no idea that the Wardens were still around.”_  
 _“Another thing. Don’t you find strange that this section of road is devoid of the taint and it’s elvhen style?”_

  
What Azzura said it was true. They were travelling on a road that missed only the lighting and merchant caravans moving from a place to another. She didn’t express her wonder aloud and the fact that the Architect didn’t point it out it made her suspicious for the first time. A hint of magic she couldn’t define yet lingered in the air.  
The more they approached to the place she came to investigate, the more she felt the old magic searching for her. It had a tinge of elvhen and something tainted also. She imagined that it belongs to a Warden Mage once and he or she was the one who warded that section of the Deep Roads. The Architect and Utha stopped several steps behind her; ahead there was door made of stone like any dwarven construction, but it has carvings on it. From where she stood she couldn’t make the shapes though.

  
_“Hey, Flemeth! Something is fishy here. I will need your help, because without magic I can’t get over those wards.”_  
 _“I can read your mind, girl; and I approve. Remember, treat the artifacts with respect and do what must be done.”_  
Amell’s figurative ears perched up hearing the word _artifacts._ Flemeth cackled in background.

* * *

  
The old Magister pointed towards the invisible barrier in front of her. “This must be dispelled by a Warden’s pure blood. I have tried with Utha’s but I almost lost her when the energy backlashed at us.”  
_I could bet the Arling that you would have tried before calling in for us_.  
She gave the barrier a critical look. Blood magic, of course it had to be the only thing she didn’t liked. She closed her eyes and began to strip down the layers of that spell. Maybe if she could find out how it was cast, maybe she could also find a way to enter without having to give her blood. The points of the Wards converged in one section of the barrier, leaving a tiny portion free of magic. It was impossible even to her to see, but the blood magic left a perfect trail in its way.

  
The blood was a fluid and not fade remnants. The normal magic would leave marks in the Fade without a definite shape. The blood however had to be shaped to take the form one wanted. A blood mage, especially one grown up in a Circle would know the difference; the Architect however was born before the Circles were formed. Amell’s lips quirked up a bit. They said that ignorance is a bliss; in this case the Architect’s ignorance was welcomed.  
She massaged her eyes with her palms. If they wanted to pull this over, she and Nate will need more than luck. Everyone knows that the best laid plans …. go to fuck up majestically.  
Azzura catches Nate’s hand and gives him a hug; the man felt something slipping in his pocket but said nothing.

  
_“I won’t be able to get into that room; you will have to go and tell me everything.”_  
 _“But I will have no idea what to look for. What if I miss something important? And if it is important, how I would know? I can’t certainly yell for others to hear; that goes against our intentions. Are you sure that this connection can’t be used otherwise?”_  
 _“It is, but you wouldn’t like it. We rarely use it because it’s an interrogation tool. I will have to enter your mind and see through your eyes, so to speak.”_  
 _“Great. Do you want to control my body too?”_  
 _“To do that I would need to tap into your blood flow.”_  
 _“For someone who hates blood magic, you know a damn lot of it.”_  
 _“I hunt blood mages; that’s my job. How can I do my job if I can’t understand how the blood magic works? Take a look at Templars, Chantry and Mages here. There are only a few trusted members of my organization who can do this. The Spirits need a pure mind who knows how to stay back from the temptation of actually influencing someone’s thoughts.”_  
 _“I’m not sure I like it. But hey, we are with crazy here. I lived around Velanna for the last years. That should say something.”_  
 _He felt a presence shifting through his mind and accessing things that he kept out from others._  
 _“Hey! Why would you want to see that?”_

  
Azzura giggled. “ _It was you who let it slip. So it’s like this how you tune out the Calling. Having dirty thoughts about your wife. Not bad.”_  
 _“It’s not fair. Why I can’t see anything of yours?”_  
 _“Because I have a barrier. Building shields is the first thing we learn before being an interrogator. What the interrogated would say if they could move in our mind at leisure?”_

  
Aloud, she said. “I know another way to get there. Nate will enter and I will keep the barrier.”  
The Architect raised a missing eyebrow. “A little of your blood would dispel it.”  
“I don’t do blood magic, sorry. My plan will have to do.”  
She placed both hands on the barrier then pushed herself in the middle making a small gap for Nate to pass through.

* * *

  
“ _Somehow I know that I will have to hurry. Our common friend looks like he would gladly spill your blood only to get rid of this barrier.”_  
 _“Right you are my Warden- Constable. Leg it.”_

  
Arrived at the first door, Nate pushed it open and revealed a passage large enough to let one person to walk freely. On both sides of the walls there were carvings of hallas playing, fighting or resting under leafless trees. Nathaniel felt Azzura’s excitement like it was his own.  
“ _Do you know why we see elvhen things here, in the Deep Roads? The only thing I have learned listening to Velanna’s stories is that these hallas are sacred and their protector is some goddess called Ghil’nen, Ghil…”_  
 _“Ghilan’nain, the Mother of Hallas. Yes and the leafless tree is Mythal’s symbol. Go ahead.”_

  
“Do you see anything of interest, Warden?” – The Architect’s voice sounded a bit impatient.  
“Uhm … just weird dwarven carvings, maybe their paragons or something. I’m going ahead.”

  
“ _I don’t want to play in his defense, but what if he says the truth? What if intentions are genuine?”_  
 _“Well, we will see when you get back. Want to bet that he will attack us the moment you step out of this barrier?”_  
 _“I won’t let you see me naked. Last time we had a bet I was lucky enough to win. Anders pouted all day because he lost his chance to see me undress. ”_  
 _“Nate, if I wanted to see you naked, I would have done it long time ago. Strange enough, I feel like I would want to see my brother without clothes. Unsettling, really.”_

* * *

  
Nate opened the second door and the last in his way, and gasped. A round chamber with a high ceiling letting some light filtering from above made them think that it was deep inside the mountain, in a caver of some sort. Several bookshelves lined on the left wall and hidden behind them it was a bed with something laying on it.  
With Nate’s eyes, Azzura thought that she saw something else on the right side, but for now she left it alone. The bookshelf beaconed to her.  
Nate thought slyly. _“I think I know what you are thinking.’_  
 _“Grab the books; all of them.”_

  
From his pockets, Nathaniel fished two bags and began filling them with the old, dusty tomes. When everything was in place and the books secured in his backpack, he approached the bed.  
“ _This guy died in his sleep._ ” – He looked at the skeleton dressed in ragged, old mage robes.  
“ _Yes. I know. Loot the long dead body.”_ – Not waiting for a reply, he took several rings, crushing the bones in the process. From the folds of the shattered robe, a small book fell on the bed. Swiftly, he pocketed that one too and turned around.

  
“ _Holy Maker’s underthings! Look at that!_ ”  
They watched in awe the frame of something resembling a huge mirror. At the bottom, two natural height carved hallas supported the frame with their horns. Pieces of what was once the actual mirror littered the ground.  
“ _Andraste’s shiny butt_!” – Azzura added promptly – “ _This is an eluvian! What is doing here, of all things?_ ”  
“ _What is this eluvian?”_  
 _“The ancient elves didn’t use roads to travel between their cities; they used this. Each network of eluvians was dedicated to a certain elven God. Since we see a lot of hallas, I suppose this was one of Ghilan’nain’s ones.”_  
“ _And you know this … because?”_  
 _“I research elven lore for clues, obviously. Some of the tomes in the Minrathous’ Imperial Library contained information about them. This is the first time I see one, though.”_  
 _“Too bad it is broken. From the way the glass spreads on the floor, I suppose that our skeleton over there broke it. Why would he do that?”_  
 _“Or maybe it was a she? That small book you found, maybe it is a diary of sorts. I can’t wait to read it. Also, to access any eluvians, they needed a key.”_

* * *

  
Nate’s eyes hovered around trying to figure out any object looking like a key.  
“ _I don’t think they mean a key as we know it. Give a close swipe of the room, again; then get out of here.”_  
They couldn’t find anything else of interest, but Nate at Azzura’s recommendation, took both of the glowing stones nesting between the carved halla’s horns.  
“ _They will look really shiny on my staff. I hate to do it, but it is necessary. Take the small rocks I slipped into your pockets earlier and plant them around the eluvian and in each corner of this room; leave some for the door too.”_  
Nate did as told and spread the rocks with intricate symbols around.

  
“ _Explosive runes. We will blow up this place. Ir abelas, Ghilan’nain. Nathaniel, once you come out wait to see what the Architect will do. If he swoops on us, leave him to me and kill Utha. Still can throw a dagger?”_  
 _“I improved greatly since the last time you saw me.”_  
 _“Good. I will maintain the mind connection until we are out of these tunnels. We stun them in the worst case scenario, and then you grab my hand and close your eyes.”_  
 _“Remind me again why I trust you?”_  
 _“Because I am your friend? I will fade step often. For someone without magical abilities, this can be a bit rough. If you keep your eyes open, you will feel dizzy and sick.”_  
 _“After I stop screaming and shitting my pants?”_

  
She giggled. “ _We will have to run like hunted by dragons. This place will go kaboom behind us. I planted runes every now and then since we got inside. Runes are linked between them.”_  
 _“Got it. So, crazy time!”_  
Nate arrived at the barrier and mimicked a ragged breath slopping down his knees to make it believable. He glared at Amell.

  
“You sent me there for a bag of books and a long dead body?”  
She shrugged. “I hope it’s worth the pain.”  
The Architect came closer and hovered above Nate’s bended body.  
“Are you sure that there was nothing else? These ruins are elven.”  
Nathaniel didn’t lose a bit. “Are they? I thought they were dwarven! What I know about ruins?”  
Utha gesticulated madly at her master.  
“I know, my pet. I should have used the Warden’s blood from the beginning.”

  
Azzura stifled a laugh. “ _Pay up, Howe. Plan B incoming.”_  
 _“I hate you so much.”_  
Nathaniel slipped a dagger between his fingers and then -quick as a snake – threw the knife hitting Utha square in the eyes.  
In the same time, Azzura’s eyes began to light with blue fire and her body warped the reality around it. In the immensity of the tunnels, her cry resounded ten times louder. A pillar of blue light materialized from tin air and crashed on top of the Architect’s figure. The darkspawn howled in outrage and clasped his face between both hands.  
“ _Take my hand Nate. Now!”_  
Nathaniel did it and then felt his body losing all its weight. The last thing he heard before Azzura’s Fade Step it was the sound of a loud explosion and a desperate cry.  
Now and then the mage would stop back to reality only to resume her strange trip; half in the real world, half in the Fade. Each time behind them another explosion sent rippling echoes and they felt the mountain creaking and shifting under their feet.  
The tunnels became instable even in front of them and entire sections of the ceiling began to broke and fall.

* * *

  
In the Inquisition camp, Cullen felt the earthquake and started to shout orders to his men. One of the soldiers cried and pointed towards the mountain top several miles away from their base.  
As in a dream, everyone assisted to an incredible phenomenon. The earthquake grew in intensity and then the wind carried the aftershock of the mountain collapsing on it.  
Cullen froze with his eyes locked onto horizon.  
_It can’t be! She told me to wait!_  
Fear gripped his heart and he began to run towards the horses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, i was procrastinating. Thank you Connie Flint for giving me a boot kick :P Connie :O I swear that my Amell doesn't want to be Bronwynn, somehow she likes elven lore too :S


	27. Amell, never change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azzura and Nate make it out from the Deep roads. Nate tries to cheer Cullen with a funny story.

The falling stones from the ceiling increased their size and the intensity with which they tried to crush the two humans running for their lives. Azzura flickered in and out of the Fade, still clutching Nathaniel’s hand.  
After another small stop, she could feel the fresh air flowing from the tunnel’s entrance and with a last strained Fade step; she was out in the open.  
Releasing Nate’s hand, she bended over her knees and took big gulps of air. The young Howe collapsed on the ground with his head spinning; after a few heart beats he was able to articulate.  
“We … made it … barely.”  
She joined him on the ground covered with black soot and dirt. “Yes. Damn, we are lucky. This run however, took the toll on Endurance. She had to retire in the Fade to recover.”  
“I thought that spirits can’t feel fatigue?”  
“Oh, they do. You feel tired?” – Nate shook his head in denial – “See? Then where do you think all the tiredness of this endless run, went? She transferred it to herself. She needs to rest before coming back. “  
Right then, the ground began to shake with a loud rumble and rivulets of water started to sip on the surface. Azzura jumped on her feet. “What now?”  
Suddenly they heard a voice booming on top of their heads. “Run, you fools!”  
They turned towards the higher slope and saw Dorian waving his hands and shooting bolts of lightning in the air, to get their attention. And, of course, Cullen pacing back and forth giving orders to someone in the background.

* * *

 

Cullen, Dorian and a dozen of Wardens and Inquisition soldiers rode like followed by all the demons from the Fade. When he saw the mountain collapsing on itself, Cullen jumped on Tempest’s back and broke into a run, not carrying if someone followed him or not.  
Some attentive soldiers and wardens got a glimpse of the Commander’s horse galloping towards the valley where once the big mountain was and followed suit.  
Storm, Azzura’s horse came running towards Dorian and nudged him in the back. The mage had no other choice than to listen to the animal.  
“Let’s go girl; Maferat’s arse, I need to keep the Commander out of trouble.”  
When they arrived, after several minutes arguing if they should wait or descend down into the valley, someone pointed at the entrance and Cullen’s eyes grew wide. She was back; and she had her warden with her, both feeling well. But why they decided to lay on the ground it was behind his comprehension. He took a step back and narrowed his eyes to see better something on the far end of the former entrance in the tunnels. Dorian had the same look and was faster to speak his thoughts.  
“Is that … water?”  
One of the soldiers touched the Commander’s arm to get his attention.  
“Ser, the cave is collapsing on itself! The water is pouring through. Must be an underground river breaking to the surface!”  
Dorian spurred by the soldier’s words, began to shake his hands to get the two wardens’ attention. When he saw that his voice wouldn’t make it all the way down, he released lightning bolts and increased his voice’s volume with a spell.  
“Run, you fools!” – That finally made Azzura look up and then behind her.

“Fuck my life! Nate, we have to run! Now!”  
She took her friend’s hand and with the last remnants of her magic, she made another Fade step. Nathaniel had no time to close his eyes and dumbstruck he let himself being dragged half-conscious between the waking world and the Fade.  
They finally made it up the hill and Azzura stopped in front of her Commander, who was still in shock.  
Behind them, the water cascaded with a deafening rumble, splitting the ground where they stood a moment before. Under their incredulous eyes, in a matter of minutes a new lake formed, covering what once was a deep crevasse in the forest.  
She remembered her fellow warden and turned to check on him. In meantime, the young Howe found a small bush and was emptying his stomach’s contents on the ground. Gently, Azzura gathered his black locks of hair falling on his face and waited for him to finish.  
“I’m sorry, Nate. I had no time to warn you. How do you feel?”  
He replied morosely. “Empty.”  
Dorian came closer and cast a small shooting spell on the warden. “Can you tell me exactly what your symptoms are? I’ve heard about their effects on non-magic people, but I haven’t had the occasion to witness any. “  
Nathaniel glared at the Tevinter mage. Unfazed, Dorian pressed further. “Come on, it’s for science’s sake.”  
“All of you mages are nuts. Must be something in the water.”

  
Cullen, still looking at the lake swirling black several yards under his feet, mumbled. ”Lots of water, indeed.”  
Nathaniel stood on his shaking limbs and Azzura helped him keep a bit of decorum. “I feel dizzy, and I just had an entire herd of druffalo walking over my body. I just want to sleep.” – He remembered that he was still carrying the bags full with the scavenged stuff from the tunnels and handed them to his Warden- Commander. “Here, I hope it’s worth my sickness. For science!” – And he lost his conscience.  
After they packed the sleeping Nathaniel on a horse, Dorian and Cullen turned towards Azzura. The Commander rose one of his brows at the mage.  
“Explain.”

  
She told them about her discoveries and why she collapsed the tunnels, conveniently forgetting to add the Architect’s presence.  
One of the present Wardens however, had the presence of thought to bring the pressing problem to their attention.  
“Warden- Commander, I think we have a bigger problem right now. The lake, it’s tainted.”  
Azzura blinked several times, trying to process what she saw floating on the lake’s surface. Several darkspawn corpses were merrily popping, belly up, out of the water.  
“Shit! That’s … bad.” – Was everything she had to say.

  
She scratched her head, as if in doing so, she would convince her mind to concoct a contingency plan. She never took in consideration that side effect of her adventure.  
“Well, I think the best way to keep everyone out of the way, is to put boards with warnings written in several languages. The Chasind tribes are long gone from this area, but maybe the elves hunters could stumble around at one point. Should be enough until the Taint is absorbed and the water comes clean.”  
The young Warden fidgeted on his feet. He joined the Amaranthine contingent after Azzura disappeared and with the Constable passed out, he wasn’t sure how to behave with this woman. She was the Hero indeed, but to him only Nathaniel Howe was the acting Commander.

  
Cullen recognized his hesitance and stepped in.”Speak freely, Warden. She can be reasonable once she decides to be.” – Azzura narrowed her eyes at her lover. Was he trying to mock her?  
“We can put written boards, Ma’am … but animals can’t read.”  
Cullen barely kept his laugh in check. The boy was right; animals would try to drink the water and became tainted. That would give everyone a hard task afterwards. Suddenly in Azzura’s mind passed entire hordes of tainted animals and birds, spreading the taint all over Ferelden and beyond. She shivered; this was the worst case scenario. She refused to think what those animals would do once they get in the open and arrive in the populated areas confining with the Wilds.

  
“I and the Inquisition mages can work on repulsion wards and scatter them around the lake. That should keep the animals in check.” – Dorian shrugged and the present mages agreed with him.  
They made it back to the main camp just before evening, after leaving several wardens to keep watch on the lake.

* * *

  
After they left Nathaniel to sleep over his Fade experience, Azzura went back to Cullen’s tent. The Commander was reading a letter arrived earlier with a raven. He smirked and looked over to Dorian.  
“Altus Pavus, have you ever tried to be a normal mage?”

  
Both Azzura and Dorian gawked at Cullen. “What do you mean normal mage? Is that what your Chantry taught you?”  
Cullen continued, keeping the letter in one hand. “You favor necromancy over other schools of magic. Have you ever tried to use only … let’s say… fire?’

  
Dorian starred at his friend. The mage was surprised to discover that under the grumpy character Cullen presented to the others, he could be entertaining when he relaxed. Dorian found himself considering the ex- Templar a good man, worthy of his friendship. Right now, the mage was under the impression that the Commander was ready to sass him. Never trust those who don’t speak.  
“If you could be a mage without a special talent, right now you would be on the road to Skyhold, like how it was planned earlier. However, since you are expert in dead people, the Herald rescinded that order.”  
The Commander smirked and waited for his words to sink it. “What do you mean?”  
He passed the letter to Dorian.

 

_To Commander Cullen and his entourage,_   
_When I was in Ostwick I was complaining often about my dull duty as a Templar guarding an almost empty Chantry. Not anymore! I want my life back! Do you hear me? My mother used to scare me with stories about walking dead people; I could be happy with it being only a story. But is not! Do you know that Crestwood is frolicking with walking corpses? And it’s fucking raining day and night. Solas says that the Veil is thin and other creepy stuff! Help! Once you receive this letter, tell Azzura to jump on her horse and come here as fast she can. Tell her to bring Dorian too. I don’t care that she has to put him to sleep or change him into a toad, just bring him here. He’s the dead people expert, after all. Save me! Oh... there’s a dragon._   
_Your whinny Herald and Inquisitor Trevelyan. Cast your light and it will reveal the truth._

 

“Oh.” – Dorian found a chair and slumped on it. “Now I wish I could be a _normal_ mage.”  
Cullen waited for Azzura to finish snickering and handed her a stack of papers. “There’s for you too. I suppose this doesn’t apply anymore.”  
She turned the papers around and looked at Cullen. “What do you mean?”

  
He raised the tent’s flap and said over his shoulder. “You should let the King know that you blew up another mountain off of his map. I suppose the orders you gave before descending down there, doesn’t apply anymore. Frankly, I will let you take all your ex-boyfriend’s rage. Payback for all the fear you inflicted me.”  
She yelled after him. “Traitor!”

* * *

 

Next morning, once everyone double checked to verify the new formed lake’s condition; Azzura, Varric and a grumpy Dorian plus several soldiers met near their horses, ready for their journey to Crestwood. Cullen approached them and took out the Herald’s letter and handed it to Azzura.  
“I had time to think last night, when you were mumbling in your sleep about spirits, taint and being beheaded by King Alistair.  
She took a nice shade of red as her morning makeup. “What? I speak in my sleep? Again?”

  
Cullen smiled and adjusted her sword at her waist. “You do. When you are tired. But I don’t mind, it’s cute. Anyhow, this letter the herald sent me? It’s strange; sounds like it was composed by Dorian. And see this last sentence at the end? Doesn’t make any sense.”

  
_Cast your light and you will see the truth._

  
She tapped her chick with a finger. “Dorian? Come over here, please? Would you be a dearest and cast a mage light over this letter?”  
Dorian raised his eyes to the sky. “My dear, do you realize that you are a shame for our nature? You can fight with magic, but you can’t cast the smallest spark. Whatever you did to gain this _condition,_ please for the Maker’s name, undo it.”

  
The three of them looked at the letter and saw new written lines between those visible before.

  
_“Amell, we found your cousin and Warden Stroud is hiding somewhere around here. Once we have dealt with this village and its undead problem, we will go and pick him up. Be careful when you arrive, there are two Wardens that were not so forthcoming with us. Hawke believes that they were looking for Stroud. Since they were looking for you too, you better make sure you don’t meet them._

  
Cullen agreed with what he was reading. “That makes sense. I don’t think the Inquisitor would complain as much as Dorian.”  
Nathaniel approached them and hugged Azzura. “Be careful out there. And let me know if you need Velanna and me.”  
“Are you feeling all right?” – She was still worried about his experience.  
“Yes. I slept like a babe and I’m feeling lighter. We could make it a cure against insomnia. Take a trip in the Fade to sleep like a baby. I packed all the stuff we found, it’s in the saddle bags. I figured that you will want to keep it with you.”

  
She hugged him again. Nathaniel Howe, her rock in the storm and her brother in arms. Suddenly. Azzura wished that she had blood brothers and sisters, but she wasn’t picky; she had better than that.  
Everyone scattered and left her and Cullen to have some privacy.  
He spoke first. “I will leave for Skyhold in two days. I need to make sure that your instructions are followed to the letter.”  
“You know I would like to stay with you, but since I offered my help to the Inquisition, help I will.”  
Cullen laughed in her hair. “You just need adrenaline and getting into trouble. I love you, silly mage.”  
“I love you too. Wait for me and be ready. I will get you, into trouble once I return.” – Her suggestive look to his belt made him blush to his hair’s roots.  
“Um … well … can’t wait.”  
She grabbed his collar and stamped a soundly kiss on his lips.  
“This should keep you good until then.”  
Then she jumped on Storm and she was gone; leaving behind a flustered Commander and the soldiers with big grins on their faces. Cullen barked some orders to them only for the sake of it. He was too happy to care if his charges were snickering like fools behind his back.

* * *

  
Nathaniel stopped to Cullen’s table and put a bottle and two glasses down.  
“You need a break, Commander. Let’s drink.”  
Cullen smiled and showed a chair to the Warden. After the emotion of seeing her leaving, now the melancholy began to settle in. Drinking might be a good distraction, for once.  
As if he could read the Commander’s mind, Nathaniel said. “Don’t worry, she will be fine. She always is.”

  
“I should know it; she defeated an Archdemon after all. Although, I have to say; she can be quite the trouble maker when she puts her mind to it. What in the Maker’s name convinced you to blow up that mountain? Several good bombs could have covered the entrance. Instead, now we have to babysit a lake with tainted water and explain that to the King. Well, at least that is her job.”  
“Like she told you before, that was our intention; but she got carried away with the fire runes. Amell just loves to blow stuff up. Believe me when I say that this is not the first time when she miscalculated the entire mission. Despite everything, al her mishaps proved to be good at something later on. I still try to see what good could bring a tainted lake. You make her happy, Commander.” – And Nathaniel looked in the other man’s eyes. “I never seen her so happy since …” – He stopped unsure of how to continue without giving away too much; Cullen however figured out what was left without saying.  
“Since she was in love with that Varel?”

  
“She told you then? I had no idea either, until I found her near Highever. “She is the old self. Like she was before everything went to shit; after the Battle of Amaranthine and Varel’s death, she changed.”  
Seeing his table companion’s faraway look, deep in memories about his Warden colleague, Cullen avoided saying anything. Azzura refused to talk about the events happened in Amaranthine and he respected her desire, but he won’t give away the chance to find out more about that time, if the young Howe wished to talk.

  
Nathaniel continued. “She was like a ghost; always sitting on the battlements and watching the road, always retiring in her chambers and siting there locked with only Anders as company. The bastard should have said something!” – Nathaniel closed his hands into fists and took a deep breath.  
“She was at one step of being possessed and she hid that from us! She went almost mad and she abandoned her post with only a letter for me. Then, Anders took the wind too along with Justice.”  
“You knew he was in Kirkwall? You could have come after him, you know?”

  
“I did! He was tucked safely in the Deep Roads with Adeline Hawke. I couldn’t leave my wardens without supervision for too long; so, I went back to Amaranthine. I was convinced that we will find her, one day. Leliana and Zevran searched for her and the last time they heard about a woman fitting her description it was in Cumberland, close to the place where the Grand Enchanter’s Council took place. After that? Nothing. She vanished. How she arrived in Tevinter is unclear. She lost her dog too. That didn’t help when we were looking for a woman accompanied by a mabari.”  
“The people in Amaranthine are overjoyed hearing that their Arlessa is back. I made sure to paint her departure as something she had to do. I couldn’t let her Hero image to be tainted by her insanity.”  
Cullen’s voice was so faint that Nathaniel barely heard him. ”Why would you do that?”

  
“Are you asking because my background as a Howe?”  
“No, not at all. I understood by now that you are not a bad man, Ser Howe.”  
“She gave me a chance to prove that I wasn’t like my father. That I could be my own man. She trusted me with her life more than once and I did the same. She is like a sister to me.” – Nathaniel laughed in his drink. “My real sister, Delilah, is exactly the opposite. She’s proper to a fault, Azzura was a change. She is exasperating and many times over I had to drag her cloudy head out of danger. She loves pranks, did you know that?”

  
“I have an inkling. The Circle wasn’t the same after she left.”  
Nate relaxed in his chair and put his hands on the table. “I have one for you. This might be the funniest, dangerous and still useful prank she pulled on a band of highwaymen who decided that Amaranthine was a good ground for their pillaging.”

* * *

  
_9.32 Dragon, Amaranthine, Vigil’s Keep_

  
_Nathaniel went again to bother the girl who was responsible with the provisioning of their troupes. She was easy on the eye and he was a charming man after all; sooner or later he would convince her that under his clothes, he was hiding the best archer muscles she could see in Amaranthine._   
_Anders was playing with his cat, as usual; Velanna kept giving the mage dirty looks ( did they got to the steamy bits already?); Sigrun and Oghren were busy drinking each other under the table with Justice trying to stop them for harming themselves to no avail._

  
_He also threw a look to their esteemed Warden- Commander who just sat on her throne, with a leg over one of the bracers and ate a pile of grapes. Mistress Woolsey approached her and said something only to retreat a few moments later with her hands up to the sky in exasperation._   
_It wasn’t a normal day in the Keep. A normal day would imply lots of nobles vying for her attention or coming back covered in blood, exhausted but victorious. This was a day of boredom. Total and pointless boredom. Nothing on horizon to convince them to go out and break some bones._   
_He raised his brows in confusion when Azzura jumped from the chair and sat back like a proper lady. Varel made his presence known with a short “Warden- Commander” and saying something that Nathaniel couldn’t hear, but made Amell squirm and look sheepishly around her._

  
_She rose to her feet again and shouted in the almost empty room. “Hey, you lot! Find me something to do, I am bored. Varel’s diplomacy lessons can keep me entertained for so long.” Anders snickered and grumbled something and dodged the lightning bolt she released after him. Apparently it was their favorite past time._   
_“I could have something for you, Arlessa. I was just coming to tell you. A band of robbers settled out of Amaranthine and the city guard can’t keep up with them. Garavel tries his best but there’s no pattern to follow and it’s difficult to predict when the lawbreakers will hit again.” – Nathaniel believed that he saw the Seneschal smiling, but that could be his eyes mistaking._   
_“Wonderful! Gang, come here!”_

  
_She began to mutter to herself and make signs in the air, and then she grinned and laughed all along with something she was thinking. Everyone was waiting patiently; sooner or later she will concoct a plan and from the sound of it he was about to bet that he won’t be happy._   
_“All right, listen up. We don’t know when they attack or whom; merchants, nobles and the like are surely their main targets. Since we don’t know where they are hiding – yet – I think we should convince them to relocate. The remaining ones, of course. Because not everyone could survive us, right?”_

  
_An amused Varel linked his hands behind his back and listened attentively. Nate could swear that the man was eating her with his eyes. Or maybe it was his adoration for their beloved Commander?_   
_In the same time, she continued. “In Tevinter there is a saying: Divide et Impera.” Divide and Conquer or Lead or whatever Irving trying to drill into my head. We don’t want to rule them, but we can divide them and confuse them.” – She started to laugh with a wicked glee. – “And how we will confuse them! By the time I will have finished, they will beg for a place at the nearest infirmary. Vel? How good are your hexes?”_   
_She outlined the plan and for a couple of seconds everyone was so stunned that the only sound they could hear was the cat’s purring. Then they began to talk together._

* * *

  
“And so, for a good couple of months we harassed the robbers with fake merchants, silly noble women lost in the woods, pious Chantry sisters and more. Her favorite disguise was the rich Antivan noblewoman travelling without an escort.”  
Cullen was laughing so hard that he had to clear his eyes of tears. “And it worked?”  
“I don’t think one could keep his sanity when has trees running after him. Or when they attack a carriage coming from Highever and they find a dead corpse talking to them about Justice. Or the little silly noblewoman shooting them with lightning and don’t let me start with what Velanna made them see. What is certain, after that no one tried to attack anything. They were so scared that those whom we didn’t killed outright, left for a place where the forest doesn’t turn on them or they can sleep in peace. I gather that our escapades inspired several good horror stories too.”  
Seeing that Cullen didn’t look outright sad as he was, Nathaniel smiled and patted him on the back.

  
“I’m glad that I’ve made you feel better. Don’t worry, like I said. She will be all right. She has someone to fight for. Whatever they did to her in Tevinter, it worked. Maybe too much, I’m afraid.” – Saying this, Nathaniel left the Commander to his thoughts and went to check on his Wardens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the long wait, but I had to work many hours a day this summer. Rest assured that I will continue the story, even if the updates will take a while, maybe until October when I should have more free time to write. Thank you everyone.


End file.
